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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Letting baby cry herself to sleep?  |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
 Posted - May 20 2007 : 6:23:35 PM
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Just wondering when (at what age) you first let you baby cry herself to sleep or if you never did?
Alee |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
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Michelle Marie
True Blue Farmgirl
158 Posts
Michelle
Many
Louisiana
USA
158 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2007 : 7:12:05 PM
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| Well........ never. I just couldn't stand it. They slept with me... which some people say is bad but I beg to differ. They do grow up and want to sleep in their own room when they are ready. I have a teenager and she did fine, and she never cried herself to sleep. When I had my youngest she cried and cried in the hospital and the nurse came in and told me if I wanted to get some sleep just to put her in bed with me. I think the thing with crying themselves to sleep was I couldn't stand the whimper that went along with it. That would make me so sad. We tried a couple times letting the oldest cry herself to sleep and it just didn't work well for us. That's my two cents for what it is worth.... I hope it in some way helps. I always say to do what makes them feel safe, secure, and the most loved. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2007 : 7:15:43 PM
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I am not sure how I will feel about it when she is older, but right now I couldn't stand it. My fiance asked me when we were going to start doing it and I told him that definitely not right now! From what I have read, infants that get their cries answered right away, cry less as a toddler and are more ready to learn and grow. I don't think I would be willing to even try it before 6-9 months old, but I guess I will wait to see how easily she goes down to sleep when the time comes :)
Alee
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2007 : 7:21:45 PM
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That's really a tough one Alee.. They need to go to sleep.. & YOU need to get to sleep.. & when they are so young that they don't understand that they NEED to fall asleep.. Sometimes laying them down and trying to let them do it on their own seems to be the only answer.. even if it takes them crying it out a bit.. There's a point when rocking.. singing.. talking.. patting.. walking.. and everything else you do just doesn't seem to work.. And you really may just have to let her fall asleep on her own in her own bed..
Try laying her down in her bed.. and leaning in as close as you can & patting her a bit until she falls asleep.. This worked with my 2nd baby.. he seemed to never want to sleep.. I mean EVER unles I held him.. which really was beautiful in theory.. but became utterly exhausting.. especialy considering that I had another baby just 15 moths older then he.. Patting him while he lay on his tummy with me right there next to him.. Almost right there in his face he started falling asleep eventualy.. after some time.. I think he started to welcome his bed a bit more.. as a comfort place.. & was happy to be placed there.. rather looking at it as a place that he was leaving me! But.. when they cry.. they cry.. not always out of fear.. Naturaly if they are hungary.. or wet.. or uncomfortable.. but aside from the things that they have to have to go to sleep.. As long as they have your love & hugs.. They learn real quik that this get them things.. & one of the 1st.. is picked up!! who doesn't want to be picked Up?? all little guys do! why not.. wouldn't we all rather lie in Moms arms? But.. that can't always be.. You have to deside what works for you.. & when it's right.. She;ll be fine.. & so will you..
Love ya little Mom!!
Kathie
In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself.. |
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TheSoapMaven
True Blue Farmgirl
691 Posts
Susan
LA
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 03:47:03 AM
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I think we have to put ourselves in the baby's position. When we are scared or lonely or apprehensive for whatever reason and however irrational, do we want someone to just let us "cry it out"? NO we do not. Separation anxiety is very very real. I have raised 6 and none of them who are grown have reached the age of 18 without 1)being potty trained 2)being able to dress themselves 3)feeding themselves 4)going to sleep without me. I have VERY VERY strong feelings about attachment parenting. My girls 15 and 18 still come snuggle up if there is bad weather or they have a bad dream. They are NOT too old. When I am scared or upset my husband doesnt put me in our room and leave me and shut the door so he cant hear me cry. Most would consider that cruel. But a baby cant tell anyone so they are defenseless. All of my kids have slept with us. Some of them longer than others...because they nursed longer than others. Two of our 6 nursed past their 4th birthdays. That scares you, doesnt it?!?! Some want to be very squeamish and judgmental about such things. But the bottom line is do what your heart tells you. If you are asking then you dont feel comfortable doing it.
Granted I was very blessed to have help in the form of older kids after a while. Especially while Dad was working away from home. And they were all trained to take care of a baby and help get them to sleep. I think Hannah was about 8 before she went to sleep without her oldest brother patting her back. It worked, it made her feel secure and sleep soundly, so what was the harm? She's 18 now and goes to sleep all by herself!
