| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| MtnGrlByTheBay |
Posted - Feb 22 2013 : 07:48:49 AM
I wrestle with "To Game or not to Game" all the time.
See, when I was a kid, Video Games were new. I remember when a friend of mine had an Atari. Yes, I remember playing Pong. About this time, there was an Arcade in town too, called "Dark Side of the Moon." I grew up in a small town, and there wasn't a lot to do. In the summer, a friend and I would go to the town pool to swim. Once the pool closed, we'd often go on Main Street to get candy. I remember one time, my friend talked me into going into the "Dark Side of the Moon." I FELT SO SCARED BECAUSE MY MOTHER FORBID ME TO GO IN THERE! She said, "Don't go in there and waste your quarters on those dumb machines!"
As I grew older, my parents NEVER allowed me to have a gaming system. SEGA and NINTENDO graced the living rooms of friends, but never mine. Then again, we were a one TV family too.
Even when I was a young adult, I never bought a gaming system. I didn't grow up with one killing hours perfecting my eye/hand coordination. So whenever I did toss a quarter in a Pac Man game, or grab a joystick at a friend's house, I was never very good at it, so I never really wanted one.
When I met my husband, and we lived together before getting married, he had a SEGA system. Ok, so I'll admit getting a bit hooked on Tetris for a while. His son, now my step-son, would play it when he visited during the summer, but I never allowed him to kill more than an hour or two on it. (I slowly began to admit that yes, it was a pretty good baby-sitter, sadly enough).
The SEGA was replaced by computer games. Sure, I dabbled in the complimentary "Solitaire" application, but my husband just LOVED being able to purchase PC games and then hack the heck out of them. Before my kids were born, and I had a LITTLE spare time, I spent a few hours playing "Tomb Raider." What woman wouldn't feel empowered by the busty and invincible LARA CROFT?? But I couldn't believe just how much time I could literally WASTE in front of that computer, as I desperately tried to get LARA to the "next level."
Finally, a full time job, household responsibilities and new babies, drew me away from the catacombs of Lara's digital underworld.
Then there was "the Wii." Oh, now this I thought I could handle... AND it got you OFF the couch, right? We had a grand time, "bowling" with friends, and were instantly lured into the Nintendo trap, and were soon buying our own console, "wii-motes," and "Guitar Hero Gear!" I even got the "Wii Fit" thinking, "Wow, this will be a great way to get in shape!" Yeah... right. It collects dust, just like any other gym apparatus, but luckily it doesn't take up as much space as a treadmill.
Last Christmas, I decided to let my older son ask Santa for a Nintendo DS – one of those handheld deals. He was constantly asking for my phone to play little games (yes, I downloaded one or two to use "in emergencies" like when the waiting room was full). Reluctantly, it appeared under the tree.
But WHY do so many people get so wrapped up in these games? I just don't understand the lure! My husband becomes a monster when his PC games don't work. He frets and hollers and can't think of anything else until the solution is found.
My older son got a PS3 this past Christmas.... and that was only after a long drawn out and irritable discussion with "SANTA." Even my step-son chimed in, and I found myself in the minority. Maybe it’s a gender thing? Fortunately, we got one second hand, so we didn't shuck out a lot of money. I never win this fight.
I hate how irritated the boys (including DH) become when the games don't work, or when they can't get to the "next level" or when I tell them to LOG OFF! I hate how much the stupid games COST, and then only get played a half a dozen times before they lose 75% of their value! I hate how they look on our TV center, and how I had to take the back off the piece of furniture so the stupid thing wouldn't overheat.
I WANT to hate these vile pieces of technology that my mother warned me about! But I can't...
I tell you this story because I seem to have a “If you can’t beat ‘em, you might as well join ‘em” resolution towards video games. Shoot, they even use them in school! I wish our house didn’t have them, but it’s a battle I have no energy to fight. And sometimes, I actually DO enjoy a role playing Video Game. I don't want to sound hypocritical because even NOW, I find myself enjoying the occasional evening on the couch next to my DH, as we take on the persona of "Haythem" in Assassin's Creed 3. At least that teaches History! So really... is that so different than playing Rummy with DH? We do that too. It's about time together, right?
