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Across the Fence:  Not sure where this goes...  |
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kindacrunchymom
True Blue Farmgirl
94 Posts
Diane
In the thumb
Michigan
94 Posts |
 Posted - May 17 2008 : 05:25:02 AM
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I'm not sure if this is the section for this, but it seems like the best place for it! I wanted to share the real reason I'm on MJF...
When my husband and I bought this land and built our house, I was so excited. I love where we live, and I had a blast building the house. Our daughter was born a year after we moved in, and, although I liked the scenery, I started to hate living out so far.
I wasn't imbedded enough in the community, compared to where I lived prior to our marriage. Then, I also quit my job to be home with the tot. A week after she was born, my mom had back surgery and couldn't help at all--she couldn't drive for 6 months. My husband is a landscaper, and now a nurse, and right after DD was born in the Spring he had to start working marathon hours. I felt stranded and stuck out in the country, a mile off pavement, with few friends and no support. It has been some of the lonliest years.
As beautiful as it is here, I was so resentful of being so far out (30 min from the store, 40 from my parents, etc). Plus, I grew up in the city, so I really didn't know how to be a mom in the country. Growing up, fun for us was walking up to the butcher in the wagon and getting a grape crush while my mom picked out our chicken. We walked to the park, to the bank, etc.
Going places with Olivia was a trial, to say the least. She has a metabolic disprder that requires frequent feedings, round the clock. So, when she was a baby we fed her every 3 hours. Trying to go the the store was a nightmare, and I was honestly afraid she would die in the backseat from lack of food! It made for a very lonely, sad life--especially as my husband went into nursing school and was gone literally all the time.
Even as she's gotten older, I have had a hard time relaxing in the country. I am a crunchy girl, in that we eat organic, I've always had at least a container garden and used to be in a CSA. I spent many of my summers in Kentucky with my grand and great-grands who lived on a farm together, so it isn't like I've never been a nature girl. I knit, crochet, embroider, etc--and both sides of my family are very country and very Southern so I "know" the honest, hardworking values of country folks. It's just that it isn't as comfortable for me as the city life. I love having 15 different ethnic restaurants within a 5 minute drive or 10 minute walk, I love museums, big libraries, etc. And so, over the last couple of summers, I've found myself limiting our radius more and more, out of frustration that travel with a toddler is not too much fun, and cost limits because of the gas.
Over this last winter, I realized how fast Olivia is growing up, and that in the next couple of years, I will probably return to work. It also struck me how lucky we are to have so much, to live in such a beautiful setting--people would vacation in places like this! We are 5 minutes from a beach, we have tons of trees, a stream through our backyard, etc.
I started to lurk on here a few weeks ago and I realized that I really need to appreciate the many blessings we do have. I've read many of the posts by farmgirls living in apartments who turn their patios into little Edens, and here I am on 4 acres complaining??!! I've felt frustrated because we haven't had the money to do much--but I forgot how much we can do with what we already have!!
I'm also watching Olivia a lot, and can see how much she loves the countryside. It is in her blood, she is so comfortable romping barefoot, she loves to lie on her belly and watch the bees on the dandelions, she is a country girl.
I guess I am trying to say "thank you" to all of the farmgirls out there! I am so glad to have found this place. Oh, what some of you could do with our land, I can only imagine! Yesterday when I was working in our garden, there were times when I was so frustrated and tired. But oh, the satisfaction when it was done! This morning when I woke up and felt my achy muscles, I also felt a kinship with all of the farmgirls who arose with sore backs and shoulders too. 
Farmmom to my 3 year old farm tot, and wife to a country boy!
To learn more about me, here is my blog:
http://mcadmom.wordpress.com/
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miss wilma
True Blue Farmgirl
3410 Posts
Wilma
Knob Lick
Ky
USA
3410 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 05:34:34 AM
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Diane this is so sweet, I know how you feel, I was not happy on the farm for many years then finally I reacon I just learned to be content, I only lived in the city for 3 months but loved it, my husband hated the city so I just had to make up my mind , did I love him more than I loved the city, Now many years later I am glad we made the move back to the farm, I guess its been pretty good because I will be with him 46 years tomorrow, Hang in there girl Miss Wilma
Farm Girl #96
http://www.picturetrail.com/misswilmasplace
http://misswilma.blogspot.com/ |
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kindacrunchymom
True Blue Farmgirl
94 Posts
Diane
In the thumb
Michigan
94 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 05:38:42 AM
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That's exactly it for me too--my husband grew up on an 80 acre farm. We lived in the city for 6 months while we built our house and even though he was working on the house, he still felt trapped inside. It just isn't him, and I love him more than I love the city.
That's part of what makes this hard, though, he is gone 15 hours a day, 6 days a week and on the 7th day he works about 6 hours. He's never home in the summer :-( But hard work is just a part of him, it isn't something he can turn off.
Oh--and 46 years!! Congrats !!
