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Family Matters:  Can I Really Keep This Up??  |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 08 2009 : 6:19:50 PM
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We were out visiting friends of ours last night, and I was talking to the Mom :D about how things were going with my children. (She has 11 of her own, so I thought she'd be the woman to talk to and well, she asked ;) )
So anyway, I was telling her how none of the methods that I am trying to use to get through to my children and teach them are really getting through to them.
Her suggestion was less huffing and frustration on my part and just be quiet. She said I needed to include them in the things I needed to do during the day, but also realize that they had needs emotionally that sometimes my "things I need to do", have to be put on the back burner.
She basically said children reach out in their own way that they understand love and you have to stop and meet them that way.
My kids are both hands on kids. When you are talking to them, they will take your face in their hands and make sure your head is turned towards them.
Soooo....today, I made a point not to yell, or fuss, or get an attitude. I included them in things like the dishes and cleaning up that I had to do.
There were a couple of times when I thought my blood pressure was going to pop out of the top of my head, but I stopped and sat down and went back to whatever later. I tried to keep in mind that little things like flooding the bathroom sink over are not the end of the world and it only takes a towel to clean it up.
I only fussed one time, and the day went sooooo much smoother.
I wonder though, will this work everyday, because quite honestly, to make such a definite effort about wore me flat out. ;) I know that it is worth it.
No Mom knows who hasn't heard it in their own child's voice that says "Mommy, why are you mad all the time?" can know the crush and heartbreak that can give you.
When Tori told me that, I knew it was time to step back and re-evaluate where my priorities were sitting. You know I posted on one of the girls posts here in the last couple days "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". I've got another thought for you, 'The Mom who stops to look in the cradle and play with the baby, and love the baby and puts baby first; She will rule the world, because she takes the time to show her child what love is, and isn't that what the world is missing these days anyways?!'
I guess this was more of a sharing a revelation and a request that you pray for me, that I would remember that I am a Mom. That is what I was created for. There is no higher calling than to love a child. Please pray that I would be reminded of this daily.
THANK YOU,GIRLS!!
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"You are my strength when I am weak. You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel; Lord, to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2009 : 6:59:42 PM
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Jessie- I know I lose my temper with Nora sometimes. And their reactions are always crushing. If you can make this effort everyday it will soon become a habit for you and maybe change your perspective too. Hopefully it won't be too much of a burden on you. I am still learning to do this but I am getting better about letting go of that perfection that we expect of ourselves. They are only little for so short of a time. I want her to have the best childhood I can give her so she has a strong and happy foundation for her life. *hugs* I know you can do it!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2009 : 05:41:37 AM
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Jessie, I just read this and am remimded of when mine were little. I have pictures of them at the sink "washing " the dishes, and helping me can and folding clothes. And all the time I had no idea I was really teaching them how to do these things later in life. But that is what we are, a teacher to our kids. We do it without them even knowing that's what we're doing. We make it fun and interesting to them so they want to do it and want to be with us.
One time I was making soup mix to can and had okra to put in it and had it in the sink. The girls were helping and I looked over there and one of them had the dish detergent bottle! And you know how slimy okra is! I went ahead and canned it anyway because that's way too much work and I was not totally sure they had squirted any in there. It was good soup!
So now with granddaughters I am doing it again. When they are here they get to help with dinners and set the table and bring bowls of food and then clean it all up. Kansas is always wanting to help me. She cleaned the stanchions after I milked. She loves to make biscuits and Chloe is the fruit salad queen.
So we teach our children every day without really knowing it just by keeping them close to us and letting them "help" in their own little cute way. We might have to do it all over later but at least they are getting the basics down and the more they do it the better they get at it. So don't give up. Give them little things to do during the day while you do something and they will be happy to help.
When I was embroidering the kids were here and wanted to learn. So I cut out a little square and drew a little turtle or square on it and gave them needle and thread and showed them the basic stitch and off they went. They were so engrossed in there work and it kept them busy for a few hours. They want to do that now when they come.
You are very smart and creative and I'm sure you will come up with all sorts of neat projects for those 2 cuties to do. Have fun with them. They aren't little forever!
Hugs, Kris
Happiness is simple. |
Edited by - kristin sherrill on Jun 09 2009 05:43:44 AM |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2009 : 05:53:51 AM
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Jessie, I'm glad I read this today...even though Violet is still small, I know there will come a day when I will feel like I'm not getting anything done and I wish she would just "pipe down"....your mother is right--and my mom has said very much the same thing to me (even as recent as last week when she said, "you need to stay home one night--Violet doesn't know WHAT house she lives in, Target, Nana's, Gigi's or yours!!!). Initially I was a little stung, but she's right. When my husband works, I get bored, and we go for a drive and end up somewhere....it's about me, rather than her.