I will tell you a little secret that worked for us. Rubbing their little foreheads, very very gently between their eyebrows. It is very soothing and they almost have to close their little eyes.
I always knew I would make mistakes with my kids. Everyone does. It is how we learn. But I never wanted my mistake to be not meeting their needs. And before the age of reasoning with a child, meeting their needs quite often is difficult and very inconvenient. When you are a little person need and want are even more difficult to distinguish. Some days it still is for me and I am soon to be 48. For example when my husband was in Tunisia and my mom found out she had cancer...I NEEDED him. It wasnt going to change a thing for him to be here or for me to hear his voice but amazingly when I did hear his voice I felt better...more secure. When he stepped out of the gate at the airport I have never felt such relief in my life. I NEEDED him. Nothing changed. My mom is still sick. But human contact is what keeps us grounded. Children need it no less, if not more than we do.
Thankfully I had a dr with my children who TOTALLY supported our philosophies. When I went to him about Benjamin still wanting to nurse at three, he said "Well, I have never known a child to start college still breastfeeding so I wouldnt be alarmed just yet." When I went to him about one of them being nearly four and still having potty training issues, he told me the same thing only about wearing diapers.
They are little for such a short time. I survived all six of them thru infant age and toddler age. Some of them were much more difficult than others. But I have no regrets about how I treated them as babies. As they got older and I could reason with them about their fears I used that as a tool...until then I did whatever it took to comfort them.
Quick story: at the airport to pick up Jerry the other night. I took Benjamin to the women's restroom with me, as the airport was full of people and I wasnt about to send him to the men's alone. I checked for an empty stall and rushed him in to the closest one. And back out very quickly. As I was coming out a security guard tells me "He cant go in the women's bathroom." I said "he just did." He proceeds to tell me why and yada yada...he lets his 5 year old...yada yada. BAD timing on his part. My last two weeks have been very stressful. I lit into him like I got paid to. I dared him give me parenting advice, I was old enough to be his mother! When I was thru explaining to him what his job was and wasnt as an airport security guard, I told him I would pray nothing happened to his child since he wasnt that concerned over their well being. I admit I went a tiny bit over board but I WILL not be sending my little guy to a busy airport restroom by himself anytime soon. At least I didnt get arrested. That would have added to my already difficult week wouldnt it!?
My intention with this post is not to insinuate I know more than anyone else. I dont...I dont live anyone's life but my own, but I do have very strong opinions (about pretty much everything...ask Michelle Marie!) and I would have never offered up my thoughts unless you asked. I am not a buttinski. But if you ask, I tell ;D I try to live my life with no regrets...no matter what the situation.
Susan
http://www.thesoapmaven.com
http://notquitejunecleaver.com
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TheSoapMaven
True Blue Farmgirl
691 Posts
Susan
LA
USA
691 Posts |
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Carolinagirl
True Blue Farmgirl
486 Posts
Kim
Rutherfordton
NC
USA
486 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 04:43:33 AM
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We did the "Cry it out" theory with both children... you do it in moderation, not just leaving the child forever crying. The first night, let them cry for, say, two or three minutes before you go in and comfort them- but comfort them in the surrounding of their sleep area, whereever that it. Don't pick the child up and tote him or her off. Even at that age, YOU ARE TEACHING THEM TO CRY FOR WHAT THEY WANT- which is not an issue at six months but at two it sucks. Then the next night, let them cry a minute longer. Literally, a minute. Do the same comforting routine. This worked within a week for us with both daughters. Neither are emotionally retarded, since I feel the need to justify the same as those who constantly pick their children up when they cry. It will always hurt to hear your baby cry- even when they are older. That doesn't always mean you can or should fix it for them.
My second daughter was more diffucult with sleeping. We attended to her when she cried- every night from 7 to 11 before she feel asleep exhausted. We were miserable. She was miserable. Finally, I read two sleep books, and it dawned on me that she couldn't fall asleep with us "messing" with her. Every time she cried and we picked her up, rocked the cradle, sang a song, patted her- it started the crying all over again, because crying was part of how she went to sleep, the same as I oonch around the bed looking for the cool spots. She NEEDED to be in her own space, in quiet, alone, to go to sleep. We put her to bed, made sure she was comfortable, and she went to sleep SO, that is the complete opposite of what every thinks one should do with a crying baby.
Do what makes you feel best, to the extent that it is reasonable for you and okay for your child. See if you can find this book- Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by marc Weissbluth. It's excellent and offers lots of sleep information and ideas about getting your child to have better sleep.
