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Family Matters:  Anyone have a surprise child?  |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 21 2009 : 10:46:00 AM
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... now please do not get me wrong... I love my children and love being a mother...
With that being said this is my dilemma...
My youngest are 8 and being told years ago that I would not get pregnant due to scar tissue, we were quite comfortable and happy with our lives and what we had. (to clarify for those who do not know me, we have four children DS 15 DS 12 and twin DDs 8 Before that I raised my little cousin for 3 years from age 6 months to age 3 1/2 So I have been "momming" for a while!) I was finally getting to focus on my education and some me time (though caring for my grandmother does take a little from that) and .... SURPRISE!!! I am expecting our 5th.
I feel so mixed. On one hand I am happy and feel blessed to have another precious one in our family. On the other side I feel tired, old (hormones talking?!?), and weary at the thought of starting again. I fear that I am too old ( and I am really not that old, just feel it right now) and tired to be a good mom like I was for the older ones.
I know it all sounds silly, but I feel so overwhelmed! Anyone else who has been down this road with word of advice or encouragement??
Thank you so much and thank you for letting me vent/lean on all of you.
Hugs,
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
Edited by - Buttercup on Jan 22 2009 06:22:47 AM |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2009 : 10:49:06 AM
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((( hugs))) and Congratulations. I cannot relate but I can be supportive.. I think things happen for a reason..and You have been gifted. Enjoy it.. It is exciting. Get lots of rest and have the older kids help more..
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Cheryl
Farmgirl #309
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2009 : 11:18:27 AM
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Hi Talitha!
Nora was a surprise. We definitely were not trying to conceive, and had not planned on it. I had just gotten comfortable at a job I LOVED but was also dangerous for a pregnant woman so had to quit. It was hard and certainly was depressed through a lot of my pregnancy. Also I felt more depressed earlier in the pregnancy before it really felt real- as I got further into the pregnancy my hope, anticipation and joy grew.
I don't think you are or will be too old. You are a fantastic person with tons of love in your heart. You will be a wonderful mom to this new one just like you are to your older ones. And now you have helpers! Including kids old enough to be in-house babysitters for when you REALLY need a break or a little extra napping time :D
*hugs* I hope that helps, and you know I am always ready to listen if you need to chat!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2009 : 11:28:23 AM
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Reading through your other post about how you just moved to a new country, and a new house, and increased your family group....that is probably one reason you are a little bit overwhelmed! Understandably so!!! Hugs to you - praying that strength you never knew you had will come, and this child will be a special angel in your life.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2009 : 5:55:34 PM
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While I was reading your post all I could think of was that you will a lot wiser this time since you have had the others and they are older you will not be so stressed after it is born cause you will know what to do. It should be easier with the older ones to help and all the experience you have. I hope congratulations is in order cause every child is a blessing and after being told you probably won't be able to have any more this one is certainly a blessing. Get some extra sleep right now and that will help you feel better. and just remember you have all of is to talk too and also just think of all the cute stuff they have for kids now!!! hehehehehehehe
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2009 : 6:04:08 PM
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well, I am not very old, but my second one was definitly a surprise. I had just had my daughter in September and in May of the next year found out we were 2 months into expecting number 2. I had some serious worries about having another one so soon! I wasn't even figuring out very well how to take care of the first one let alone two of them. Well, now they are 3 and almost 2 and no major catastrophies yet..lol.
I agree, the experience will definitly be your best friend this time..LOL I sure wished I had/have some!!:)
Every child is a blessing and God never gives us more than we can handle with His help.
Hugs ,
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
Life should NOT be a jounrey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, latte in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming. "WOOHOO, what a ride!"
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2009 : 7:41:40 PM
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how old are you?
