| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Ursula Norsedottir |
Posted - Dec 20 2011 : 5:24:34 PM
Hi, ladies! I am new to the board, and just in time, because I need some advice.
My daughter, Rosebud, is nearly 7. She is in first grade. She is smart, an excellent reader, thoughtful, devout, energetic, and well behaved. In kindergarten she excelled, and stunned her teacher with her abilities and manners. We moved to a new school before first grade, and her new teacher, Mrs. Lovewell, is anything but what her name implies. I am a firm believer that children are just that, children, and while rudeness and the like are clearly not tolerable, it is impossible to expect a 7 yr old to not act 7 occasionally.
From day 1 I have been getting notes about my daughter's behavior in class. DAILY I hear reports about Rose not listening, jumping around in the halls, and talking during class. This is totally new behavior, and it started after a week of Rose crying through the whole day. She did not like her teacher, who rules her class like a high school detention room. Mrs. Lovewell is an unbending woman, and while I agree in many situations that is necessary, I don't think a first grde classroom qualifies. She does not listen to her students, and after sitting in on a quiz, I find that she spends her day pressuring her students to perform. I told her numerous times that my daughter does not react to pressure, but encouragement, and we have sat down with the principle to discuss it, but nothing has changed.
Now her grades are suffering. She does not do her homework, and very little classwork, When I sit down with her to get her homework done, she freezes up, and tells me she does not know how. Lovewell went over it, but my daughter is telling me she doesn't remember how to do it. MY daughter, the one who used to beg to pull her work out right away to show me what she has learned! Now she is blocking it out, not listening, and not caring. It has become a nightmare.
She is acting up more than ever. There is a boy in her class that Lovewell has no control over, and he is constantly pulling her into shenanigans, but never have I heard his name mentioned from the teacher. My daughter is reprimanded and notes sent home to me, but I do not hear that she is being encouraged to act up. Again, I had to sit in and witness it myself (my daughter does not know I am there). It has gotten to the point that the teach is willing to socialize and be friendly to other parents, but is cold and unapproachable to me and my husband. She doesn't want to hear from us.
I don't know what to do! I want my carefree daughter back, who was a sponge for learning and a joy to have home! I have started to get angry with her, and I HATE THAT! I now the problems relate directly with the learning enviornment that she has been given, but nothing seems to help that, and the teacher seems to think this is OUR fault. Lovewell intimidates her and pressures her, and I know that is not a healthy learning environment. HELP!
http://theblackbearden.blogspot.com/ |
| 23 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| JessieMae |
Posted - Jan 20 2012 : 9:28:03 PM
Oh, and if you do decide to homeschool, the K-12 program Alee mentioned is fantastic. It is what I used with my daughter (she was in the 2nd grade then), and I highly recommend it. You have the option of buying all the materials and teacher support, or just the materials and teach your child yourself using their curriculum. I did the latter and found it easy-to-follow, and the online interface is great for record keeping (which is probably mandated by your state to prove that your child is meeting state standards).
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
| JessieMae |
Posted - Jan 20 2012 : 9:19:38 PM
I've been on both sides of the table: I taught in a public school, and I homeschooled my own daughter for a while.
I know playing the devil's advocate is never particularly welcome on these boards, but perhaps it is unfair to imply public education is inherently flawed or call it a "crap shoot" because of a negative experience with one teacher. Unless the teacher is actually mentally ill, it is unlikely she is deliberately being cruel for her own enjoyment. The vast, vast majority of teachers are trained, dedicated, professional people with the best of intentions...not sadists who like torturing children. More likely, it is a case of clashing teaching-vs-learning styles and/or a personality conflict. It sounds like the teacher might be better suited for an older grade level, but keep in mind she may not have had the luxury of choosing where she teaches--usually classroom assignments for teachers are decided by school administration and are heavily influenced by teacher tenure, the teachers' union, school district policies, etc.
It sounds as if you have already made up your mind, but I can't help but wonder if the reassignment of your daughter to another class would have been equally as effective in solving your problem as pulling her out of school entirely.
I tried homeschooling my daughter when we first took custody of her from foster care, but it did not work. I had hoped it would help facilitate her attachment to me and that she would benefit from the individualized attention. But the lack of social interaction with other kids was surprisingly serious (there aren't many girls her age in our neighborhood, and once-weekly church and gymnastics classes weren't enough to foster any kind of deep friendships with other girls). Also, it take A LOT of work on the parents' part to be effective at homeschooling. It can be done, but it is a lot harder than it looks. It takes a lot more than stacks of workbooks and occasional trips to a museum or zoo to properly educate a child!
