| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 31 2009 : 04:00:50 AM
A few months ago I posted about a friend who had a kidney removed due to cancer.
She did well for awhile then started runnng a fever and generally not feeling well.
She went in and long story short, CAT scan revealed 2 spots where the kidney was removed spots on her lungs and liver.
She got a chemo port in 2 weeks ago and started down the path this past Friday. Had 1 day of not feeling up to par, and got sick once, but was able to make it to church yesterday. She feels really tired.
SO! To show our support while she fights, I e-mailed my parnets and asked if anyone knew about the Livestrong Foundation. (Hubby and I ride bikes and know all about the cycling world stuff, includig Lance, of course.) I bought us each a Livestrong wristband and gave these to my parents over the weekend.
Their sundayschool class is mostly in Cincinnati, and most have been frineds for well over 30 plus years no matter the distances. So I suggested that perhaps to show supprot for Dona they could all start wearing the wristbands. The idea was accepted immediately, and most everyone was wearing them. I won't take mine off 'till Dona is cured.
Now what's really, really scary is the fact that these spots materialized in less than 4 months. And its also maddening to know one dr. wanted to wait to start chemo. Needless to say, he was fired and Dona went to another dr.
So the wristband shows support, and is a constant reminder for me to pray
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| 16 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Annab |
Posted - Oct 27 2009 : 11:40:07 AM
Thank you all for the knd words and prayers
Dona's boy made the trip to our fireworks picnic this past Saturday since she couldn't be here. He was caught talking to her on the phone throughout the evening. My dad also said hi.
We dedicated the show to Dona.
I didn't know that swolen ankles can be an andicator of kidney failure.
Not good considereing one kidney was removed.
So Dona and her family have had "the talk" and have gotten all kinds of paper work in order. (wills, power of attourney...stuff like that
We knew this was serious, but this last bit of news really hit hard.
good news is, Dona does still go to work a few hours a day.
So it's not total gloom and doom, but still very serious and troubling.
. |
| julia hayes |
Posted - Oct 23 2009 : 7:45:15 PM
Anna, I was drawn to this post for some reason...I am crushed to hear about Dona. There is nothing more to say than that. I am crushed.
You know, it is my perspective about doctors that they are caught in between a rock and a hard place. Some people want the hard cold facts. Things like, this cancer is rare, it is aggressive, the survival is low, the treatment is grueling, the outcome is rarely good, you might want to get your affairs in order, we are learning every day about this disease but we haven't conquered it yet, modern medicine can only take us so far.......and so on. There are other people who would feel completely destroyed hearing any one of those truths even if it was applicable to their particular cancer. These are people who want to hear, miracles happen everyday, medical technology is changing and improving all the time, we getting closer to understanding your disease, not everyone dies, there is success, you can do it.....and so on...
I think it take an extraordinary doctor to not only understand the nuances of such a horrid disease as cancer and its treatment but to also read their patients and know which kind of words they need to hear and at what time do they need to hear them. I think modern medicine because of its advances has sort of become this institution that is somehow divine capable of creating miraculous things when the truth is that sometimes the diseases we face in our world are beyond our comprehension.
The bottom line is that we are distancing ourselves from one of most important truths and that is that someday we will all face our mortality. We will all face the mystery of death and we stand upon the edge of that and look at lives and wonder......
Mary Jane, what I wouldn't do to be a magical being and blink myself to your front door this moment! THANK YOU for your words of wisdom. I'm so sorry your daughter died. I bow deeply and with great reverence to your resilience and your faith. I bow deeply to her memory as well as to her spirit that continues to thrive in you. I just wrote a very long piece about the transcendence of hope to trust..I wonder if you should like to read it? I would be happy to email it to you....
Anna, I shall keep you in my thoughts, in my light and in the depth of my love and regard..Mary Jane....for you, it goes without saying!!!
