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Across the Fence:  Coming unglued!! (or less glued)  |
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harmonyfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
785 Posts
Debbie
Southeastern
Ohio
USA
785 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 21 2009 : 3:11:07 PM
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Soon, my hubby and I will be celebrating our 27th Anniversary. That's a huge milestone, if ya ask me.... But lately I look at him and wonder "what the hell I was thinking" 27 years ago. We couldn't have more different personalities. I love order and he enjoys total chaos. I keep spreadsheets to see where we are in relation to bill paying and he pulls handfulls of wadded-up receipts out of his pocket and throws them in a basket at night. He rarely shaves or cares about his appearance, couldn't keep a checkbook if his life depended on it, is like a bull in a china shop with every thing he does, can't finish a project to save himself...OMG! the list could go on and on and on....it's making me more miserable by the minute...any retired psychologists out there that could give me some advice?
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
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Bellepepper
True Blue Farmgirl
1207 Posts
Belle
Coffeyville
KS
USA
1207 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2009 : 3:23:57 PM
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| Want to add some more to your list? How about poor table manners. Loud body noises, both ends. Whines a lot if he don't feel good, but gets P----off if I don't feel good and ask for help. We have been at it for 52 years. Sorry Debbie, if I had any advice, I would try it myself. They ain't gonna change. |
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harmonyfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
785 Posts
Debbie
Southeastern
Ohio
USA
785 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2009 : 3:29:39 PM
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Well that's REAL encouraging....ugh!
So Belle, what keeps ya hanging around?
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
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pinkroses
True Blue Farmgirl
2350 Posts
Sheila
Virginia
USA
2350 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2009 : 3:47:02 PM
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Wait till you have been married 34 years.
We will be married 34 years this June
I think it is a lot of good and take in a marriage.
Hubby and I are 2 total obbsites too.
I think that is what attarcted us to each other.
He does the bills
He is a "oranized" person to.
Me, I try to be ; but I can't be.
Just hang it there.
Give and take hugs sheila
www.ohkayteagirl2.blogspot.com
http;//www.sheilascreativetouches.blogspot.com |
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Bellepepper
True Blue Farmgirl
1207 Posts
Belle
Coffeyville
KS
USA
1207 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2009 : 5:01:47 PM
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| Debbie, what attracted me to him first was he was so darn good looking. He is good, kind, loves me very much and a hard worker. Made us a good living and decent retirement. If you look around there arn't too many that can say that. And there is a long line of gals not so fortunate that would be glad to put up with his f---s and belchs just for the security. I think I'll keep him a while longer. But some days I wonder. |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 06:03:13 AM
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very interesting topics ya got going here.
At age 59 and divorced for a few years I am not interested in dating or finding another man. Sometimes though it would sure be nice for someone to be home waiting for me and cared if I was safe or my car was running right or even took me out to eat once in a while!
I would love to hear more comments.
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71 |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 06:05:55 AM
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...good, kind, loves me very much and is a hard worker and provider (BellePepper said)
Can we add doesn't chase after other women...or talk about his womenn friends too much.
That's my X....but he wasn't always kind....and didn't behave like he loved me very much.
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71 |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 06:31:42 AM
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I haven't been married as long as you, but I am on my second marriage, and we've been married 8 years and are expecting our first child. I recall feeling this way about my ex husband, but he was also an alcoholic who wrecked our car, passed out in ditches, and who couldn't hold down a job--talk about disgusting, and a loss of respect for someone!!! I would think, though, after 27 years of marriage, couples seem to just fall into that comfortable "trap"....Sometimes it's all I can do to get my husband out of the house, or to comb his hair. If I hear, "I'll just grab a hat.." one more time!!!!
Kathy Bates character in Fried Green Tomatoes comes to mind...remember when she finally started "living" and doing what she wanted, when she wanted--taking care of herself and leaving "EARL" behind? Well, he thought it was real strange at first and THEN he thought she was leaving him and he came along in the end, because he loved her--they just fell into that "comfortable trap".
I don't at all know the situation, but I think that your "Earl" probably loves you very much and you feel the same about him....maybe try to make some changes for yourself, things you put off and put aside for others, and the changes you make for you will either make his glaring faults stand out more, or they'll make him do some changing of his own.
