| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| campchic |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 5:39:34 PM
Please say a little prayer for me. My heart is heavy. My family is upsetting me over "new rules" for Christmas. I know times are hard for all of us. My youngest brother decided not to do the gift exchange this year. Which is okay. But when times were harder for my DH and I we still found a way to have Christmas for everyone. I don't want to be selfish over this. But then they expect me and DH to drive to town at 6 or 7 in the morning, open gifts, go home fix a dish for dinner, and go back in for dinner. We live in the country. Then my mom suggested that only the kids exchange gifts, which is fine only that leaves us out. We can't have children. So I suggested we do the gift exchange closer to dinner which upset mom. So now I'm the selfish kid again. Then tonite we find out that our foreman may be leaving us. He has been a Godsend to my DH and helping us get the business going. I hope that he doesn't, my DH needs him. And going into winter with a construction business is hard enough. But to lose your right-hand man would be harder. Sorry I've gone on and on, I just needed to talk to someone. Thank you!
Farmgirl #190
www.concrete-and-grace.blogspot.com |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| campchic |
Posted - Dec 04 2009 : 7:01:19 PM
Thank you so much! Your prayers and advice have calmed me down a bit.
Farmgirl #190
www.concrete-and-grace.blogspot.com |
| Julia |
Posted - Dec 04 2009 : 10:29:56 AM
Prayers ascend Erin. Oi, family dynamics! I so understand. I am adjusting to new dynamics myself. With the passing of my husband, holidays this year have really been different. I have 2 married daughters and I daughter still at home. My extended family always do Thanksgivning together, as we have/had 3 pastors in the family that Christmas with all the church doings made it hard to get together. As my siblings and I got married we started to draw names for family units. It worked well and them we got to where we stopped doing that. Now with my 2 married daughters, who spend Christmas with their husbands families, well, don't really know what my daughter and I will do. Since my married girls weren't with us at Christmas we made New Years our day. We have done this for some time. Now one of the MIL's is taking that away by planning a big family thing with their family. Kind of hurts as she knew I had all my kids with us at New Years. So, I guess I have to learn to go forward with the changes even if I don't like them. I so hear you heart and too feel like Shery gave some great advice. I pray that whatever you decide to do, however the day goes, you will be content and joyful for the true purpose of the day. I will pray too for the situation with the hired hand, either that he stay or that the Lord will bring someone else who will meet the need far and above what you expect. Blessings!
For tomorrow and its needs I do not pray, but keep me, guide me, love me, Lord just for today.
St. Augustine
#440
http://www.myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com/ |
| Diane B Carter |
Posted - Dec 04 2009 : 10:06:11 AM
We stopped giving gifts to sibling who moved out of the house, that worked well then I had 2 children and I guess I will always give them a gift (lots). Then they had girlfriends (more gifts to give especially because I love them too) I married a man with 3 kids all who have major boyfriends and a few who have kids also and a grandson. I quit counting who gets what gift but everyone who comes gets a gift. It may be a towel set, or soup, We celebrate the day before Christmas with my DH family and my sons the day after Christmas. Christmas is just my DH & I
My brother sends out his Christmas cards in July he has done this for over 30 years. He says this way you'll know I think of you all year long and he's just not another card to read & set aside.
I would not want to take a drive that lasts any longer than 15 minutes one way to go to the same place twice in one day makes no sense to me at all. I would arrive later after the gifts were given and if they wanted to show you what they got they can or not.
Remember the reason for the season and don't think about anything else. It is what it is and thats all it is!!! Merry Christmas
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 06:53:29 AM
Ahhh, the holidays! What they wouldn't be without some family drama :) I think that gift exchanges are difficult--and, when someone opts out, it does sort of ruin the dynamic..a few years in a row, my second youngest bil hasn't participated because he was "out on his own" and struggled for cash (um, he's 25, working full time and managed to party and go to Ireland) and my dh was very frustrated with that because he'd ALWAYS managed to give everyone a gift, homemade or otherwise from 18 on. I say, "different time, different people"
Some people just do NOT accept change very well. We've been doing it this way for "this" many years and that's the way it is. Give your mom some time, and approach the subject again, just with her personally. Tell her you're not trying to be selfish, but that you would really just like to travel once, especially with weather starting to turn colder and that enables you to spend quality time with them, instead of rushing around like a chicken with your head cut off.
