| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| emtfarmer |
Posted - Dec 11 2011 : 09:02:05 AM
. . .is raising its ugly head this morning. I need something; prayer? I don't know anymore.
For anyone that has never suffered from depression, it is hard to explain. There is no physical pain, unless heartbreak qualifies. Its not something that a shot of morphine can fix; there is no immediate relief. Everything snowballs, particulary if you question your faith.
I panic about our circumstances; only one of us working, me finally finding a job but having to drive 500 miles a week, my husband's little bit of unemployment check running out in Feb, he is looking as hard as he can but rejection letters are getting us both down.
Then I think to myself, well, I guess this is happening because I don't trust God as I should. I try to be grateful for what I do have, but then I become afraid. For example, this morning I was grateful for a place to live (rent) but what if He takes that away from me? Am I to be like Job? How far will God take us to teach us what we need through our current hardship? When you're depressed, the questions come, the panic comes, the questioning of your faith comes, then the fear of punishment comes because you question your faith.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
I question why this is happening because my wants are not much different than my needs. I want security of a home; not a rental home but my own, paid for home. And a single-wide mobile home would be fine! We would like some land so we can become self-sufficient. We don't pray for a million-dollar home; we don't pray for expensive cars. All we want is our own home, a job for him that affords for me to stay at that home, and a pick-up truck for each of us.
I'm rambling. I know faith, friends, peace of mind, the desire to help those less fortunate should be included. And it is.
I guess I am asking for prayer, assurance that things will get better. Has anyone else been through the same thing? How did you survive? Please let me know.
Thank you all for listening.
Darlene
"Support your local fire departments and rescue squads...volunteers making a difference" |
| 13 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| ptroupe |
Posted - Dec 14 2011 : 10:02:18 PM
Darlene,
May our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, give you the peace that passeth all understanding. Please know that I am praying for you and your family. God WILL come through---in His OWN time--which is hard to understand sometimes because we all want it in our time. I am guilty of this, too, but just know that God is with you. Keep up the faith. When you least expect it, is more than likely when it will happen---because that will be HIS time.
Portia
Wishing for the country life! |
| grace gerber |
Posted - Dec 14 2011 : 7:36:17 PM
Darlene - the struggles we are dealing with these days are weighting on all of us and some day's it is amazing to just stand!!! That is where I start - If I can stand up, stand in the knowing that I am getting another day, stand in the heart that I am loved by those I may never meet and a higher power that loves me no matter what - NO MATTER WHAT! Yes, I have walked on easy paths and paths full of pain and sarrow - loss and change is never easy but it is the way in which we learn how strong we are even when we feel like we can not take one more blow. Please know that there are many here for you, many of us going thru the same trials and sometimes worse. I will put you in my thoughts, prayers and heart - you are not alone.
Grace Gerber
Larkspur Funny Farm and Fiber Art Studio
Where the spirits are high and the fiber is deep
http://www.larkspurfunnyfarm.etsy.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.blogspot.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.artfire.com
|
| ceejay48 |
Posted - Dec 13 2011 : 1:22:38 PM
Darlene,
I, too, KNOW about depression!
I will be praying for you!
CJ
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665.
2010 Farmgirl Sister of the Year
Mother Hen: FARMGIRLS SOUTHWEST HENHOUSE
From my Hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
the "Purple Thistle" http://www.ceejay48.etsy.com
From my Heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
Through my lens - http://ceejayscamera.shutterfly.com/
From my Hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
| crafter |
Posted - Dec 13 2011 : 12:55:45 PM
Darlene- I know that feeling of closing in and doubting your faith, all too well. Sometimes feeling so alone- it hurts so much. Please know I am praying for you and your husband. We are all here for you- to pray for you and lift you up. Farmgirls are an incredible bunch of ladies here- I say that from past experiences- I love each and every one from the bottom of my heart.
Keep praying!! and we will too!
Lori |
| emtfarmer |
Posted - Dec 12 2011 : 5:46:59 PM
Oh, dear sisters, my heart breaks for those of you that know what I'm talking about and are going through a lot of the same things, but my heart and spirits are uplifted by your encouragement.
Today is a little better. Thank you all so much for your support. On days like yesterday, I was feeling that I alone was suffering but in reading your responses, I am very humbled. I am so grateful for you to take the time to think of me.
Hugs and my prayers to you,
Darlene
"Support your local fire departments and rescue squads...volunteers making a difference" |
| Kim L. |
Posted - Dec 12 2011 : 12:06:42 PM
Darlene, Depression can be very overwhelming. I know there are days that we all struggle to find even the simplest joys but those are the ones that will get you through :) Praying you are lifted up by all our thoughts and prayers.
~Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.~
Mother Teresa
|
| laurentany |
Posted - Dec 12 2011 : 06:24:23 AM
Dear Darlnene,
I think that we can ALL relate on some level. Yes its different for everyone, but to some degree I think we can all just feel "down" sometimes. I understand your frustration in that you are not asking for things out of the "norm" just the basics to live by- and have Faith- for HE will provide them for you- in HIS time.
I pray that you are uplifted by all of your farmgirl sisters who are praying for you and that you feel our friendship. Take one day at a time and try not to think too far into the future.
Blessings to you and Merry Christmas!
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
| nut4fabric |
Posted - Dec 12 2011 : 06:19:05 AM
Going through a bit of that myself right now. Trying to be positive but close to tears all the time. Just feel so darn tired of struggling with everything.
Hugs, Kathy |
| pnickols |
Posted - Dec 12 2011 : 05:56:35 AM
hang in there Darlene, have been in your shoes and actually am still pretty close, we've been thru lots of financial hard times. It's so scary and it preys on your mind constantly. It does get better just slowly and I have discovered things do work out somehow someway they do. I still get depressed and wish I could just be comfortable without the constant stress and worry about the almighty dollar. I'll pray for you for some peace of mind. |
| acairnsmom |
Posted - Dec 11 2011 : 5:36:33 PM
Oh and I wanted to say, to just give him thanks for the good things you have right now. Your job, the roof over your head, your DH, your current method of transportation...all the other things that you have right at this very moment. Don't worry that they may be taken away, you have them now and your needs are being met right now.
I battling some depression myself right now (yes heartbreak qualifies as physical pain, at least in my book). Lost my 15 year old walking buddy (dog). DH and I both might be out of work come January and I'm driving our only car that has 170,000 miles on it and if DH loses his job he'll also lose his work truck. We've got two mortgages right now and way too much credit card debt due to trying to get some of my dental problems fix and then the dog got sick and we spent way too much in trying to hold on to him a little longer...the list goes on. So I'm practicing what I preached in my ealier post. God wants me to go through this for whatever reason and he knows way more than I do about my future, so I'm just steppping back and not worrying about it. I KNOW he's got everything under control. I may lose it all but as long as I've got DH and God, I'll have more than enough.
Audrey
.jpg) Good boy Hobbs! I love and miss you. |
| acairnsmom |
Posted - Dec 11 2011 : 5:26:35 PM
Oh sweetie. I know exactly what your talking about and it's a never ending cycle isn't it? I tend to blame my lack of faith when things go wrong in my life too. But last year as I was spending the whole New Years weekend crying and questioning, God showed me this passage:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11 NIV When ever I find myself going down the old path of questioning I remember this verse and repeat it to myself over and over...It helps calm me and center me. I find if I just talk to God and tell him that he's told me that he wants to prosper me and not harm me, then I ask him to give me his peace. Afterwards I feel I can get past the crippling fear of the future. I may still go through what I was dreading but I figure I need to go through this so I can then see what God had in store for me all along. And sure enough, when the crisis has passed I see the good he had in mind for me. Mind you I'm not a name it and claim it gal and you can't use this to win the lottery. But if you use to to reassure yourself that God isn't mad at you, you can face your challenges a little easier. I hope what I just wrote makes a little sense.
{{{hugs}}}
Audrey
Good boy Hobbs! I love and miss you. |
| Cherime |
Posted - Dec 11 2011 : 4:28:10 PM
Blessings Darlene. He is always with you and will not fail you regardless of how you feel, he is always faithful and certainly loves us all sufficiently so that a lapse of faith nor any other thing can take us from his hand.
CMF |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Dec 11 2011 : 12:15:02 PM
Dear Heavenly Father, I just want to lift Darlene up to you today. Please let her know that You are there for her no matter what happens. That it's not anything that she's doing "wrong". Please help her to get through thses hard times. And to not question her faith. Because the closer we are to You, the harder it seems to get. You know her heart and where she is right now. You are the One that can help her at this time. I just pray that she feels Your love for her and she feels Your strength. And I pray You will strengthen her and give her what she needs to trust in You and believe that You love her SO much that it hurts. I know You want the best for her. And You always provide. I know this in my own life, Lord. We have never been without. I know You have wonderful plans for Darlene. Please help her to know You are there for her right now. Give her the comfort she needs right now, Lord. I ask this in your precious Holy name, Amen.
Happiness is simple. |
|
|
