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Family Matters:  Issues and a Wedding  |
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Miss2Missus
True Blue Farmgirl
407 Posts
Karen
Asheville
NC
USA
407 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 1:26:17 PM
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Daniel and I are still planning to get married next Oct. But because of recent issues and finances we might end up eloping. Well, sort of. My mother is pushing us to take the money and do a small family wedding and put the rest towards our bills. Which is a great idea. But I'm kinda bummed about not having a tradiontal wedding. And a little hurt that I don't seem to have my mothers support in all of this.
We are still on the fence and have time to decide. There are pros and cons for both. One big thing is i dont think i could enjoy it knowing that money should go towards other things.
I've heard a lot of people say they wish they had just eloped. What are some of your opinions on this?
Karen ^_^
http://apple-and-eve.blogspot.com/ |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 2:03:52 PM
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Mine didn't cost much more then eloping.
You have a long time.......can you call in some friends help?
1. A friend made my dress.
2. I bought and froze ingredients for my menu (That, me and my family made) very long before the wedding-IE meat freezes in the deep freeze well for a long time. We just had beef stew! My brother made bread bowls to serve it in. etc.
3. Our cake was only about 40 dollars, and that was enough for about 300 people, we could of done fine only spending 20, as we only had about 40 to 50 there! And had way too much left over.
4. In my religion ministers do not charge for their services. So that was free. Eloping the Justice of the Peace would of even charged.
5. Our venue was a city park-25 dollars to rent the place. I think the JOP would of been more then that! This is where we had the ceremony (it was a amphitheater), and reception both! (had a covered area with picnic tables).
6. At the after valentines day sales I got silk flowers, and my mom made the arrangements. I think the total was less then 20 dollars. And I had a huge bouquet, and all the bridal party, had boutineers or bouquets. I got most my other decor also at these same sales for very very cheap. (pennies!) Used a lot of candles my mom already had in the house stored away as well. And a lot of decor that was already in the house from other stuff too!
Quite honestly I had considered elopement too. But, by the time I was done cutting corners, we had a great, small intimate wedding that was cheaper then elopement.
And I honestly could of fed, and had about 5 times the amount of people I had there, and not had any problems, and not spent any more money then I did. I way over planned too much food! And the venue would of held many more too!
For the music my dad did pay for a DJ, he insisted. However, my first plan would of worked. I had my husband burn cds, and we were going to use my brothers karioke (sp) machine and dj it. I think that would of been just fine. I didn't have to have a DJ.
My whole wedding, was less then 500.00!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on Sep 29 2009 06:08:31 AM |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 2:55:30 PM
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Honey, I think you are on target with the money thing. If you get in debt when you could of used the money to pay off your bills you will really be so mad at yourselves and that can spoil your day. I love Heather's idea of having a wedding but toning it down so you don't have to spend much. You can have a beautiful meaningful wedding day without soending a fortune. What really counts is that you are marrying the man you love and you share it with the people you love. Not all the pomp and circumstance of a fancy wedding.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Miss2Missus
True Blue Farmgirl
407 Posts
Karen
Asheville
NC
USA
407 Posts |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 3:59:40 PM
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My wedding dress which was beautiful and fit like a glove I got for $13.00 at the thrift store. My aunts actually paid for it and picked it out for me and it was really beautiful. My neighbor cooked chicken outside for me as a gift cost nothing to me and another friend made my cake as a gift. Mom and I made a ton of potato & macaroni salad and all went well.
I agree you should pay off your bills first. In the long run you will be thankful you did.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 4:21:58 PM
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Do yourself a big favor and get rid of the bills first and foremost, other wise as others have said, or it will come back to haunt your day.
I was married in my parents garden, and my aunt made the cake and other family and friends made the rest of the food, the tables were covered with my mamas and grandmas lace tableclothes, covered with rose petals and their china. I was married in my grandmas gown, and my mothers veil. My bouquet was out of my mothers cutting garden. My husband wore a suit that his dad had, ( and never wore another one, lol), we had a BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY with no worries or cares. It was one of the most wonderful memorys that I have, and I would not trade it for a big fancy and expensive wedding ever!
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 8:22:44 PM
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I think you can have a "traditional" wedding if you like and still pay off bills. You should do what makes you happy on your big day, just keep it in check. I know a lot of folks who just have cake and punch at the reception. You could even do simple appetizers.
We lucked out that DH grandparents ran one of the largest catering companies in Colorado and my sweet cousin also cooked. DH worked at a greenhouse and the company he worked for gave up the flower as a wedding present. I also took a part-time job at Michaels to get wedding supplies on discount and pay for the wedding stuff. My father didnt pay for anything.
