| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| musicmommy |
Posted - Jul 05 2012 : 4:50:41 PM
When you live in a town of only 3000, chances are you know the people involved. And we do.
Yesterday, a family was found in their home. Murder/suicide. Husband, wife and two children. The son was on my son's basketball team last season and my husband was the assistant coach. So, we are shaken by this news and still in shock that this has happened here. My heart is broken tonight.
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
Bob Marley
www.becomingwendy.wordpress.com |
| 17 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| JerseyGirl |
Posted - Jul 11 2012 : 05:09:17 AM
What terrible news, Wendy. I'm so sorry for all that loved them. |
| prayin granny |
Posted - Jul 11 2012 : 04:22:44 AM
Wendy,
Prayers for you and your community. Hearing things like this is so heartbreaking on the news, it's even more difficult when it hits so close to home.
You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers!
Farmgirls hugs,
Linda
Country at Heart |
| AnnieinIdaho |
Posted - Jul 10 2012 : 6:57:48 PM
Hi Wendy,
I have a bit of information on why someone engages in a murder/suicide. I received the information years ago from a psychiatrist who was treating my now ex-husband, who was suicidal and also tried to shoot me then put the gun to his own head. I escaped with no injuries. I won't go into all the details because it is too much information. It was a long time ago. Yeah! But when he finally was committed and in treatment I learned from the psychiatrist at the hospital that sometimes one of the reasons people kill their wives and children is that they are viewed/believed to be/perceived as extensions of themselves, and to truly "do away" with their self, they also kill anyone who they view as an extension of who they are. The suicidal person is so enmeshed with them they cannot separate them from who they are..the roles are so strong. I think this event is large enough that a few discussions with a counselor may help your son regain trust in others. Best to you now. This doesn't explain how someone can do these acts, but sheds a bit of light on why sometimes it extends to loved ones.
Annie
"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'. |
| Joey |
Posted - Jul 09 2012 : 10:24:44 PM
Wendy, still sending prayers for all involved. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| darlenelovesart |
Posted - Jul 09 2012 : 9:20:18 PM
Prayers...
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Jul 09 2012 : 11:47:29 AM
That's just terrible...and it's very difficult for a child to comprehend the loss of someone their age, violent or otherwise, but at the hand of a parent is something that...well, you simply can't comprehend.
Last Summer, my dear friend called me here at work to tell me that a mutual friend's husband and son had been killed, along with 6 other people, in a shooting rampage near Akron, Ohio. The boy and my friend's boys were best friends, also scout mates. The gunman, a relative, had a "supposed" family dispute and killed the father first, then the neighbors who had, over the years, given him grief about cleaning his property, and then just anyone who seemed to be about on this quiet little street. What was most terrifying, was that the son ran and hid in the basement of a home and was eventually found, hunted by the gunman and shot at close range in front of the family that harbored him, including a small boy who told him he wouldn't be alone.
Aside from this being beyond comprehending for adults, my friend's two boys just could NOT understand why anyone would shoot a child--and their questions and fears progressed over the months and they ended up in counseling.
The school, (since this terrible thing happened just before they were beginning junior high), had grief counselors on hand at the school and when school started. I think it's good that you spoke with him about it, and encourage him to ask questions--even if they come in a month's time. Children are notorious for pushing hurt down, so as not to alarm or disappoint adults, so make sure he knows that he can talk to you about this at anytime, anywhere.
I'm sorry for this family--I'll still never understand what happens inside someone's head that makes them take the lives of people they love.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
| musicmommy |
Posted - Jul 09 2012 : 11:25:10 AM
Thanks everyone!
My hubby and I decided that there is nothing to prepare parents for telling their child that a former teammate was murdered. It seems wrong to even write those words. Dh told our son a bit about what had happened and that even though they weren't close friends, it is ok to mourn the loss of a teammate. DS just kept asking why. Why would someone do this? Why would a dad kill his own children? Did J know his dad was getting ready to shoot him? We answered as honestly as we could while still giving our ds some peace about our lives. At one point, he took me to the side and asked if I thought if we would ever make dad angry enough to do the same thing. I reassured him that dh would never consider hurting us no matter how angry he got. Ds told me he thought the same thing, but wanted to make sure I knew that. Sigh...broke my heart.