Farmmom to my 3 year old farm tot, and wife to a country boy!
To learn more about me, here is my blog:
http://mcadmom.wordpress.com/
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Edited by - kindacrunchymom on May 17 2008 05:39:12 AM |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 05:52:58 AM
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I think loneliness is very underestimated. Is there a mom's group that you could join up with for play dates? Nothing fancy, just meeting at someone's house for a few hours once a week. Just getting away for a bit and talking with adults is very helpful.
I remember when my children were small, there were not many other moms who stayed home. I found a few who did and we have been friends ever since.
I grew up on a small farm in Mass., and there was always something for us kids to do. But my mom sort of suffered a bit for the same reasons I stated above. This forum is a wonderful place to communicate with like-minded women who have lots to share and teach. My dh is ndefinitely not a farm kind of guy, so I am very grateful for my friends here. They totally understand why I get excited about compost or chickens!
Hang in there!! We will always be here for ya!
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
Wherever you go, there you are.
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com
www.madrekarin.etsy.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 06:25:07 AM
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Hi Diane!
I joined the forum out of loneliness as well. When we moved up to Moscow, ID, we only knew 2 other people of whom I didn't get along great with. So I felt stranded and even though I didn't have a baby at the time, I often would stay home when I wasn't at work because it is hard to put yourself out there in a new area. It's so much easier when we are in k-12 schooling because we are forced to be together and interact with our peers, but once you graduate from High School and even college it is much harder I think.
The great things was, I loved chatting with these ladies online and have gotten to know so many of them in real life now!
I also started to read our local newspaper announcements. There are often announcements of new groups forming or meeting.
You mentioned you do so many crafts, could you perhaps start a crafting circle? I did that when I was pregnant with Nora and it was lots of fun to share things like how to make soap, going and painting our own pottery or even just sitting and crocheting or knitting.
I'm so glad you joined the forum!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 06:59:49 AM
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I had the same feeling of loneliness when my husband and I moved to a big city. He loved it, I hated it. When our daughter was two, one morning she asked me"Are we going to the doctor's or the supermarket?" She had a lot of illness as a child. My husband and I were separated at that point and I told him I was moving back to Maine so our girl could have a good place to grow up in. He agreed and we moved back to Maine as a family. My children had the thrills of a childhood out in the country.
Now my daughter would love to live in a big city with a good library, some museums, etc. but for the moment she's at home with me
When I discovered this forum a few months ago, it was such a miracle to me. There are so many women here of different ages, different backgrounds, etc. but everyone is so respectful of each other's feelings and full of good ideas and sharing all kinds of things.
Welcoome aboard, this is a wonderful spot to be involved with...Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
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kindacrunchymom
True Blue Farmgirl
94 Posts
Diane
In the thumb
Michigan
94 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 07:20:57 AM
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Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement! It's funny, Alee, that you should mention knitting groups, because ithink I am going to join one this summer--even though I am younger than everyone else by about 30 years! I had joined a MOPS group, but even though the moms were nice, there was a lot of judgement and cliquiness (arisen out of the fact that this is a small town and people have lived here for generations). I was part of the "in" group, but I didn't like seeing other moms excluded.
Two things happened recently, though, to make me see things very differently. First, my closest friend, who lives around the corner, and I had a falling out over something I said. We are mending our friendship, but it caused me to evaluate the way I approach life. I think in come ways, I relied on her close proximity to keep from having to venture out. We both have small kids, but she also has some health issues and I never really thought about how that impacts her daily life or her parenting. I was often jealous of her large family in this area, and that she seems to have a lot to do.
The second thing that happened was that another friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer. She and I are the same age--35--and she has two little girls. This woman works full time plus (we all know full time is really 50 hours), but I've envied her life. She has everything, her home is beautiful and looks like a catalog. They have a lot of land, horses, private schools, she has seemingly endless energy--and she is one of the nicest people I'v ever met.
So, two people who I've admired and at times, envied, have shown me how things on the surface are not always as they seem. I found out from both of them that there is a lot in my life that they wish they had. And that has made me reflect on the many blessings I have and what I can do with them.
Farmmom to my 3 year old farm tot, and wife to a country boy!
To learn more about me, here is my blog:
http://mcadmom.wordpress.com/
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elphie0503
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Samantha
Gilmer
Texas
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 09:47:12 AM
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Diane!
I felt the same about a year ago...living in the city for 29 years of my life, my husband and I moved out 12 miles from the closest town. We now have this huge log cabin on 4 acres, but I was still so lonely. My group of friends all live within 3 miles of each other--25 miles on the other side of town! I had just had my Addy and my son Patrick--who is 5--who both had to put up with my post-partum, crazy lonely depression while my DH was "lucky" enough to go to work everyday. This year is better...we now have Wednesday playdates and once a month girls nights. I tried the MOPS scene as well, and had the same experience...I have heard the same story from a ton of mothers! MaryJanesFarm forum has helped me so much...we can all connect with each other, without even having to see each other---all though that part would be nice! Hope that all turns out well for you and your family!