Give yourself a pat on the back (and a bit of a break)...being a mom is the most rewarding and most difficult job there is and you're on the right track!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2009 : 06:07:24 AM
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Jessie you are awesome.
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 4
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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kmbrown
True Blue Farmgirl
459 Posts
Misty
Waynesboro
Pennsylvania
USA
459 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2009 : 1:58:52 PM
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It's so weird you posted this today....I have been working on the same thing. Just this morning my 3 year old wanted so badly to help plant some flowers and I wanted so badly to say "just go play mommy will hurry and get this done" but....I let him help. The funny thing is is we had a great time and at one point I had to walk away to help my baby and when I got back he had planted a flower all by himself. You should have seen his face!!! So...even though it took double (or maybe triple) the time I know now it meant the world to him.
Thanks for the good reminder. It sure is a lot of work someday!! |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2009 : 3:42:13 PM
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Jessie, I am soo glad you posted this too. We are a couple of weeks into our summer vacation here. The kiddos are already bored out of their minds, I'm coming up on the dreaded time of the month when I turn in the monster from He-- and you combine that with the kids crying their bored and fighting and being kids I am about at my wits end. I've heard of this theory before and I'm going to try it again. Hopefully I will learn some patience. :) Good Luck I know you are going to do just fine!!
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2009 : 5:20:26 PM
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Hey Girls,
Well today didn't quite go as well as yesterday. I tried desperately to keep calm and find things to do with the kids. I felt like garabage today and failed miserably.
I think that is okay though. Tomorrow is a new day and a new change to try again. I hope it goes better!! :D
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"You are my strength when I am weak. You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel; Lord, to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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happydaze
True Blue Farmgirl
136 Posts
lorraine
atlanta
ni
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 09:59:45 AM
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| Glad I read this post today! I'm trying to clean my 15 yo grandsons room and I really would like to shread him up at the moment. I asked him to at least remove the garbage from his room and he said he got all he could find. He must not have looked too hard. Any I'm taking out lots of trash and maybe a few treasures, but if they were important enough they wouldnt be on the floor. Any way I wont yell at him when he gets home. I'll try "helping" him finish the room, and maybe go swimming afterwards. Our big dog is laying on some clothes on the floor to protect them from the trash I think. what a dog! |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 1:14:45 PM
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Jessie: You are human, too. You will certainly be in my prayers. Hang in there.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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deeredawn
True Blue Farmgirl
2306 Posts
Dawn
Cordova
TN
USA
2306 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 1:24:36 PM
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I've been babysitting for a 1yr old. Wow. It really reminds you focus on the child and not the "other" stuff. Its hard but you can do it. I wish I had a "do-over" for my 16 yr old!
Dawn #279
MJ's Heirloom Mavens-QMD
http://harvestthyme.blogspot.com
~the only thing for certain, is uncertainty~ |
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a rose
True Blue Farmgirl
443 Posts
Linda
Waterford
NY
USA
443 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2009 : 07:47:12 AM
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Jessie, There is some good advice here especially from Kristen Sherrill. When the water over flows from the sink let them help you clean it up. Tell them it was an accident and they have to be more careful. Talk to them and not yell. It would be so much better for you and them. Remember your reaction will grow on them and teenage years and young adult years won't be so great for any of you. You have got to keep the door open for them so they can come to you when need they need to. If you were baby sitting them as someone elses child would you treat them the same way> The medical and mental problems you are going through my decrease.
You are in my prayers and I wish I lived closer to you to help you. Remember your children are a reflection of you and these are the wonder years.
Love, Your friend
Linda (a rose)
Remember me as a rose. |
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rachreymack
Farmgirl in Training
16 Posts
Rachael
Moscow
Idaho
USA
16 Posts |
Posted - Jul 03 2009 : 1:30:33 PM
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It has been great to read this topic. Thank you, everyone, for the advice. I only have one 2 year old and boy, does he wear me out some days. I get so caught up in things "I need to get done" that I forget to include him or just take time out to play with him. Hopefully, I too, can learn more patience.
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Jul 03 2009 : 1:46:46 PM
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When my daughter was a little over a year, we travelled to see her great grandparents, who had a zillion breakable knick knacks in their home. I spent the whole visit saying NO, do not touch! When we were talking later, my hubby's grandmother said to me very gently, "don't do so many no's.....it will be okay." That advice stuck with me all these years, and I still try to do less No's and more quiet. Good advice above!!!!
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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Family Matters: Can I Really Keep This Up?? |
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Can I Really Keep This Up??
