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Parenting & Farm Kids:  When to start talking about the birds and bees?  |
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Love-in-a-Mist
True Blue Farmgirl
367 Posts
Shannon
Independence
Oregon
USA
367 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 5:11:12 PM
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I need some ideas!
My son is 5 and we told him that when you love each other you get married and God puts a baby growing in your belly. I got lucky since
I had a c-section with his little sister, he thinks you just go in and the doc cuts you open and takes the baby out. So he never questions how they get out.
On the farm he see's animals mating all the time and when he has asked I just say they are making babies. Or if they have babies he as sort of seen where they come out of, but never asks questions. He has been fine with that.
Now, I know my answers don't make sense, but he hasn't questioned them yet.
Today I talked to my sister who has a 6 year old boy. They live in town and the neighbor kid(who is 6 too, with older brothers) told my nephew that he has had sex with this little girl that all the boys like. He told him sex was rubbing your privates together. So my nephew went home crying and told his mom all about it and how it wasn't fair. So she explained what sex was to him and blah blah blah.
I know that my nephew is going to tell my son all about this when we see them again. So I want to get to my son, first. I just need some ideas on how to be honest, but so he can understand too. I plan on avoiding my sister's house for a very long time. lol
Help! What have you girls done?
http://diaryofafarmerswife.blogspot.com/ |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 7:07:44 PM
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My kids have seen my animals mate and give birth and so I guess they just totally understood. I have always encouraged them to watch when a lamb, goat, calf or whatever is born...so they KNOW where it comes out. My son asked when he was about 8 where the baby came out when it is a person..and I said..'same sort of place" and she said. "oh. Okay." and that was that. As far as sex, If they asked, I answered THAT question..but in your case where he is getting wrong info I would set him straight and not give him more info than he asks for. I think about 11 is the ideal time to go into more detail. I only have 4 of my 7 kids still at home, and the youngest two ...(both 10) are going into 5th grade this year..and so that will be the last two to get "the talk". Whew. Not my favorite thing..but better than when you teach them to drive for sure!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 7:10:33 PM
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Well, with Grace, who was 3 1/2 when Zoe was born, She watched videos with us through my pregnancy so that she would know what birth looked like, etc. She knew thgat babies grew in my belly and that I pushed them out of my vagina. It wasn't until this Spring that she actually asked how babies get in there. We told her and she understood but said, with the most disgusted lkook on her face, "oh my gawd. that is so disgusting. is that what sex is?" and we said yes. Keep in mind though, that this kid is really kinda mature and knowledgeable for her age too. She gets it and said she doesn't want to hear anything else about it until she is a woman. and then she told me, "Mom, I am a woman when I bleed my first period right?" and I told her yes.
I think it depends on the kid. How much has he been exposed to in terms of the human body? I think it is very important to be honest and exact. We have biology books that we have shown to Grace so she can see what boy parts look like and girl parts both immature and mature. She knows in simple form, how ovulation works and menses and erections and ejaculations, but jsut in very simple terms as far as the physiology goes.
It really depends on the kid, i think.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Blogs: http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
http://womonandsprout.wordpress.com
Homepage:
http://ForestFaeries.etsy.com
Birth is safe, interference is risky; TRUST BIRTH |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 4:07:56 PM
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My little brother in law asked his mom when he was about 10 or so..I guess he'd been hearing all kinds of things as school and wanted to set the record straight. Anyway, kindof like Tasha's girl, he got grossed out pretty quickly and said, "alright already. That's disgusting and you can stop talking NOW!!!!" He said he just wanted the "basics" and not to personify it--it makes it TOTALLY disgusting if you picture your parents, I guess 
"She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian. |
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MamaHumbird
True Blue Farmgirl
116 Posts
Holly
Cleveland
Missouri
USA
116 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2007 : 9:09:54 PM
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Shannon, what a tough question. Mine haven't asked as much about where they came from as about breastfeeding. I guess you take the same approach, a kid by kid basis. My kids have seem me nurse as well as the animals around here. They don't think much of it. However, you take a child who has not seen that and it is a whole different story. I think you have to be honest with them and just try to judge how much they can handle at the time. I have 4 kids, but I think they are all different as to when they can handle "the talk".
