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Across the Fence:  have you ever had a good friendship end?  |
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napafarmhouse1885
True Blue Farmgirl
208 Posts
diane
napa
ca
USA
208 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 12:44:54 PM
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most of us can share stories about the love we have for our good friends..but have you ever been really hurt or let down by someone you thought was a good and true friend? it just happened to me..someone that i spent a year working with for free to help her in her business..now that i am focusing on my life she has cut me off and has treated me horribly. frankly, i am questioning my judgment..i mean, how could i have been so wrong about a person? has this happened to you? if so, please share your stories both here and on my blog www.napafarmhouse1885.blogspot.com. i think i need some good wishes and to know that i am not alone with this?? help.
thank you farmgirls!
best,
napafarmhouse1885
www.napafarmhouse1885.blogspot.com
"Whatever you can do or dream, begin it"
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 12:56:35 PM
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Yes, my best friend from high school. We had been friends since 5th grade, but our senior year, she turned on me. I let it go and we reconnected years later but she was even worse of a person. In the beginning, she is very nice and loving and friendly and then it is like a switch turns on. She lies, cheats (literally, on her now ex-husband), is always putting other people down and making fun of them and she is very controlling. If you don't do for her, or she doesn't get her way, she is downright evil. I just had enough and cut all ties. Don't take it personally. People like that get what is coming to them. Last I heard, my "friend" got pregnant by someone she worked with (he was married) and his wife found out. She lost her job and the wife was seeking damages. People like that can only go on for so long before reality kicks them in the butt. Most likely, you weren't wrong about her, she was just putting on a front. Plus, you have all of us farmgals here for you, so phoey to her.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 1:02:11 PM
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You're not alone. In fact, I had a friend for over twenty years who just dropped me like a rock over something completely stupid and childish. I, too, had worked for and with her. She was a secretary like I am, but we both had a second job on Saturdays and some evenings proctoring/giving tests for various national agencies(ACT, etc.) She made a lot of money, I made about what I make in my regular job. But I did a lot of extras to help her out, as did my dh. She used me for 20 years and one night, instead of letting me go an hour or so early, she sat outside my testing room and chatted with a mutual friend and made me stay late. When I got home, my epileptic dog nearly had a seizure because he hadn't been 'let out' since early morning. So I told her I had to give up testing. I also criticized her test supervisor skills. I haven't heard a word from her since. And we both still work for the same college(on different campuses). So I'm sending you ((hugs)) of sympathy and true understanding. It's painful, unfortunate, and hard to believe. And very sad to have honestly cared for someone and spent a big chunk of your life with them and then just be kicked to the curb.
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 1:50:31 PM
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I'm sorry for you...Some folks are just users and you don't know it until you're blindsided. Probably one of the reasons I'm a bit "stingy" with my affections.
My childhood friend--we were like two peas in a pod, even when I went away to boarding school...Her parents were abusive and when she married young (at 18) and got pregnant right away (and off he went to Okinawa for the Marines), we became even closer. I had no overhead and they were broke, so I spent my money on my friend and my new godchild, sending things from England and NYC. Even packed up my formal ball gowns all the way from England when she couldn't afford a gown to wear to an officer's ball...When he returned home and got a job, they bought a brand new house (WAY above their means), I "boosted" her resume to help her get an executive assistant job and they were making a decent living. In the meantime, I married and eventually found that I was married to the biggest loser on the planet, and we were broke. Girlfriends talk and we talked almost daily about what was going on--his drinking, not keeping a job, etc...how worried I was, what I should do....friend stuff....and then, my Godchild's third birthday party invite came. Well, I'm not exagerating...I really didn't even know if I could afford the gas to get there. We were SO broke and I wasn't even paying bills, so how could I justify a gift for a 3 year old when, frankly, I'd already done so much--surely my best friend on this earth would understand? Still, I felt terrible and put 3 dollar bills in a childs card and went to the party. At this point in my marriage, my self esteem was imploded--my marriage, my life, my home and financial situations were in ruin and I could barely look people in the eye, so I was very uneasy at this social gathering. Everyone was told to get in line for the food (a huge spread like always) and my best friend was strangely distant from me the whole party...couldn't figure out why....but while I sat by myself near the fireplace, I overheard her saying to a group of "friends" from high school, "she didn't even bring a gift. Her godchild, and she didn't even bring a gift. I guess she just came to get a free meal...". With tears standing so thick in my eyes I could barely see, I walked quietly out the door, and out of her life for good. Shortly thereafter, my husband and I were in the middle of our divorce and he came to the house one night, trembling with rage with a 3 page email clutched in his hand from a co-worker ....my former friend's NEW best friend worked with my husband, and they had some sort of office spat, so she emailed him (on the inter-office mailing system) a three page email full of everything I'd ever told my friend over the miserable 4 years of our marriage...and I mean everything, down to the most humiliating details of our intimate life, to his drinking, and mental illness, infidelities and more. Things I had told my closest friend in confidence and sheer desperation. Gah. Boy I even hated writing this.
