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Across the Fence:  Being a woman and being ambitious...  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 05 2009 : 9:22:26 PM
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I look to you, my farmgirls, and see ambition left and right. From your Etsy stores and barters to your homemade crafts and goodies to those who own working farms or just want to raise a few goatsm rearing your kiddos or driving through life at full gusto...all ambitious and all I inspired by the Queen Bee herself. So why is it when I discuss this, especially with other woman, that I want to go all the way in my career, that I am passionate and that I want success, I am seen as too ambitious??? It will sound old fashioned, but in a man this is see as a positive trait.Scott thinks its hot!!! LOL   
I am often told I am ambition is not attractive in a woman nor is it something to be proud or loud about. I set timelines or certain kind of levels or ranks or a stopping point I want to get to and go, go, go!!! I have ALWAYS been ambitious- maybe it stems from a lack on encouragement when I was younger and struggling to get every ounce I have gotten out of life. My nickname was "Tank" in the military because as soon as I accomplished one thing, I would tackle the next 3 projects or goals. Right now, school is on hold while the military issues with Scott get sorted out, but everyday, I am learning, adding goals, re-assessing, trying this or that, making plans...I keep adding to my vision wall, nailing down exactly what I want in life. I just sometimes feel so alone in being ambitious..it's like the class ceiling affect...you can only go so far or are ALLOWED to go so far...or else you are seen in a bad light. Please don't tell me I am alone in this thinking?? Anyone???
Heather
http://somewheredownintexas-heather.blogspot.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2009 : 9:36:01 PM
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Forgot to add..I do APPRECIATE and celebrate each victory in my life but I am not one to dwell on it or rest on my laurels, so to speak. I tend to enjoy the moment, even have a nice cold Lonestar but then I am ready for the next challenge. : )
Heather
"Hitch your wagon to a star"
http://somewheredownintexas-heather.blogspot.com |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
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ZenGoddess
True Blue Farmgirl
613 Posts
Cindy
MO
USA
613 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 12:39:28 AM
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I think it depends on the type of person you are talking too and even the age of that person. If they are content with a 9-5 at min wage thats them. I've been where you are and it's just like someone saying right to your face you can't do that- My reply has always been " you think I can't, I know I can. Its a brain game sometimes- we can talk our selves into or out of achiving things but if we let some one else talk us out of doing something we really want the thoughts and want-to will return later in your life. Then you'll feel like you should have taken the chance or followed your gut feelings the first time. "You go girl" do what you want (as long as you harm no one else and are true to yourself). I figure out whats the worst that can happen, when I am thinking about a new business, a new goal that may not turn out right,etc. If you can live with the worst - go for it! I think all farm girls are overa chivers - we want the best,in food, animal care, home products,etc. if we sat back and were happy with just day to day, none of us would be connecting here on MJ forum. we want to change the world.. one day at a time and we all know we can and have. Come here for support, these girls will give you a hand up!
& Extra Hugs 
Hugs,
ZenGoddess/Southernplum
My life goal is to Simply - Simplify my life.
http://herbalcottage.blogspot.com
http://herbalcottage.etsy.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 05:52:25 AM
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Heather-
I agree with Cindy! Maybe the person who was saying those things was unhappy or disillusioned with their own life and was secretly envious of your ambition. If you and Scott are happy with your ambition- Go for it, girl! You only have this one life so go for your bliss! I know working hard and that sense of achievement and fullfilment is important and satisfying to you- and I think that is great! You are going to climb right to the top and be an awesome worker in your industry!
Just find a nice way to let the person know that you disagree with their opinion (It is just an opinion!) or just smile and nod and mentally roll your eyes and walk away. *Hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 05:53:52 AM
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With out some sort of ambition, we would all die. I know that maybe I have a bit more than most and I've taken flack for it my whole life, but it keeps me going. Over the past year, my abmition has gotten me out of a nowwhere job at a gas station and into art school and a retail possition with opertunities to advance. There are a lot of people who have told me that I should have been happy with $8 an hour and no future so that I could stay with my kids, but my babies are proud of their smart, brave mama who is following a dream to make a future for them. Hopefuly, my girls will learn from my example and never let anybody hold them down.
For a long time I let the church tell me it was wrong for me to think or act independently of my husband, but my best friend pointed out that the celebrated Proverbs 31 woman was strong, independent, and ambitious (and her husband is PROUD of her). There is nothing wrong with you, Heather. I'm proud to be friends with you and all the other ambitious ladies on here. People (man or women) with out ambition drive me absolutly insaine. God did not give us potental to waste, use it to the fullest!