All I cam say is I'm 32 pregnant, and plan on having more children after this! lol
My dad and mom just adopted two more children last year! There is 26 years between me and their youngest child. (they adopted older children this time, a 9 year old and a 6 year old). They don't think they are too old. lol
My grandma was 45 when she birthed her last child, there was 25 years between her oldest and youngest. She said the only reason he was her last was because my grandpa died in a plane crash shortly after that, or otherwise she is sure she would of had more children! lol
I have a long family history of OLDER people birthing children. lol Most my cousins are in their 40's still having kids! lol
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Celticheart
True Blue Farmgirl
811 Posts
Marcia
WA
USA
811 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2009 : 10:40:08 PM
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I can definitely relate to this! My # 3 child was a surprise. We had just decided we really only wanted two---a boy and a girl--and I found out I was pregnant with another. I wasn't very happy about it the entire time I was pregnant but everything was great as soon as I had her. Then....about 5 years later I got a divorce and later met a younger guy who'd never been married and he wanted kids. So....at 36 I found myself pregnant with #4, by choice. My mom told me I'd lost my mind. That was encouraging, but then she had all 4 of her kids by the time she was 22. There were times I did think I'd lost my mind. I was working full time and had a teenager, and 11 y/o, 8 y/o and a baby but it all worked out, somehow. You do what you have to do.
When I think about it now it makes me tired. I don't know how I did everything that I did. My kids were in sports and we were always on the go. When our youngest was 4 my DH worked construction and was gone all the time. The older kids were great with the youngest one. He could have been a terror but as he got older they helped to keep him balanced. It was difficult because he's the youngest of my kids by almost 8 years and the only for my DH. So he had the potential to be really spoiled but he isn't. He has always been such a blessing to our entire family. Even my mom had to admit she was wrong. She said we needed him.
Good luck!
Marcia
"Nature always has the last laugh." Mrs. Greenthumbs
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 06:16:40 AM
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Ceryl,
Thank you so much!! Support and friendship are always so important in this life and I thank you for yours!! I agree with you, I believe things do happen for a reason, but sometimes even with that knowledge it is hard to not feel overwhelmed.
Thank you so much for your kindness and hugs!!
Hugs Back!!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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jennym
True Blue Farmgirl
76 Posts
Jenny
Green Lane
PA
USA
76 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 06:20:49 AM
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I can really relate to this, too! Our 3rd child was a big surprise. Our older 2 were 6 & 8, and we definitely thought we were finished. But he has been the BIGGEST blessing in our lives. (He's 11 now.)
When I found out I was pregnant, I felt a lot like you do - it exhausted me just to think about getting up in the middle of the night with a hungry baby again, and all the other work that comes with it. But it was so much easier then I thought it would be. Maybe it was because I felt so much more comfortable with being a mom, but it was really just a joyous time. I also enjoyed his babyhood so much - having the older 2 had made me realize how quickly it goes by, so I think maybe I appreciated what I had a little more, if that makes sense.
Anyway, congratulations to you, and don't worry too much....things will balance out.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you start this new journey. Best of luck to you!
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 06:26:40 AM
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Alee,
Thank you so much!! I do remember that Nora seemed a surprise. Thank you so much for your supportive words!! They mean so much and for the offered chat times if needed.
It helps so much to know others understand!!
Thank You!!
Hugs!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 06:28:38 AM
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Jeannie,
You are SO right!! I am VERY overwhelmed right now!! Thank you so much and I hope and pray strength will come!
Hugs!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 06:32:13 AM
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Beverley,
Of course congratulations are in order, and thank you so much. I am just overwhelmed right now. But I trust with time and support this will fade away and I will find the strength I need to be the mom I want to be to our new little one! I am sure in many ways you are right that it will be easier. I hope soon I can feel that instead of being so overwhelmed! Thank you so much and,
Hugs!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 06:36:09 AM
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Jessie,
Thank you and I am sure God along with others will help. Thank you so much and yes experience should be on my side this time around for sure!! And I agree children are a blessing but since I am a mom of four no one fools me with that... lol... it is a way to hide the last part... " and are a lot of work!!'"   
Thank you so much!!
Hugs!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 06:44:57 AM
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Heather,
lol I am not old at all... I am 37 I just feel REALLY O-L-D right now. I am tired, overwhelmed, have a home full of boxes that I can not do anything with (Drs orders no heavy lifting for me) a 93 yr old grandmother who I love dearly but is much like having a little child in the home to care for, am in a country I really am enjoying but do not know the language well enough to really do for myself in many areas yet, and am pregnant which right now means am consistently nauseated and exhusted..... hence... I feel OLD 
But thank you for telling me about your own experience. If I had planned my life this way it would be different but I have been a mom for a while now and was turning my attention toward others things I wanted to accomplish in life beyond being a great mom. Not because I feel I have not accomplished enough, but because I have so many interests and so many things I want to do. I hope this makes sense... 