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 1:58:18 PM
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Wow you guys....I'm so sorry to hear these stories...Hugs...
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 1:58:56 PM
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Oh farmgirls, get yer pitchforks, we'll get her Jonni. My heart is actually beating fast. You poor girl.
Trish
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war!
FREE TIBET! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 2:06:40 PM
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Thanks, girls :) I swear, it's always difficult to tell it because I guess, after all these years I still can't believe how betrayed I felt (feel...), and I still feel terrible about the pain it caused my ex husband. He wasn't the greatest for sure, but he didn't deserve to suffer at his place of business.
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 2:16:54 PM
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My best childhood friend dumped me because I wan't cool. I don't like to go out to raves, and was going through an ugly, or lonely really, separation/divorce. She had never even had a boyfriend yet, so she couldn't relate at all. She had issues because her mom would always subject her to awful boyfriends, so she just refused to have anything to do with men on a romantic level. She had other friends in Portland, OR, that were from our small town in southern Oregon. They didn't want me to come to dinner or hang out while our friend was in town, because their ring leader used to be my roommate, and she was bad to me. I had totally forgiven this roommate, but I guess she still felt like a jerk, and I was just a dumb hippie to them. This was in my late 20's after my friend moved to NYC and became super fake, unfeeling, unless she needed a ride or a shoulder to cry on when she was in town. I asked her about the whole New Yorker's thing...about rudeness. She said, New Yorker's aren't rude, they are direct. Coffee. Black. To go. I asked whay it couldn't be Coffee. Black. To go. Thank you. She didn't have an answer. We never really talked after that last visit.
Trish
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war!
FREE TIBET! |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 2:42:50 PM
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I had a best friend that would fool the devil with how "nice" she is. He would find out fast how manipulative she is.
Years ago, we were both struggling single Moms.
I would babysit a lot for her, on a moment's notice sometimes. If the kids had a a day off from school, if I had the vacation time, I would take off from work and tell her to bring her kids over to save us both the cost of extra daycare for that day. She never once would offer to take her time off do the same for my kids.
At the time, she lived in a town nearby, but her kids went to school in my district, so on activity nights(dance, cub scouts etc.) my house was where we would meet up afterwork, and eat etc. so she didn't have to pay the expense to eat out or race around.
I worked two jobs to support my little family at the time, and never once asked her to pay for the food I fed to her children.
If I went and did things with my Aunt or other best friend, she would get jealous and nasty towards me, and pout for days about it. It grew worse when I tried my hand at dating. Only then, she would tell me what sl*t I was for going out. (Nevermind she had been doing the same thing prior to meeting her then fiance. AND it was once in a blue moon, not every night.)
In the meantime, she married this great man, moved to the town I live in, and had another child with him. He traveled for work a lot, so I babysat her baby while the older two attended CCD classes in another town, just so she didn't have to drag the baby from pillar to post-especially in the winter time.
When the time came for my son to attend our religion classes, I told her a month ahead of time I wouldnt' be able to help her that year, she freaked out on me and told me how horrible I was.
