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Family Matters:  Yep...offended the family again....  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 12:55:40 PM
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This time, my parents call me and ask (or start in on me) when I am coming "home". First, I said Texas was my home and I would not be returning to CT anytime soon. Why couldn't they fly down here? (Subject quickly changed)
So, I explain to them hubby is deployed, Charlie is in daycare, I go to college full time, what the heck would I do with the dog, I have 2 internships coming up in 6 weeks and how do they expect me to haul a carseat, pack and play, ALL of the stuff Charlie comes with, let alone get on a plane with Charlie by myself, rent a car, drive an hour from the airport to where they are after flying 5 hours with a toddler and pay for a hotel room...that was the one that got them mad.
They told me we could stay with them. I was like "No, you smoke. End of discussion." I grew up in a house with 2 packs a day parents and my sinuses are paying for it now. I am OVERSENSITIVE to smoke and I WILL NOT bring Charlie into something like that. They got offended and basically the conversation ended.
Oh well!! I did nothing wrong but told the truth. They act like I sit around all day, living the luxurious life. Now, mind you, I do live a great life but I am definitely on the move!!!
Just another day---let it go!!!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
Edited by - catscharm74 on Apr 16 2008 1:17:57 PM |
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Carolinagirl
True Blue Farmgirl
486 Posts
Kim
Rutherfordton
NC
USA
486 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 1:12:44 PM
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We made it very clear to all of our parents (both sets are divorced) that we would be HAPPY to have them come see our daughter (we lived in TN at the time, eight hours away from any of them)but we wouldn't travel much with her. It's too much. My mom pointed out that it was EASIER for her to come to us than for us to come to her (although Husband Dear's mother didn't like that rationale). His mother said that SHE had always driven him all over to place to visit people, so we should too. Ha.
I think that parents believe that, because they called the shots for so long, they get to continue to call them after we have our own families. I hope I remember what a pain that feeling is for the new family, when my girls have children, so that I don't to it to them.
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 1:23:43 PM
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Heather - Good for you! Stay strong about the smoking thing and little Charlie. Yesterday on Oprah, Dr. Oz was telling a set of parents how damaging second hand smoke was on their little daughter. I think he said it was like the child was smoking a certain number of cigarettes for each one they smoked. Very bad and dangerous. And why can't they come to see you? Don't they want to see your new home?
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 1:33:32 PM
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Umm..Janice...if I had that answer, I would be golden!!!HA!! Seriously, they have missed all the very important events in my life since I was 18 and headed out into the world. Always an excuse!!! I used to fly home all the time when I was single until I realized they really didn't care. So now that I haven't gone home in 3 years, they are mad. So be it. I can't make everyone happy and I have a life to live!!!
The whole smoking thing is just gross to me!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 1:48:19 PM
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Well, once again I say..."Good for you, Heather." I'm proud of you, and I'm not even related to you. You're a fantastic mother, a college student(believe me, working in a junior college with a large student population of working adults, I do know how hard that gig is in itself),loving wife to a service man, and a great dog mom, too. I don't know how you fit it all in. Just keep doing it.
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 2:34:18 PM
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Good for you! we recently put our foot down regarding a lot of things too and it's hard to do, but they have to realize that it's harder to swing some things when there are small children involved. we don't go to my folk's house much because they smoke and have an improperly maintained wood stove for heat and animal hair and everything. None of it do any of us tolerate very kindly at all...you have to keep you family healthy and sane and if staying home is they method then by all means you are doing everything right!! keep it up!!
[size=1]
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Farmgirl Sister #88
Blogs: http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
http://womonandsprout.wordpress.com
http://youtube.com/profile?user=GaiasRose
Homepage:
http://ForestFaeries.etsy.com
"Joyful chaos, working in tune with the seasons, telling itme by the sun, variety, change and self-direction; all this wwas replaced with a brutal, standardized work culture, the effects of which we are still suffering from today." - Tom Hodgkinson in 'How To Be Idle' |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 2:49:23 PM
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I love my Mom, we don't stay with her when we go back to visit in Calif either..cuz she smokes. We stay at my friend's house..always have when we are in town. My grown son's don't have enough room for our whole tribe..or we would stay there for sure.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 6:27:20 PM
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Heather,you did just the right things. Listen honey, you are in charge of your family and all of your health. You have to say and do what is right for you. I don't allow anyone to smoke in my home at all. I quit many many years ago and I hate it. I let them do it for awhile, then I thought what am I nuts? This is our home we don't like it, no more smoking!And for dragging all Charlie's stuff around and all the hassle of flying etc.,it would be much easier for them to visit you . When Charlie is bigger who knows, but you would still have the smoking issue. You are taking a stand and that is the important thing. You aren't letting your Mom make you feel guilty or upset and that is a BIG step forward. I too am so proud of you. You are for sure taking charge of your own life and that is a very good thing.
