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Across the Fence:  My weekend date  |
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Runbikegrrl
True Blue Farmgirl
250 Posts
MaryAnn
Waterbury Ctr
VT
USA
250 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 02 2007 : 05:34:04 AM
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So this weekend I went on a hiking date with an interesting guy. We have alot in common and got along so well that he asked me over to his place after (no not what you think I was a good girl!) He cooked me a meal of venison (says he hasn't bought meat in 20 years), potatoes and salad from his garden. All soudns good...huh. We'll here I am driving home last night thinking this is the most compatable man I have met in years. I'd like to continue to get to know him. I am pretty sure he is interested in pursuing this further too. BUT here goes my crazy mind...I always try and visualize what it would be like to end up married to them. EVERY other guy I know has a home (err bachelor pad) that is a mess and they would welcome my coming in with all my antiques, furniture and girlie touches...if for nothing else but for me to take over the care and keeping...WELL this guys house was spotless and his things though not my style were very nice. In fact if it weren't for the deer heads and mounted antlers all over the place I would be sure it was a gay mans house! So my point here I am thinking what do you do if you do hit it off with someone like this and do end up living together or married....how the heck to meld to styles of decorating that are complete opposites...when the other person is just as attached to their stuff, etc. He has lived alone for 20 years and so have I so I would say we are probably both pretty controling about our "stuff" and our space and use to having things "our way". My style is shabby chic/cottage/country. His is contemporary/cabin/hunter. any of you older settled but recently hitched ladies want to speak to this???? I know, I know, first date and I have myself ending up with this guy...but it is all in creative good fun!!
"So many interests so little time!"
http://lovelifelivegrrl.blogspot.com/ |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2007 : 06:28:31 AM
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Well, I'm younger, but it's the second time around for me, so I qualify a little  ...first of all, congrats on a good first date. It's rough (dating), I know, and it's fun to imagine and daydream...that's what keeps life interesting!
I'm the same as you, I like shabby chic cottage style and kitschy 40's and 50's stuff. My husband had the same bachelor pad as your other friend, only I'm pretty sure MY dh's smelled worse. Two guys living together of the same ilk is kindof....well. I won't digress.
I had a home already established when we married. After my divorce, I bought my house for ME and there really wasn't any room for a man, let alone his stuff. Initially, that didn't seem to bother my husband, that he essentially moved into a "furnished" apartment/house, but later, when we would look for something (new lamp, what have you) he would offer his opinion, or like something that I thought was terrible and I'd shoot him down. So, he stopped. I realized a couple of years ago, that he probably didn't feel very welcome at "our" house, because he really didn't take a lot of pride in keeping things neat and tidy, or offering any help with picking paint colors or what have you. So, I framed a couple tour posters of his favorite band (Wilco)from when we've seen them live, and encouraged him to make his airplane models so we can suspend them from the ceiling in our new study, and I try to encourage other interests, like his collection of antique WW I and WW II era photos and illustrations of dogs. As far as him arriving with an art collection or whatever, he didn't, but he did have an idea of what he liked, I just wasn't willing to see it :)...Since I've offered him some artistic "freedom", he's done a total turnaround and takes care of the house now, like it ALSO belongs to him.
I remember what my mom did--that I don't do. She designated an area in the basement for my dad's stuff.
