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Across the Fence:  I'd Like Your Opinions  |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
 Posted - May 02 2007 : 04:55:28 AM
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on gift registry lists. I'll start off by saying that when I got married and had babies I never registered at any store; not because I had an opinion about it, but because I probably had never really heard about it. I can really understand registering at a store to help those who have "no idea" what to buy with some ideas. But is it just me or over the last few years have people started to use it to "get" everything they want? Honestly I have close friends who seem to be counting out the number of baby items they need/want and making sure every item is on the list. I almost feel guilty that I am making (gasp!) baby gifts and I will not consult any registry list.
Please don't feel offended if you have or are using a gift registry. I know that they serve a purpose and not everyone uses them the same way. I am just wondering if it is my circle of friends or if others have experienced this too. To me a gift is special, something that comes from the heart. I know that sometimes you receive things you have no idea what to do with or it's simply not your taste, but doesn't it still count that it was a gift?
I hope I don't come off snotty!! Just venting and seeing if I am totally in left field here!!
My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46,47
www.beequilting.blogspot.com
http://beemoosie-picture-diary.blogspot.com/ |
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Mikki
True Blue Farmgirl
1510 Posts
Mikki
Austin
Indiana
USA
1510 Posts |
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steeleyedjack
Farmgirl in Training
32 Posts
Constance
Erwinna
PA
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 05:15:17 AM
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Dear Bee,
Right with you on this. The meaning of 'gift' seems to have gotten lost.
There is a 'town' south of me full of new monied folks. Seems like a crazy lifestyle. The young women/moms always seem to be competing to outdo the next. Even little kids have registries for their birthday parties!!!
Gifts of the heart and hands always find special places in my home.
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 05:15:26 AM
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Bonnie, I TOTALLY agree. I went through this same thing when my step-daughter got married & had a baby. I thought people of means did this kind of thing because no one I ever knew did it but it seems to be everywhere now. Thats ok but w/ my step-daughter it was EXPECTED & with an attitude that I didn't like. I agree w/ the gift being special & coming from the heart. I am all for giving what is needed but I also don't agree with people telling you what you MUST give. Just my thoughts.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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Bee Haven Maven
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
Beverly
Pennsylvania
USA
1862 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 06:01:55 AM
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Bonnie, I gotta say, this has always been a bug-a-boo with me, too. I always thought that giving a gift was something that you did because you wanted to and it was from the heart....not something expected. It seems now a days that some folks want things handed to them....and then most of the time they do not have manners enough to extend the proper gratitude. So, you are not alone in this gripe!
Keep Smiling.....Bev
Bee Haven Acres
http://beehavenacres.blogspot.com/
http://beehavenmaven.blogspot.com/ |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 06:06:19 AM
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I agree. You should never feel guilty or misguided for making a gift, or giving a gift that comes from you heart. I don't know what you're giving, but I don't know too many new mom's who would appreciate a package of store bought onsies from Target over a beautiful heirloom quilt or handmade baby bonnet--even my sil, who lives in a dept. store. I used to work in the china department at Macy's and we had registrys for weddings, housewarming, retirement, and baby formal gifts (silver spoons, anyone?)...Some of these girls would simply register for gifts to see if they could get them (i.e, Waterford crystal baby mugs, and crystal handled baby spoon?????), and it was terrible helping families who "thought they knew this girl" pick something out within their budget, or not think she was a snob.
I never registered when I got married--we both had established households already. What I think is weird is that, most baby registries I've run across have silly, common sense things on them....washcloths ($1.99 for 4), or packages of onsies, or things that just seem like normal everyday items. I did attend a wedding this year where the groom registered at Sears for tools and household necessities. I thought that was a pretty smart thing to do--that makes sense to me, seeing that we were newly married and new homeowners with only a flathead screwdriver between us!
I say give your gift with love, in the spirit that gifts are meant to be given, and let all the other people say, "Oh, you're so talented....all I could do was buy something pre-made!!!" 
