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Across the Fence:  Elitist Parents...(vent)  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 1:21:19 PM
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Ok..vent...
I was picking Charlie up from daycare, which is constant personal struggle for me because on one hand, I miss alot during the day while I am in college but on the other hand, I raised him, almost solely, for the first 18 months of his life. We had no outside help, no family and hubby was deployed alot, so the break is nice for me. One parent remarked how Charlie is always there before her and leave after her child get picked up. She then continued with the "Don't you just feel guilty for leaving him all day?" "I am only putting little Davie in her while I recuperate from surgery but a Mother should be home with their child." The teachers were just, well, embarassed  to say the least and I was speechless (which is rarity for me).
Now, old me would have started crying right there. New me put things into perspective (I am doing the best I can in the situation I am in and I love my family and I am loved- repeat 10 times), shrugged my shoulders at the teachers and went home. I don't want to get into a fight over SAHM vs. working/student Moms, because I believe we need to encourage each other and hold each other up, be the support. But I was just so dumbfounded by her remarks, I couldn't get that out.
UGH!!!
Ok,,vent done..
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
Edited by - catscharm74 on Mar 21 2008 1:26:11 PM |
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 1:28:24 PM
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Hang in there Heather, some people just dont think about the nasty words before the spew them. They dont understand the value of "whats good for YOU and YOUR family". You are a Great mom
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
Rich or Poor, It Dont matter We're all the same everybodys hungry in a different way....
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 1:32:52 PM
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Oh, Heather I am sorry she said that to you. (hugs)
I am a working Mom, always have been. Just let it roll off your back. She is obviously ignorant to your situation. Had she any raising, she would have known that and kept her rude remark to herself.
I had a lady I worked with many years ago who told me I was a horrible parent because I was divorced and I was going to hell etc.
To which I replied something to the effect of:
"Well, hmmmm, I don't know how you can throw any rocks, because you are a divorced Mom as well. And the last time I checked it is for God to judge, and not you, and I KNOW where I am going someday."
She was a super-fanatic Christian. And I think she assumed that since I was very young, that I was out being a bar fly, when in actuallity, I was an exhuasted two job working Mama, who spent most free time at home.
I chuckle now thinking about how upset she made me at the time too. I eventually realized she was talking out of her arse, and a lot of people do that, and can't help it that they are just plain stupid.
what did Forrest Gump say? Stupid is as stupid does.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 2:11:28 PM
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what a jerk, it is amazing how rude and thoughtless people can be, you are absolutely right, you are doing fine. It's hard to shake those things some time. Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 2:19:36 PM
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HEATHER.....well what I really wanna say I can't type here :-p so use your imagination with a subsitution for "forget" em hehe
Also read the book that Oprah is recommending if you can fit it into your busy schedule with Charlie, house, and school. A New Earth....it helps you learn to "deal" or actually "not" deal with people like that. To not let things bother you or not worry.
I'm also so sorry honey that there are still people so ignorant to not know your situation or thoughts before they judge. I just wanna punch her and hug you :-p hehe. Maybe this bothered me more than you LOL!!! xoxox
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://ligonierfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
http://liggygirl.blogspot.com/
http://liggygirlslonggreen.blogspot.com/
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 5:03:13 PM
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Ok!! I read all the comments and actually was laughing, picturing a "Gang" of farmgirls waiting at Charlie's daycare, with aprons on, hands on hips, learning her something!! HA!!!!
Thanks for the encouragment. I am pretty ok with my choice and sheesh, it's not like working mom's are at an all time high- hello, look around, it just sometimes, it amazed me the diarhea that comes out of some people's mouth!!!
Bridget- I have that book but just haven't had time to read it. In May, when school breaks, I will be laying in the sun and reading it!!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2008 : 9:02:24 PM
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Heather,
Glad you found your sense of humor in all of this.
Don't let one ignorant person's comment let you take your eye off the proverbial ball.
She is just dumb, she can't help it.
You do the best for your family. Your friends know that and admire you for it.