Kim in NC |
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threebusybees
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Mandi
Myrtle Beach
South Carolina
222 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 05:24:46 AM
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Hey Alee,
You know I can't stay away from baby topics. With our first, he didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time. I swear he was always going through a growth spurt and I made enough milk to feed a small third world country. I was very ill with Riley and severly sleep deprived. At seven months I was told by family members " to wean that baby and get him to sleep in his own bed ". I didn't have any friends with babies, so my own experience came from my multitude of aunts, cousins, grandmother, and mother. The doctor told me to get the Ferber book and we set out to Ferberize Riley. It was horrible! He cried, I cried, Daddy snored(which made me so mad I thought often of suffocating Daddy with a pillow). So eventually I stopped couldn't take it and we still weren't sleeping. Finally when Riley started walking he started sleeping. It turns out that Riley has reflux we just found out last week and he's 6. That's why he couldn't sleep. Just alittle more mommy guilt.
The point is there are alot of reasons besides being scared or lonely that babies cry and if you just leave them in there crying(even with checking on them) you may never know. My second was allergic to dairy and reflux, My third reflux and had 8 earaches in 6 months got her ears tubed she slept through the night!
Your child will not go to Prom wearing diapers, sucking on a paci(or bottle), holding on to a banki (or your hand) at least that is what I keep telling myself. So just do what you feel comfortable with it's a relativly short period of time when you think back on it. Thankfully I only have one in diapers to deal with now!
Susan, You go girl! I can't believe that guard had the nerve to say anything!
"There will no longer be so many pleasant things to look at if responsible people do not do something about the unpleasant ones." Madeleine L"Engle |
Edited by - threebusybees on May 21 2007 05:29:50 AM |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 05:27:02 AM
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I never did it no matter what anyone said. If you check all things & they are ok but still crying, you comfort them. Isn't that what we all want, comfort?? Thats just my input 
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 06:21:02 AM
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My baby is 9 months, I'm number 4 of 15 children. My parents let my younger siblings cry it out, and it always bothered me even as a young child. I hated it. So I haven't done that with Lela at all. However, she does "cry" when it's time to go to sleep because she hates to miss anything. But, I have a routine that gets her asleep every time. (a certain hold). I did the same with my nephew he would be out like a light in seconds! Much faster then my daughter. He would also cry cause he knew as soon as I picked him up he would be asslep in seconds! lol And didn't want to miss anything! lol haha I do what I call a swaddle hold.......it's a snug hold, where I am kind of holding all their limbs close to them. And it seems to put them to sleep very shortly! My daughter slept with us till she was 6 months old...but hten she was such a wiggle worm I coudln't get any sleep. So now she sleeps in our room in a small bed by our bed. She probably won't have her own room till she is about 2. But, I am playing it by ear, by the cues she gives me!
BTW, I would never allow my children to use a public restroom by theirselves, till at least 14! Especially a busy airport, where a pedofile could be gone with them who knows where in seconds! YES I am over protective. But, as the old saying goes, jsut because your paranoid doesn't mean no one is after you! Just because I am paranoid, doesn't mean there isn't pedofiles out there in waiting for unattended children! They are every where! And they scare me to death. And I know for a certain public men's restrooms, there is a LOT of pedofiles who use them as their grounds for finding victims. Even in my own church my step father was assigned the duty of kind of gaurding the men's bathrooms for children to be safe in there from pedofiles, as even church bathrooms, can be some where they are lurching! Makes me ill. But, I will do what ever I have to to protect my children. And yes even getting into it with a gaurd! lol haha After all, all women's bathrooms have doors on the stalls, no urinals.....exactly what is your son going to see? Or why would other women be upset about it, he is not seeing anything they are doing that would be private?? If it's too private, they should be in the stall with the door closed! |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on May 21 2007 06:24:00 AM |
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country lawyer
True Blue Farmgirl
1022 Posts
1022 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 06:22:31 AM
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Alee, as a loving Mom, you'll know what is best for your child.
For me? Never. Ever. Not once did my child cry herself to sleep. Having worked with troubled kids most of my career, I have strong feelings about parenting. I found most parents of troubled kids to be self-absorbed. Oh no, not my soapbox! I'm climbing up there. Let me down from there! Okay, that was close. Whew. I almost got up there!