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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junkjunkie
True Blue Farmgirl
1306 Posts
Judy
Lawrenceville
NJ
USA
1306 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 06:12:19 AM
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| Ahhh...this one touches a nerve with me. I have a niece who had her second baby last November. She and her husband seem to be doing well. They have a nice home and are always redecorating or remodeling. Plus, her husband is really into electronic toys and manage to get the big plasma tvs, etc...the latest and the greatest. My sister (her mother) gave her a baby shower, which is the second one being this is the second child. I don't know if I'm off base, but I didn't think you gave baby showers after the first one. Anyway, of course, I bought a baby gift. As of now, I've never received a thank-you note. She gave a quick verbal thank you at the shower, but it wasn't appreciated...and it was baby clothes, as were most gifts. I know it's nothing fabulous, but I figured it was practical and they had a lot of baby things from the first one. My niece is polite, but there is something always standoffish about her with me. We seem to go through the motions of 'family' with holidays and such, but there's really nothing there. As a whole, I don't feel a real connection with my family. Anyway, (I know I'm rambling) the gifts I give are really out of obligation and not from the heart because of this feeling. When it comes to me with my birthdays, I'm lucky if a get a card. I really don't want or need presents, but a show of caring would be nice...I don't even get a lousy cake! They get each other gifts and take each other out for their birthdays, so I feel hurt. For my 50th birthday, I antipicated this and being it's a milestone b/d, I treated myself to a trip to Nantucket. Great place! So the air has really gone out of the bag as far as heartfelt giving is concern! Maybe I'm wrong to feel this way....when I mention this to my sister, she says I'm selfish and only think of myself and all that matters is being together. That may be true, but in my case I feel like an obligation, not someone they really care about. Any opinions? If anyone thinks I'm wrong, just be honest with me. I'm open. Ok....my rant is over! Thanks for listening. |
Edited by - junkjunkie on May 02 2007 06:13:19 AM |
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Tracey
True Blue Farmgirl
766 Posts
Tracey
State of Confusion
USA
766 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 06:47:58 AM
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It's funny, but as I was doing the dishes just yesterday I was transported back to that horrible gift registry when I got married. I'd have preferred not to, but there was my mother, and my grandmother, 'helping' me get ready for marriage. And one of those things was to register at the Bon (now Macy's.)
I had to pick a towel color, pick a plate pattern, and decide if I wanted fancy or plain silverware (or if it needed to be silver at all.) Did I want chica, or did I want stoneware? Will you bathroom be blue? Or will it be green?
Well, how do I know what color it's going to be? We're going to be in a rental with white walls...does it really matter? Evidentally, it did. Not to me, but to my mother, grandmother, and store clerk.
Do you know what we got? Three dinner plates. One salad plate. Two bowls. Enough 'silver'ware for two people. And a towel (minus the matching handtowel and wash cloth.) Which meant I had to go down and buy more of that stupid stuff to match what I hadn't really wanted in the first place if I wanted to have a guest for dinner.
Personally, I felt pressured into registering for all that stuff. It wasn't important to me then, and it's not important to me now (well, perhaps a bit more now.) But it's not a new thing, not at all.
My suggestion is putting together a dowry for your kids, both the girls and the boys, so they've got something nice to start off with. Hey, Darling and I are going to stock pile bath towels in neutral tones. Nice ones. That will mean she only needs to register plates and silverware!
Visit Quiet Storm, our adopted Mustang! http://wildaboutquietstorm.com
http://carpentercreek.blogspot.com http://mustangdiaries.blogspot.com http://marbletownangels.blogspot.com
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 06:54:34 AM
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I think gift registries are good if you know you have a lot of friends and family that are far away and may not be able to make it to the event but still want to get a gift. Places like target and Walmart post them online so you can just look up the persons name and order the gift online. They will wrap it and ship it to the people. For that reason I think they are good.
However Unless the above is the case I NEVER look at the registry!
Jewelry, art, baskets, etc.
www.willowartist.etsy.com
www.willowtreecreek.com |
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ponyexpress
True Blue Farmgirl
320 Posts
Sandy
Kirkwood
Missouri
USA
320 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 07:00:18 AM
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I always viewed gift registries as suggestions...sometimes I listen to suggestions and sometimes I don't. When it comes to gift-giving, especially for special occasions, I would like my gift to be remembered. Who is going to remember that I gave a single place setting of china?
I look for the unique but practical gift. It may be something I have made, or something crafted by another artist. But it will be different and memorable.
For those of us who have been married awhile, I say we throw our own parties and call it:
"I've been married too long and I need new stuff!" I'm registered at......
I've learned that it takes as much time and energy to wish as it does to plan.
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 09:04:08 AM
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Bonnie I'm right there with ya Kiddo..
I never registered.. ever.. But of course we were married back in 1977..
& had our 1st baby in 1979.. so maybe it just wasn't such a big deal back then..
i dunno..
i DO KNOW THIS..
& maybe this is just me being stubborn.. ( O )..
I NEVER even go look at their registry!!
My daughter even says "well mom.. where is she registered?"
I say.. " Really jennifer.. i don't care where She's registered.."
Because i am just going to get what ever i want to anyway..
Dang.. Maybe this is something an old lady does huh?
Because right now, saying that out loud.. i just sounded Like Wheezer from Steel Magnolias.. !!
Anyway.. it's true.. I may pay some attention to what their theme is in the nursery.. or if it's a boy or girl.. But i really am going to do what i want!!
