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Reading Room:  The Surrendered Wife  |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 23 2009 : 12:19:51 PM
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My sil is reading this book and loving it - have any of you read it and if so what are your thoughts? I'm going to read it when she's finished just to see what all her hoopla is about! I'm a little leery, just by the title
Farmgirl Sister #98
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4forMe
True Blue Farmgirl
166 Posts
Dawn
Easton
MD
166 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2009 : 3:49:55 PM
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My DH gave it to me a few years ago and I haven't read it yet. It's in the attic in a box. I was put off by the title and DH knows it. I am a surrendered mother....I'll be thinking about being a surrendered wife later, I don't have time now.
Sewing, knitting, gardening mom of 4. |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2009 : 4:54:06 PM
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Yeah, the title is a little off putting! I am going to see what it's all about though, being sil is so high on it.
Farmgirl Sister #98
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jinia
True Blue Farmgirl
152 Posts
jinia
mo
USA
152 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2009 : 4:59:58 PM
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| I think there was a bunch of press about that book a few years ago. If my husband gave me a book with that title and he wasn't laughing he would be surrending parts of his anatomy! |
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TheresaB
True Blue Farmgirl
393 Posts
Theresa
Loveland
Colorado
USA
393 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2009 : 12:39:21 PM
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It's a great book! I'm about 2/3 through it. Lots of practical advice. I'd also recommend Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl.
Theresa in Colorado
Proud Farmgirl Sister #124
www.thegypsysdaughter.etsy.com
www.thegypsysdaughter.blogspot.com
"I see skies of blue, clouds of white, the bright blessed day, the dark sacred night, and I think to myself, "What a Wonderful World!" ~ Louis Armstrong |
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Farmgirlheart
True Blue Farmgirl
103 Posts
Valerie
Los Angeles
California
USA
103 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2009 : 2:21:37 PM
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| I don't like the sound of that book! Jinia, I agree with you, any man ever gave me a book with that title he WOULD be surrendering parts of his anatomy! |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2009 : 09:03:50 AM
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ROFL Jami!!
Farmgirl Sister #98
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2009 : 09:44:37 AM
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I agree, the title is offputting. I would never seek out this book, or pick it up based on the title. But since I've heard it mentioned a few times now, I just did some google searching and was able to read excerpts from the book (on google books).
It's kind of a weird book, in my opinion. It's not at all the anti-feminist, super-conservative kind of philosophy I was expecting. In fact, it seems to assume that the women reading it will be accustomed to being in charge and making all the decisions in their jobs. And it encourages divorce if you are married to a man who isn't capable of being trusted: an addict or an abuser, for example.
The basic concept sounds fine: Treat your husband like an intelligent adult, not an irresponsible child. Don't nag him to do every little thing the way you would do it.
But some of the specific applications seem really weird to me. The author says you must never, ever tell your husband when he's doing something wrong. For instance if he's about to miss the exit on the freeway, don't say anything - just let him drive past it. If he's standing on the edge of a chair to fix the ceiling light, and it looks like he's about to fall off, don't suggest that he should get the stepladder.
The way she puts it, if you speak up about any of these things you are making the choice that you would rather be right than have a harmonious relationship. But I know for a fact that my husband would be annoyed if I didn't call out the exit if I knew he was going to miss it. "Why didn't you say something?" he'd ask. And same thing with the chair/stepladder scenario. Actuallly, he probably wouldn't get down from the chair to get the stepladder because he's stubborn that way. But he certainly wouldn't be belittled or grudging because I said something about it.
I think this book only really works if you are a specific kind of wife: a total control freak. Like in the chapter where the author describes being terrified, anxious, and miserable when her counselor tells her to go out on a date with her husband and let him be in charge of making all the decisions about it. How many of us would be that upset about not picking the restaurant and the route to drive there and how much of a tip to leave? Personally, I would love to relax and leave all those details to someone else. I wouldn't worry at all about my husband's ability to take me out for dinner on his own; it's just not that big a deal.
Sorry for such a long post, I just worry that a lot of women who read this book may go way overboard and abdicate any participation in family life. I don't think very many of us are such control freaks that our husbands are being belittled, emasculated, and otherwise damaged by it. Most marriages are easy going enough to handle some give and take of opinions. In my opinion, most husbands want input. They want to know that we've got their backs, and we'll catch them if we see them about to make a big financial mistake or leave the house wearing a shirt that looks bad.
Of course, I admit I have met some women who practically had to go into the bathroom with their husband and make sure he wiped properly! If you really do have control issues, this book may be helpful for you. But it really should be targeted towards those women and not applied as universal good advice.
That's my opinion. Sorry again to go on so long. |
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Farmgirlheart
True Blue Farmgirl
103 Posts
Valerie
Los Angeles
California
USA
103 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2009 : 12:43:42 PM
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| Thanks Amie. From what you say it sounds like (from the book)we are supposed to protect their fragile egos. "Ooh, don't say anything to make him not feel like a man!" Haha... I ain't gonna shut up and have my man tell me how to do everything, sure it's nice when he may surprise me with a nice restaurant or something, but I'd rather be treated with equal respect, just as any person deserves! You know?! |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
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Canadian farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Lori
Ontario
Canada
482 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2009 : 07:28:34 AM
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I, too, wondered about the title, but I did some reading up on it on the Internet and have decided to see what it's all about. My library couldn't get it, even on interlibrary loan, so I have ordered my own copy, along with The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.