Her daughter has some major emotional issues which she tried to blame on being my daughter's friend-it was too stressful.
Now if any of you knew my daughter and how geniuninely sweet and kind she is, you would just laugh at this and wonder how you would blame deep emotional wounds on an eight year old. I guess someone had to be the scapegoat.
Needless to say, I got fed up (pick on me, fine, HANDS OFF my baby girl!!) and went off on her, and told her NEVER to speak to me again, and that our daughters are NOT to speak to each other either, ever.
My daughter still tried to be friends with hers for a while after that, but grew weary of her bs, and nasty comments about me.
Up until the comments starting making their way back to me, I never once said anything rude or bad about this woman to my daughter. I just told my daughter that we weren't friends anymore, and it would be wise if she and the daugther would not be friends either. Eventually Lauren figured out the apple didn't fall far from the tree, and now she won't have anything to do with the daughter unless absolutely necessary for school. (I told Lauren she had to be civil.)
I do run into her around town now and then, but I will turn up my nose and walk away if she approaches within ten feet of me. I make a point of snubbing her because I want to make it clear that I don't want anything to do with her.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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napafarmhouse1885
True Blue Farmgirl
208 Posts
diane
napa
ca
USA
208 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 4:24:46 PM
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wow.. the old saying is really true..misery does love company..i have been so caught up in your stories..and your evil friends are even worse than mine..that i actually feel better...just getting it out on paper..o.k. cyberspace... feels like a cleansing. for those of you that have shared stories..do you feel better? for the rest of you..keep those stories coming..we can get through this together farmgirls..
best,
napafarmhouse1885
www.napafarmhouse1885.blogspot.com
"Whatever you can do or dream, begin it"
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe |
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pinkroses
True Blue Farmgirl
2350 Posts
Sheila
Virginia
USA
2350 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 5:02:04 PM
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Yep, every time I make a friend after a year or 2 they are out.
It is usually them who make the move
maybe there is something wrong with me
I guess maybe I tell to much and expect to much from friends
But, I like them to see how I really am,
the ture me.
I thought that that was what "true Friendship"
was all about
Also, I noticed a lot of times, I was a "sound board"
You know , where you listen to every one elses woes they dump on you;but, when you need advice they are no where around, pinkroses
www.ohkayteagirl2.blogspot.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 6:19:11 PM
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Sheila- it is not you!! I thought something was wrong with me for the longest time because I couldn't keep friends. Then I realized I am just not the type to compromise and give into drama type of people. A lot of my female friends are older and I think that is because honestly, they are real. I speak my mind, the honest truth and a lot of younger type females, I have found, the one's that like drama, don't want to hear it. I know it is all about learning and loving and understanding and sometimes it takes people longer to understand that or they never learn at all.
On a good note, someone I knew for a long time who was downright evil turned their life around. She got divorced and her 2 kids were off on their own. She was a horrible, bitter person for a long time, though she was friendly in the beginning. She is now the sweetest person and admits she was mean and has apologized for a lot of things she has done. She used to borrow money- she has paid back alot of old debts and she wrote letters to those she hurt the worse. So, people can change...and you will find true friends stick around, but mostly during the bad times is when you find out the most.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 6:19:18 PM
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Gosh, Patricia...your friend sounds like a poop. I lived in NYC, Zan does, and I SURE know how to say thank you--didn't change me any. Well, maybe the city did, cause I ran kicking and screaming back to the bluegrass of Kentucky :)
I'm sorry that each of us has had to endure such unkindness in our lives...it's inevitable, really, with all these different types of people making the earth go round.
In answer to your question, Napa...writing that out wasn't necessarily theraputic for me...and I've told very few people about my experience because, well, obviously "talking" put someone I did still care for in a terrible position years ago, but...I felt comfortable empathizing here because it's a safe place...do I still feel betrayed-yes. Will you-yes, probably for a long while. But you choose the outcome. I think finding out that adults do this to each other can be both vilifying and rewarding at the same time. Now you know what not to look for, and you'll remember how valuable you are for the future :)
Like Pinkroses, I can be a magnet for crazies and you simply have to have some boundaries.