My mom went through this with my father at one time, so she started "going out on a date" with herself, to dinner, to see a film or a nice band. And, my Dad couldn't for the life of him figure out why she didn't ask him to come--and when she told him--well, it's because you've been sitting around this whole summer with a 5:00 shadow and you don't help me, and you don't treat me like I'm a lady anymore, he straightened right up. You never know who a gal might meet at the grocery (which was where she ended up most time on her "date" :)) |
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jinia
True Blue Farmgirl
152 Posts
jinia
mo
USA
152 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 5:39:15 PM
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I am 35 and am on my second marriage. I love my husband and he is a perfect father! However....I'm not sure that I was meant to live with a partner...I think Audrey and Spencer ( did I get that right?) had a wonderful idea of living next to each other. If we had the money for that - well I would certianly give it a try  . |
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melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3317 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3317 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 6:34:29 PM
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Belle...do you ever get this incredible urge to hit him over the head with a baseball bat??
Of course I am just kidding !!!
We will be celebrating our 18th year in holy matrimony this June.
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Edited by - melody on Feb 22 2009 6:37:56 PM |
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judytwoshoes
Farmgirl in Training
30 Posts
Julia L
Long Beach
wa
USA
30 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 7:11:48 PM
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| Oh dear honey, you just hang in there, and remember his good points. Look for the good in him, praise him. Talk to him about what you would like, not demands, I would hate that. I have been married 40 years now, and I am telling you, some were just plain rough. But here we are, and if I ever (I won't) had a tatoo to would be "I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine." Unless you are being abused or mistreated, those differences are just that, work around them. No hitting allowed, no mean words,you can't take them back,,,and get a hankie, put some lavender oil on it and hold your nose when he does those passing wind things.Tell him you love him.....all the time, judytwoshoes |
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Suzan
True Blue Farmgirl
659 Posts
suzanne
duncannon
pa
USA
659 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2009 : 05:46:20 AM
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| I'm with Jinia on this one... |
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Bellepepper
True Blue Farmgirl
1207 Posts
Belle
Coffeyville
KS
USA
1207 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2009 : 06:18:07 AM
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| Someone ask Ruth Graham, (Billy Graham's wife) if she ever considered divorce. She said "No, but I have thought about murder. God will forgive you for that." I don't know the Bible as well as I should but I guess it really frowns on divorce. |
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Janneane Hazlip
True Blue Farmgirl
67 Posts
Janneane
Fort Scott
Kansas
USA
67 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2009 : 5:49:15 PM
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| Love is so much like the cute puppy my kids brought home from the local farm store this weekend. They are so cute but when you bring them home they pooh and whiz on the floor. But if you are blessed they learn to stay home and not chase the neighbors cattle. So why do we keep bringing them home? Because who can resist those puppy dog eyes? Janneane |
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harmonyfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
785 Posts
Debbie
Southeastern
Ohio
USA
785 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2009 : 12:21:55 PM
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Well girls...today is our 27th Wedding Anniversary....he brought me a cup of coffee in bed this morning, invited me to an auction this coming weekend and I don't have the energy to "train" another one...so....maybe I should keep him for a while......
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2009 : 12:31:05 PM
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Well girls.....
I say keep them and love em and remember why you got married to em in the first place. I would willingly trade places to have my hubby beside me complaints and bodily noises and all. We were married 32 years, high school sweethearts when the Lord took him home after a batle with cancer. I know its pretty stinky sometimes but count your blessings.
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2009 : 2:06:52 PM
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Happy Anniversary Debbie! Wow! 27years! I think that is awesome.
I am by no means a psychologist,and have only been married 12 years, but my husband (a Pastor) and I often do pre-marital and marriage counseling. I hope that I am not stepping on any toes here by offering advice, but here goes:
~Stay with him. I think that is so sweet that he brought you coffee in bed and is taking time to bring you to an auction.
~Focus on the positive things about him. Any of us can easily become discontent if we focus on the negative things whether in a relationship, job, etc.
~Reminisce about your courtship and wedding with him. Compliment him, give him encouragement, thank him for what he does do.
~Don't cut him down with words, use words to lift him up instead.
~Do not place expectations on your mate. This is one thing that many couples deal with (on both sides)
~Ask him how you can bless him or what you can do for him today (and everyday)
~Pray for God to show you how to love him more and how you can bless him.
~Watch the movie Fireproof together. This movie is so good and encouraging for any relationship. It caused me to check my heart where my honey was concerned :)
I hope that I do not offend, I am only trying to encourage. My marriage is not perfect but we respect each other and try to overlook faults.
Here is a wonderful quote by Martin Luther:
"Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory |
Edited by - Calicogirl on Mar 03 2009 2:07:42 PM |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
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harmonyfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
785 Posts
Debbie
Southeastern
Ohio
USA
785 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2009 : 10:24:31 AM
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how nice Sharon...very inspiring....
and if all else fails...there's always sex...eh?
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
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Across the Fence: Coming unglued!! (or less glued) |
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Coming unglued!! (or less glued)