Thank you so much for sharing and for being supportive!!
Hugs!!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 06:57:28 AM
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Marcia,
Thank you so much for sharing! It sounds a lot like me, I am 37 and have a 15 yo a 12 yo and twins 8. This obviously was not planned and right now I get tired just thinking about everything... I am especially nervous if it is twins again... the chances are very high ... and I LOVED having twins but they were a handful!! and I just do not know if I am up to one let alone two right now...
It is so nice to hear someone who has "been there and done that" I am sure in the end it will all work out. I always say "It's not where I am going but the getting there that stinks" I reckon that is about where I am, the getting there part.
Thank you so much for sharing and understanding!!
Hugs!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 07:03:49 AM
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Jenny,
Thank you so much!! My first 3 pregnancies were spread out so I really did enjoy them, but with the twins I was so busy it was more a blur then a real enjoyment. If this is a single childbirth I think I would be able to really cherish and enjoy it so much because it would be so easy after twins and I would have more time, however I am terrified if it is twins I will feel more like a chicken without a head....   So I am stressed and overwhelmed. But no matter what I know I will love and raise this child with tons of love and that my DH and kids will do the same so I should be at peace, but am just to stressed and overwhelmed now I guess *sigh*
It is so nice to know you understand how I feel and to know you made it trough ok!! I really appreciate you sharing and being so supportive!!
Hugs!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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jennym
True Blue Farmgirl
76 Posts
Jenny
Green Lane
PA
USA
76 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 07:31:53 AM
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Talitha-
Wow, reading over everything else that's going on in your life right now, I completely understand why you're feeling so overwhelmed! I hope it helps to know that others are thinking about you and even though we've never met, that even just as a fellow wife/mother, I feel for you and care about how things turn out for you. I truly wish you all the best and I will keep you in my prayers as you work through this really busy time in your life.
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 08:37:57 AM
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Jenny,
It really does! Thank you so much for your kindness and concern! It is so nice to know I am being thought of and good vibes and concern are being sent my way!! Thank you ever so much!!
Hugs!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2009 : 09:40:58 AM
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Congratulations! I know that a surprise baby can be overwhelming to think about but all that will change when you hold that little girl/guy in your arms the first time. It sounds like you have gone through a lot of changes recently but don't feel bad for not being excited right now...it's normal. I think when you start to feel little kicks and see an ultra-sound that a little excitement will start to build up.
Remember, you now have older kids that will help out too. My aunt had asurprise pregnancy when she was 40 years old and her youngest was 8. She was worried but said it was so much different than she expected. Her older kids helped out a lot and it wasn't as hard as it was when she had four little ones close in age. So while you have been through the mommy experience before it will be a new experience since you have four OLDER children now and not a bunch of small children all needing your attention at once.
-Elizabeth |
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corporatefarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
389 Posts
Tamara
Pikeville
TN
USA
389 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2009 : 11:33:50 AM
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Talitha~ Boy does your post bring back some memories.... After my first 2 children ( a boy and a girl) the doctors said I would not be able to have anymore children due to scar tissue ..... 4 years later I was pregnant with #3. We used birth control ( i was on the pill) and I became pregnant with #4..... So I had my tubes tied......6 years later I became pregnant with our 5th child?!?!?!? Needless to say he was a MAJOR surprise. I too was in school, our 4th child had just started 1st grade and we had so many new plans. I was shocked and not really sure how I felt about #5 coming along... Then I realized that even with all of our planning and all of the expertise of medical science I was going to have a baby. For some reason this little person was suppose to be here. So 18 years ago I gave birth to our Matthew - child # 5. You know what.. He has been a pure joy - from the start. Now I am dreading him leaving for college . I can not imagine my life with out this kid in it everyday...
live well,
Tamara
www.thegoodearthfarm.com
"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children"
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2009 : 4:21:21 PM
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Hey, Buttercup, I can relate. My Hubby and I wanted more kids when our youngest at the time started school, after a few miscarriages,test after test, the Dr. said, I could get pregnant, but wasn't able to mantain the pregnancy. I didn't want to take the shots to help because they could cause birth defects. Long story short, When I was 31 our 'surprise' baby was born. I was a decade older from having the first 2 and I felt like she was my first. I felt old and tired. Yikes! I was hoping for them closer together. But as always, God knows best, as right now having my precious "surprise"a baby, now 17, has been a true blessing, as she has been my support through a difficult time, that I would not have wanted to go through alone.