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
| Ursula Norsedottir |
Posted - Jan 09 2012 : 07:13:38 AM
Thank you Julie! No, we are not letting her get away with this. There is no doubt that others have suffered because of her, and I don't want the trend to go on. We are meeting with the principle this week to discuss the teacher, steps for complaint, and transitioning my kids to homeschool. I want to see if they can still attend music class there, and perhaps art. I already know my son will still be receiving speech therapy weekly. There is just red tape to wade thru. Meanwhile, I am trying to keep my head above water, swimming in curriculum and unit studies and textbooks, oh my!!
http://theblackbearden.blogspot.com/ |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Jan 08 2012 : 9:16:22 PM
Good for you Amanda! I'm so proud of you for taking a stand. I honestly don't understand where schools feel they hold some power. When I told a lady we wouldn't fill out the free lunch application because it was wasting time and money, oh lord! She said snidely, "well if you really feel like you shouldn't fill it out..." Oh honey! Don't pull that voice on me. Especially if I can homeschool and I have no fear of reprisal about truancy, etc. And what is that teacher going to do? Fail her? Whoop de doo. Homeschool and now she's passed. Is there a formal complaint process? I would start writing some letters. I would not let this teacher get away with this. I would feel like she had bullied me also if I kept silent.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| Ursula Norsedottir |
Posted - Jan 08 2012 : 10:18:51 AM
I thought I would update this thread with the latest and greatest -
After yet more unacceptable behavior from her teacher, we have decided this is Rosebud's last year in public school. Her teacher made a point of discussing my child's 'misbehavior' with me in front of other parents, interrupting our discussion to do so. She then continued on with the other parent with a light, casual conversation, and then returned to me with more complaints. As soon as school resumed after break, Rosebud's jacket fell off it's hook in the hall, and the teacher thought it was necessary to have a class discussion about my daughter being unsafe.
It is one thing to have to cope with peer bullying, but teacher bullying is an entire other realm of cruel. I have lost faith in the system after this. I am not going to risk my children's education and happiness on a crap shoot, hoping for a decent teacher.
I have stopped forcing her to do math homework, although she still does about half of it. When she gets overwhelmed, we stop. Since she is rejecting all things education at the moment, we only pursue them when she requests it, and only as long as she wants. She is finishing out the school year to finish cementing bonds with friends that we hope she will continue to see after we bring her home. At home, she is throwing herself into art, with lots of sketching and pastels, and I am encouraging it. Instead of worrying about school, we are filling out our days with boardgames, cards, and reading, when she feels like it. We have been discussing animals a lot, comparing and contrasting. She is already guiding me, and helping me guide her.
My husband is in complete agreement with me, in fact it was him who pretty much told me to stop being afraid and just do it already. I have his total support. The rest of the family is not so thrilled, in fact they are being just plain hostile. They, however, will eventually get over it. I don't know why they are bothering to yell about it. Their opinion has never served to change my mind about what I know is best for my family, so I don't know why they are continuing now. The definition of insanity is repeating the same action countless times and expecting a different result!
I want to thank everyone here for all the support you have given us!
http://theblackbearden.blogspot.com/ |
| Prairie Gypsy |
Posted - Dec 22 2011 : 10:15:28 AM
You could also look at it as a training situation for your daughter. We all have to work with people we don't like or care for and we all need to learn how to make the best of the situations. I realize that she's pretty young so having to deal with this for an entire school year won't be easy but since she's going on maternity leave it might give her enough of a break to get through the whole year. If she knows that if she doesn't understand something you'll work with her at home on it until she understands it and you do fun educational things with her she will make it.
Having said that I ended up pulling my daughter out of school after 1st grade because of the school's philosophy and the teacher she was being put with the next year (the same one she'd had that year and who I'd specifically had a conference with the principal telling him NOT to put her with). Ultimately I ended up homeschooling all four of my kids. There are tons of homeschoolers out there now and tons of resources. It can be overwhelming to figure out what philosophy and method you want to use. Check out local or state homeschooling conventions to look at what's available and talk with seasoned homeschoolers. There are typically a ton of classes for new homeschoolers and for those considering it. AOL use to have a homeschoolers chat room - don't know if they still do or not. As for your being short fused - its one of the great things about homeschooling - you can take breaks throughout the day whenever you want.
Farmgirl Sister # 2363
http://twilightburrough.blogspot.com/
Warren, MI
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| Farmer Judy |
Posted - Dec 22 2011 : 09:27:50 AM
Amanda, talk to the school social worker, she may make it easier to change teachers if she also sees the problem happening. She may also be a cheerleader for your DD while at school, giving her an outlet to let go of what is happening and talk it out. Homeschool is great but it is not for everyone. If you have other friends that homeschool see if each of you have your specialty subjects and share the burden of teaching subjects to a couple kids instead of just yours. You may find a mom that is good at a specific subject you don't feel confident in and with other children around there is room for socializing.
