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Family Matters:  Love of marriage or land??  |
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strawbry_wine
Farmgirl at Heart
4 Posts
Liz
Hillsville
VA
USA
4 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 01 2008 : 06:12:14 AM
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So do you stay in a marriage to keep your land/farm, or do you move on hoping that once again someday, you'll have a farm/land/room to roam??
I'm 45. In the earlier part of my life I was happily married (20 years)and I farmed the farm I forced my white-collar husband to buy for me ; )) I did it all...commodity crops, non-cert organic veggies, CSA, restaurants, etc, etc. That marriage broke up and what bit the hardest was the loss of the land. Seriously...I grieved for 3 years!!!! Talk about heart break.
A year and a half ago I found another guy and because he had a farm, I did the vow thing. Big mistake. He's the most unstewardly land owner I've ever met. His whole family is non-chalant about dumping garbage all over the place, inviting others to dump their garbage too, and just generally being barnyard hoodlums. They don't know the meaning of hygiene, and esthetics. The place is a joke in the community. I thought that maybe with my influence I could turn this place around but instead it's dragging me down.
I know I have to leave. It's affecting my spirit. But now I'm really jonesing over once again giving up land. Isn't that silly?? I get sooo attached to the land...forget the guy...it's the land I love. I figure only you girls can understand. I've tried until I'm blue in the face and they just don't get it--the land is sad and weaps and I'm drowning in it so I have to get out to save my sanity.
What an introduction, eh?? I'll go post in the welcome area!!
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2008 : 06:56:52 AM
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Hi Liz!
If any one was ever meant to be a farmer, it must be you! Have you ever thought of just buying land in your own name and "going it alone"? Perhaps if you are still looking for a guy to live your life out with, he will come to the Lady with The Land! :D
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2008 : 07:02:28 AM
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okay, i'll jump in on this one.
first it sounds to me like you already know what you want to do.
i myself would never tell someone else when to leave and when to stay, unless there was an imminent danger that i knew of first hand.
but, i will say this, in general i usually trust women and what they tell me about their lives and relationships, and also in general, i think most women really work hard at their relationships, so when a woman tells me that she wants out, i usually think they have tried everything to make it work.
i too know the feeling of working hard for something and loosing it.
thats why eventually i bought the farm and its just not something that someone else is gonna tell me that i have to leave.
i know it is possible for us(women) to have our own dreams and make them happen, not easy but possible, and i think you can do it for sure.
you certainly arent the first woman who has made decisions against her better judgement because she was in love. ....and as for men, well i have one of my very own, and i dearly love him, but dont ask me to explain them. we are from differnt planets and i havent figured out yet what solar system my planet is in , much less his.
good luck to you liz, i believe this situation will get better and in the meantime, keep us posted and keep coming back to get a little farmgirl support.
love
frannie in texas
(http://farmfolks-frannie.blogspot.com/)
(http://abunnystale.blogspot.com/) |
Edited by - frannie on Jun 01 2008 08:07:08 AM |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2008 : 09:34:49 AM
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Well Liz I think Frannie pretty much said exactly what I was thinking..
It sounds like You really do already know what you want.. & where you should be.. mentally & emotionaly.. & physically.. But not for lack of trying on your part.. Thats for sure!
just haven't been with the person that shares the same commitment really..
Doesn't mean it still won't happen though Girl..
We've all said it & heard it over & over again all our lives.. "Life is TOO short"!
Stop messing around & putting up with what you know isn't right for you..
If you want changes.. your going to have to make them..
Keep us up on whats going on please!!!
Sending you all my love & best wishes!
Kathie..
Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where You Can Be Anything, Be Yourself.."
www.nitegardener.blogspot.com
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strawbry_wine
Farmgirl at Heart
4 Posts
Liz
Hillsville
VA
USA
4 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2008 : 8:12:53 PM
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| You are all right. I know what I need to do, and understand what it will take. It's just hard starting over. Once again ; )) but it's better than not honoring my heart and who I really am. Thanks! |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Jun 02 2008 : 06:01:14 AM
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from what you described i am wondering if starting over might not be easier than staying put. it sounds like your "family" is a little hard to deal with, and all the energy, aka stress you have in your life dealing with them, wont be there once you are gone. of course, you will always have stress, but at least it will be related to your beliefs rather than the stress coming from folks whose values you dont share.
love
frannie in texas
(http://farmfolks-frannie.blogspot.com/)
(http://abunnystale.blogspot.com/) |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - Jun 02 2008 : 07:30:13 AM
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Liz.
it doesnt sound like you have much control over the land anyway. If you feel that you have to choose between the land and your spirit, truly there isnt a choice....The value of your spirit is at a premium.
I was listening to the new jewel song last night - So powerful! I am passing it on to you.. from one 45 year old lady to another....