I guess I just handle it with the MODERATION mantra. Most days I hate the zombies these devices create... but then again, there ARE days when even I like to just sit and zombie out in the digital world... at least... until the washer completes the cycle.
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| LynnDinKY |
Posted - Feb 26 2013 : 8:45:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ninibini
(Sadly, we even recently witnessed a teenage girl texting during Mass - all the way up to receiving the Eucharist, and then all the way back to her seat!)
Wow! All I can say is Wow. I'm astonished and dismayed at the lack of courtesy displayed by some people. Wow.
and by the way.... we don't game here. 3 kids and we just don't do it. We have a few games on the computer...webkinz, chess, etc. but those are limited to 30 minutes a day. We talked about getting a wii for them for christmas but neither one of us like the idea. I don't think that will be happening. People we know just can't hardly believe it. We don't even have cell phones. And I really don't want them either. :D
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 |
| sjmjgirl |
Posted - Feb 26 2013 : 4:37:35 PM
This is something that I've struggled with also. My son has a Wii but he's pretty good at accepting any rules I put in place. So we don't own any games that are violent and he doesn't spend a lot of time playing. I'm lucky that I rarely have to tell him its time to quit. He usually finds something else to do on his own.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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| MtnGrlByTheBay |
Posted - Feb 26 2013 : 09:30:51 AM
Yes, Nini, I agree with you. But I'm alone in my quest. My DH would NEVER pull the plug, and without his support, it's just not worth the fight.
My boys are 9 and 6. With the demands of homework, scouts and sports, in reality, they usually don't get the game control in their hands for more than a couple hours on the weekends. And that's usually because they get out of bed an hour before we do, and sneak downstairs and fire it up!
I know these games are a frequent topic at their lunch tables, and I also know that DH and I work with a bunch of very smart, but very geeky gamers. It's difficult to get away from. In fact, you know what they call the area we live? The "Technology Corridor." I kid you not.
But I still think our family would be better off without it.
And I have to shoot myself in the foot because just last night, DH and I had a lovely time, snuggling next to each other on the couch. I had the Assassin's Creed 3 Walkthrough book in my hand and he had the PS3 Controller in his. Together, we (through our character), learned about the politics of the Boston Massacre, whilst brawling a few Red Coats along the way. It was fun... but in reality, we probably would have had just as much fun playing Rummy.
;)
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Feb 24 2013 : 1:23:05 PM
Thank you, Amy... I still have pangs of guilt about it because he does miss out with his friends, but dang it's good to have my kid back! We had taken it from him a few different times over the years just to keep him in line, but this was the last straw. He's not getting another one... not as long as he lives in this house, at least, that's for sure. We're done! :)
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| MrsRooster |
Posted - Feb 24 2013 : 12:30:40 PM
You go Nini!! I have so much respect for you!!
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
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http://mrsroosterbooks.blogspot.com/
Farmgirl #1259
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| Ninibini |
Posted - Feb 24 2013 : 10:43:35 AM
Erin - we tried for years to allow the video games in moderation. Even though he had limited game play time, as our son got older, the games got more violent, and definitely had a profound effect on his attitude, thinking and behavior. His digital world was not limited to video games, either. As he matured, we allowed him a cell phone (mostly out of practicality/necessity), which progressed to him purchasing a smart phone for himself, and then we gave him a tablet thinking it would be beneficial for school. Long story short - we found it to be a bunch of expensive, unnecessary foolishness. We let it go on for a while, though, because he wanted to be like everyone else, and we felt he could handle the responsibility of it all and follow our rules about their use. Without going into detail, he "blew it" last month. His behavior and actions culminated to the final straw, breaking the camel's back, so to speak, and now the XBox and all the other expensive technology are gone - for good (with the exception of a basic cell phone, of course). He either returned or traded everything he had in for cash and now has an even niftier car fund growing in the bank.