I'm also sorry to hear about the foreman. Hopefully, he will change his mind, but if he goes, there will be another "right hand" soon to follow. There are good men looking for good jobs everywhere.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| peapicker |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 06:44:06 AM
Praying. I understand very well. We have been in and out of those situations for years. Now we just kind of do it all at our house and its so much more predictable. It was expecting one thing and then having the unthought of happen instead that let me down. We were the ones with six children that made for a great party, but did take up some room and could put away a little food. LOL Now, I have to be clear about this... I never let them just make pigs of themselves, but teenagers can eat!
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
Robert Brault |
| ceejay48 |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 06:28:44 AM
Erin,
I will be praying for you. I certainly "hear you" . . . we are in the middle of our own family situation, but I won't go into it. I'm just praying that we can work through our own thoughts and feelings before we actually have to get together with the "annoyers".
Yes, Sheri, is very wise . . .
I will be praying!
CJ
...from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665
From my Heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
From my Hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com |
| Roxy7 |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 06:18:48 AM
Prayers sent. We were the ones without children for many years of present exchanges. It was HARD. We tried to get the others to do family name swaps so we could feel like a paert of it, but that was always vetoed. I wouldnt be happy with the drive twice in the day. I would think they would be more willing to compromise. You could just tell them you can do one time or the other, but the drive is long and you can only do one.
Stick up for yourselves and do what you must to enjoy the day. |
| buffypuff |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 9:45:35 PM
Erin, Sherry is one wise woman. Am hoping that you can take some of her wisdom and adapt it to your situation. It is important that as you ask us to pray for you, that you realize that you are God's child and that He cares and loves you and your husband. In family dynamics,it is easy to slip into a victim roll. See if there can be some compromises. By the way for your husband, God doesn't remove someone unless He has someone else in the wings. Just lean on God. I hope that all works out.
Buffypuff/ Claudia
Farmgirl & Sister #870
"Half of success is the assurance of support along the way." cr
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| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 7:35:07 PM
Erin, I sure hope this situation gets worked out for you all. Families sure can be annoying at times. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Hugs, Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| Shery Jespersen |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 6:01:29 PM
I feel for you. With the passage of time, the dynamics of family holidays can really change...and the need for it should be understood with willingness and patience by all involved. Easy to say, not so easy to do...or expect of others:o). I'm on the other side of it now age-wise. My step-kids are now faced with juggling holiday plans; then add the additional obstacle of remarried families...and the kids and so on! It can be real life musical chairs and sometimes you might have to comb the hair back down on your neck due to 'some' people you have to contend with.
I was not able to have kids either. Fortunately for me, it was not a crisis. Life goes on and so did I. As far as family members getting their undies in a knot over holiday 'procedural changes', sometimes it doesn't hurt to suggest as politely as possible that everyone take a chill pill and apply a hefty dose of Holiday goodwill to the equation.
Are you able and willing to go in the morning and then stay for the day, making your dish at the home you will be going to? If so, that would solve doubling up on the drive. As far as gift exchanging goes...I'd have to agree with maybe limiting it to children. Afterall, the real point of all of all the Christmas celebrating is: A. Celebrating the arrival of the King of Kings and B. Being together as a family in honor of that event. The rest, all of the rest is just frosting and 'stuff'.
I hope you can work out a peaceful resolution, or at least that you find your peace in the middle of whatever happens :o)
For several years, a few family members were stuck in chronic crisis mode, passive aggression and general 'unrest'... and holidays were no exception. So, although it was hard for awhile, my husband and I adjusted our own attitudes and 'smoked peace pipe' with the way things were. I'm here to tell you it can be done and you can be happy in the midst of people who may not be.
Shery Jespersen
Farmgirl Sister #753
Ranch Farmgirl http://rfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org
My Blog http://reataroseranch.blogspot.com/ |
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