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Across the Fence:  How do I help my parents?  |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 10:37:21 AM
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My parents are in a rather difficult situation and I am trying to help as much as I can, while still keeping healthy boundaries. You thoughts and ideas would be very appreciated.
About 1 1/2 years ago, my parents moved into the same house with my sister and brother-in-law. My brother-in-law is now being transferred to Arizona with his job and my parents do not want to relocate there, as they have lived in Spokane most their lives and Arizona just isn't "home" to them. The house they purchased with my Sister and brother-in-law is too large and expensive for just the two of them to keep. The house needs to be listed soon, so they can move to Arizona in the time frame the company he works for requires. This is basically forcing my parents to move quickly.
The housing market in Spokane is very limited right now, as far as what is available that will meet their needs at a price they can afford. They need something that is easily accessible, low maintenances, etc. as they are both arthritic, yet it needs to be affordable. My Dad is 6 1/2 years older than my mom and, to be quite honest, has not aged well. But mom is adament about not wanting to be in a retirement home yet.
Yesterday, I held my mom as she was crying because they feel totally pressured to make a fast decision and have no clue what to do or where to go. I told them they could live with us temporarily if need be and we could put their stuff in storage while they looked and had more time to make a decision. As we are already a household of 5, this of course would only be a temporary decision and would require moving everyhing twice, if they have to put it in storage before they actually can move again. I talked with my husband about the possibility of us moving onto acreage and putting a manufactured home on the property for them too. However, prices are so unstable right now and selling our home for a decent price (and in a timely matter) might be difficult, not to mention finding a home on acreage we could afford that has a level place we could add a manufactured home to. I really do want to help and have spent hours looking for them a home, but it seems I keep hitting dead ends.
I would like my parents to be close to us, as I know they will be eventually needing more help and care. But at the same time, I am raising three teenaged boys and I need to keep them my top priority. I just wish I could figure out the perfect answer for everyone. Any ideas and suggestions would be so appreciated, as my mind is worn out from thinking about it and my mom is so upset right now. I knew you, my sweet farmgirl friends, would be a safe place to share and find support.
Hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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Peanut
True Blue Farmgirl
603 Posts
Jennifer
Waverly
Virginia
USA
603 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 11:50:49 AM
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Have they checked with realtors yet? That would be a good first step so that they can see what is on the market.
It sounds as though they DO have to make a fast decision, but it also sounds as if it's no one's fault - it just happened. Call a realtor as soon as possible.
My blog: http://thecottonwife.wordpress.com/
"What is a farm but a mute gospel?"
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 11:58:19 AM
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Brenda, here in this area, they have what are called "patio homes" that a great deal of older folks are moving into. All one level, still have a tiny yard, but maintained by an association, so it's more like a condominium in that respect. What about something like that? I would want to spare them the stress of moving two times, and living without their things while they are in storage. It's going to be hard enough.
I wish them the best...I know it will be difficult, but it WILl work out, you just have to be diligent right now about finding the best move for them.
Thinking of you all...
J
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 12:10:18 PM
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Hi Jennifer and Jonni,
We have spent a lot of time checking all listings and they have worked extensively with a realtor already. We have what are called PUDs around here (private urban development) which I think are the same as the Patio Homes you are referring to. The problem is there are very few for sale around here and none that are even close to their price range. I agree that would be a good fit for them. I check the MLS listings each day, as listings are always changing, but so far nothing. But then, it only takes one. I just want to help and get this settled as they have no peace and are so stressed out right now. I guess maybe this is also a lesson in patience!
Hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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PlumCreekMama
True Blue Farmgirl
730 Posts
Heather
Iowa
USA
730 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 12:21:06 PM
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What about assisted living? Do you have that around there? It's not a nursing home, but like apartments and there is help there if you needed it.
http://plumcreekmama.blogspot.com/ |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 12:26:15 PM
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| Are they looking exclusively for a house to buy, or would they consider renting an apartment, or a house or condo? Finding a rental place is usually a whole lot easier and faster than buying a house. I know they don't want to move twice, but moving into a rental might relieve the stress and let them look around at their options more calmly. And they might find that an apartment or condo is the right level of independence/maintenance work for them. |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 12:36:13 PM
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Brenda - my heart just goes out to your parents and to you. It is so hard when we see our parents in this type of situation and when we kind of have to become the parents to them. I think that Amie's idea of renting is wonderful if there is something available. Then it would give all of you time to think about what you want to do. Moving to acreage and putting a manufactured on it for them would be the ideal situation but could possibly be in the future. If they had a place to rent then none of you would feel in a hurry.
I will be praying about this situation. God knows the plans he has for all of you!! And they will be good ones!
Hugs,
Kay
Handmade Olive Oil Soap, Lotion Bars, and Prim Treasures - http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com Sign up for my monthly newsletter!
I'm A Rusty Chick!!!