Blessings and Peace always! ~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com
www.about-aria.blogspot.com |
| CountryBorn |
Posted - Oct 23 2009 : 07:30:53 AM
I truly am sad for your friend and all who love her. She is in my prayers and warm thoughts. Julia, as always your advice and sharing is right on target. What you said about just needing someone to talk to and not just someone saying oh, it's going to be fine is so true. I have gone through the journey with some of my best friends,ones husband had a massive case of colon cancer. We have have been friends for over forty yrs. and what she loved most was being able to speak her fears and talk about how she felt without me always telling her all would be fine. She needed to just let it all out. I know most people just honestly don't know what to say or are afraid to say the wrong thing. Just listen, just be there, that is so helpful. I can speak from personal experience that when you lose someone you love that is just what you need also. A lot of people do everything they can to avoid talking about what happened or speak the persons name. The sad lonely desparate feeling of loss that you are feeling. It means so much to just be able to talk about your loved one, to feel that they are remembered and not forgotten.That somebody besides you likes to talk about them and remember. You know, sometimes whether it is an awful illness or a death of one you love, the main thing you need is someone to listen to you. To let you be mad, or cry your heart out or sometimes to reminese and both laugh and cry. I also have to say one more thing. Be very careful about saying things like it was God's will or similar things. That one totally infuriated me. I don't believe it is ever God's will to see his beloved children ill or die an untimely death or suffer. My God is a kind and loving God and doesn't cause these things to happen. He is there to help you through them and to one day smile again. That is what I believe. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and I always respect that. But, when people said that to me when I lost my daughter, it was a hideous thing to say, I thought. Just my thoughts and feelings, no intent to cause a religious debate. I wouldn't even take part in one. But, I felt it was something that should be said just to let people know that it isn't always the best thing to say.
Hugs and prayers MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
| oldfashioned girl |
Posted - Oct 22 2009 : 9:34:34 PM
Anna, I will be praying for your friend!
Monica
farmgirls rule!
www.justducky48.etsy.com
www.justducky48.blogspot.com
www.duckystreasurechest.etsy.com |
| Annab |
Posted - Oct 22 2009 : 12:21:28 PM
It IS very scary
Especially if not caught in time.
Prayers all around for those fighting on! |
| dutchy |
Posted - Oct 21 2009 : 11:39:12 PM
Praying.
I talkdes to my sis in law yesterday and she told me she had a scary week. She had found a lump in her breast. Called the drs and had all the tests. And she found out yesterday it was NOT cancerous PTL!! They have to find out whether it is a cyst (spelling) or whatever but at least it is not the dreaded cancer!
She just told me yesterday because she didn't want to worry me I guess.
Praying for everybody who is going through this. My oldest brother passed away due to lungcancer and it is one scary and awful desease. I hate it!!
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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| Annab |
Posted - Oct 21 2009 : 4:49:19 PM
Sad to repoty our friend Dona has not responeded to the chemo. In fact, the cancer has enlarged 35%.
Did not know kidney cancer is so rare.
Dona is choosing to get help via local doctors there in Cincy. Some of us are wondering why she didn't pack her bags for the Mayo Clinic, or wherever there is a kidney cancer expert.
Her next 2 options leave her with one that doesn't have a guarantee and one that could kill her.
Sometimes I wish doctors would answer these questions before a patient gets to this point. Meaning, tired, tired of being tired fristrated and scared and just plain 'ole sick. Feeling like this and I'd want to throw in the towel too!
Dona and her family had planned to join us this wekend for our annual fireworks. Dona is a DIEHARD pyro momma and loves helping on the front lines. She also takes killer fireworks photos. So we know that for her to decline an 8 hour road trip is a no brainer, but also painful b/c deep down she wants to be here.
Her ankles were swolen this week and with the recent news.....she is in the pits.
So we'll continue on this end to pray and wear our Livestrong wrist bands. We had also planned to decorate a lot in yellow, so we all be sure to post photos for her to see.
This cancer stuff is for the birds, and I feel so badly for anyone adult or child who has to go through something like this.
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| Annab |
Posted - Sep 02 2009 : 06:49:17 AM
Praying is about all I can do from this distance. Dona and the rest of my parent's frineds are still in Cincinnati.
Thank goodness for the internet.
I have also known 2 friends who had Leukemia when they were young. My folks provided such shining examples of giving of one's self 'till it huts. Be it like you said...just LISTENING! I also have a giving nature and want to do what I can from this end of things.
When I ask "how are you doing?" It's not an opening to converstaion, for me ...I want to really know and will take the time to respond to the answer.
