| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 08:06:44 AM
My middle daughter's teacher called me this morning before class started to ask me about Mina's home behavior.
It seems that lately she's been having outbursts at school. I've noticed in the last couple months or so, when she gets really frustrated with her older sister not cooperating with her (to the standard Mina thinks she should) she explodes in a torrent of whiny shouting. It seems like the habit has become so ingrained she's started doing it in school.
Sometimes it's because her sister is just being obtuse and not letting Mina get her way on purpose (the way sisters do) and sometimes Mina decides on her own that she's not being treated fairly ("Why do *I* always have to do that???????")
Whenever I catch it at home, I make her go lay down for about 5 minutes to calm down.
Does anyone have any advice to teach her some coping skills? I don't blame her for being frustrated dealing with a competitive 9 year old sister constantly... or frustrated with her classmates for not agreeing with her either, but these shouting fits are not in any way acceptable.
Her teacher also mentioned a recent oral fixation where pens, markers, crayons-- anything she can pick up goes into her mouth. All I can think of there is that I recently got her to stop chewing her hair, and before that she had a real problem with excessive snacking. (She still asks for a snack every half hour to hour of the day... never hungry enough for celery or carrot sticks though! Drives me bonkers.)
I'd love to get some perspective from other experienced moms and grandmoms!
Edit in case it's pertinent: I finally cracked under the television pressure and banned them from using ANY TV for the rest of the month.
No network TV, no netflix, no DVDs, no video games. I got sick of having everything being ignored if the TV happened to be on, and on top of that DH came home from work last night, and just wanted to unwind and watch a movie after dinner, and he couldn't do that, because the kids carelessly mislaid the player remote after using it.
Eventually (11 pm) we found it in the windowsill behind the couch.
~*~ http://silverstarfamilyfarm.blogspot.com/ ~*~
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”
~Erma Bombeck |
| 13 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - May 03 2012 : 6:27:54 PM
Thank you for all the kind words and perspective, it's exactly what I needed. As it happens the chewing DID start when her teeth started falling out! I bet it's related.
We have a wonderful set of teachers here and they are the reason I've stayed with the public system thus far.
Mina has always been an extra emotional child. When she was a baby one day a nasty neighbor called the police because she cried literally all night... here I am at 7 in the morning... dead tired from being up with the baby, just got back in bed by 20 minutes with hubby gone to work his early shift, and I get *bang bang bang* POLICE!! to wake me from my first precious 15 minutes of sleep in 40 hours.
She also remembers everything that her sisters do to her to try to play on my sympathy days or even weeks later (never works.) She has even lied about being bullied at school to deflect being in trouble for something else... ugh. She's just my challenging one.
~*~ http://silverstarfamilyfarm.blogspot.com/ ~*~
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”
~Erma Bombeck |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - May 02 2012 : 07:43:43 AM
My 4 and 1/2 yo son, if he wants something and I say "no and tell him why" will continue to repeat what he wants over and over and over again. I feel for you. I hope ds will out grow it soon.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
| KathleenL |
Posted - Apr 26 2012 : 08:42:44 AM
I have a 28 year old who still chews pencils. When he was younger that used to drive me crazy. Every pen and pencil in the house had been gnawed on. Now that he's older he tells me it helps release stress.
I think it's possible that something is stressing your daughter, not only because of the chewing, but also because of the outbursts. I know that when I'm stressed my temper is shorter than usual. I may lash out or speak unkindly even when I don't mean to. I read somewhere that some personalities react to stress in that way. Of course, now that I'm older and aware of that it's easier to realize when I'm doing it and take a few deep breaths to relax.
I agree with Alee on the breathing thing. Mina may not always be able to go lie down for 5 minutes but she can always pause and take 3 deep slow breaths. That's a skill that will be useful all of her life.
Even little kids can get stressed and I feel this is especially true these days. On top of that children don't always have the skills to identify and talk about what's going on. Maybe you can put yourself in your daughter's situation and really try to empathize with what she might be going through. Then you can talk to her about it; maybe say something like, "You must be feeling really _____ right now." If you haven't hit upon the right thing it will open the doors of communication and she just might be able to tell you what's going on.
