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Across the Fence:  The REAL reason behind a lot of my...  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 7:46:58 PM
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craziness lately!!! 
Have you ever found yourself in the position of just at the end of your rope, out of gas, on your last leg, buring the candle at both ends??? (you get what I mean)
Well, I had a HUGE wake up call last Wedneday. I was at school, in my lab, and we were given an surprise quiz thrown at us on the stuff we learned THAT Morning...now I don't do well in something like that and I failed...big time...then I started panicking...and I passed out..yep...out cold...like an idiot...I woke up in a puddle of sweat and some (Cute ) health professional helping me out. I was only out for a short minute or so. I was so embarassed  as I never get to that point. But boy, was it a wake up call. After an IV of water and some aspirin (I whacked my elbow on the way out), I drove home, balling the whole way. I had the worse cases scenarios running through my head, most involving who would get Charlie and take good care of him and how do they know who to call, my family sucks, what about Chloe, what if I died, I hadn't kissed Scott in 3 months..etc, etc, etc, you can only imagine all the stuff going through my head.
I came home and took a long COLD shower and drank some calming tea. I then went and picked up Charlie early, orderd a pizza, snuggled and watched a movie and he slept in my bed that night. I woke up the next day feeling like I had run a 50 mile marathon and then was run over by a bus. I dropped Charlie off over an hour late to daycare and came home and just slept, ate some chocolate and sat in the sun. I had a lot to think about. This was on the wing of dealing with Mono, being totally stretched thin, trying to finish 4 years of school in 3 years, Scott having a hard time in Kentucky with work and other things, family (enough said), Charlie wanting his Daddy and being sad each day, along with some other things and I think it was just the breaking point for me and a swift kick in the tuckous to get my priorities straight,,,now!!!
Things no longer matter to me. I want simple, easy, happy, HEALTHY and vibrant- FAMILY!!!. I look at what I have and figure I am ok, with less stuff and more life. Scott loves me like no tomorrow, as I know Charlie and even Chloe does. To hades with anyone else who doesn't have the best of intentions with my family. Secondly, Scott has said he just wants us to be together, tent, raft, 1 bedroom loft, treehouse,,whatever it takes...and we have been apart almost 18 months here..I can't take it anymore!!! School can wait...already confirmed that...family can't...and I will no longer be a slave to stuff or some stupid perfection I have in my DNA.  I am limiting my to do list to 3 errands a day, no matter how small, instead of trying to be Superwoman and do everything in 8 hours. I take small walks, drink a glass of sweet tea in the sun, petting Chloe and have learned to sllllllllooooooooowwwww down.
So that is the main jist of what has been going on..and while all the revelation and posting today. I FINALLY get it and it is very freeing.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
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mollymae
True Blue Farmgirl
694 Posts
Molly
Visalia
California
USA
694 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 7:54:01 PM
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Heather, I'm dealing with something similar yet very different, but it's made me realize my priorities this past week. I realized through some health issues I'm dealing with and getting help for that I haven't taken time for ME, I have put everyone else's needs ahead of mine, and all of this was actually the catalyst for me coming back to MJFarm..the need to slow down, to get back to nature, find like-minded people, deep-breathe and meditate, rest when I need rest, love deliberately and live wildly. I hope you can heal up from your troubles and know the best is still yet to come :)
Molly
"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet."~Rumi
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peapicker
True Blue Farmgirl
716 Posts
texas
USA
716 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 7:56:21 PM
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| Good for you. I know what you mean exactly. I just about had a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago trying work 18plus hours a day in my own business, missing out on family all the while. We made real serious changes, do with much less and are much happier. Hope you get your strength back soon. |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 8:06:15 PM
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Heather, I'm so glad that your wake up call wasn't more traumatic! Do less, live more and be happy.
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 8:07:50 PM
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ALWAYS, ALWAYS TAKE TIME TO YOUR SELF, everything else can wait. If you don't, you WILL put your self in an early grave.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 8:21:20 PM
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Thanks ladies...forgot to mention, the day before all of this, I was rear-ended by a just licensed 17 year old with an attitude...thank GOD for my BIG truck...and Charlie wasn't in the car...I think it might have been a post accident reaction!!!
(((HUGS))) To all!!! And the strength and health to carry on... : )
This is also the reason I am trying to spread as much happiness and love... I have got this urge to do so and I am not going to fight it!!!