I think you can do it if you are creative.
Scope out craisglist, I always see people selling leftover wedding stuff.
Good luck and best wishes! |
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Miss2Missus
True Blue Farmgirl
407 Posts
Karen
Asheville
NC
USA
407 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2009 : 8:30:52 PM
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thanks robin, i hadn't considered craigslist.
i had actually been working at acmoore for several years up until recently (coulndt take the two jobs thing any longer) for the most part if we do go wedding, we have enough time i can order online and almost everything so far hasbeen cheeper.
Karen ^_^
http://apple-and-eve.blogspot.com/ |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2009 : 06:04:09 AM
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Yup I agree with every one!
I think if you didn't do either one you would regret it later. IE if you spent all the money on a wedding and not bills you would regret it. and if you didn't have a wedding you would regret it. So I would do both!
And as Badmamawolf said, I enjoyed my day so much, and would never trade it for a big expensive wedding. I was relaxed and happy!
OH the only only only thing I wish I had spent money on is a photographer. I think if I had it all over to do again, I would of went to a local college or high school, and asked the photographer teacher for a student that was really good, and tried to pay them some nominal fee for their time and film, but basically let them use my wedding to begin their portfolio. And could of maybe gotten a good deal. Instead I just had friends and family take pics.....that ended up not getting too good of ones.......in fact didn't even get one of the kiss! lol hahaha
So, that is the only only only thing I wish I had done differently.
I too, would have a bring a dish wedding if I hadn't saved up food for almost a year for the wedding.
I have been to bring a dish weddings, and loved them.
I also went to a wedding where they had a make your own sandwich bar. Loved it too.
Not to down any one with just punch and cake, but I did leave hungry, as they put a limit on how much cake or punch you could have as well. And I had waited hours-12 to be exact, their wedding lasted that long! So I vowed I would never have a foodless wedding, even if it was bring a dish or make a sandwich bar! In fact, in my opinion besides my own wedding, the bring a dish wedding and the sandwich bar ones were my two favorite ones I ever attended! Every one was happy and there was no bridezilla!
And the best part, is neither of them cost the couple any more money then just cake and punch! :) (the sandwich bar one, the couples family all pitched in-both sides and provided all the bread and fixin's).
Oh and besides the DJ (again don't think it was a necessity, would of rather had a photographer, looking back at it now!) was the only thing my father paid for. And even that, I had not asked him to do.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2009 : 06:55:29 AM
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Funny I have lots to say on this topic I guess. My grandmother in law and I had just been discussing this very subject a few days ago.
Any way, yes I had my dream wedding dress, because a friend made it. But, during my GMIL and I's discussion we both agreed, just wearing a nice dress you already own was what people did in the prairie days (what my grandmother did-my mom's mom!). And people back then were just as proud of their marriages and weddings too back then. All the family and neighbors used to bring cake and food, and it was a big picnic.
I've been to many weddings where people just wore their Sunday best, or a new dress they could wear on Sundays later, so it was still useful. And I thought that was great too. In fact my dress was the only one special made for my wedding, the rest of the wedding party just wore things they already had. Even my little sister the flower girl, and my mom!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Miss2Missus
True Blue Farmgirl
407 Posts
Karen
Asheville
NC
USA
407 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2009 : 1:28:58 PM
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thanks for the info Heather. A friend of my fiances has offered to do the photos for 800 or 600 i cant remember. but if we are doing it cheap cheap thats too much. so these are things we need to talk over. i think i may not end up wearing a wedding gown. though part of me is sad for it, i mean come on when else can you wear one in your life and not be looked funny. but then i think where would i put it afterwards, and should i really spend that much for something to wear once? so instead i looked up patterns found a nice sunday dress. i wish i could find the pattern they used for the fabric to show it too cause it was nice, and just do that. one thing i do want is that instead of a guest book i want to put out small pieces of linen and let people write on those. then after the wedding use them in a wall hanging quilt, possibly with some of the dress material.
i would like somethine private for the actual wedding. then either a week before or a month ater or so have a cook out in a park. its all very diffuclt with the distance between daniel and i. and myself and my family.
Karen ^_^
http://apple-and-eve.blogspot.com/ |
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chaddsgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
843 Posts
Sarah
Farmgirl Sisterhood #639
MO
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2009 : 1:55:55 PM
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Karen, I wore a beautiful wedding dress and I would give it to you for free if it will fit you. It's very simple but elegant. I can send you a picture if you like.