Hang in there, take one day at a time, its all we get anyway. All will be well!!!
For tomorrow and its needs I do not pray, but keep me, guide me, love me, Lord just for today.
St. Augustine
#440 |
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Mother Hen
True Blue Farmgirl
604 Posts
Cindy
Peck
ID
USA
604 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2009 : 11:49:57 PM
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Talitha, Congratulations on your blessing, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.
I, too, had a surprise child. My DS was almost 8 and I had finally started a career, not just a job. Once I started climbing the ladder of success, I found out I was pregnant. I was not happy at all!! I was actually upset at my DH(my ex now)for getting me in the family way again(as if I didn't have a part in it). I had such difficulties with my first pregnancy I wasn't looking forward to a second one. I did have difficulties with the second pregnancy also, had to be on bed rest for a long time again......but after my 2nd emergency c-section I had the most beautiful DD you ever wanted to see. She was the best baby EVER!! I'm not just a boasting mother here, everyone that met her and spent any time around her as a baby or young child (and even now at almost 12y/o) has said she is a Godsend and the best baby they had ever seen.
Once I had her, all those disgruntled feeling fled away.
This is my prayer for you......that you, too, have the best baby/child ever.
God Bless you and your family.
Cindy
I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalms 34:1 |
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2009 : 12:25:50 AM
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Well I don't have children :(
BUT a dear friend of mine (no not friend A!!) has a surprise pregnancy, she is turning 40 in a short while. Her first child, a boy is 15 and her 2nd, a girl is now 12. Her 2nd child has a deadly disease, needs meds all her life etc. They did a test on the mommy to be, all is well with mommy and baby! No Down syndrome, not the deadly genetic disease PTL! her hubby was NOT happy with the 3rd baby, threatened to leave if she didn't have an abortion. She didn't, and hubby is still with her.
Her parents in law were never happy with her being pregnant with her first 2 children, but are surprisingly supportive of the 3rd!
So it all worked out fine PTL. She is 4 months pregnant now, and happy and content with it. So it will all work out well for you too sweetie.
many hugs from this Dutch farmgal neighbor
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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Edited by - dutchy on Jan 24 2009 12:28:09 AM |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4759 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4759 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2009 : 08:58:56 AM
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Congratulations and hugs. When I was 43, I had my third son. The other two were 18 and 21 years old at the time. I had just remarried and after only 6 weeks of marriage, I got pregnant. This was a huge surprise to all of us and it did take some adjusting to the idea. My little guys is 5 now and he is truly our "Surprise little blessing". His brothers adore him and his father and I can't imagine our life without him.
I did give up a career I loved to stay home with our son and it was well worth it. There have been moments when I miss my old life and wish I had more freedom, but I really feel my little guy is worth the change & keeps us young. We are doing all kinds of fun family stuff with him and I love having my little shadow with me all of the time.
I'm sure you'll adjust in time to to baby number 5, possibly 6!The older siblings will be a lot of help too. My 23 year old son is quite the expert now with babies, toddler, preschool and kindergarten aged kids. My oldest is 26 and has his own place, but he is very fond of his baby brother too.
Hang in there, you know how quick those precious baby moments disappear. I enjoyed every moment with my last son and I'm sure you'll cherish every moment you get with your baby too!
Dawn in IL
Dawn in IL |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2009 : 10:07:27 AM
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Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for sharing! It has been so nice to hear stories of similar situations and know others have made it through!! Thank you for caring and sharing!! It means more then you know!!
Hugs!!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Family Matters: Anyone have a surprise child? |
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Anyone have a surprise child?
