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Family Matters:  Question About Marriages? Or Rather Husbands!  |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 8:20:35 PM
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I have a pretty good marriage... now. It wasn't always that way. I have fought for nearly 13 years to get it that way. I litterally married my best friend. Then spent 12 years trying to find him agian. I finally have him back but I still feel as if he puts his mom before me. He even seems to be taking her side over mine sometimes, but always insists he didn't mean it that way when I point it out. Does anyone else go through this?
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 8:38:32 PM
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Angela, it seems guys have a real hard time pulling back from their mama's. And I think alot of times they really don't mean to put you second. You've got to remember that when they have mama pulling on one end they don't seem to have the ability to weigh one against the other. And reason out what is actually right. Stick to your guns if it is something really important. If not it probably won't mean anything to you later.
Blessings, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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vegetarian farmer
True Blue Farmgirl
249 Posts
Jane
Freedom
pa
USA
249 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 05:08:33 AM
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I feel for you Angela. I have the same thing but instead of his mother it is his brother. Thier father died young so I think he feels responsible for him but he is 52!!!. But I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl about how he picks the brother over me EVERYTIME(even though he denies it also). We have been married for 17 years and it doesn't get any better. I once had a friend tell me if you have a good guy, sometimes you have to lower your expectations to cope. At first I thought that was stupid I will never. But now I realized if I don't expect him to side with me and keep my mouth shut(I am a big fighter) he will come around to my side eventually. If it was easy there would be no divorces. I am right there with ya sister.
Jane
http://hardworkhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 08:18:49 AM
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We live with his mother so it's nearly daily here. He came up to me as I was typing just now and said "I'm sorry about how stressed you've been and that I'm just adding to it. Lets spend the day in the garden just you and me. No kids. No mom." Just when I'm ready to kick him in the butt he does something sweet. That's why I stay around through it all.
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 1:45:52 PM
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I went through that for years. Then finally his Mom decided she wanted our middle child to live with her. At that point he finally decided it was to much and he sided with me. We walked out of her house and haven't seen her since. That was 10 years ago. She occasionally tries to contact my kids on facebook with the instruction that they aren't suppose to tell my Husband and I but they always ignore her requests and tell us right away. I thought he would never take my side but she finally pushed him to far.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2010 : 08:25:15 AM
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Just hugs to you. My hubby's Mom and Dad are deceased, so I don't have these problems. But his sister, whom we live with likes to get him to do stuff for her. She doesn't do anything herself. She is "helpless". So that creates tension and arguments.
Families, are they wonderful??? LOL
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2010 : 09:25:07 AM
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I used to struggle with this when we lived a few blocks away from his parents. His mother would literally walk into our house and demand that hubby came over to mow her lawn! (Um....what? Why can't your DAD mow it?) And for a long time, he would go do it (and come home to a really steamin' crabby wife!!). I think one day he finally realized he's a big boy and had his own house and responsibilities. Hugs, my dear. I hope it gets better!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2010 : 1:04:30 PM
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i used to deal with this all the time-i married the baby boy and his mom was very overbearing and i really believe that she was jealous of me because i took him away from her. it took a really long time for us to come to terms with the position we were both in-just communicate with your hubby alot and let him know how you feel. make sure you two go and do things together to- alone- i feel for you it's tough
whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2010 : 2:11:52 PM
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My MIL was a very good person but had a way of wanting you to do everything her way. That didn't fly with me. They would come over all the time and she would waltz in and take over with our baby daughter. Well, finally we moved out into the country and a few years later a little farther out lol! Then they just thought we were nuts ! Also I put my foot down and let it be known what I would tolerate and what I wouldn't. After that we got along great and loved each other to pieces. Sometimes you just have to take a stand and speak up.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2010 : 11:39:05 PM
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Well girls, I have an announcement! And you won't believe this! I talked to my DH and told him how truly unhappy I was with the life we were living and who was in charge of it. He didn't believe me that it was that bad at first, so he talked to our oldest 2 girls, then my mom, then my dad, then both my sisters, and then his aunt. He asked them all if his mom seemed to be trying to take over and told them he only wanted to know if they had seen anything themselves. They all told him that she plays the helpless game and the poor me pity plays over things that she did for herself when my FIL was still alive. He made a note of everytime she came asking for help or disrupted our lives for three days, literally on paper. Then he took me and went to her, and boy, did he let her have it! After a huge fight and a lot of yelling she finally admitted that it was on purpose because she wanted him to pay more attention to her than me. He was livved! We spent hours talking it all out and she has agreed to leave our girls to us unless they are doing something that could hurt them and we're not around. She is also getting an apartment type thing built on the back so she won't be right up in our face all the time, and she has to ask to join in on anything we're talking about or doing together and I get to decide yes or no! I am in heaven! I have a truly amazing hubby!
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
Edited by - natesgirl on Apr 09 2010 05:30:42 AM |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2010 : 07:00:55 AM
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See sweetie, speak up! Nothing can get fixed if it is never really dealt with. I am very happy for you and your husband should get a really big pat on the back. Thats a good guy.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2010 : 11:52:37 AM
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yah for you- that would be very hard to live with everyday. so glad things worked out
whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1143 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1143 Posts |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2010 : 1:17:23 PM
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Good Job and Great Job by your DH. Once my husband stood up to his Mom it carried over to his Dad (his parents were divorced) and then his sisters. It feels really great when they finally "get it". He must be a really special guy.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2010 : 8:46:35 PM
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I am so happy for you!
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2010 : 9:22:27 PM
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Oh good Angela  It is always best to be honest and communication is so important in a relationship!
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
Edited by - Calicogirl on Apr 11 2010 9:23:18 PM |
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2010 : 5:10:51 PM
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Yeah I hear you there. I have a very frustrating MIL and my DH tends to be the non-confrontational type.
I'm glad to read that your DH has come to see the truth. Your MIL has to realize that he married YOU, he is an adult and he has a family now, she can't keep throwing her weight around.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
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homsteddinmom
True Blue Farmgirl
441 Posts
Brandee
bullard
tx
USA
441 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2010 : 1:51:12 PM
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Yes i lived like this for years, the best thing for our marriage was we moved far away from his parents and that ended that he took his parents side over mine! I was here and they werent so it made it easier~
Homesteading Mom in East Texas. Raising chickens, Rabbits and goats here on my farm! |
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Family Matters: Question About Marriages? Or Rather Husbands! |
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Question About Marriages? Or Rather Husbands!