Now, we start the process of healing. I guess that is one of the good things about living in a smaller town, you hurt together, but you also heal together.
I do appreciate your kind words, thoughts and prayers.
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
Bob Marley
www.becomingwendy.wordpress.com |
| crafter |
Posted - Jul 09 2012 : 08:40:45 AM
I'm so sorry for the loss for your community...keeping all in my prayers!
Lori
Gernerosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need! |
| Alee |
Posted - Jul 09 2012 : 05:49:47 AM
Oh my word! I am so sorry to hear about this. What a sad thing to have happen!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| craftingram |
Posted - Jul 09 2012 : 05:18:34 AM
Wendy, just wanted to check up on how you are doing. I was so sad to hear about the heartbreaking event in your little town. It's impossible to understand what could drive a person to such desperate measures. Have you sat down with your son and talked about this? Praying for all involved in this tragedy.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #2708
Romans 8: 38,39 |
| Joey |
Posted - Jul 05 2012 : 11:37:49 PM
Oh Wendy, how sad. Annette said it so well. I am so sorry. As a psych. RN, it always upsets me when I hear about a suicide. I wish I could hug you close and your son is so blessed to have such caring parents. What a sad time for your community. Sending prayers that God will comfort your hearts. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| AnnieinIdaho |
Posted - Jul 05 2012 : 11:11:44 PM
Hi Wendy,
It is difficult to figure out the timing in talking about what happened, but it is important. Because your son will sense something is wrong anyway. By coming forward saying you have called a family meeting to talk about a tragedy that has happened your son will learn to trust you even more. He will know you were not trying to hide anything from him and that you value him. It is never fun to be the last to know something, even in terrible news because you wonder why you were kept out of the loop. I have learned that secrets sift thru the sands of time to the surface revealing the truth anyway, so it is better he hears the news directly from you his parents. Then you can offer coping skills and let him know he may experience confusion, sadness, etc and that it is okay to feel these things. You can use the time to remind him that you are there for him in any situation. Best to you, and I am so sorry for your loss, especially when you have invested in a future that did not come to fruition. Know you were a positive experience in that life at the time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Annie
"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'. |
| musicmommy |
Posted - Jul 05 2012 : 9:46:15 PM
Thank you so much ladies.
We haven't spoken with our son, Christian, about it yet. Just not sure how to do this part of it. We thought that maybe we wouldn't bring it up because they weren't really friends, but then realized he will probably hear about it from neighborhood kids so we need to. He thinks I'm being weird because I keep hugging him every time he walks by, but I just can't stop myself. I can't imagine the brokeness and pain that would have to be there to cause a father to take his own child's life.
We don't know how to tell our son, but we will. And it will be accompanied by a lot of hugs and reassurances of how much he is loved by both of us. I'm struggling with this.
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
Bob Marley
www.becomingwendy.wordpress.com |
| laurentany |
Posted - Jul 05 2012 : 7:16:00 PM
How terrible. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family and all those affected by this tragedy.
Praying for healing and peace.
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Jul 05 2012 : 5:32:37 PM
My prayers are with you and your family. I'm so sorry for the loss of this family.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
| clothedinscarlet |
Posted - Jul 05 2012 : 5:19:34 PM
Oh goodness! I'm so sorry for you and this family's loved ones and friends :( I can't imagine something so awful happening so close to home.
I pray that God will pour a peace into your heart that is beyond your understanding and heal your broken heart. I also pray that fear will not enter your heart or mind and that, though you are troubled, your sleep will be peaceful.
BIG farmgirl hugs coming your way!
Farmgirl Sister #1110
Siobhan - AKA Liza-Jane (my farmgirl name), wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
| darlenelovesart |
Posted - Jul 05 2012 : 5:01:21 PM
My prayers are there for you Wendy and for who ever else was family and friends to them.
What a tragedy for everyone when that sort of thing happens.
take care
love
darlene
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer |
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