| Author |
Family Matters:  Input. needed  |
|
|
knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 4:12:00 PM
|
I'm having issues with my MIL and am not sure how to just deal with this. DH and I have been married for some time and she's always been this way to a certain extent. She tends to make up some pretty nasty untruths about people and likes to spread these around. Usually I can let this roll (the crazy-talk about me)off my back and just ignore her. She has crossed the line by telling these untruths about me to our children. Our oldest just ignores her but our younger ones tend to be impressionable. One of our children has been coming home angry at both dad and I after spending time there. His parents also don't respect the boundries we have set for our children (i.e. time to be home by, respecting bed times). My DH hears some of this but I'm feeling that he thinks I should just let it go to a certain extent. I've asked DH that we limit the amount of time they spend over there b/c the kids are being disrespectful to him too. I don't like putting him in this position b/c ultimately she is his M.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
|
|
1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 5:13:03 PM
|
If I was in your shoes, my kids would no longer be spending any time with this women, period! If her son, my husband could not deal, he would be moving in with his mom,lol. You are the parent, you make the rules for your kids, no one, not even the g/ma has the right to say any differant. If your MIL, asks "why", tell her, and until she fixes everything, she is not welcome in your kids lives.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
 |
|
|
gramadinah
True Blue Farmgirl
3557 Posts
Diana
Orofino
ID
USA
3557 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 5:16:22 PM
|
Ditto.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
|
|
|
knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 5:19:29 PM
|
Thank you, I appreciate your advice. It has been a culmination of stuff for years but this recent episode was the proverbial straw.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
|
|
|
Sheep Mom 2
True Blue Farmgirl
1534 Posts
Sheri
Elk
WA
USA
1534 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 6:34:46 PM
|
My own mother did stuff like that. I finally told her that if she didn't keep her opinions and dramas to herself she wouldn't be seeing the kids at all. She stopped for awhile....then we had to do it again, and again....You have my sympathies. I do agree though - you have to draw the line when it adversely effects your kids.
Blessings, Sheri
"Work is Love made visible" -Kahlil Gibran |
|
|
|
Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 6:49:00 PM
|
My MIL did the same thing years ago except she was calling my DH and telling him lies about me. She wanted to adopt our middle daughter and when I said no she started telling him all kinds of stuff. Finally I told him that it was her or me. He picked me and we haven't seen her since. She totally ignored our kids for over 12 years. She recently tried to contact them now that they are grown and had the nerve to tell them not to tell me or their Dad she had contacted them. They all immediately called me and they told her they weren't interested. I feel bad for her because they are three really great girls and she missed getting to spend time with them. My opinion is to keep the kids away from her unless she does as you ask.
Farmgirl Sister 572
May the force of the horse be with you. |
|
|
|
craftystranger
True Blue Farmgirl
525 Posts
Barbara
Franklin
NC
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 04:35:17 AM
|
It is a shame that some people do not understand boundaries. I agree with the others that they are your children and you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. I know that it places your hubby in bad situation but -- the MIL had her chance with raising children. She needs to respect you and your hubby. It is sad when MIL doesn't think about the children first. I also had my problems but in true yankee form (my MIL southern - whoa... her son married one of those...) I laid down the law and she had to deal with it. The irony is that my hubby's family I think are jealous of our family. My boys are doing well and happy. Hubby and I are still married. Oh not to offend my southern sisters but you know the southern ladies that hug you and "bless your heart" when they relly do not like you -- thats my MIL. Chin up knittingmom we are with you in spirit. Barbara
Don't forget to laugh! |
|
|
|
cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 06:10:57 AM
|
I agree with the gals. You have every right to keep your children away from negative influences, even it's family.
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
|
|
|
Sarahpauline
True Blue Farmgirl
672 Posts
sarah
Ringgold
GA
USA
672 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 06:11:27 AM
|
Yeah, a little spoiling and gmas house about the bedtime is one thing, but the badmouthing family, that is just wrong, even if it were true. What a nasty thing to do the kids. Your hub needs to deal with this.
Not all those who wander are lost...
www.SarahPauline.com
www.AbraxasBaroque.com |
|
|
|
Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 08:40:20 AM
|
I agree. The influence of MIL is negative for the children. My suggestion is she either doesn't see the kids at all or she can only see them when you are present only. They are your children and you decide who they are allowed to associate with.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 6:24:30 PM
|
AnnMarie:
Ditto what Teresa said, yep, he'd be living with his mommy! How sad.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
emsmommy5
True Blue Farmgirl
1547 Posts
Angie
Buckley
WA
USA
1547 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2010 : 11:15:45 AM
|
I am so grateful it's not my MIL. She's a sweet heart. Unfortunately, it was MY mother. The apron strings were cut. I have had very little contact for almost 3 years, occasional emails. My kids have had none. We miss my dad, but it was a package deal because he would never cross her when we were growing up.
SOmetimes the hardest thing to do is cut off a parent from your life and the lives of your children. But I can honestly say, the contention and hurt feelings of my kids and MY general attitude have been SO much better since I made the decision. We tried keeping distance when we moved away 20 years ago, but hard as it was, it was one of the best things I did for my family when I finally said- NO more.
Do what you love, love what you do. |
|
|
|
khartquilt
True Blue Farmgirl
1176 Posts
USA
1176 Posts |
Posted - Jan 16 2010 : 07:07:39 AM
|
I went through a nasty divorce 24 years ago. And found out the hard way that you can not deny your parents or in-laws the right to see their grandchildren. (At least in NJ) If they want to be mean about it, they can take you to court and demand visitation rights.
Many times my daughter came home with wild stories about me. She would even cry about it. I had a one on one with my MIL but that did nothing. I never said anything bad about my ex in front of my daughter. I never said anything bad about the in-laws. But then it came to a head!
I sat my 5 year old down and we had a heart to heart talk. It was not the easiest thing to do, but she understood. When she turned 13 she told my MIL she never wanted to see her again. And, the judge agreed with me.
So, just be careful. If you MIL wishes to be a jerk about it, you may find your self in the same situation I was in.
Kathy H
Farmgirl Sister #81
"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world..." (anomymous)
http://khartquilt.blogspot.com |
|
|
| |
Family Matters: Input. needed |
|
Input. needed