BUT!! In saying this..
I have NEVER had my hand made Baby gift not be something that everyone didn't make a fuss over at the Shower & get passed around so everyone can look at!!
So.. there is so much more to be said about those of us that
think from the heart when we are thinking about the new arrivals!
let some one else buy that Diaper Genie!! it won't be me!
And your right.. Most people just don't seem to appreciate things the way they should anymore.. They don't take the time to really thank there guests .. Or send a sincere thank you anymore.. & thruth be told.. if you get one.. their Mother probably did it..
So many of the things they put on their list now are just a novelty item now anymore.. It can be wild!!
Sandy yours is in the mail of course!!
& HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDY!!!
Kathie
In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself.. |
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vintagechica
True Blue Farmgirl
438 Posts
Eren
Poolville
TX
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 09:39:10 AM
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I think wedding gift registries have served a purpose. But they have gotten WAY out of hand. Yesterday I got a birthday invitation for one of my boys friends. Inside the envelope was a card with information on where to view his birthday registry????? I couldnt believe it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A sure way to avoid housework...live outdoors.
Visit me anytime at my blog:
www.vintagechica.typepad.com |
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candismom
True Blue Farmgirl
560 Posts
Elizabeth
560 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 09:40:23 AM
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Oh Bonnie I am with you. I make my gifts too. I hate gift list. I like giving from my heart. The other new things I hate now at showers they give you an envelope to fill out your name and address so the person don't have to address thank you cards. GRRRRRRRRR
Hugs,
Elizabeth
www.athomewithelizabeth.blogspot.com
My shop www.theclothesline.etsy.com
I sell Crabapple Hill Studio and other Patterns. Pluse lots of other handmade items.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
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sweetproserpina
True Blue Farmgirl
535 Posts
meg
Vinemount
Ontario
Canada
535 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 09:43:16 AM
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This is a really great topic - I'm of the opinion too that I'd rather just get something special and unique for the occasion- not something on the registery. To me it shows that I really thought about the gift and the people I'm giving it too, not just looked on a list and bought something they said they wanted. Plus, registries can't be made for antique items! And I love buying those for people...
However, I do have a question: When fella and I do get married, we plan on going off to italy with just our best man and maid-of-honour, then having a big party for everyone when we get back. Will people expect a gift registry for that? I'd rather not, but I know some people like the ease of it, especially if they are far away. What is the etiquette when you elope???
One more thing to add: I love the dowry idea to get young people started out with all they need! Set each child up with a hope chest. I have a beautiful set of Birks silverware because my godparents were smart folks. For every birthday and christmas when I was young I would get a fork or a spoon etc. (I can't say I really appreciated them at age 7,) but now! Well, I am pleased as punch that they thought ahead like that. They were also good at picking the style - simple and classic, so even twenty years from now, they will still look lovely.
"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world."
http://theprimroseway.blogspot.com/ |
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Aunt George
True Blue Farmgirl
1476 Posts
Georgann
Midlothian
VA
1476 Posts |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 10:33:57 AM
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gift registries are NOT something I like either. The only times I have even looked at them is if I wanted color suggestions. I don't use them otherwise.
Oh my gosh...a birthday registry for kids!! What will they think of next. That is horrid~!!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 10:49:54 AM
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I'm of the same opinion. The registries can sometimes give you ideas, but I like to make gifts or buy things on sale.
And the addressing your own thank you envelope is majorly tacky. I had to do that at a shower and just bit my tongue. At least I got a thank you for that one!!
I sometimes think my husband's family looks down on me cuz I make gifts, but oh well....maybe someday they'll be appreciated.
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 12:58:20 PM
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Hi Ladies-
I just have to throw my two cents in, having just had a baby and looking at getting married later this year.
I think that the whole expectation of getting and giving gifts is way out of hand in our culture. Gifts should be because someone wants to- not because they feel socially obligated to! Sure- it is fun to give and receive on certain holidays, but it can be just as much fun on non holidays too! Thats probably why all the swaps are so loved on this forum :)!
Anyway- I do post registries, but only as suggestions and a registry never EVER goes out in the invitations! As far as I am concerned- finding out about the registry should be word of mouth. AKA- when I register for my wedding, I will tell my mom or my sisters where I am registered in case someone asks. That way I am no putting pressure on people to give me items.
I would much rather feel like the gifts that I do or don't receive are because people _wanted_ to give them, not because they felt obligated to fulfill a registry.
To me, registries are just ideas and wishlists. Heck- If I am going to make one I might as well throw that Kitchen-Aid Stand mixer on there, but I don't really expect to recieve it. ;)
Alee |
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Across the Fence: I'd Like Your Opinions |
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I'd Like Your Opinions