And I watched another close frined go through breast cancer and a double mastecomy. This person was sick too sometimes, lost her hair but still managed to carry on, go to work and fight through. She is also very matter of fact. One day when we were shopping, she yanked her wig off and said...this thing is just too hot and itchy. YES! Talk about courage!
So my prayers are with you and your family too, Julia.
We can and will get through this
Thank you for a thoughtful and very personal message.
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| dutchy |
Posted - Sep 02 2009 : 12:30:57 AM
Sometimes praying is the ONLY thing we can do. I remember when my oldest brother was dying from lung cancer. I didn't go to church then, was all alone. I remember praying to God then. After I came to live here, I did go to church and now realize I could NOT have managed without that prayer keeping me moving.
SO I will say a prayer right now for all.
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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| julia hayes |
Posted - Sep 01 2009 : 7:05:57 PM
Frannie, blessings upon you. I bow deeply in reverence to you and your journey. I'm waving at you from the path of my own!
thank you for your kindness. Truth can be very painful and I've been desperate for it. I've been so fortunate to be able to trust completely our doctors, nurses and staff. We haven't been without our blips and our need to double check recommendations but we trust that they are completely committed in partnership in this process.
I wish I could come over and spend some time with you. I'd love to hear about your journey. I'd love to learn if you had dark moments and light moments as I have. I wonder what you think about when considering mortality. I'm sure you know people who are not doing well and others who are clearly on the road to cure. I'm sure you've seen everything in between. You can not unaffected by this and I wonder about your thoughts. Email me any time with them..Your story is safe with me and I would cherish anything you had to share.
Anna, I've thought about this post all day. I've thought about your friend. I've thought about how fragile this part of the journey seems and sometimes is. I've thought about the resilience of the human spirit and its overwhelming capacity to love. I've thought how the mind gets in the way inhibiting people from expressing their true feelings. I've thought about how vulnerability, tears and sorrow have unfortunately been equated with weakness. I've thought about how weakness is something to be avoided. I've thought about that I've never known anyone to ever be truly weak. I've thought about the falseness of being 'strong.' I've thought about how strong one must be to get up every morning and face yet another day of living with cancer. That is a strength we can hardly grasp. I've thought about what it means to be genuine and true. I've thought about what it means to be human.
I send my thoughts to you. ~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com
www.about-aria.blogspot.com |
| frannie |
Posted - Sep 01 2009 : 09:48:14 AM
anna, i will be praying for your friend.
julia, thank you so much for taking the time to post. i have been on my cancer journey now for almost a year, and your words brought comfort to me, and the truth in them was really a great part of the comfort.
love
frannie in texas
home of "green"crafts,
where no scrap is left behind
(http://abunnystale.wordpress.com/)
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| julia hayes |
Posted - Sep 01 2009 : 09:25:49 AM
Oh Anna! This is such big news. I know this journey well. In case you don't know, my 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia in January 2008. She's been enduring chemotherapy to some degree or another ever since. You read it right. She is fast approaching her 20th straight month of chemo! She is scheduled to be done with her treatment in April of 2010! It is an incredible journey and your reaction to DO something, anything, is a very common one. People hear the word cancer and they rightly become nearly paralyzed with not knowing what to do! The helplessness and fear that overcomes the spirit in an instant is a heavy burden I know well.
The Livestrong Foundation is not one that I'm affiliated with but I'm certain it offers some incredible supportive services. There are many many things out there and I would encourage you and your friends to pursue as many avenues of support and understanding as you can.
Here's an important lesson I have learned. Fear is the most common and destructive obstacle to a process that requires complete Trust and surrender.
Cancer reminds us of what little control we really have and most of us loathe that reality so we busy ourselves trying to find things "to do" as a way to cope. There's nothing wrong with this, by the way. Nothing. People cope however they need to cope...even mal-adaptive coping mechanisms are a form of coping and require a great deal of compassion, tolerance and understanding.
Still, once the busyness wears off and we've run out of things to do, there's a settling moment. We see that the dust settles. The crisis is over but we remain terrified and with nothing to do to address the fact that our beloved is STILL undergoing the ravages of cancer and its treatment. We're hopelessly grasping for any thread to hang onto that will swing us into something we can control, and accomplish. But the air we reach for leaves us feeling frightened and insecure and so we ask, "What can we do?" We can't possibly be satisfied with the idea that there's nothing to do.