I'm hoping to find some reasonable marriage advice in these books. Lately it seems like dh and I are just roommates, and I am only seeing things that frustrate me. Am I becoming too independent? I don't know. Maybe I'll find some answers in these books! (But, I'm not going to turn into a doormat)
Lori
Farmgirl Sister #183 |
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Farmgirlheart
True Blue Farmgirl
103 Posts
Valerie
Los Angeles
California
USA
103 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2009 : 2:18:56 PM
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| if independence is what you want it is never a bad thing! |
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jinia
True Blue Farmgirl
152 Posts
jinia
mo
USA
152 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2009 : 7:14:45 PM
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Men as caregivers, laundress, and roomparents are not what were used to. Neither is women as CEOs, soldiers on the front, or the main bread winners. I guess its only natrual for us to grab at anything to give us the stability we are sadly lacking in our home life, and on our economic front. Lots of folks love the idea of the simplier ideas of the past but it sure doesn't fit with the way the world works now. Two income families are almost a must just to survive - not to live large - just survive. How can we equate that with the days when your husband had a good job then retired and yall lived off the pension for the rest of your lives? I would guess those days are gone. So here we are redefining our roles over and over again. I guess what I am saying is I think these kind of books are totally out of touch for most of us. In my humble opinion I think your better off having a long honest discussion with your husband about what you expect from each other with lots of give and take. Of course this is my second marriage. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 08:38:13 AM
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Hmmm, I have never read this book, but I don't think it's unrealistic to put bible principles in place in a marriage. I haven't had any problems doing it, realistically.
Mainly I think most marriages would benefit most, from just using the Golden Rule found in the Bible-Treat others as you would like to be treated. And love love your neighbor (which should include your spouse) as yourself.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 08:41:21 AM
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PS being a helpmeet doesn't always mean being a stay at home mom, (however, I think it's best if possible!) if you read the whole account of a woman in Proverbs, she had businesses outside the home, bought and sold real estate, she did what ever it took to care for her family, and "help" her husband/meet.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 11:14:17 AM
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I think being a surrendered wife depends on how surrendered your husband is to you. If you surrender to each other, then there is nothing to worry about! You are on equal ground, just doing different things to make a whole of your marriage.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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laluna
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
New York
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 3:11:28 PM
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Not everyone lives/believes according to the bible, and some people read the bible yet believe/understand it to be a book of stories, not be taken literally. I wonder why a thread like this is allowed to continue, and yet another thread on the forums discussing "in god we trust" on money was locked (and I'm not sure why, seeing as there were no arguments, etc.). This isn't directed at anyone who's posted here, btw, it's just an observation I've made lately and have been, quite frankly, a bit irritated by.
/rant
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." -- Frank Lloyd Wright |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 3:34:40 PM
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This is actually a thread on a book Laluna. We got off-topic as we normally can do, but that's all it is about. Sorry you're irritated by it. Many times I will just skip over posts that irritate me for self-preservation of my mood. 
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/
http://farmhouseflair.etsy.com |
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laluna
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
New York
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 4:12:25 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jami
This is actually a thread on a book Laluna. We got off-topic as we normally can do, but that's all it is about. Sorry you're irritated by it. Many times I will just skip over posts that irritate me for self-preservation of my mood.
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/
http://farmhouseflair.etsy.com
Jami, I agree with everything you've said here, and of course as with everything on mb's, discussions evolve. My problem is not with you or even this topic, but the arbitrary (or really not-so-arbitrary) way that certain threads that touch on god, religion, politics, etc. seemed to get locked while others don't (and that despite the agreement of the participants involved to "skip over it" and whatnot).
(And my sincere apologies for the thread-jacking, but one of the "god-related" discussions I was having was locked!)
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." -- Frank Lloyd Wright |
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jinia
True Blue Farmgirl
152 Posts
jinia
mo
USA
152 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 5:30:04 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jami
This is actually a thread on a book Laluna. We got off-topic as we normally can do, but that's all it is about. Sorry you're irritated by it. Many times I will just skip over posts that irritate me for self-preservation of my mood.
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/
http://farmhouseflair.etsy.com
Sorry, Laluna and Jami I didn't mean to get the thread side tracked! Swear I wasn't even talking Relgion just men and womens roles shifting in general.
Jami I love your signature! Back to the book talk... |
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Farmgirlheart
True Blue Farmgirl
103 Posts
Valerie
Los Angeles
California
USA
103 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 8:57:24 PM
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| just wanted to say laluna, i like your signature quote-i am entirely with you on that. :) |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2009 : 07:42:28 AM
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Laluna, no worries. Usually topics get locked with political content...politics seem to really stir the pot around here.
And Jinia, I thought the conversation was going along just fine...it ebbs and flows like they all do.
Hey, enjoy this day, girls. And don't surrender just yet!
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/
http://farmhouseflair.etsy.com |
Edited by - Jami on Mar 24 2009 07:43:58 AM |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2009 : 10:03:38 AM
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I didn't realize the "in god we trust" topic got locked, I assumed it just faded away. I think I was the first one to "discuss" rather than just say "yes" or "no", and I could have bit my tongue immediately (my typing finger rather?). Because I've noticed that such a topic might or might not be locked, whether there are hard feelings being raised or not, and I would hate to be the one to make that happen.
Honestly, I didn't notice any mention of the bible in the excerpts I read from this book online. Is the term "surrendered wife" even found in the bible? I'm not familiar with any scriptural quotation that uses those words. I did make the assumption that it was somehow drawn from or based on the bible; it just has a conservative Christian ring to it.
For those who've read the whole book: is it directed specifically at Christian couples, or does it go for the whole married audience? |
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Reading Room: The Surrendered Wife |
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The Surrendered Wife