Kathy |
| Montrose Girl |
Posted - Apr 26 2012 : 07:54:44 AM
I would agree about the teeth/oral issue. My 6 month old is always chewing on his fingers. He has two teeth already and the tops are bugging him. So for your daughter it may be that her teeth are getting ready to start falling out. We use a cold rag, but I don't know about that age group. Another thing to look forward to.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
| rphelps4 |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 9:25:07 PM
Jen, I agree there is something about that middle child, it seems like they are always trying to find their place in the family unit.My middle daughter was much more emotional than my other two daughters. I am a single mom of 4 kids, father left when my oldest was 11 and my youngest was 5, don't worry this is just a little bump in the road, and it to will pass. Just hang in there mom, no one said it would be easy, if they only came with a handbook and directions!!!LOL Roxanna |
| Alee |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 8:57:52 PM
One thing we do with Nora is tell her to take a deep breath and sometimes two or three until she can come down and octive or two. Maybe teach her that when she is overwhelmed at school to cross her arms on her desk and put her head down and breath for a minute or two until she feels in better control. Another thing is maybe give her another way of looking at her behavior "Your friends won't want to play with you if you are screaming or crying, but calm polite words usually work" etc. This is such a fun age and frustrating too! I am watching this thread for ideas too! ;)
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
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| SpyChicken |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 8:08:02 PM
Jen, you're NOT alone!! We're going through a similar thing with our son in Kindergarten too. His teacher says that he has a low frustration level, gets mad, etc. He doesn't hit or say mean things to the other kids or anything-he just questions the teacher, gets frustrated if projects don't go his way, etc. Like you, when we see this behavior at home, we try to catch it and use time outs, discussion, etc. Our situation is odd because our children are so far apart in age-one is 20 and Ben is 6! So I think sometimes he doesn't understand that his sister has a different set of rules-we try to explain and demonstrate that "life isn't always fair," and "no one gets everything they want all of the time." That often helps calm him down. We've also talked to him about doing his best on school projects and not necessarily worrying about if it looks like someone else's or is perfect. That also seems to have helped. Try working with the teacher so everyone is on the same page...unfortunately that's not an option in our case, but hopefully your daughter's teacher is a little more willing to treat your daughter as an individual.
I've also read that kids go kinda wonky when they enter new developmental stages-and I think with kids it's all about phases and stages! LOL Your daughte might be going through a growth spurt or even getting ready to lose teeth (maybe that is why chewing on things may be an issue for her right now)...just a few thoughts! I hope they help you. Just remember that these phases never really do last too long before they are on to the next thing-hang in there!! |
| sjmjgirl |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 5:23:02 PM
When she's in the middle of whining, could you set her down and remind her to use her words calmly? Sometimes younger kids need to be guided through their tantrums. I still find at age 10 that my son gets a little short tempered this time of year. I think they're sick of school and itching to be outside all the time. As for the oral fixation, I would only offer her crunchy fruits and veggies. If she's really wanting a snack, she'll eat it. Kindergarten is a tough age. Too old to be a baby, too young to be a "big kid". Good luck!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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| MrsRooster |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 1:06:46 PM
I am having alot of trouble with my seven year old right now. I am thinking of banning all TV, movies, etc. Thankfully, we school at home and I don't have all the other influences. But I think that TV can be worse.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
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Farmgirl #1259
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| gramadinah |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 12:34:02 PM
I have a very strong Middle child belief And that is they are usually smarter and quicker more creative with things as they have an older sibling to follow and a younger one that has pushed them into being older faster. I always found that a LOT more 1 on 1 is needed for a middle child. Not always easy but I feel needed.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 10:38:08 AM
Roxanna,
Only the limitations on her TV time! LOL We've been cutting back for a while because I notice it makes her very pushy, demanding, impatient and uncooperative.
But no, nothing stressful otherwise, no family upheavals, no great changes.
I think it's growing pains... and possibly the heat. She's just a little more emotional than her older and younger sister and always has been. I need to figure out a good way to vent that energy. (And get the message through that that is Un-acceptable in class.)
When I really think about it, there IS a girl in her class she has been friends with since preschool... this girl is prone to similar tantrums, but that child has a very different set of circumstances (she was born addicted to some non specified illegal substance and adopted by a nice elderly couple as an infant.) The girl is also a year older. It's possible Mina learned that behavior... or maybe the child she is getting in trouble with IS the friend and she's frustrated by her actions the same way her sister frustrates her...
~*~ http://silverstarfamilyfarm.blogspot.com/ ~*~
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”
~Erma Bombeck |
| pennyhenny |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 08:45:48 AM
I think it honestly sounds like a growing phase. Having an older sibling always frustrates the youngest ones. My niece is going through a bit of a spoiled phase and is upsetting some children in school when she doesn't get her way. Honestly kindergarten teachers have to be both a teacher and parent at this critical age of the child. My youngest sister had her son's kindergarten teacher tell her that she should put her son, my nephew, on some "mood pills"....of course this didn't sit well with my sister and she switched teachers and low and behold my nephew excelled and the new teacher only had praise for him.
Again don't most children go through a hard time expressing themselves at some point before they learn how to deal with all of their emotions?
hugs,
-missy-
http://citychickblogging.blogspot.com/
Sisterhood Member#4003
Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan |
| rphelps4 |
Posted - Apr 24 2012 : 08:19:38 AM
Has anything happened in the family unit lately that could be stressing her out?
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