Mary Jane
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Apr 17 2008 : 7:31:21 PM
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the cycle of being manipulated/abused by others in any way..ends with you.that might sound like a strong statement and actually this statement is meant for any farm girl that is going through a time in her life where others are working towards demeaning/belittling/making her to feel guilty for the choices and lifestyle she chooses to lead..or any other form of manipulation or abusive tactics... be it verbal or ..sad to say..physical abuses in some cases....
make a point in your life from this day forward... to take a stand for yourself..for your happiness, for your well being/your sanity/ and the well being of yourself and those you love. as the saying goes..the buck stops here!
So many times women think that they must continue to be subject to these types of things because.."well that's how it is and that's how I've been treated for so long"..be it verbal abuse/manipulation from our adult parents..verbal abuse and mistreatment from spouses or boyfriends/belittling talk from so called "friends".
Life is far too short to continue in the cycles of letting someone make you feel inferior or guilty for things.Each one of you are extremely special indivuduals and deserve every happiness that life can bring.
Abusive cycles do sometimes tend to carry from generation to generation until someone becomes strong enough to say within their heart.."the dysfunction stops here" I will strive to live my life free of manipulation and being manipulated"."I will be happy!"
Why have I mentioned these things?? well it is a known fact that many women fall into being abused either verbally or ..extremely sad for me to say..sometimes physically..and feel like they must continue in such things..because..1. where will they go?
2. how will they make a living?
3. who will believe them
4. the fear of being alone.
I mention these things because It is my hope for each and every one of you to be able to live and enjoy life without being manipulated in any way by someone else..and heaven help us..being physically abused by anyone.
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Take a stand for yourself today. Set it in your heart that you will be strong. You will seek happiness for yourself..and you will live life and make the choices in life to secure your own happiness. Whatever it takes.
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You are a Farm Girl..and You are Strong!
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***my sincere apologies if this has offended anyone..that is not the intent.**
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2008 : 9:30:44 PM
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Welp, this is about your subject line...don't worry, I do it all the time with my in-laws and everyone is still living, no one has croaked yet (tacky way to say it, I know)!! I'm pretty sure I'm on a constant offense with them but I'm past that and it sounds like you are too and have a handle on it. Just keep doing what you are doing and you'll be fine. *Hugs*
Winona ;-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 06:59:37 AM
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Winona- I think there hasn't been a time I didn't offend my family. It is amazed me how such simple stupid things set people off and the important things are like a HUGE crisis for them. It is so silly!!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2899 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2899 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 10:23:25 AM
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Some people thrive on having a constant crisis. YOu are too much of a bright light to buy into that. Just be polite, & do what you know is right.
\___/ Hook Em! |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2008 : 11:14:20 AM
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Heather,
Now that I am older and some time has passed, I am learning the best thing you can give yourself is "permission" to be you! If you always feel that you offend.. maybe your family hasnt yet learned to read your heart......In the meantime, you are much better off to learn now. that being you.. is truly all you can ever be....... it is sometimes hard to "teach others, how to treat us" but it is a valuable lesson, dont you think.. Good job!
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl
" Plant goodness, harvest the fruit of loyalty, plow the new ground of knowledge. Hosea 10:12 |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2008 : 12:08:03 PM
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Good for you Heather! I'm cheerin' for ya! I'm glad that you keep Charlie from the smoke as much as possible. Some of my family smokes and it is a total gross out to me. Their bad habit, their airspace, not mine or does it need to be yours. Second hand smoke is bad bad bad! They need to show interest in YOUR life and be willing to come the distance. Good for you for standing up to them.
Annika
Farmgirl sister #13
Mud Hen Queen
http://innermountainmudhens.wordpress.com/
http://panzymoon.wordpress.com/
http://panzymoonsgarden.blogspot.com/ |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2008 : 1:33:22 PM
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You know, I realized after talking my family, I get REALLY irritated and angry and then up crying. I now keep phone calls short and sweet and even though they try to pry, I don't tell them too much about what is going on in my life. I cannot spend the rest of my life wasting my energy on something that is not important. I am tired of arguing over silly little things in life.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Family Matters: Yep...offended the family again.... |
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Yep...offended the family again....
