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Across the Fence:  I need your opinion...  |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 09:28:01 AM
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As many of you know, I take care of my mom's affairs because she is in an Alzheimer's facility. Every month is a hard scramble to come up with the money. She is just about out - maybe 2 months left then I don't know what I"m going to do - trying not to think about it. I have a few of her things in my garage and I ran onto them when I was getting ready for my garage sale tomorrow. One is a box of Mt. St. Helen's oil lamps that my dad used to buy her one a year at Christmas. They are beautiful, but they just sit in a box in the garage. I am wondering if I should try and sell them to help with her bill at the home or not. I would feel guilty doing that, and bad since I know how my dad delighted in picking them out for her and adding to her collection every year. I looked them up on e-bay and they would fetch maybe $15 a piece - not a lot of money, but it would help with her expenses. I don't really want to, but I also need to be practical. What do you think?
Farmgirl Sister #98
Visit my online store at:
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 09:44:58 AM
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While I can surely appreciate it being very hard Sherri, I think you need to throw your guilt out the window. You are doing the very best you can under most difficult circumstances.
What good are unused things sitting in a box, when those things could help provide care for your Mom? Perhaps I am too practical, but I would certainly sell them if it would aid in her care. I'm sure your Dad would have wanted that too.
Love and best wishes to you under these difficult times.
Di |
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Claude09647
True Blue Farmgirl
761 Posts
Claudia
Our Dairy Farm
Pennsylvania
USA
761 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 09:45:46 AM
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In my own opinion, If they're just sitting around and you need them for your mom, I would do it. I know that getting rid of things with that kind of value may be hard but when you need the money i would do it. I'm sure your dad wouldnt mind them being sold to take care of your mom :)
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
http://claude09647.blogspot.com/ |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 09:49:33 AM
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That's a hard choice. Is there one that sings to you? Keep it for your mom. I don't think that your dad would mind as the money from the sale of the remaining lamps would be used for the care of his wife. I'm pretty sure she meant more to him than the lamps did.
You'll make the right decision. :)
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
www.perfectlittlemiracle.blogspot.com
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 09:51:43 AM
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Diane is right in her thinking, though in the big scheme of things, you might outweigh the cost vs. effort = outcome...(is it worth the time and effort to do all the shipping and protecting of these items, tracking payments, etc...when you have so much else on your plate, and ultimately, the money isn't going to be a HUGE drop in the bucket).
When it comes to nursing expenses, is she only using her private monies currently? Medicare? Medicaid? These are options available to her, though noone loves the thought of medicaid, it's what we all pay for in our paychecks. You'll do what's best, Sherri, I know it. It's such a difficult time, and I have been through it myself, so my concerns referenced above come with some hindsight.
Take good care.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 09:59:58 AM
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Diane was your mom or day in the military- if so I know that there are programs there to help also- I know I have had to sell treasures before to help make ends meet. Your Dad is proud of you that you are taking care of your mom! And Jonni is correct Medicare and Medicaid is there to help- use them- it's for the best. Don't forget to take care of yourself!!
xoxo- Lori
Thank GOD I'm a Country Girl! |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 10:30:37 AM
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I would rather my family sell my treasures if it made their lives easier. I'm sure your dad would feel the same way. Please check out Medicare and Medicaid, I've paid into that for years & years. It would be nice if I never had to use it but someday I may have to. Your mom may have to now. Even though she now has Alzheimers, I bet she thanked God many times she raised a caring daughter, It seems like your doing everything you can to help with her care. Remember you must also take care of yourself. ((((Hugs to you))))
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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pinkroses
True Blue Farmgirl
2350 Posts
Sheila
Virginia
USA
2350 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 11:38:09 AM
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Sherri
I think you should keep hanging on those for at lest awhile.
Maybe sale some of the stuff that really has not so much strong feelings of the past.