I think this has been the most challenging aspect of the journey. To reach that grinding halt of a place where there is nothing left to do. There is only "To Be."
Turns out, this seems to be the most critical place. The place where most fear to go and the place that is most needed. Your friend will reach a point where she's so tired of being tired. She's so tired of needing help and being afraid to ask for it. She's so tired she can't ask. She's so tired that she's insecure. She's so tired of the pity. She's so tired of people praying for her but no one listens to her. She's so tired of people staying away so she 'can rest.' She's so tired of everyone projecting their fear of their own mortality. She's so tired of feeling like everyone has moved on with their lives and she's stuck behind in the world of cancer.
Anna, this is a harsh bit of truth but I've been on the path for a long time and I've seen, heard, and experienced a great deal. Forgive me if my comment about people praying for her but not listening to her is particularly biting. Trust me, it has been one of the most significant revelations to discover. I hear it all the time. It isn't that people don't appreciate prayers and don't acknowledge their power and their importance. They do. Prayer, in all its many forms, is so essential to this process but there is an obscure dark side that very few people talk about.
I was talking to a dear friend yesterday who has been in the hospital since May with her 4 year old son who got a bone marrow transplant in June. Theirs is a grueling journey. She like so many other people I have talked to mentioned how dismissed she feels sometimes because people can't handle the degree of her worry and anxiety over her son's life hanging in the balance. People will say things like, "Oh everything will be alright. I'll pray for you." It is such a sincere and sweet thing to say. If they knew how much it hurt, they'd probably be devastated. What she wants is someone to listen to her..someone to say, "I'm here for you. Tell me everything. I'll listen and let your words flow through me. May my presence be like a gentle embrace warming you through and through."
People on the journey often find themselves desperate for the presence of others. There's nothing to say. There's nothing to do. Sometimes the most significant thing is to just be. But I'm afraid we're ill-equipped because of our fear. We call and ask, "Do you need anything? Can I do anything for you?" The typical response is, "No, I'm fine. I don't need anything." We feel a certain relief because we're afraid but we also feel incredibly helpless still.
The truth is, she is fine and she probably doesn't need anything except maybe a true friend. Someone willing to just show up with a tray of tea and cookies to sit a while or bring a movie or a book to lend...or a "Hey, let's do some shopping together." or a "hey, I felt like washing windows today so here I am!' or a "Mind if I just hang out and do some hand-sewing with you a while?" and so forth. Trust me, these friends get fewer and fewer over time. This is a natural progression and I'm telling you that it happens.
Anna, try not to be afraid. Don't worry if your wrist band breaks or gets so gross that you want to take it off. The symbolism is so good but it is only symbolism. You won't need it to remind you to pray every day. The fact that you posted here shows me that you have a deep connection to Dona..stick with that. It will take you places you never imagined and you will be the better for it.
Trust the process...trust her body. It will do as it is designed. Stay the course with your friend as she faces the unraveling of Mystery that we all must face. I will keep you in the light of my thoughts and love. I will keep you friend very close too. Blessings upon you always, ~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com
www.about-aria.blogspot.com |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 31 2009 : 5:07:31 PM
Thanks a bunch ladies.
It's going to be a long row to hoe, but Dona is up to the task. She says there's so much more she wants and needs to do...including visiting us in October so she'll fight at any cost! |
| Calicogirl |
Posted - Aug 31 2009 : 07:11:03 AM
I am praying Anna!
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
| Roxy7 |
Posted - Aug 31 2009 : 06:21:53 AM
Prayers sent. |
| britchickny |
Posted - Aug 31 2009 : 04:09:44 AM
Yes, pray, pray, pray. It is one of the things we CAN do when we feel like we have no control over these situations, which we really don't and that makes it hard. Yesterday a lady was in church who was literally given "no hope". well, with God there is always hope and there she was singing and rejoicing with us all!
I will keep Donna(?) in my prayers and you too, you are a good friend to help carry her burden.
ANGIE
"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance" JUDE 1:2
http://www.pinkroomponderings.blogspot.com/ |
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