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Across the Fence:  Broken by a Letter  |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 4:30:45 PM
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Just got a letter from my best friend since junior high school...she is pregnant with a little girl. I'm feeling like the worst person in the world because as happy as I am for her, I'm just as angry that it wasn't me. I feel like such a failure. Virtually every decision I have made my entire life has been based on the belief that I would have a child one day, and now I just can't shake the feeling that it will never happen. We've been trying for a long time now, and there's just nothing. I'm getting older every day, and every day it gets less likely. It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant or having babies,and I'm feeling so sorry for myself right now that it's difficult to breathe. I'm tired of people giving me advice, no matter how well-intentioned it is, or telling me all about drugs and options and procedures, and most of all I'm feeling cheated by God and the universe in general.
I'm sorry if this is the wrong venue for this kind of thing, but I literally have no one else I can talk to about this, and I just had to say it to someone. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 4:39:39 PM
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Oh Jessie! It sounds like you are going through a very rough time. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. As good intentioned as advice can be- it really can just be salt in the wound sometimes, can't it? So I won't offer any advice, because I am sure you already have heard it! So instead I will just wish I was there to lend a in-person ear and real hugs. Since I can't be there for you in person *hugs!* I hope that your dreams come true soon as I am sure you will someday be a very excellent mother!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
Please come visit Nora and I our our new blog:
http://FarmgirlAlee.blogspot.com" target="_blank"> http://FarmgirlAlee.blogspot.com |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 4:49:39 PM
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Jessie, I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Times like this are very hard to get through and as Alee says advice is just more salt in the wound. I can't have children, so I know your pain very well. Big farmgirl hugs to you and hopefully soon you will realize your dreams, and have a sweet one of your own.
Annika
Farmgirl sister #13
Mud Hen Queen
http://innermountainmudhens.wordpress.com/
http://panzymoon.wordpress.com/ |
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Lavendar fields dreamer
True Blue Farmgirl
1032 Posts
little monkeys mommy
washington
USA
1032 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 5:22:57 PM
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oh honey i am so sorry that your hurting that much and am sending you hugs and understanding for things not going how you wanted. lots of love
lavendar girl |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 10:54:25 AM
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Jessie,
It sounds like your poor heart is just breaking! It is so difficult when life doesn't turn out the way we always thought it would (have some experience with that myself). We know you love your friend, but it is hard to hear about others getting your hearts desire. Love and prayers coming your way.
trina
It sounds so good to hear myself laugh. --Rascal Flats, "No Reins" |
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Leezard
True Blue Farmgirl
950 Posts
Elizabeth
Novi
MI
USA
950 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 2:32:49 PM
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Jessie, you are in my thoughts! I understand the stress of such a frustrating position and I feel your pain. I too always thought I would have children but it just doesn't seem like it will be something that happens in my life. I go through days where I'm okay with it and then a day will come when the thought of it not happening just strikes me down. And I am currently surrounded by friends who are pregnant, at least 5 who will be giving birth between March and August. I keep trying to look at how fun it will be to be all of these babies auntie and when my mind goes to that dark place I work hard to bring it back to the happiness of being an auntie. I don't think that there is anything that will make that bad feeling go away, I think we can just do our best to live the life we have with what we have. If you'd ever like to email me and talk I would love to chat with you!
P.S. Have you had any luck getting a farmgirl group going?
http://ruby--slippers.blogspot.com/
www.leezard.etsy.com |
Edited by - Leezard on Jan 12 2008 2:33:57 PM |
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julia hayes
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
julia
medical lake
wa
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 3:34:17 PM
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Jessie, your honesty is so refreshing! I have to say you are SO NOT the worst person in the world, NOR are you a failure. You are a very real person, with real emotion and disappointment. What a success you are to recognize this immediately and express it so openly and honestly! I can't imagine the fragility of your heart right now..I'm sure some days your heart is rock solid followed by others when you can feel it breaking. I'm so sorry. I'm just going to take a really deep breath with you in mind.
(((((((((((((cyber hugs!)))))))))))))