PROUD FARMGIRL SISTER #100 |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 12:40:52 PM
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Could they rent something small for the time being? Check with friends, maybe someone has something they could use. Suite hotels work too. My parents just rented a 1 bedroom, full bath with kitchenette and living room for a month. They just packed up their clothes and a few personal things for a month. I hope they find something. I am praying for them and you.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Rebekka Mae
True Blue Farmgirl
965 Posts
Rebekka
Moscow
ID
USA
965 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 1:00:59 PM
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Brenda-
I am hopeful that you find a simple solution soon, it is terrible to want to find a fix like this and you will be tempted to overextend yourself to do it. Take good care of yourself so that you can be helpful to them while caring for your own husband and boys. Offer freely what you really can, your love and hugs are most important right now and be open to seeing the solution that WILL show up;) Perhaps a lovely garden apartment for the summer as you all consider and look for the best situation for the future. There are so many nice rentals in Spokane and this would free them up to take their time (yours too if you end up finding land). You have three teenage boys who can help them move (twice if need be)and it is so important to put people first, no one should be in a situation that will eventually stress your family bonds- even if it costs a bit more to avoid it.
You know down on the Spokane River where Natatorium Park used to be there is a lovely retirement trailer park- some VERY nice trailers with sunk in garden tubs and cute landscaping- river walking paths etc....my Aunt's parents lived there recently for a few years before moving to Arizona and loved it. Just a thought, they have lived in nice homes all their lives and loved the quiet and the neighbors- and most of all the easy upkeep.
Warmly, Rebekka
By the way- my friend and I had such fun finding your shop last week- I can;t wait to do it again when money and time allow;) It was WELL worth the drive;)
www.bebebella.etsy.com
As a woman I have no country. As a woman, my country is the whole world.
Virginia Woolf |
Edited by - Rebekka Mae on Mar 24 2008 1:06:21 PM |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17161 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17161 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 3:31:02 PM
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Brenda,
hugz and prayers,,,something good will come out of this....
Glad hubby & I got to pop in on you last Sat.
Oh, and before I forget, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you!.
hugz,
>^..^< Happiness is being a katmom.
mjf#72
Sisters on the Fly#472
www.katmom4.blogspot.com
www.katmom44.blinkz.com
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farmgirl blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
777 Posts
Lea
TN
777 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 3:58:41 PM
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Bless your heart, Brenda. I can really sense the love you have for your family in your post. I can't imagine what a challenge this is for you right now and I will say a little prayer. Just being there for your mom is so precious and you're giving her a gift beyond measure in your hugs.
Blessings, Lea
www.farmhouseblessings.blogspot.com
www.farmhouseblessings.etsy.com
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 5:16:13 PM
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Hi everyone,
Thanks for the kind thoughts and ideas. Grace and Rebekkah, it was wonderful seeing both of you at my shop too!! I just love drop ins by farmgirls! I have spent a lot of today evaluating things and while I want to help, I know ultimately they need to make the decisions. Mom is so against apartments or retirement homes. We have many nice retirement homes in the area, but she isn't open to that. Part of the issue I think is coming to grips with the fact that my dad is aging and at a rate faster than my mom. It is so sad watching parents age. Anyway, I will be available to them and help as much as I can, but I guess I am realizing the ultimate decision has to be theirs. Thanks again for the sweet words and kind thoughts!
Hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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Aunt B
True Blue Farmgirl
108 Posts
Terri
Chillicothe
OH
USA
108 Posts |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2008 : 6:45:18 PM
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I was just re-reading your original post, and I wondered whether the house your parents and your sister's family shared was strictly a one family, or did it have an inlaw apartment? If there is somewhat private space, perhaps your parents could find a friend or acquaintance who's interested in moving in. Even if it's only, say, a college student living there for one school year, that would help them buy some time before the additional expense hits them.
Of course, maybe the rush is partly that your sister and her husband want to be out from under that house so that they can buy something else immediately in Arizona. But it might be easier and a little more fair for them to rent a place temporarily and give your parents time to move in a reasonable fashion...it's not your parents who are moving out and disrupting the living arrangement, after all. (Not that it's any of my business, that's just how it seems to me. I'm really glad I am not sharing housing anymore, for just this reason.) |
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miss wilma
True Blue Farmgirl
3410 Posts
Wilma
Knob Lick
Ky
USA
3410 Posts |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2008 : 08:22:39 AM
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Thanks, Miss Wilma. You are so kind! Amie C. that would be a good idea except it really isn't a separated space. Also, my sister and brother-in-law hope to buy soon in Arizona since the market is a real buyers market down there right now and they will be staying long term. My parents tried to buy two different homes this week and were beat out by someone else on both. Byt as I keep telling my Mom, it only takes one.
It will work out. We just have to wait and see what God has in store.
Hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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Across the Fence: How do I help my parents? |
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How do I help my parents?