Let me just say (since you asked) that I believe a duty of a parent is to nurture and comfort the child. At all ages. At all times. Even when the parents would rather be doing something else. If the parents don't do it, who will? Nobody. It is my opinion that this is a fundamental problem with our society today. For example, I know one couple who was letting their days-old child cry because they didn't want to pick him up. They said that they might "spoil" him. Spoil?! One thing I've always said is that some people treat their infants as though what is happening to the baby won't leave an imprint. Just because the infant won't be able to specifially articulate how he or she was treated as an infant, doesn't mean it doesn't matter. It still sticks to their core, their being.
Okay, okay. You just wanted to know at what age I let my child cry herself to sleep. She's six. And it's never happened. She is calm and secure. She has never had a nightmare, has never been awake and screaming in the night, has never wet the bed. She has none of the issues I read that the "babywise" kids have. Like anything else, the more work and effort you put into it, the better the result. Sorry for "almost" soapbox.
You'll know what to do, Alee. You'll know what is best for your child. Everybody (including me apparently!) will tell you what you need to be doing. People I didn't even know used to tell me how to parent. In the grocery store line, at the bank, wherever. Don't listen to us. Just listen to your own voice. Forget about the books. You, as Mom to that precious child, will know what you need to do for her. Go with that.
You'll do fine! |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 06:27:34 AM
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| UHG Country Lawyer.....spoiling a days old baby! Please. I know I grew up with that spoiled to death, etc remarks. In my opinion, love, care and nurturing is not "spoiling" a child. That is normal and helping them to be healthy! Spoiling to me implies or involves more of a material thing. IE giving them too many toys, clothes etc that are unneeded (I believe children do need toys, and clothes etc....but too many is also not good, they also have to learn to give to others etc). But, giving too much emotionally I don't feel could ever be wrong..as long as the motives are good and pure! So I'm with you sister! |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 06:39:41 AM
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I always think its funny when my MIL says that the girls have us wrapped around their little fingers...esp. after Zoe was born. babies dont know how to be manipulative! As most of you know, we wear our babies, and Zoe, at 18 months is still nursing, and we co-sleep and dont believe in CIO, etc. That is not spoiling your children and it doesnt' make them manipulative.
I really believe, and from some serious experience in the matter, that being a parent who is involved and an attachment parent is NOT about coddling and NOT about selfishness on either the parent or the child's part. It is about interdependence to build character in a child to be strong and independent but also able to see the big picture that they are interdependent of everyone and everything in nature that they come into contact with.
Okay, that's my mini rant about AP style parenting. My first answer was ust short and to the point, so I thought to elaborate a bit.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Blogs: http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
http://tasharose365.wordpress.com/
Homepage:
http://gaiasrose.etsy.com
http://ForestFaeries.etsy.com
Birth is safe, interference is risky; TRUST BIRTH |
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threebusybees
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Mandi
Myrtle Beach
South Carolina
222 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 06:40:01 AM
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It amazes me how many people believe holding a baby spoils it. Educated loving people. My own brother and sister-in-law were told by her mother that picking up their newborn would spoil it and they would never be able to put him down. Number one who'd want to? My nephew is so sweet and huggable. They wouldn't let anyone kiss, hug him, or hold him for an extended period of time. My mom and I would steal him away and kiss and squeeze him. They relaxed alittle, but now they've got an extremely attached baby. I kept telling them that holding doesn't mean spoiling, it means nurturing and allows that bond of trust to form. I don't get it? How can you not hold a baby?
"There will no longer be so many pleasant things to look at if responsible people do not do something about the unpleasant ones." Madeleine L"Engle |
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UrbanChick
True Blue Farmgirl
331 Posts
Ayako
Atlanta
GA
USA
331 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 07:14:58 AM
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We tried the let the baby cry method for a weekend. We could't do it. I think she was 9 months old and I was SO tired. I just wanted to sleep. The weekend was more like "let your mom cry in the hallway method". After 3 days of that we couldn't do it anymore. Turns out, my daughter wouldn't sleep through the night no matter how old she got. (I guess it's a common thing with autistic children, not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep) So I'm glad we didn't give in to the pressure of letting her cry it out and it gave our family more cuddle time with her. I understand the need for a parent to sleep in his/her own bed and have the marital bed back but in our case it worked out well to have her in our "family" bed. I'm still going back and forth from my old bed to her bed but she is slowly weaning herself from having to sleep next to mommy. She's 4 1/2 right now and she is on a prescription medication to help her sleep through
the night but she still needs to feel someone next to her at times so I go back and forth. It's a complicated thing since she's not like "normal" kids but long story short I'm glad we didn't let her cry it out because I think she would still be crying.