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/
http://musingandmuttering.blogspot.com |
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paradiseplantation
True Blue Farmgirl
1277 Posts
julie
social springs community
Louisiana
USA
1277 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 06:07:13 AM
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I know here in the South there are a few too many who still believe that women should be silent, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen cooking dinner -- and its not just all men who think it! Fortunately, I had a great daddy, who always told me "If you can dream it, and if you are willing to put forth the hard work and determination to achieve it, then you can have it." And he would usually be the first one to tell me "you can't do that", only because he knew me well enough to know that I would see that as a gauntlet being thrown, and would then proceed to 'do it', at all costs. And he was also the very first one to stand up and applaud not only my success, but my attempts as well. And if I ever needed advice and encouragement during the process, he was the one to go to as well. Man, I miss my daddy. And Heather, he would tell you not to let what others think stop you from your goals. And, if you let them stop you from your heart's desires, you are the only one that will regret it -- those other people won't remember it for more than five minutes after it was discussed, because they will be too busy regretting their own choices of not pursuing their dreams, because someone once told them they couldn't or shouldn't do it. Whatever your dreams or goals, I'll now pass on and tell you the same thing my daddy did. Heather, if you can dream it.......... Good Luck, girl! You're gonna do just fine!
from the hearts of paradise... |
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lilwing
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Brooke
Fulshear
Texas
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 06:42:19 AM
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It is? Ambition is unattractive? Who says this? I never knew it was. I grew up being told that whatever I wanted to do, I could do it. Only recently do I sometimes feel that it is harder to make it in the world because I am a woman -- but for the most part -- I never knew that. Maybe it's a Texas woman thing. lol. If you want to do it, do it!!!
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http://nightbirdtrading.etsy.com
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 07:50:39 AM
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Wow- such positive answers and inspiration to wake up too!! I am driven from a wanting the best in my life and for my family...not materialism or stepping on somene or trying to outdo the next person..I have this internal drive where I just need to go, go, go!!!
I have gotten this from several woman, all ages, who say my personality is not attractive when I am ambitious. This was brought to my attention when I stood my ground on some issues at work. As a manager, it is my job to protect those who work for me and I felt this person was way out of line. I did it in a respectful tone and I did it out of earshot of other higher ups, as I would like not to be called out in public. Because of it, I was able to get something important done for our department. One lady said I was too aggressive and ambitious, only wanting to promote my own causes and my paycheck and my status. HUH?? I am a manager when I need be, I don't micro-manage but give a gentle push when necessary and yes, I will discipline you with the same attitude you give me. Respect me, ok..I can be cool, act like a teenager and that is what you will get treated like. I think this particular gal is also bothering me because she makes comments all the time about how I dress- flashy for a hospital manager--when did a nice suit and hi-heel boots become flashy??? She happens to be a supervisor too, so she sits at the table with us at lunchtime...then I was discussing a school I found for Charlie that is wonderful, blah, blah, blah and she offered her opinion that now I am pushing my ambition onto my child. Honestly- I looked her deadpan in the face and told her I didn't ask for her opinion nor was I talking to her. I just have had it and that is how I get. It's always the ones who are the most negative that flap their gums that get one the most!!! She really is a toxic person. I was applauded after she left the table, so I know I am not the only one who thinks this. Yes, I am opinionated and I refuse to let ANYONE talk to me like that..ask the 3 star Admiral who pushed me too far using his rank with no respect...yeppers..he got a little piece of Texas too.
My other nickname is Mama Morehouse, because I want to inspire and make others ambitious in there own life, whether it is a job, loving their kiddos more, being able to buy a house...whatever!!! I know some of this is also extending from my issues with my mother who would PRETEND that I could anything but when I took steps to do it, I was told NO you can't do that!!! Sometimes, I let those ideas still creep in. As I said in another post, I am always smiling and laughing and you wouldn't believe the negative reaction I get to that, a lot. I think that is why I hide out here with you HAPPY HAPPY AMBITIOUS BEAUTIFUL Farmgirls..you just get me...now why can't we all live together and support each other??? ; )
Brooke- I think you hit in on the head. I am a loud TEXAS Farmgirl and maybe that is just seen as too much!! But I don't care---I just was beginning to feel alone...but I guess someone has to be the first!!! YEE HAW!!! Found this quote:
"If a woman is sufficiently ambitious, determined and gifted - there is practically nothing she can't do”
Heather
"Hitch your wagon to a star"
http://somewheredownintexas-heather.blogspot.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 07:53:07 AM
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Funny thing..I just turned on the Classic Country Music Channel and "I take a lot of Pride in What I am" by Merle Haggard. SUCH Inspiration!!!