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 7:54:15 PM
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I also have trouble keeping friends because most of them end up doing something dumb, like trying to make other women jealous, or treating their kids badly. I only have one really good friend. Her name is Karla, and she rocks! I try to be low drama, which is one of the reasons why I have learned to easily separate my self from people, including family members. I have always called it my no bs lifestyle. I can't put up with much, because life is too short. I think maybe my first husband used up all of my tolerance for stupidity.
Trish
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war!
FREE TIBET! |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 9:17:32 PM
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i don't think too many of us get through this thing called 'life' without losing a friend or two .. i believe we should just be grateful for the 'good' memories we have of them .. and move on. perhaps they will come back into our lives in a more gentle way in a future chapter of our 'book of life'.
if we carry sorrow or anger with us .. WE are the ones who WE end up hurting. xo
True Friends * Frannie
HEAR MY STORIES
come, visit my:
"GATHERING ROOM" ..
http://freedomvalleyfarm.blogspot.com
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. up for adoption:
http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2008 : 10:19:34 PM
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I am with all of you on the drama issue. I just don't have time for that. My friend I spoke of was a huge drama queen, but I would usually blow the wind out of her sails on that.
I tend to be blunt, which she didn't care for either. A lot of people don't care for it.
I have a found a few true friends, and have only one best friend. She has been my friend for about thirty years-we grew up together. She even endured this other witch for my sake. She tends to lean on the drama side, but I usually try to reign her in on that too.
There isn't anything wrong with any of us, we just know what we like, and life is too short to hang on to people that drag you down with them.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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SarahJ
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Shreveport
Louisiana
198 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2008 : 05:30:00 AM
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When I got pregnant in college I lost most of my friends, like I was contagious and pregnancy was catching. I went to a liberal arts college where everyone was on the fast track to grad school and big careers. Even though I was 22, and was going to have my baby after graduation, my girlfriends treated me like the 16 year old prom queen who got knocked up on prom night. I learned who my real friends were because they treated me just the same, and accepted my choice to be a wife and mother, and not like I was "settling." I am still best friends with the one girl who treated me the same, and she is even my children's godmother.
SarahJ
Farmgirl Sister #116 |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2008 : 08:16:29 AM
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My best friend in college. When I got married I asked my sister to be my maid of honor instead of her although she was still a bridesmaid and I guess it really made her mad. Then I picked a bridesmaid dress that was "too expensive". So I offered to pay half of the cost of the dress. She was already married and so when I invited her to the wedding I assumed she would bring her husband. When she showed up she had two friends that had gone to high school with her instead of her husband. We didn't go to HS together so I didn't know them. We were paying for her hotel and food for the weekend. She brought her friends to the rehersal dinner and to our "girls night put" party before the wedding. She expected us to pay for them. I totally wouldn't have minded if she had asked but she didn't ask! After the wedding she gave me a card that said "Good luck with your marriage. Richie is totally the WRONG guy for you and I have my doubts about it working out. You jumped into this with out much rational thought so all I can really say is that I will pray for you!"
WHAT? I never spoke to her again!
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
Felt and Fabric Crafts
www.willowartist.etsy.com
www.willowtreecreek.com
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2008 : 08:53:18 AM
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Julie....my goodness, good riddance. What a very sad individual!!
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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napafarmhouse1885
True Blue Farmgirl
208 Posts
diane
napa
ca
USA
208 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2008 : 10:15:09 AM
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some of these stories are just amazing..my mouth literally drops open when i read about these people..i think frannie has the best advice..you are very wise..but i think that state of grace takes time..and i am still too raw..what is that dixie chicks song..forgive sounds good..forget, i'm not sure that i could..anyway, thanks to all of you for the stories..and keep them coming..i really think it helps to vent with friends..and this is a safe place to do so!!
best,
napafarmhouse1885
www.napafarmhouse1885.blogspot.com
"Whatever you can do or dream, begin it"
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe |
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Across the Fence: have you ever had a good friendship end? |
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have you ever had a good friendship end?