"Courage dosen't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: I will try again tomorrow." |
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Reepicheep
True Blue Farmgirl
78 Posts
78 Posts |
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TheSoapMaven
True Blue Farmgirl
691 Posts
Susan
LA
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 07:39:00 AM
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I just have to say I am so NOT surprised by the responses here. I think Kindred Spirits extend far beyond our feelings about organic food and making aprons. It is about WHO we are! And I just bet if all our kids got together they would feel a kinship as well. I had hoped I hadnt come across too strongly in my origninal post and I suppose I didnt. But I do feel very strongly about how we treat our children. I am with Country Lawyer, on parenting - even in the first days of life, have a profound affect on our security and ability to relate to others. If you want to raise compassionate, caring kids then YOU be compassionate and caring towards them. If you want selfish children, then be selfish with them. I think one thing Husband and I agreed on and was an unwavering belief of our - our kids do not run our lives...THEY ARE our lives. Everything we have done since becoming parents nearly 29 years ago, have been with their best interest at heart. Their needs come first. They were held and loved and at times coddled I am sure. But you will NEVER meet more compassionate, sincerely giving, unselfish people. They are close and comfort each other in times of need. They are good siblings, good children, grandchildren and friends. Do they have faults? OH YEAH!!! Do their parents??? OH MY YES! Do I have all the answers - NOT hardly! But I do know you cannot spoil a baby. And babies arent BAD! My dad (rest his soul) always said --there are no bad children, only bad parents. i know he wasnt completely right...but he wasnt completely wrong either.
Susan
http://www.thesoapmaven.com
http://notquitejunecleaver.com
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Carolinagirl
True Blue Farmgirl
486 Posts
Kim
Rutherfordton
NC
USA
486 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 07:46:58 AM
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Parents are not "bad" or "wrong" or raise emotionally warped children because they let them cry sometimes. My daughter has friends whose parents always attended to every wimper the children made, and now the kids don't know how to entertain themselves, to stand up and brush off a boo-boo rather than run weeping to mommy, and who expect others to revolve their worlds around them because their parents always did. I don't advocate leaving a child unattended wailing for hours on end, of course, but neither do I advocate picking a child up each and every time they cry. There are "wrong" ways to parent on both sides of the fence; you can only hope you are doing the right thing. You can never know for certain.
Kim in NC |
Edited by - Carolinagirl on May 21 2007 08:05:54 AM |
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TheSoapMaven
True Blue Farmgirl
691 Posts
Susan
LA
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 08:10:57 AM
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I hope that I came across that way...leaving the door open for other opinions. However, in stating my opinion, I am stating it because I think it is the right thing for ME. And since Alee asked and stated that she didnt "feel right" about letting her little one cry, I felt at ease reassuring her that there are moms (at least me) who had experience and believed their way had worked in their own family. This is something most of us feel VERY strongly about and there is little grey area for what we believe to be the right way. Just as you feel the same way about your opinion. I am a Militant Mother. And at times it offends. I am truly sorry if anything I said offened you. But if you believe you are right, then nothing I say should be of any consequence. When the question was posed I thought better of responding but what the heck...it is just my opinion.
Just bear in mind, if we didnt think we were right, then we would change what we do.
I firmly believe that every child has a right to be treated lovingly, nurtured, and raised securely and that it as important as feeding them correctly and taking care of their medical needs. I also believe it is the right of every parent to determine how to achieve these things.
I am pretty sure I was coddled and spoiled. And I have turned out okay. ;D
Susan
http://www.thesoapmaven.com
http://notquitejunecleaver.com
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 08:31:36 AM
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Peggy O'Mara wrote a great article a few months back about "sleep training" and it was wonderful! Basically she wrote that sleep is a need, not something that has to be trained. Babies sleep when they need to and are awake when they dont need to sleep. humans of all ages wake many times a night, though we are often unaware of it. I really recommend going to the Mothering.com site and searching for the article. Just type sleep training in the search function and you should find it. I think it was the Jan/feb issue of Mothering. It really was a great article.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Blogs: http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
http://tasharose365.wordpress.com/
Homepage:
http://gaiasrose.etsy.com
http://ForestFaeries.etsy.com
Birth is safe, interference is risky; TRUST BIRTH |
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threebusybees
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Mandi
Myrtle Beach
South Carolina
222 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 08:36:40 AM
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Mothering is a great magazine(they also did an issue on Baby Wearing a few months ago for your sling question) and Peggy O'Mara is such an inspiration! That is great advice Tasha!