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
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Edited by - catscharm74 on Jun 19 2009 8:26:47 PM |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 9:56:50 PM
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I'm so glad you are ok. That you weren't seriously hurt. I can't imagine the scare that must have gave you. Horrible to think about. A couple of years ago I went to see a psychic. I'm sure anyone could have told me what this woman did, but I guess maybe it took hearing it from a stranger to get me to listen. I was worried about Christmas coming up and making sure the kids had a "nice Christmas". She told me to think back to my childhood and she said she believed what I would remember most was the times I spent hanging out with my family not what they bought me. She was right! Just think Heather, Charlie is at that age in his eyes you ARE superwoman and you KNOW everything! Enjoy it!
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 11:19:05 PM
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Heather, I am sending you many many big hugs across the ocean! You take it easy girl, you and Charlie both deserve all the happiness in the world!!
Try to do what you like to do each day, time permitting ofcourse. I just found MY perfect job and I love it! I love ,my new sweet kitty Pinky and also plan to live life to the fullest. TOO many years (50 , yikes) that I was not happy at all, so not I too think I deserve some happy times. You to girl you rock!!
Love ya.
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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Tn.Earthmama
True Blue Farmgirl
451 Posts
Phyllis
Englewood
Tennessee
451 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2009 : 07:35:31 AM
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Heather, you are learning early what it took me a lot longer to learn. I'm proud of you for being so smart and prioritizing Now. I tried to be superwoman, take care of the world. I grew up in a family where the only thing i was appreciated for was being a nurse and taking care of people. darn near killed me. about 15 yrs ago I became really ill, still dealing with it. My hubby says" you tiptoed along that cliff for so long, and finally fell off".
glad you stopped tiptoeing along that cliff. you are a very smart and loving wife and Mom. you will finish school, but won't let it finish you. that's a big lesson to learn, good for you. glad the accident wasn't worse and you weren't hurt. rest, be good to yourself. and know that you have lots of gals round here rooting for you. Hugs Phyllis |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2009 : 07:42:04 AM
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Heather-
WELCOME BACK!! I've been off and on here lately so didn't realize you were back!
SOmetimes it takes a good smack upside the head to make us realize what is really important in life. I'm glad that you are on a path that your feel settled with. Run to your husband and make your family the best family ever, and the time will come when you can finish up your education and get that dream job. We can have our cake and eat it too, sometimes just not all at once!
-Elizabeth |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2009 : 08:24:38 AM
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Heather, hang in there girl, from what I have read in your posts you are a survivor. You will be fine, because you realize what is important. Best wishes.
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 4
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2009 : 1:06:27 PM
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Heather I am so glad that you are ok today. Sweetie, Mono will leave you worn out and exhausted for a long time to come. The most important thing is to take care of yourself. Rest and enjoy your life. I speak from experience, I never thought I should be allowed any down time, that was the way it was in our family, work work and more work. I always felt I had to do it all for everybody, everyone else needed to be happy first. Well, after having way too many years of that I was hanging on by my fingernails. I was so close to a nervous breakdown,it wasn't even funny. It is not easy to retire from the Superwoman Club. But, honey if want to have a real life and have the calmness and serenity that we all want so much, you have to lighten the load you put on yourself. That sweet Heather is the real key, the pressures and the demands WE place on ourselves. School is there, it's not going anywhere, no matter where you go, there will be schools. You need a break, you take one. I can not imagine being without your husband like you and so many other wives are. There has to be times it just rips you up. You have so many more responsibilities being the only parent when he is gone, no to mention missing him so much. I can't tell you how in awe I am of the way you handle it all. Just breathe Heather, relax live the way that makes you happy and calm, let your body heal from all that it has been through. You will be so much happier with yourself and life in general. Everything will fall into place for you. We all love you and are here for you. I surely have missed you not being on here.
Hugs and Love Mary Jane
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Old Spirit
True Blue Farmgirl
1498 Posts
Rae
MN
1498 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2009 : 4:01:08 PM
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Heather
Glad you are ok. God sometimes really has to knock us down to get our attention doesn't he? Good for you to just say no more, it took me a while to get to that points as I have been there too. In fact I just went back to school, again, 2 years ago. Things were fine with work and school but...then we sold house and now trying to get the farm going. I realized it just doesn't work. Anxiety and I are not a good combination. I loved what I was learning but I love not studying and just enjoying simple. Guess that was the message I was supposed to get out of all of it. The more I do with my hands the more relaxed I am plus I get to read the books I love 
Enjoy your family and your life.
Rae
...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles:...
Isaiah 40:31 |
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Across the Fence: The REAL reason behind a lot of my... |
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The REAL reason behind a lot of my...