I guess you could say
I'm one of those girls
that's always been with one of those guys
you know the type
like right now
he sleeps while I write
But it's better than crying
warn out from trying
from loving a man who always makes it clear
I am not welcome here
Just till he's horney or hungry or needs something clean
you know what I mean
But not tonight
Cause come the morning light, oh
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
never, no
Cause theres a stronger woman
a stronger woman in me
light bulbs buzz I get up
and head to my drawer
wish there was more
I could say
another fairy tale fades to grey
I've lived on hope
Just like a child
walking that mile
faking that smile
all the while
wishing my heart had wings
well tonight I am gonna be
The kind of woman I want my daughter to be
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
Won't lose myself again
no, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, a stronger woman
this is me packing up my bags
this is me headed for the door
this is me the best you ever had
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stonger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, stronger woman
Theres a stronger woman in me
There is a stronger woman in all of us, sounds like yours is trying to get out!
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
" Plant goodness, harvest the fruit of loyalty, plow the new ground of knowledge. Hosea 10:12 |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - Jun 02 2008 : 07:43:24 AM
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PS
I just couldn't leave with out offering some kind of hope.. and the 1st thing I thought of was maryJanes own story...So in her ideas book on page 13 - She says this, "If you are a land-poor farmgirl, take heart. We are the fasted growing group of people buying small farms right now.Ag secretary AnnVeneman said, 27.2 percent of ag producers were women in 2002, up from 12..6 in 1997 (27.2 % becomes 58 % in five years).
Even when we cannot see a way - when we put time and energy towards it.... dreams are created. I believe that.
More than the land liz.. I am sorry that the people around you cannot see the amazing woman you are, and the wealth of knowledge you bring and how much richer thier lives would be ( and healthier there land would be), if they could be open to it...
People get tired of hearing me say this.. but "people cannot give what they dont have" and we can drive ourselves NUTS trying to get it out of them.....You are in my thoughts today.. and based on the farmgirls I have met.. whatever you do, you arent alone!
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
" Plant goodness, harvest the fruit of loyalty, plow the new ground of knowledge. Hosea 10:12 |
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juliet79
True Blue Farmgirl
112 Posts
Heather
Worland
Wyoming
USA
112 Posts |
Posted - Jun 02 2008 : 10:00:21 AM
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| Love that song by jewel, by the way! I hope everything works out for you! Farmgirl power headed your way!!!! |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Jun 02 2008 : 5:44:53 PM
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No land is worth staying with someone you are unhappy with. There will always be more land. Do what your spirit and your heart tell you to do. On your own and happy is worth way more than a million acres and miserable.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jun 02 2008 : 5:54:22 PM
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I'm with Mary Jane on this one...first of all, welcome, Liz! Secondly, Frannie from Texas is a VERY wise woman and I could live at her kitchen table if she'd shed some of her love and light on me everyday...
And thirdly, there will be more land. There is more land. And one day it will be YOUR land. Start looking, start asking around and find a place. Every now and again, when I get sick of this little burg we live in, I hit my "favorites" in my webpage list and look at all the little real estate companies I've bookmarked in Maine and around here in Kentucky. It's getting to the point now, that I know we can do something--I have a 5 year plan. Make your plans and stick to them, no matter what they may be.
I wish you love, luck and light!
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2008 : 11:49:04 AM
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I'm jumping in to second everything everyone has said. Spirit is most important, lots of land out there you just have to look. Were here to help. Head up, shoulders square. 
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2008 : 07:28:35 AM
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Oh boy, been there, done that!!
You know what you need to do, the h*ll with what 'others' say, cut your losses (which in the long run won't be a loss cuz you didn't lose YOU) and start over. This time, keep everything you NEED close and you'll do fine!
OMGosh, just reading your post brought back not-so-good memories...
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2008 : 5:25:49 PM
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liz-no advice here...it sounds like you've already got the good stuff from frannie. good luck, girl, hang in there.
rene--i love that song! i think it fits most women at some point their lives.
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/
http://musingandmuttering.blogspot.com |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - Jun 12 2008 : 9:38:32 PM
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LIZ,
Hey, how is it going?
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
" Plant goodness, harvest the fruit of loyalty, plow the new ground of knowledge. Hosea 10:12 |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2008 : 05:48:40 AM
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Liz,
All the girls here have already given you some great advice. I wasn't sure I ever liked the term "starting over". When I did my "starting over" with my three kiddos three years ago, I thought of it as an adventure or a new beginning. We left with our clothes and some of their toys. That was about it. Three years later we have everything we need and then quite a bit more. We're happier and healtier.
Don't be afriad to go it alone, but then again you won't be alone- you'll have us.
Blessings,
Melanie
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart." Helen Keller
http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/ |
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2008 : 09:17:31 AM
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I think it's only right that you move on. You married this man because he has a farm, not because you loved him, and it's only to fair to him that you cut him loose.
Please find a piece of land that you can afford and build your dream. That way you can run things they way you want on your property.
Good luck!
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
Please email me for all your Mary Kay needs! |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2008 : 3:31:26 PM
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Liz... Eager to hear how things are going and whatcha are doing? Hope things are looking up! you are in my thoughts and prayers...
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
" Plant goodness, harvest the fruit of loyalty, plow the new ground of knowledge. Hosea 10:12 |
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Family Matters: Love of marriage or land?? |
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Love of marriage or land??