~julia hayes
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com |
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Lainey
True Blue Farmgirl
2401 Posts
Elaine
Waco
Kentucky
USA
2401 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 4:01:10 PM
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Jessie Mae, I'm sorry that you are hurting. I don't have children either and like you I have some friends who are pregnant now. My godson's wife is pregnant with her 3rd son. Some days I feel just like you described. I'm giving adoption a lot of thought, but my husband is not quite there yet. We are still trying to get pregnant and I've not given up even though I'm a bit older. I'll keep you in my prayers.
(((Hugs)))
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/ |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 4:23:21 PM
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Jessie, so sorry you are feeling bad right now. You are not the worst person in the world, you will make a child, any child, a wonderful mother some day.
I was struck by the sentence that you wrote: "Virtually every decision I have made my entire life has been based on the belief that I would have a child one day"
Don't count yourself out of the game just yet, miracles can happen and I won't offer advice either, just a point of view from my world, whether it's a child that is borne of your body, or like mine, children of your heart, there may yet be a child waiting as anxiously for you as you are for him or her. I pray that your wait won't have to last much longer.
Hugs, and please try to find joy in your friend's news. I wonder whether it was as bittersweet for her to share her happy news with you if she knows how much you want a child of your own.
Hugs to you,
Jo
"Wish I had time to work with herbs all day!" |
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 4:49:33 PM
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Jessie, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. While I wont offer any advice , I am hoping for a miracle for you.
Mama to 2
Your FreckleFaced Farm Girl!!
FarmGirl# 20
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
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Edited by - Firemama on Jan 12 2008 5:11:48 PM |
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sewgirlie
True Blue Farmgirl
1894 Posts
Sheryl-lyn
Calverton
NY
USA
1894 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 4:58:52 PM
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I feel for you Jessie! You are not a bad person for wanting what everyone else takes for granted. Your feelings are natural and normal. Good luck to you and I hope for the best.
My quilting and life blog!!
http://downtoearthliving.blogspot.com/ |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2008 : 12:38:08 AM
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Jessie,
Because your heart breaks, ours to as well. We may be near and far, but your pain is felt and recognized. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your pain with us. That my dear was brave.
Hugs and hugs and hugs.
Carol Sue
listening to the quiet moments
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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palmettogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
571 Posts
sue
camden
south carolina
USA
571 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2008 : 08:15:07 AM
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| i've been there..... there really isn't anything anyone can say to make you feel better. after many years we adopted my son, barry, who is now 19..... four years after we got barry, while i was helping to run a really big charity event for a local church, i came home completely exhausted.....ended up in the hospital...and found out i was pregnant with jill! i'm only telling you this because i had tried for many, many years and especially after we had barry, had given up any hope.... so...you never know...... i'll pray for you! |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2008 : 08:50:08 AM
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Jessie I'm so sorry you are hurting. I can relate, though I'm not married, most/all of my friends are married, have kids, pregnant, and each time I hear about another one I am stung with the envy sting. I feel super guilty when I feel that way, but I know it is innocent envy. I wish it were me. I feel alone and behind, but then I remember I'm not the one running my life, God is. I will pray for you and all to work out. HUGS chin up
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://liggygirl.blogspot.com/
http://liggygirlslonggreen.blogspot.com/
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LunaTheFarmLady
True Blue Farmgirl
448 Posts
Luna
Rineyville
KY
USA
448 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2008 : 8:00:47 PM
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o dear, you break my heart so! Nothing is sadder than a mother's empty arms. I pray that they will be filled in the way that is intended for you.
Luna |
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a rose
True Blue Farmgirl
443 Posts
Linda
Waterford
NY
USA
443 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 07:31:08 AM
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No advice, just prayers for a miracle.
Remember me as a rose. |
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Georgia Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
212 Posts
Denise
Atlanta
GA
USA
212 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 07:39:17 AM
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I understand how you feel. Granted, I do have three children (and had a few miscarriages), but having had a complete hysterectomy at 23 I felt cheated. I wasn't done yet! When it all first happend, I caught a lot of flack for feeling the way I felt but it didn't change anything. I still felt empty. There was a hole there that just felt wrong. I understand your anger, bitterness, heartbreak. You are in my prayers.
Sending hugs, Denise
Proud Farmgirl Sister #113
http://mybigcityfarm.blogspot.com/ |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2008 : 10:24:39 AM
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Jessie - you sound like a very loving girl. Praying for your dreams to come true. They will.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
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Across the Fence: Broken by a Letter |
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Broken by a Letter