A person is a success if they get up in the morning and get to bed at night and in between does what they want to do. Bob Dylan |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2009 : 05:44:16 AM
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Hi!! I had a simple wedding in my home....the deal was, if you wanted to see the blessed event....BRING A DISH!!! LOL! We are happy with our decision...we might just do it again :)
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Check out my blog!! http://thehappycalamity.blogspot.com/ |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2009 : 06:45:32 AM
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My mom planned and made my wedding. She did a great job. My wedding would have been a lot less expensive if I hadn't bought a gown at David's Bridal. I just found a cool place here in town that resells wedding dresses. I could have bought one there! Oh well. We had lots of fun- my dad even built us a waterfall! We made our centerpieces out of frames and fabric napkins from the dollar store (to make a tray we wrapped the frames cardboard with the napkin and then put it back in the frame) then on the trays we made we bought some crackle glass rosebud bowls from the dollar store. We put some of those flameless tealights in them buried in rock salt. It created a pretty diffused glow.
I didn't wear a veil, instead my sister made me a beaded headband that matched my dress and someday I will take it apart and it will be a necklace! :D
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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Claude09647
True Blue Farmgirl
761 Posts
Claudia
Our Dairy Farm
Pennsylvania
USA
761 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2009 : 07:18:56 AM
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my advise would be to do the wedding you want. If you are worried about your bills do that first then get married so you can have the wedding of your dreams. Your BF is still going to be there and i think if you dont do what you want, you won't be happy. Good luck!
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
http://claude09647.blogspot.com/ |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2009 : 08:06:08 AM
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| You can find gowns at thrifts and consignment places that are affordable. Lots of stores even sell "older styles" pretty inexpensively and I dont know how you could even tell it was this years style, gowns come in all styles all the time! |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2009 : 9:11:53 PM
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What about renting one??
I was looking at a amusement park in Branson mo, they rent wedding dresses and it was really cheap, and a amusement park! So I bet other local places do that too! And for cheaper then a amusement park. It was only like 25 or 35 dollars at the amusement park to rent it! Of course it was only for a few hours there, and they figured you would come in and use it on their premises may be more expensive since you would be leaving the premises with it at a local place. But, I would think still worth a shot.
I also know of a friend of mine who got her's on ebay for less then 100 dollars!
However, again, if I was to invest in anything in the wedding it would of been photos! For sure photos. Is your friend a good photographer, I thought mine was, but she was NOT! lol Love her to death, but I have awful pics. And like I said, not even one of the kiss. lol
I would really look into, looking at college students portfolio's though and see what you could bargain up with one.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2009 : 08:36:48 AM
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Eating breakfast this morning I was thinking of you!
I was thinking, IF your friend is a good photographer. Do you think you could explain to her what a shoe string budget you really are on? And see if either she can lower her price, or barter something with you, or both?
It sounds like you sew.....maybe you could offer her free alterations for 2 years, or something.........I don't know.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2009 : 11:31:15 AM
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If she's a good friend she should do it for free or a lot less. I think you should check out thrift stores you would be surprised at what beautiful dresses there are and for usually under $30.
My future DIL did my wedding pic's and put them in a scrape book it's beautiful and I look at that one a lot more than I do the professionally done by a friend one.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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HeatherAnn
True Blue Farmgirl
187 Posts
Heather
Rancho Cucamonga
CA
USA
187 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 09:05:18 AM
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I think the idea of having a toned down wedding would be perfect! What really helped me not to be a bride-zilla was to just pick one thing that I wanted to be 'perfect' and it was my dress. It was real expensive, but I was kosher with everything else that wasn't exactly how I wanted. Having one thing you love and just camping on that thing - be it the location or having your ENTIRE family there or your dress or photographer or make-up or flowers. whatever is important to you, just make sure you love that one thing and then you'll be totally fine with the rest. at least I was. I had a traditional wedding and there are sooooo many things I would have done differently had I been thinking everything had to be perfect. But since I just picked my dress, I have no regrets at all! I loved the whole thing because it was just what we could do, it wasn't supposed to be 'perfect'
that's my advice! :) good luck. and btw - my husband and I have been debt free for over a year, like completely, we own nothing to no one, although we've been thinking about buying a house, and it is sooooo nice. you'll love it. and it's totally worth sacrificing for, God knows we sure have sacrificed.
pick your one thing and then 'farmgirl' the rest! make it do sister!
Heather Ann
Apartment Farmgirl
"You got to look at all the good on one side and all the bad on the other and say 'Well, alright then.'" - Aunt Eller, Oklahoma
www.plumblossomknits.etsy.com |
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ZenGoddess
True Blue Farmgirl
613 Posts
Cindy
MO
USA
613 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2009 : 10:35:04 AM
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Karen,
I have some wedding supplies. Maybe a while before I can get you detail on what I have exactly but we'd have time if you don't need them till next Oct.