Since then, he has been an absolute joy to be around. As my husband said, it was about time we reclaimed our son! He has started participating in many more activities, he has been extremely polite, light-hearted and helpful around the house, and much more engaged with family and friends. He is happier and emotionally healthier than we have seen him in a couple of years. He has always been a good kid, truthfully; but we didn't like the effect the games were having on him. They became part of his life partly because it was fun, and partly because it was a social outlet for him. SO many of his friends would play XBox Live after school and on weekends, you know? Today, it seems to be a very big way in which kids connect and socialize, indeed. But my hubby and I noticed that MANY of the boys spent almost all of their time online playing. We didn't see many of them getting outside and playing in the fresh air, let alone keeping up with the responsibilities demanded of them at home or in school, or getting jobs, or just plain getting out and enjoying the world. Quite a few disconcerting conversations had ensued with other concerned parents about the whole phenomenon. Their kids' electronics, and the video game, especially, was becoming their life. If it weren't for our rigid sticking to the rules, it could easily have become the same for our son. And to be truthful, even though we stuck to our guns, the effect it had on him was still of concern.
My husband and I also couldn't get over how many of our neices and nephews were NEVER without an electronic device in their hands - cell phone, e-reader, video game, tablet... No matter where they were, no matter what we were all doing when we were together as a family, they seemed to be very disconnected from those around them and very much "connected" to anything else - even to the point of sending texts while sitting across the table from each other! (Sadly, we even recently witnessed a teenage girl texting during Mass - all the way up to receiving the Eucharist, and then all the way back to her seat!) One family member reasons that this is the way of the world now, and that the kids "need" their electronics (including video game time) to connect with their friends, do school work, keep in tune with the world, etc. We don't see it that way at all. We actually find these electronics very limiting as far as socialization and education, to be honest, because the kids are so honed in to one aspect of their lives - their electronics and what they provide to them. In contrast, our son can use our family computer for internet research, email and school work, and he still socializes by hanging out IN PERSON with friends, as well as through occasionally working part-time, through Church and Youth Group. He also talks with them over the phone. He is an avid reader and even enjoys watching and discussing the news. We share a lot of family time in conversation and even debate at times; and he effectively converses with others of all ages, often to the point of impressing. Social events pose no problem for our kid - he is confident, he is aware, and he does just fine. Our son's not suffering at all! And oh my gosh - he has to get creative with filling his time! What a concept, huh?
The video games, especially, give kids (and even adults, to be truthful) a false sense of confidence, of success, of power, of socialization, of other people, etc. - of REALITY in general. Yes, like your kids, our son definitely would become very upset and angry with the game, and that would often translate to impatience, short-temperedness, and rude comebacks and snarky remarks with respect to others outside of the game. He didn't get this from us, he got it from the game and the people with whom he played (They all are a lot more free with their "self-expression," if you will, when they're outside of the real world and role-playing as adults - it can be shocking at times what comes out of their little mouths, believe me!). Not only were the games becoming an increasingly negative influence, we were noticing their highly addictive nature. We didn't like them at all, and moderation wasn't cutting it after a while - things only seemed to get worse. The ONLY reason we let it go on as long as we did was because all of the kids in his circle participated in the online gaming - it was a big part of their socialization. But enough was enough, and now it's over, and we have our kid back.
As a matter of fact, the other parents heard about it, and have given us nothing but kudos for it, remarking how "brave" we were to take such a step, wishing they had the strength to do the same. What?! Who is the parent here?! Sad thing is, they DO have the strength! As parents, we all have the RESPONSIBILITY to take control if we see something affecting our kids in a negative way! Kids don't dictate to parents and set the rules - quite the opposite! Nobody likes upsetting their kid, though, and I do understand that. And when you think about your kid missing out on a big aspect of his group's socialization and activities, it makes you feel horrible for "making" him feel like some sort of social outcast. Our solution is simply to make a huge effort in ensuring our son has other things to hold his interest, and plenty of other options as far as things to do. It has been a little rough at times because he does miss it; but - shocker! - he didn't die, his world didn't come to an end, and he's adjusting quite nicely. Like I said, we have our kid back. He is happy, healthy and whole. It's a beautiful thing. :)
I can't help but think that although there are many benefits to the internet and all the electronics available to access and explore it, and with which to socialize, in many ways the digital "toys" we all play with can also become stealthy sources of a major breakdown in our society. Their allure is very strong. Moderation is definitely a key; but if we find that even moderation isn't cutting it, then we need to be strong and "brave" enough to do the right thing. Don't be scared if you come to that point with your own kids, and don't feel guilty if you feel decisions must be made that will upset them. Trust me, they'll be fine. And your lives will be MUCH better for it! :)
Good luck!
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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