Good luck,
God bless,
Judy
Farmgirl #3666
Born a city girl but a farm girl at heart!
http://farmtimes.blogspot.com/ |
| Alee |
Posted - Dec 22 2011 : 06:38:50 AM
Most states have a program called K-12 which is a state run homeschooling program. The kids get a computer, lesson plans etc from teachers and they keep up regular corrospondence with their teachers (not sure how this works for the k-5 age range) but I have a friend that homeschools her highschool this way and they seem to really like it.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 9:47:22 PM
PS that day at the Garden, I believe had I been a co-op member it would of only cost like 2 dollars. I was fine not being a member and paying the 4 dollars, had I not went with the group at all I think it of cost over 10 dollars for us all to go.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 9:44:34 PM
I think religion is private as well. However, there's been a few times that I went ahead and went to my local religious home school co-op's functions.
You don't have to home school or be a part of their co-op to attend their functions. Sometimes you will have to pay a higher fee to get into it, but it's still usually cheaper then regular price.
For instance I joined my local co-ops day at the Botanical Garden, I am not part of the co-op but since I went with them, I still got a discount into the Garden and my kids were able to do all the projects they had set up all over the Garden's for kids to do. And NONE of them involved any religious things. They were things like planting sunflower seeds, making necklaces, and the like. There was a TON of things actually there for them to do. And I think I only paid like 4 dollars for ALL of us to attend. Another time the same local co-op had a book fair, and I got about 100 books for around 10 bucks! It was free to go to, and nothing religious was there, with exception of some of the books, but there were more then enough non religious books being sold as well. I only bought the non religious ones.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Ursula Norsedottir |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 9:28:31 PM
@Amy - I would love to hear more about how you work with your daughter. I can be very very patient with my kids, but it has a time limit. Although even that has been extending. I suppose it takes practice, just like anything else!
@Alee - You're right! Motherhood is the hardest, most worrisome, most amazing rewarding job I could ever hope for!
Hubby and I are going over the idea of homeschooling again. I was concerned about my son's speech therapy, but apparently even if he was homeschooled I could take him in to get it done at the same school, as a public service, with his IEP. Hubby's biggest concern is making sure the kids are well rounded. All of the homeschooled children he has met have been 'weird' (his words, not mine), but quite frankly their parents were weird too, and I have met plenty of well-adjusted homeschooled kids. I am trying to locate some groups in the area that are not religiously based, since that is a private thing. So far the online resources have been limited, but I may just take a jaunt down to the library and see what I can find. If this works out we will be spending a lot of time there!
http://theblackbearden.blogspot.com/ |
| Alee |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 7:36:42 PM
That is great, Amanda! I am so happy that she got into her stride for homework today! It is so hard being a mom and trying to figure out the best route to take, isn't it?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| MrsRooster |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 6:19:52 PM
My daughter is very social too. We do homeschool group, visit a nursing home, American Heritage Girls, etc. I will have to cut somethings after the first of the year because it is crazy.
I didn't think I could homeschool either. Not that there hasn't been days where I wondered what in the world I was doing. My daughter and I have grown closer and I notice that I am getting less short tempered.
I do hope all works out for you and your daughter. Please keep us up to date.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
www.flossesandcrosses.blogspot.com
www.morganicinstitute.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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| Ursula Norsedottir |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 5:12:03 PM
Well, she is sitting at the table doing her math homework with no prompting!
After 20 mins of a little Mom tutoring, and some new math counters (dry kidney beans, hahaha!), we seem to be on the right track. I showed her some new ways to handle equations to make them easier, gave her a cool chart to use with her counters, and guided her through half a dozen problems. She did the rest, unprompted and with zealous, by herself. It took her a while, counting out all her beans, but she didn't stop to talk or play once. Rather than over-do it and wear her out, I suggested we do the other page tomorrow. "NO MOM! I want to finish!!" Now she is teaching her brother. It looks like there is hope!
http://theblackbearden.blogspot.com/ |
| Ursula Norsedottir |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 2:46:59 PM
Maybe I should just switch her class. Her teacher is going on maternity leave after Winter Break, so I was going to see if that respite from her and a few tricks at home would help her performance in school. If not, or if the trouble returns after Lovewell goes back to work, then we should probably pull her form that class. My husband is concerned that the whole school might have similar philosophies, but I know my son's preschool teacher is an absolute doll. She bends over backwards to help address problems and find solutions, and has taken my son's speech delay in stride. I will definitely keep everyone posted!! Thanks so much for all the support!