If you wanted silk flowers I could/would make them up for you. I owned a flower shop for 6 years. I loved the flower arranging part and still make them.
Send me an e-mail if your interested -I would barter.
Hugs,
ZenGoddess/Southernplum
My life goal is to Simply - Simplify my life.
http://herbalcottage.blogspot.com
http://herbalcottage.etsy.com |
Edited by - ZenGoddess on Oct 06 2009 10:37:57 AM |
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walkinwalkoutcattle
True Blue Farmgirl
1675 Posts
Megan
Paint Lick
KY
USA
1675 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2009 : 4:02:35 PM
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Karen,
I just got married on Oct. 3rd and have some supplies if you need. Also, I saved TONS of $$ by buying a bridesmaids dress in ivory than a traditional wedding dress...and it was perfect for me. My MIL made my cake (Free and DELICIOUS, she's a pro baker) and my FIL cooked (He's a side-job caterer of sorts)
My #1 tip: CRAIGSLIST. We found so many things really cheaply there. Our photographer was 750 for full rights and photo CD's (Normally 1200 +) our dj was 250, make up and hair was done for super cheap, etc. etc. There are many people REALLY looking for work right now, and craigslist is a great way to get a good deal. I got most of my wedding tablecloths and whatnot at either Sam's or oriental trading. I also made my own favors as well. Good luck, let me know if I can give you any pointers!
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com |
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stefffic
True Blue Farmgirl
151 Posts
Stephanie
Cherryville
NC
USA
151 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2009 : 2:56:21 PM
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Where are you getting married?
We're in the Charlotte area and mom and I could probably photograph your wedding reasonably if it's in NC/SC. We've done weddings off adn on for years.
"A quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself."
"One of the advantages of being disorganized is that one is always having surprising discoveries." A A Milne |
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Aunty Krys
Farmgirl in Training
21 Posts
Krystal
Vancouver
Wa
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2009 : 3:39:46 PM
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Miss Karen, I found this this morning in browsing through over on the "Over the Fence" thread--some great ideas and they were really inexpensive. Good luck!
http://www.younghouselove.com/photo-gallery-2/
Be the person your dog thinks you are. |
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Miss2Missus
True Blue Farmgirl
407 Posts
Karen
Asheville
NC
USA
407 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2009 : 6:14:33 PM
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i wanted to thank everyone. you all have been so helpful and i apprciate everything. please feel free to contact me through pm. i love all the advice and i think i have convinced daniel on the family wedding. we have less than a year now.
thank you all!!!!
Karen ^_^
http://apple-and-eve.blogspot.com/ |
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JoyIowa
True Blue Farmgirl
273 Posts
Joy
273 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2009 : 1:54:18 PM
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Here are some other ideas for you gleaned from my own wedding:
Ask friends of you and your groom's parents who have flowerbeds to cut a bouquet for you and bring it with them to the wedding in a recycled container they do not need back. Ask your ushers to help them place the bouquets all around the venue (church, park, living room, etc.) When we did this, people had tears in their eyes they were so honored in being asked. Then ask nursing homes in the area if they have residents who never get anything from family if you could bring bouquets over after the wedding. We had our attendants buddy up and make deliveries. We just tied on a card that said "thinking of you today" WOW! Way fun! The attendants went in their "party clothes", and had a ball!
Make food for only 75% of those you think are attending. This is an old caterer's trick. Some won't come, some will come, some won't take certain things. 75% seems to be the magic number here.
Make comfort foods or foods around a certain theme. We served Norwegian pastries and lemonade/coffee at church, and then shared a family Christmas favorite at a picnic supper later that day.
Ask people to include the name of "their song" on the RSVP. Cue them up and then invite everyone to have another "first dance". This was by far the most memorable part of the day as people shared their own wedding memories with others.
Get a roll of white butcher paper and a whole bunch of crayons (ask people to give you their unused ones) Cover the tables with this eliminating table cloths. Request everyone write best wishes, cartoons, characatures, etc. on the paper as they wait to be served. Roll them up afterward and enjoy later (cut out the "gooey" spots!
Have fun!
If it's not illegal, unsafe, or immoral, why not try anything once? Who knows? You may come back for a second helping! |
Edited by - JoyIowa on Oct 23 2009 1:27:04 PM |
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Family Matters: Issues and a Wedding |
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Issues and a Wedding