Holly |
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2007 : 10:11:03 AM
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A great book is "A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex" by Kevin Leman and a lady, whose name I can't remember.
It really helped me mellow out about the subject and encouraged me to talk about it with my son in spite of both of us being embarassed...
I told my son (when he was about 8) the basics of what SEX was...and now that he's almost 12 (EEK!) we've been talking about what will happen as he hits puberty and stuff...After allowing the subject to be spoken about, it has been lots easier to keep it open...he does ask me questions, so I assume he's comfortable talking about it with me.
One of the best pieces of advice from that book was to be the first to tell them about sex (using correct names for parts, of course), so when their friends (or TV or someone else) tell them something erroneous, they know the truth and they know they can come to you for answers...don't let it be an off-limits subject...
Unfortunately, it seems that children are hearing about it earlier and earlier and we as parents need to have the talk sooner than we may like, and often, I think, sooner than the kids would be 'ready' if it wasn't for the society we live in.
Faith
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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Leezard
True Blue Farmgirl
950 Posts
Elizabeth
Novi
MI
USA
950 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2007 : 2:40:26 PM
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My biggest piece of advice is to be honest and to not seem nervous or judgemental about it in any way. Along the honesty, I'm with Faith that it's important to use the real terms for the body parts so it doesn't seem like it's silly or a game to the child. And with the other it will let your child know that they can come to you when they have questions instead of seeking out other sources for the information.
When I was a kid my parents didn't have any kind of sex talk with us, I ended up finding out through other kids and through books and going that way I felt I had to hide my thoughts and questions about it. Now I'm sure my parents would have been okay with my asking but at the time it just didn't seem right. I wish they'd have been more open about it and that I'd have known I could go to them to talk about sex.
http://ruby--slippers.blogspot.com/
www.leezard.etsy.com |
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brighteyesk9
Farmgirl in Training
35 Posts
Alta
Florida
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2007 : 07:21:11 AM
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I agree on what Faith said. Tell them the truth. I remember my cousin telling her kids that a dogs penis was lipstick because she didn't want to use the proper words. I told her that she should be careful with that because children don't know not to apply the lipstick.
Visit my blog at http://lovecountryliving.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2007 : 08:14:09 AM
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Hmmm that is so tricky because of your nephew, I had a book growing up that was based on the Peanuts Comic strip, it was Snoopy telling about how babies came! lol I wish I could find it or knew the name, all I know is it was blue and had the reproductive organs on the cover (ovaries and such, not the outside look of them! lol). My dad is a RN and step mother a DO (general practice doctor). So I am thinking they probably got it at some hospital book fair, when I've asked about it, they barely remember it and can't remember about where it went or where they got it. lol I would sure like it for my daughter though.
But, I have to say I went through something simular with my nephew at that same age! And I was totally almost freaking out, but trying to remain calm so he wouldn't shut me out at the same time! I was his major/principle care giver, and we were driving home from school one day when he just out and out said, Johnny and Jane has sex! I about jumped out of my skin as he was in kindergarten and I was just not even thinking that this kind of thing would be coming up in the least! But, I tried to remain as calm as I could and said, who are Johnny and Jane? (not thinking they were fellow class mates, I was thinking they were some bums that my brother-his father must hang out with!). (My mom said I sounded like who are these heathens! lol She was in the car too! Trying to remain just as calm!). He told me they were children he went to school with. I said, in my most calm voice I could muster, well what is sex? Thinking he would say something like holding hands or kissing! Oh no!!!!!! He explained to me and explained to me pretty well, like I was some kind of idiot to not know! lol In fact at first he said, Aunt Heather you know! And I said, no, no, I don't know, you tell me. (I wanted to know what he knew). *whew* Was I shocked when he knew! Well, I talked to his teacher about it, and I also asked my nephew if he had seen for his own eyes that Johnny and Jane had had sex and he had. The teacher acted like I was nuts for even bringing it to her. But, I thought she needed to talk to Johnny and Jane's parents! But, she didn't seem to think so.