Dirt under my nails and weeds in my hair...don't tell me I can't dress up with flair! |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 10:09:24 AM
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Good for you for seeing what was going on. Another farmgal was having sorta the same problems as you . Her forum name is whimsy_girl.You could find her under the member profile up at the right hand corner. She has two little girls. she may also be a help to you. We are all here to be an ear or shoulder. MB MB
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
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Back Home Again
True Blue Farmgirl
584 Posts
Audrey
Albuquerque
New Mexico
USA
584 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 10:48:21 AM
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Diane.....I am so glad you wrote and allowed others to hear your "voice".....I had a very similar situation many years ago. My husband was in the Air Force.......We moved from the Washington D.C. area where I had a fabulous job as the Art Teacher at a wonderful Big City Private School. We moved to a very, very small town (Niceville, Florida). We bought a house on several acres and it was beautiful but I had no idea what a shock it would be to me. I was pregnant and did not know a single person. My husband had to leave to go TDY to Germany for about a month, right after we moved in. I never realized what a City Girl I was. I loved working on our Vegetable garden and I loved the beauty of the area but the loneliness was something I never dreamed would hit me as it did. I missed all the things I loved about City Life. Museums....Ethnic Restaurants....My favorite Deli!!!.....Theatre......I could go on and on. The lonliness seemed to block out all the beauty around me. After our son was born I finally found a group that also had young children....we organized a play group for the kids and a book club and a Gourmet Dinner Club with our husbands. It was a life saver. I know it is hard but finding a small group that you have some beginning interest with..... Perhaps starting with a group from a Church or Synagogue that you could connect with?? Many years ago when I was going through a similar situation we did not have the internet. I am glad you have found Mary Jane's Farm Connection ..... It is a group that is very supportive. I know how important it is to have people to talk to ... Perhaps you could find a few ladies on the Forum that live within driving distance from where you live. Is there a larger city close to where you live? Perhaps you could get your "City Fix" by driving there and getting together with some Mothers of small children. Please feel perfectly OK about writing your thoughts here.......Many of us understand and many have had similar situations.
Until Later,
Audrey
~ Side by side or miles apart....dear friends are always close to the heart ~ |
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Txfarmgal
True Blue Farmgirl
585 Posts
AK
USA
585 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2008 : 7:06:46 PM
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welcome diane! welcome to maryjanes and welcome to the country. I am glad you are learning to love where you live. We are on 10 acres but we are 5 min. from our little town i like being out here but not being too far out. I grew up in the country about 40 min. from town and did not enjoy it, did not learn to enjoy it. I did spend alot of time on my parents land and loved it in my heart but never really appreciated it. I am glad I am where I am now. I am glad you found maryjanes, if you are lonley and you need to chat, I work in my studio during the day and always near the computer. hugs to you and olivia.
AngiK
For he is faithful that promised. Hebrews 10:23
check out Texas 4H! http://texas4-h.tamu.edu/ |
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kindacrunchymom
True Blue Farmgirl
94 Posts
Diane
In the thumb
Michigan
94 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2008 : 06:40:36 AM
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Thank you all for your kind responses--you sure make me feel welcome!! Oh, I wish all of you lived up the road 
Sometimes I feel like lonliness is the big secret of motherhood, you know? You're never really alone, but without adults to talk to it is very isolating. I just joined a playgroup in town, so we'll see how that goes, and I think we are going to do story time at the library this summer.
I think it's hard too because we are very different from a lot of the people around here. We eat pretty healthily (Olivia is the only 3 year old we know who prefers yogurt to ice cream and who picks out kiwi at the store!) and try to practice gentle parenting. Our parenting style is so different from other parents we know that we end up feeling weird.
In any case, I am so glad to be here and I keep repeating "bloom where you're planted" whenever it starts to get me down--it works!!
Farmmom to my 3 year old farm tot, and wife to a country boy!
To learn more about me, here is my blog:
http://mcadmom.wordpress.com/
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2008 : 10:10:03 AM
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Diane-
I sure know what you mean. Sometimes it drives me crazy that my husband works the late shift. Essentially I see him for all of 30 minutes a day and then on his days off all he wants to do is sleep and relax a bit. We see him more on his days off, but some days you just want to have a conversation that is a bit more adult (or in my case- not jargoning!)
I have often struggled with feeling a bit different in the crowd because of choices/lifestyle etc. I think there is always something that makes us feel a bit "different". Like the "bloom where you're planted" saying, I keep reminding myself that each of us is like a wild flower. Each different and growing in a different way, but beautiful. And when you look over a field of mixed wild flowers it is oh so much more beautiful than a field of only one type of flower.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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Across the Fence: Not sure where this goes... |
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Not sure where this goes...