http://theblackbearden.blogspot.com/ |
| GratefulGreens |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 2:25:59 PM
I'm so sorry for your poor little girl! What a horrible situation! I can only imagine the frustration you're feeling. You mentioned that you're short-tempered and she's highly social - sounds like me and my 5 year old! I've always wanted to homeschool, but my doubt is in myself, not my child. I'm so thankful that my daughters kindergarten teacher is a friend of ours from our church who she knows and loves. There are a LOT of homeschooling programs out there where the children in the group meet up on a regular basis, have regular functions, etc. She could also have that social network through other things as well....dance, music lessons, homeschool groups, library groups, etc. As far as the short-temper....I have no help on that one - I struggle w/ that myself! LOL! Keep us posted! I sincerely hope that this all works out in your favor!
Miss Mandi, #3643 |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 12:16:16 PM
What a difficult situation. We had some problems with DD in preK and ended up taking her to a counselor a few times and that worked wonders. We also let the school/teacher know that their methods were causing my child to have to go to counseling. Funny, the teacher was now very good with her. I think it had something to do with them knowing we were taking this very seriously and starting a documentation type process. Not just my word against theirs. Now this year she is doing great but we have similar homework battles. To fix that, DD is not allowed to go play with friends or other things she likes to do until the homework is done. Even so, we still have times that she needs to take a break and sit in her room before continuing homework. And this is only 30 minutes worth of homework. I hope you find a solution and your DD returns to the girl you remember.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 09:51:51 AM
I agree with Alee 100%. I had this same problem in first grade. My mom also thought I should learn to cope. But, in reality it broke me pretty bad, and was hard to build back up. That teacher was brought to court for child abuse by other parents though. My mom now regrets her choice.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| nut4fabric |
Posted - Dec 21 2011 : 07:58:07 AM
Had a similar situtation with my daughter years ago and we insisted that she be placed in a different classroom, problem solved. Not all teachers are good with all children and if it isn't working it's not going to get better and why ruin your daughters school experience with one crummy teacher.
Kathy |
| Alee |
Posted - Dec 20 2011 : 9:49:05 PM
Maybe a fun science kit or something at home could help get her excited again- but it sounds like that teacher is horrible for your daughter's personality. If there is a move coming in a month maybe she can stick it out a bit longer but definitly don't jeopardize your daughter's love of learning. There is lots of time for her to learn coping skills later on and there will be plenty of difficult people to practive on through life- but the love of learning is something that once broken- is hard to repair. I wish you both the best!1
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| Ursula Norsedottir |
Posted - Dec 20 2011 : 6:53:56 PM
I gave homeschooling a lot of thought, but I ultimately put her in public school for several reasons - 1, I have a very short temper and 2, she is HIGHLY social, and she would be so lonely it would make her miserable! I am educating myself about good homeschooling tactics, and I am starting to really understand the whole process, but I still do not have the confidence to do anything like pull her out. I am also reluctant to have her change classes because of the stress (we have a move coming next month, and she did just transfer from across the country, I was hoping to let her have a little stability). At the same time, I know this is not good for her. I am conflicted.
I think I am going to use this as a learning experience. She needs to learn how to deal with situations like this and people like this, but she also needs to have an enjoyable education. I think I will keep an ear to the ground and follow their curriculum, but make sure she gets a thorough education at home, while I try and help her cope at school. I am sure an hour or two of supplement class at home with rekindle her interest, and perhaps by the end of the year she will be confident enough at school to cope with it.
I really appreciate the ear, ladies! Sometimes you just need a place to vent for things to be clear. I am going to give my daughter as many tools as I can, and make it clear to her that the way her teacher runs her class is not fair, but she should not take it personally. Respect the teacher, but understand that she should not treat people that way. Courage, Honor, Truth, Fidelity, Discipline, Hospitality, Industriousness, Self-Reliance, and Perseverance!
http://theblackbearden.blogspot.com/ |
| Lessie Louise |
Posted - Dec 20 2011 : 6:23:42 PM
I would change teachers or pull her out. Homeschool, I bet she will excel. This teacher will ruin her love of school and learning.
....it's what's inside a women, when she's up against the land.
Farmgirl #680!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/lessielouise22 |
| MrsRooster |
Posted - Dec 20 2011 : 5:50:16 PM
I only thing I can say is HOMESCHOOL if you can. I would not leave my daughter at the mercy of this woman. I have a seven year old and she is very similar. She blossomed schooling at home. We love it and never looked back. If this isn't an option, can she be transferred to another class or another school? Do you have open enrollment?
I pulled her from school last Nov. It was the best decision that I ever made in my life.
Amy
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
www.flossesandcrosses.blogspot.com
www.morganicinstitute.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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