Heather
"Hitch your wagon to a star"
http://somewheredownintexas-heather.blogspot.com |
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knitnpickinatune
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Sherrie
Gardena
California
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 08:35:39 AM
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This is a timely topic- I'm e mail pals with another person who also has an online music store in another state. He's a Mel Bay book dealer,& when I told him I was also,he wrote me back telling me as Amazon is carrying all the Mel Bay titles & discounting them to no end (not true,btw as I checked some titles & they're selling at full pub price) he suggested I would be wise to just not stock Mel Bay anymore,& said his book sales are supposedly poor. I was rather suspicious of this-I have been getting bids on eBay,making sure I stock books that there aren't a whole lot of or no others listed on the site. So far this prudent move has proved to be a successful formula. I couldn't help but wonder if he'd give a guy the same advice.
And one other thing I've learned is not to talk about your progress at your "day job" as there is always a couple of women who can't wait to knock your progress or pass other insults. One woman at work has insulted everything about me from my clothing to my hair,to my make-up,to the fact I don't have a "man" & this has went on for years. Now in saying this,there are a couple of the ladies that are in my corner & I can talk to without worry. There are,for whatever reason,a population of women who really don't like ambitious "go get 'em" women. Whether they're jealous,resentful,or what I don't know. I do know not to listen to the naysayers & the negative opinion poll that so often revolves around women like us. In these economic times,it takes a strong woman not to get swept away by the negativity flying about when it comes to jobs,having your own business,or daring to dream. Stick to being yourself,& hold your head high!
http://www.pluckyfarmgirl.blogspot.com
http://www.mandochicks.com
http://mandolinbabe.net
http://www.mandolinbabe.com
http://www.mtndulcimer.com
@MandolinChick on Twitter
fingerpickin Farmgirl #702 |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 09:44:29 AM
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Lunchtime is really the only time we have to catch up..we are busy busy busy bees!! Often, it turns to light conversation about family or something because a few of us decided not to be work 24/7 and keep it light hearted. Sometimes, if something needs to be discussed, we talk about it, but only for a few minutes. Often, we go around the table talking about how a change or something affected their department or what their thoughts on that subject are. This woman attacks the person talking, not what they are talking about. Honestly, I think she is just angry about life and her job. She has been with the hospital for 10 years, making her Senior to a lot of us. Another person who thinks HER way is the only way and that she is the authority. According to many different people, she lost a more responsible position for being a gossiper and telling lies and misusing her work time and staff. Basically demoted. IF I was her, I would have learned my lesson, keep my mouth shut and work hard to get back on the hospital's good graces. She was VERY lucky she was not canned when it happened. It's just she clucks the loudest and people are honestly tired of her...so the new gal, MOI, said something and she got really mad. All the people I work with know that if they hear something about me and our curious, come ask me, don't let the town cryer be your only source.
My favorite time is when she thinks she knows how to do my job, which is relatively new to the company, as the position was created 4 years ago due to necessity. She keeps asking me how much experience I have or what education..I keep answering with "What exactly are you needing to know?" And of course, she just hmmmphs away. I was told by 2 different people that she said I was overly ambitious and basically stupid, saying I said I was going to take someone else's job from them, saying I could do it better. My exact quote was in joking to this person who I am supposedly stealing their job that I was going to be in "Their position in 5 years when THEY have been promoted themselves." She called me an ambitious status seeker. Glad to know my supreme personality : ) is telling people otherwise.
Heather
"Hitch your wagon to a star"
http://somewheredownintexas-heather.blogspot.com |
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ZenGoddess
True Blue Farmgirl
613 Posts
Cindy
MO
USA
613 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 11:20:18 AM
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* then consider the sourse, don't stoop down to their level your to good for that. I would just smile and start talking about the weather or anything else.