Chin up, darling.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2008 : 07:40:05 AM
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One thing I have learned is arguing with or trying to set the record straight with people whose mind is so set is just a waste of time. They will only get more defiant and keep arguing. There will always be stay at home moms and there will always be working moms. I don't think either one should have to explain their choice to anyone. Look them in the eye laugh a bit and walk away. No one knows what is the right thing for you except you.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2008 : 11:54:24 AM
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Heather- You are essentially a single mom with hubby deployed and in this world it is a fact that many parents need a dual income just to survive. You are being an awesome mom by getting school done, getting a great job to provide for your family, finding a great daycare full of people who love your son.
I am a SAHM but never planned on it working out that way. And I can't guarantee that it will be always be that way. Just from reading your post I am betting that she has her own guilt issues with putting a child in daycare- guilt issues that have nothing to do with your reality. So she was probably projecting her guilt.
I am glad you aren't letting her ruffle your feathers any more. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2008 : 4:51:01 PM
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I spent quite a few years as a single working mom and it makes me so mad that someone would treat you like that. I love the picture of a line of farmgirls in aprons waiting to give her a talkin' to!! Jeesh! Some people!! I did daycare in my home for alot of years to be able to be with my kids...but still was working and they knew it. When I was waitressing there were years that they either got themselves off to school after I left or had to stay at my mom's house while I worked at night until I got off. Wasn't ideal...but what is? They turned out just fine and dandy. I only work part time now with my four kids still at home. (substitute teaching at the elementary school)
YOU are doing all you can. Don't let the turkeys get you down.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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farmgirl blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
777 Posts
Lea
TN
777 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 4:45:17 PM
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Heather, what a nasty creature to say something like that to you. I have lived in both worlds ... working mom and SAHM. My love and dedication to my children did not change ... only my circumstances. I've got my apron & rolling pin ready when you say the word! (Not that I would USE the rolling pin, but I would just enjoy the look on her face. LOL)
Blessings, Lea
www.farmhouseblessings.blogspot.com
www.farmhouseblessings.etsy.com
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 5:11:06 PM
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Heather, you are doing great! I've also had a deployed hubby so can relate.
On to this twit (can I say that??). I have learned that if you can think fast enuf, you might get a stock answer off to someone like this. If she asks you if you feel guilty, say 'no, not your business' or something along those lines...put the onus on her. Or if you're feeling particularly charitable, explain to the poor dear about how you are coping and a Clif notes version of current life (hubby is deployed and you're going to school and what is she doing with HER life?). Maybe from there on, she might THINK of these dumb questions but will refrain from saying them! Gah! Gets my goat!!
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 5:22:27 PM
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I have found that most people who say such rude things have low self esteem issues that make them need to put others down as a way of falsely building themselves up. My guess is she is either unhappy or insecure in her present situation, is justifying her need for daycare (she just had surgery so he has to be in daycare, yet she is the one picking him up? hmmmm . . . if I was bad off enough to not be able to care for my child, me thinks someone else would be picking him up!) At any rate, the issue is her own and she is trying to make herself feel better by putting you down. So if you instead feel pity for her for being so insecure, it will help your anger a lot and will make you realize she is the one with the problem. Going back to school will in the long run help you and your family, so hold you head high and ignore the nay-sayers.
Hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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newheart
True Blue Farmgirl
471 Posts
Margie
Owings Mills
Maryland
USA
471 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2008 : 05:01:00 AM
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Heather, I have been out in the shed trying to find my hoe...got it, whipped up an apron to "go" so I am really ready now to meet this "bold" mouth head on..
Let me know when we are going or coming there....
Newheart
Chocolate makes my Heart 'sing"... |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2008 : 06:14:11 AM
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Sad how people can be so ignorant and stupid.
You have to do what's right for you and your family. True, my mom quit her job and raised me and my brother, but Dad worked and there was a network of 3 other moms with thier kids who swapped us around as we needed to be watched.
Better you working/school than sponging off the tax payers for freebies!
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2008 : 06:58:16 AM
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Farmgirls- let's all meet at 8 at Charlie's daycare- that is when she shows up!! I got my "Don't mess with Texas" t-shirt on and I am ready to go!!! Tee Hee Hee!!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Across the Fence: Elitist Parents...(vent) |
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Elitist Parents...(vent)