I know how hard it is to get rid of the things that belonged to our Mom's and grandmothers, hugs sheila
www.ohkayteagirl2.blogspot.com
http;//www.sheilascreativewritings.blogspot.com |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 2:09:36 PM
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Nope - I've been through the wringer with Medicaid - round and round. Her situation is that her income is too great for help - she has Medicare, my dad's pension and the monthly payments from her house that I sold. Her income is too great for help, but it falls short of her monthly care, insurance, and medicine by about $500. To quote the case worker, "She is one of those unfortunate people who fall in that area where no help is available." I know it's hard to imagine and believe - I couldn't believe it when I first looked into it - but it's true. I think I will do as suggested - keep one of her oil lamps out as a remembrance, and sell the other ones at my garage sale. When you're $500 short every month, every little bit counts! And I think my dad would want me to do that, now that I think of it. Thanks again farmgirls - I knew I could count on you to help me make up my mind!
Farmgirl Sister #98
Visit my online store at:
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southerncrossgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
631 Posts
Gena
Harmony
NC
USA
631 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 6:28:59 PM
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If Medicaid works in WA like it works in NC. I have been told that they can't have more than $2000.00 in cash. When that is all they have left, then they qualify. It is awful to think they work hard their whole life,and then they take everything in the end anyway.
My parents are going to be moving in with me in a couple of weeks. I am trying to keep them out of the nursing home as long as I can.
I do pray for you Sherri. I am taking care of parents and grandchildren. I know that I will be glad I at least tried.
"A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes"==Cinderella |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 7:29:03 PM
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I think all of your mothers possessions exist to help her live. That includes the lamps. As long as no sibling or relative wants them and is willing to buy them from her, I would do what you have to do.
When my FIL passed away, my husbands brothers and sister were in a big hurry to divvy up his things. DH and I both reminded them that unless otherwise designated those things now belonged to his mother to do what she may need to to live her life. Even if that meant having to sell.
Its a difficult decision, but you have to do what you have to for your mom to be cared for. |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 9:20:22 PM
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Gena - that is true in WA too - you can't have more than $2000 to get Medicaid. What I didn't know was that not only can you have no more than $2000 in savings, your monthly income through all sources cannot exceed a certain amount. When I started applying to Medicaid, it was $1700 a month - it goes up a few dollars each year, but Mom's is about $2500 so she does not qualify, even though her monthly care is in excess of $3000. I had no idea that was the case until I started trying to get help for her - the $2000 savings limit is pretty well known, but not many people know about the monthly income limit.
Thanks Robin for the reminder that things exist to help her live. That's a great way to look at it.
Farmgirl Sister #98
Visit my online store at:
http://www.shopthefrontier.com/VFstore/index.php?manufacturers_id=79&osCsid=6be4b25bf9555031c6e2e86bbde23dba |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
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kpaints
True Blue Farmgirl
1564 Posts
karen
cheney
wa
1564 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2009 : 09:42:03 AM
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The farmgirls always have such a wealth of information and great suggestions. It must really feel nice for you to be able to confide in this setting, Sherri. I know it has been a God send to me. I have worked hard all my life and I loved to collect pottery with an eye in mind that it would be of more value in the future and that when and if I needed the money it could/would be used for that. I think your Mom and Dad would both agree and they would definately want you to take any items that had meaning for you and sell the rest. Our healthcare system is for the birds! Sorry you are going through this.
Find your joy and live it. http://cheneybaglady.blogspot.com/http://www.kpaints.etsy.com http://www.thevintagebaglady.etsy.com FG #377 |
Edited by - kpaints on Aug 02 2009 2:58:30 PM |
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Beverly Gill
True Blue Farmgirl
1114 Posts
Beverly
Marlborough
USA
1114 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2009 : 3:25:37 PM
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I am going to suggest you take 1 to her and see if there is any reaction to it at all....sometimes Alzheimer patients do have some memory---it depends what stage she is at....also if you bring her scrapbooks of pictures from the past...it may help her a little? There is a very knowledgable DR. Rai ...if you can get any books by him...he's good.
If it were me, I would feel guilty---and I think selling for that little bit of $$$ would not be worth the guilt. ...I hope this does not sound cold to you....just my opinion. I hope you can get over the guilt and sell...$$$$ is tight now.
Good luck ....and if you want any quick notes that I took from this doctor let me know.
Beverly |
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