Hugs,
ZenGoddess/Southernplum
My life goal is to Simply - Simplify my life.
http://herbalcottage.blogspot.com
http://herbalcottage.etsy.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 11:50:16 AM
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I've been ambitious but always kind of felt that I shouldn't hurt other people in the process. But in the horse training world, I don't care what anyone says, if I had been a man, I would have done better. I actually got calls from men wanting to talk to the trainer and when I told them "I" was the trainer, they hung up or told me I couldn't possibly be the trainer! I had men clients (that sound vulgar, doesn't it?) who would regularly try to cheat me out of payments. It was so normal that I assumed they would try it and had to get tough, which then gave me, at times, a bad reputation. Once, I asked a guy to pay his bill, I ran into him while in a bar, and he loudly exclaimed to everyone there that I was dunning him for money! I was so embarrassed that I just got up and left, which I shouldn't have done but I felt so diminished and demeaned I couldn't think straight. I never got my money, even after I asked him again at the arena, cuz he thought I was being to pushy so wasn't going to pay and I coulnd't make him.
Deep down, I've always felt I was a lady and was supposed to be cherished but when you are dealing with jealous men or men who are insecure and will do anything to keep you down, it's hard to keep trying at times. It ebbs and flows with me. I grew up thinking I could do anything but the reality is, that I couldn't. Not that I wouldn't but some men put obstacles in my way on purpose to keep me in my place. This comes in all stratas too, not just poor, dumb clucks but powerful men also, men who have clout.
The strange thing is my daughters have a lot of the same traits I do and they run into the VERY same attitudes from men that I did 30 years ago. From my perspective, I'd say not much has changed. It's gotten a little better and some laws are in our favor but maybe it's in men's DNA or something. Most men can't stand a powerful woman. They may cover it up but deep down, they don't like it. Then there are the men, like my hubs and sounds like a some of our guys on here, who want us to do things and see to it we can but they are plowing the row for us in the first place. I found it way harder as a divorced mom to do things, with no one to back me up or open the way for me.
Even when I was in the military, a lot of the guys resented me cuz I was the helmsman and drove the ship. I could go on but you get the picture. Honestly, after a while, it got to be a drag, military and civ life.
Sorry for rambling but this is the way I see it.
Winona ;-)
To read funny stories about my cooking 'skills', please visit http://lostadventuresincooking.blogspot.com/
For uber-opinionated, pleasurable horse related reading, please visit http://horseinfoperson.blogspot.com/
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 12:05:38 PM
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Winona, the funny thing is was when I was in the military, 95% of the people I worked with were male. Once I laid down the law that 1. I wasn't there for their pleasure 2. I was as serious about my job and my people...I never really had a problem. If one of them did lay down a challenge, I would beat them to it and go beyond what I had to do. Maybe that is my problem...I am used to working with men and I have taking on that kind of attitude. Not that that is a bad thing... : )
It is still a hard thing to balance. On one hand, I do my job and I do it well, in heels and pretty suits with flower pins because I refuse to gender neutralize myself to succeed. On the other hand, I am told I am a wolf in sheeps clothing because of my ambition. So I can't win so I guess I just have to be me and see who has the last laugh!!! HA HA HA!!!
Heather
"Hitch your wagon to a star"
http://somewheredownintexas-heather.blogspot.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 12:07:39 PM
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I just always think women should stop fighting each other, support each and reap the benefits. Gosh, I see it everyday on these boards- we ban together and get it done, everyone contributing in their own way. I am far from being a feminist but as soon as I try to move forward, I get labeled as aggresive and anti-femenist, yet that is the very label I am trying to prevent.
Heather
"Hitch your wagon to a star"
http://somewheredownintexas-heather.blogspot.com |
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knitnpickinatune
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Sherrie
Gardena
California
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 2:58:45 PM
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Like Heather,I feel women should support & lift each other up-yet at the job I have now this simply isn't the case-one supervisor has been so hateful towards me I had to quit working nightshift over a year ago. She's angry,her way or the highway type & uses her religious beliefs to add more authority. I have an idea that it may be my "new age beliefs" that set her off from the get go,my Dad thinks it's because I'm short & she is taking advantage. (this same woman had an accident about a month ago in which she fell at home & tore her knee completely out-so she hasn't been at work which has made for a very pleasant working environment)
Winona,I was raised to believe that men are drawn to a strong,smart woman but have found this to be untrue with most men. It's frustrating to see a guy fascinated with you in conversation & then go running for the hills. What's a girl to do?
http://www.pluckyfarmgirl.blogspot.com
http://www.mandochicks.com
http://mandolinbabe.net
http://www.mandolinbabe.com
http://www.mtndulcimer.com
@MandolinChick on Twitter
fingerpickin Farmgirl #702 |
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Across the Fence: Being a woman and being ambitious... |
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Being a woman and being ambitious...