Mandi
"There will no longer be so many pleasant things to look at if responsible people do not do something about the unpleasant ones." Madeleine L"Engle |
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Carolinagirl
True Blue Farmgirl
486 Posts
Kim
Rutherfordton
NC
USA
486 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 08:40:31 AM
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Susan, I had no particular person I was addressing my comments to- I was just addressing a tone that is presented frequently- that there is only one way to do things and that way is the right way, not a personal right way, the only right way.
I agree that children are to be treated lovingly and cared for as best as we can. The only thing that bothers me is that many mothers here believe that their way is the only way to treat a child lovingly and the only way to care for a child. There are so many ways to love and care for a child, and as long as the child feels loved and care fod, then that's the "right" way for that parent and child's situation.
I "love" my children by making sure they are happy, independent, wonderful people. To do that, sometimes I have to squelch the things that make me uncomfortable (like wanting to snatch a knot in the kid at school who is hurting my eldest's feelings... I mean, after all, my daughter might come home crying, and it hurts me if she's crying, right?) and do what I think will serve her best in her life. For me, as much as it hurts, what I think serves her best is to work that out on her own. It makes her independent and strong, even while it hurts my heart. To not give either of them everything their hearts desire makes them understand that things are not always given to them, sometimes one has to earn the "thing" (respect, a toy, a place on the swimteam, whatever), and sometimes, even as hard as you work, you still don't get it. That makes them stronger, even though it would make them happier immediately if I just gave it to them. I can't coddle them; it doesn't serve them in the end. I love them; I stroke them when they need it. But my point is- they don't need it all the time, even when they think they do. Most of this doesn't apply to babies anyway, but I know, at least from my experience, that even babies as young as six months, learn cause and effect, and what they learn they carry through. So far, it's working fine for me with my daughters, and they are becoming the independent,loving, creative people they are destined to be.
Kim in NC :) |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 10:18:36 AM
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I think we are all great mothers. Just the fact that we are thinking about our children’s well being shows that we great mothers. I think everyone has brought up great points, and I appreciate the advice. I am not sure what I will do in the future. Right now I am happy with co-sleeping with Nora or letting her sleep in the bassinet right next to the bed. She is usually either held or worn when I am awake, but she does get floor time with me or just by herself too. I was more thinking ahead (closer to a year or more old) about the crying issue. I love hearing about people's experiences with all types of parenting since I never know what will end up working for us.
Thank You ladies for all the wonderful sharing. I really appreciate everyone's opinion.
Alee
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greentea
True Blue Farmgirl
76 Posts
Alicia
Wisconsin
USA
76 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 1:47:10 PM
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We're struggling with this right now. My son is 9 months old. I was sure that at 9 months, I'd guide him to learn to sleep on his own. But, that sems to take place only in our bed. Sometimes I'm so tired, I pick him up and carry him over to our bed with out even knowing it. I woke up this morning with him deeply sleeping while holding my nightshirt sleeve. Sweet, but am I doing the right thing for him???? I do want him to learn to comfort himself.
My Stepsons, my husband's sons, CIO, and their weird, but fine. My husband and his ex are wierd to, so that's probably do to genetics. ;)
my son was also recently diagnosed with reflux, and I think that got him in a bad habit of not sleeping.
My doc says that 9 months is a good developmental stage to teach them to comfort themselves, but he's so far a challenging student.
I don't know what to do! |
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threebusybees
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Mandi
Myrtle Beach
South Carolina
222 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2007 : 3:28:54 PM
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I am sorry Alicia you are dealing with this, if you look at my other posts I know what you are going through. All three of mine had/have reflux. Without going to one side or the other, I would tell you to make sure he has the right medicine for him raise his crib( with a wedge or books at the bottom) and establish a routine. Consistency is key. In my family we had the 4 B's Bath, Breast, Book, Bed. We would Rock and cuddle and then it's off to dream land(hopefully). I wish you luck.
"There will no longer be so many pleasant things to look at if responsible people do not do something about the unpleasant ones." Madeleine L"Engle |
Edited by - threebusybees on May 21 2007 3:30:40 PM |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Letting baby cry herself to sleep? |
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Letting baby cry herself to sleep?