I just found that there IS stuff I'm not wild about, but it's his house, too, and I'm sure he's not at ALL into my rose covered shower curtain or whatever. He just doesn't say :)
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2007 : 09:39:22 AM
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| Oh, I bet you generate some posts here, and if not that, a bunch of women sitting in front of their computers all over the world are gonna be wagging their heads like those dashboard dogs! Alot of us have probably been there, done that! I have the "perfect" solution! Marry him and move to a foreign country, ha! You'll both be in neutral territory. That is sort of what happened to me a little over two years ago, although I moved into the house my husband shared with his first wife, until she died. Our styles are different, definitely. "Says easy, does hard", is the way it went for awhile. He acknowledged my womanly need to put my own mark on this place in order to feel truly at home. Having said that, he nearly blew a gasket when I wanted to take down two old dusty faded prints and replace them with a collage of HIS incredible photographs......However, love won out, and he did take them down and up went the photos. His son came to visit one day shortly afterwards, looked at the photos and a couple of other small "rearranging" changes I'd made, and said "I like it. Keep it up!" Same response from two granddaughters. Since I didn't come in, hands on hips, waving paint brushes and swatches around, (like I wanted to, ha) but took a gentler more suggestive approach, I have made a little progress in this area. I also had asked to have the smallest spare bedroom for my own little sitting room, where I could store craft things, books, and fling doilies around to my shabby chic gardening heart's content. Even though I don't spend alot of time in it, since we spend alot of time in the backyard, I can open the door and peek in and smile. Now, since the "pre nup" deal was to spend close to half the year in each home, I told him he could make changes in my Norfolk home, but since he loves the way I have decorated, nothing changed. Until the day he wanted to rearrange the kitchen drawers (he does the most cooking, my French chef). Major insult to my way of doing things; however once I saw the logic behind his improvements, I was right on board. I think Jonni hit the nail on the head; it is all about making each other feel welcome, at home, and valued. I found that by being open to my husband making changes around my home, it truly DID feel more like "our" home, and he feels the same way. So if you end up with antlers hanging in the foyer one day, hang some vintage bags on 'em! The best pots of soup have lots of ingredients, and as they say in France, "Viva la difference"! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2007 : 1:24:08 PM
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One thing that my fiance and I did was to go into a room together and say "What do we want to do with this room?" I think that country and hunter's cabin actually can co-exist pretty well! If the relationship does keep progressing, you will find ways to blend styles. Perhaps you will have a mix of both of your things in the common areas of the house, the bedroom and your office/crafting/whatever space will be more your decorating and an office/den for him can be more of his style?
When I think of country style I have a very certain type of thing that comes to mind, but I don't think that the hunter style would be out of place either.
Good luck with the imaginary melding of two households! I am sure you two will figure it out if that is what is down the road for you!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for tying, one hand to hold Nora! |
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Love-in-a-Mist
True Blue Farmgirl
367 Posts
Shannon
Independence
Oregon
USA
367 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2007 : 3:22:44 PM
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I agree with Alee, you'll figure it out for love. Our living room has curtains with birds and roses on them, along with a gigantic gun safe, he let me pick the color of the safe(burgandy, matches the curtains lol)deer heads, antlers on the mantel, and flowery quilts, pillows and metal stars. It all works and we both like it very much. We also have our own areas of the house which we decorate our own way. I do have more areas than him though. lol
http://diaryofafarmerswife.blogspot.com/ |
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Runbikegrrl
True Blue Farmgirl
250 Posts
MaryAnn
Waterbury Ctr
VT
USA
250 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2007 : 4:21:07 PM
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Thank you ladies I feel much better! The poor guy...if he only knew the level of discussion I was having after our first date lol...but guess it went well since he brought me three roses at work today (one yello, one white and one red) and he had to drive a heck of a way to do that...I'm making him dinner next....so we'll see : )
"So many interests so little time!"
http://lovelifelivegrrl.blogspot.com/ |
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summerbreeze
True Blue Farmgirl
277 Posts
Laura
WA
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2007 : 4:30:15 PM
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I have lived this. I married my husband a two and a half years ago. He was 50 and a confirmed bachelor (never married and had only lived with a woman in his early 20 for a short period of time). He had white carpeting, white furniture and glass tables. Clean and neat. No pet and No children.
We have a 6 week old baby and the house looks like a bomb exploded in it. The laundry never makes it upstairs and he has to pull clean shirts off the kitchen table to go to work.
My style is out of africa mets the paris apartment and stops at the bordello along the way. I am very clean but not neat. My husband now has a cat that sleeps under his arm a 90 pound golden retrieve that sleeps in the bed and a new baby. It is amazing what a man will do for love.
Work on seeing if the man meets your terms for a relationship. It can be exhausting interview for the position of husband. Worry about the house later.
My husband and I bought a house that we both liked. Neither of us war territorial about our stuff because it was a new place and boundaries had not been set. I let him have a large bonus room to turn into his office/studio and I decorate most of the rest of the house. I do run most of the stuff by him before I do it so he feels included. I'm glad you both seemed to have so much in common.
Laura
You only live once,if you do it right once is enough. |
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Across the Fence: My weekend date |
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My weekend date
