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Family Matters:  Had a big 'talk' with step daughter...  |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 20 2008 : 9:27:03 PM
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and we cleared the air. This is part of my hubby's family that has treated me badly and then I finally gave up and started to ignore them...(just check other postings in this section!).
Anywho, she and I told each other how we didn't like each other and altho it's too long to go into here, at least it's out in the open and I said I'd give it another try but if they don't try, it will go back the way it has been. We were pleasant to each other over Father's Day but there is still that undercurrent. Hubby was there for part of the 'talk' and I didn't mince words. I didn't care if I were told to leave, I wanted my side out in the open. I sort of feel better but still feel a little leery of them. They can be viscious and I'm not just letting it all go. I want to see if they really mean it or just words to placate.
I also let hubby have it for not sorting this out sooner but he just can't. I've changed a bit in how I feel (had to edit as I felt bad for saying the other...) for him in this matter but am trying to look at it with 'new' eyes. I said some things that were harsh, to say the least, but now he's sure of what I feel.
I've even thought of seperating for a little while to get perspective but not ready to do that just yet, but it might be closer than I'm wanting.
So, either it's just ignore them (easy for me but hard for hubby) or let it all hang out (semi-easy for me, hard for hubby and his family).
We'll see how this all shakes out...
Winona 
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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Edited by - goneriding on Jun 20 2008 10:08:33 PM |
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aimeeravae
True Blue Farmgirl
341 Posts
Aimee
Deer River
MN
USA
341 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2008 : 9:45:29 PM
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Hang in there!! Aren't difficult in-laws a pain in the patoot? I get along better with them after the divorce. I hope it doesn't come to that for you. My ex was the problem, not the in-laws. When we split, is when they realized it wasn't me. I just hope you can keep it from getting between the love you share.
Aimee
http://laplantewardklopf.blogspot.com/ Motto To Live By
"Life should NOT be a jouney to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, latte in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!" |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2008 : 07:23:17 AM
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Well, I TOTALLY know how you feel Winona!! I am my husband's 3rd wife!! To put some icing on the cake, he is a BIT older than me. I am 26, he is 48!! I know.....shocker. However, we will be married for 2 years on the 29th of July and it has been the best relationship ever!! We mesh well together. He is a retired Marine, he goes to the gym atleast 4X a week, he looks much younger than he actually is (minus the little bit of gray hair :)) and quite frankly....I have a hard time keeping up with him!!! He is GREAT. He is so kind hearted, and puts everyone before him.
Well with all the greatness comes 4 step children (and 2 ex-wives to go along....that's another can of worms though! whoo)!! And things are good now, but hasn't always been. At first, things were really difficult and I wasn't sure if it was worth the effort I was putting into it. When I moved in with Bill, his youngest (10, who is there every Thursday and every other weekend) and next youngest (17) lived with him. AND OMG was it stressful!! BUT, what made it livable was that I had my husband's FULL support in the situation. The children knew that I lived there and was going to continue to be an element in the house and their lives, and that's just that! So they had to come to terms (more the 17 yr old really) with facts, 1) I wouldn't be there if I didn't love their dad, 2) I have no other motives to be there, and 3) EVERYONE will be treated with respect.
Hang in there Winona, it sounds like you and your husband have common ground about this (I hope) and the strength in your relationship together will help you through challenging times with "in-laws"
Keep us posted, I hope all is well. I'm new to the farm and really like the people I have met.
Jamie
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2008 : 10:35:16 PM
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Aimee:
I just love your quote!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to copy that one and post it on our frig. Happy day to you.
Marly
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2008 : 10:40:13 PM
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Winona:
That sounds all so familiar to me, too. My husbands children are grown-up and gone. He was 16 years older, with three girls. They did not like me from the get go. I tried at first, too. AFter a while, no more. I felt sorry for them because their mother had died. I was told all sorts of crazy AND mean thing, but ignored them all. I tried to help when I could. Hang in there if you love this man. "This too shall pass." The easiest thing to do is to live, but then they win. Don't do that. Hang in and show them and your husband what you are truly made out of. Strength!!!! I would never want to go through that again. I'll keep you in my prayers. Have a happy day.
Marly |
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kelliraeb
Farmgirl in Training
29 Posts
kelli
Michigan
29 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2008 : 5:54:55 PM
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| I hope that things level out for you soon. My husband and I are both second timers, so we have "his, mine, and ours". Things have not always been pleasant or easy with the blended families. But in the long run, it has all been worth it. We have been together for twelve years. Our oldest is starting her second year of college, and our youngest will be in third grade. We are going to court again with his ex-wife's parents (overly nosey and pusy grandparents who don't understand their position in the world) in a few weeks, but despite all of the trials, I wouldn't change my life. Good luck to you. |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2008 : 10:15:38 AM
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Winona:
How are things going for you now? I am hoping better.
Marly |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2008 : 06:25:56 AM
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Winona,
Just did the same thing but with my X boss. I Nannied for this woman for 6 months. She treated me poorly, I had to fight for my pay and she ignored her children. Well after she laid me off for the summer (she had promised me a full summers work) and short changed my pay by 200.00, and then bought a puppy. I told her I would not be returning. We actually had a screaming match. I finally let her have it. She just doesn't get it!!!! I feel much better. We have decide to just be friends.  And I found a new job! Sometimes we just need to be heard and clear at least our end of the air. You just can't change people sometimes. 
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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Family Matters: Had a big 'talk' with step daughter... |
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Had a big 'talk' with step daughter...