Boy is this making me remember why I want to home school! lol
Good luck! I would be truthful but not overly giving in too much info that isn't age appropiate, and just answer questions as they arise. Like every one else has said.
Too bad people have to ruin things like this for parents/children. (some one had to give these kids this info and I wish they wouldn't! I believe it's the parents right, not some crazy person, if you know what I mean. lol) |
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katiedid
True Blue Farmgirl
601 Posts
Kate
West Jordan
Utah
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2007 : 6:49:46 PM
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*warning* *adult* *content*
If you might be offended by candid talk...pass up this post
My oldest daughter Eliza, now 12, had a boy in 1st grade tell her about sex...only he said he wanted to f--- her. She asked me what sex was and what the f-word ment. I told her, but very simply. Like Tasha, I want my girls to know the real thing, and to have respect for their bodies.
I keep things simple and only answer the question they are asking at the time.
Like when Eliza was six, I explained sex as something that should only happen between 2 adults, when love each other (read:married) and that what this boy was talking about (f-word) was crude, rude, and disrepectful toward women. I talked to her a little about anatomy. She was satisfied and I didn't really go too far....
This was the same situation when she asked me about same-sex relationships. Eliza said a friend of hers at school told her that it was ok if you didn't like boys, when you grow up you can marry a girl...she had 2 Moms.
I told Eliza that Male and Female are different for a reason, without this balance Life couldn't procreate...and ideally every child would have a family unit with a Mother and a Father. This isn't always the case...the discussion turned from gay relationships to divorce and widows etc...bottom line, she was satisfied, and we didn't have to get into a discussion about whether being gay was right or wrong...we'll save that for another night! I hope she doesn't offend someone (I don't think she will, we have an aunt who has a roommate..we have covered that page)
I guess that would be my advice, answer truthfully, be open (we are very open about things, I *don't* want my daughters to be ashamed of their bodies!) but don't launch into a really uncomfortable 2 hour lecture!
That being said, our society today protrays sex to be such a commonplace, casual thing. Just turn on the TV...sex is used to sell beer, cars, shampoo, chocolate etc. So kids see it and hear about it all the time! Trying to instill in them the sacred nature of it is so hard.
Beware of games and parties that include oral sex...that was one of the big reasons we moved before our girls got to be highschool and jr high age...a big, popular game in our old neighborhood was called "Stone Face" this is where a bunch of boys sit around a table, a young lady goes under the table and performs oral sex on a boy and his friends try to guess who is "getting it." Nice. And we wonder why cutting and eating disorders are such a problem in teenage girls!?!
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daffodil dreamer
True Blue Farmgirl
805 Posts
Jayne
Hamilton
Victoria
Australia
805 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2007 : 7:20:30 PM
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Firstly, Kate, I cannot believe that game - I am just in total shock that teenagers would do that. I guess there are a lot of young girls being brought up with no self-respect and so much peer pressure to 'join in'. But that is just shocking.
Hearing about things like that just makes me realise how adolescence has changed from my generation to my daughters. I am trying to bring them up with grace and dignity, but all the messages in society are the exact opposite. It sure is hard - I don't know whether it will be harder or easier with my son (he is only 3 at the moment).
I agree with everyone else - the truth, but just enough of it to answer their questions. Like anything, too much explanation and they switch off. And he is very young, I'm sure he will be happy with a fairly basic answer. I think I'd let him lead the discussion - bring it up and see what he wants to know and what he already thinks.
Good luck with it.
Best wishes,
Jayne |
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katiedid
True Blue Farmgirl
601 Posts
Kate
West Jordan
Utah
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2007 : 07:28:37 AM
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Jayne..shocking huh?!?! I thought No Way! This is true, and we lived in a nice, suburban neighborhood, where most of the families went to church on Sunday...The key is communication!
K |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: When to start talking about the birds and bees? |
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When to start talking about the birds and bees?
