| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| rnbzmommy |
Posted - Aug 11 2006 : 7:36:48 PM
I'm new here and I will need alot of help and suggestions.
I have 2 girls 8 & 9. They fight ALL the time. My oldest daughter has PDD. (Pervasive Developemental Disorder)like a cousin to Austism.
Anyways my Bailey my 8yr old can not do anything right to please Riley my 9 yr old daughter. Riley gets up snapping at her and fussing at her and goes to bed doing the same thing. Bailey will sniff and Riley will start yelling and getting mad saying she is gross and she is making her sick. I have ingnored it. I have punished Riley for it. Sent her to her room. I have talked to her and explained to her about you treat others how you want to be treated. I know that it is because of her disorder and she really can't help alot of her behaviors and all but this single mother is at her wits in. some times when they start in with the arguing and all I just sit and cry and then they get upset. I have explained to Bailey about Riley's disabilities. She tries but says "mom it's not always fair for Riley to get her way." I makes me feel bad but I'm about to lose my mind. When Riley gets in her moods and nothing goes right for her it's almost like you need to slap her to get her to snap out of it. I've had to tell her to get her to get her shoes that I was taking her to the police station for a talk because I couldn't handle not bein a good mom any more. She stopped and not another mean word came out of her mouth the rest of the evening.
I feel like a terrible mom. Does anyone know anything about PDD.
Flip Flops & Farmers Tans! |
| 8 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Presidio |
Posted - Aug 22 2006 : 12:36:08 PM
I have ADHD. Growing up my sister (1 year younger than myself) and I faught constantly. I remember my mother one day standing in the hallway screaming the first curse word I ever heard her say in her frustration one day. Most all sibblings fight, but I believe one of my reasons for doing so was to feel superior to my sister because of my ADHD. I understood what I had very well and understood how it limited me so and my insecurity is mostly what drove me to be so mean. What you have described sounds exactly what I remember. The most important thing you need to do is to be sure you treat them both equally. DO NOT use her disability as an excuse or even mention it. It is the awarness of that disability that would drive me to cut my sister down to try and make her feel like I felt deep down inside. When my parents learned of this things began to change. I FELT less disabled because I was being treated as if I were not. While I did still recived plenty of educational rehabilitation, it was the social part of it all that made the difference. I hope this helps. |
| rnbzmommy |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 7:00:02 PM
Thank You Girls! I'm glad you people do like me! I will try the diet Riley isn't my sweet eater. She like peanuts~chips and snacks like that.
Bailey if you give her just a half of a Tooties Roll WOW.... THAARRRROOOO THE ROOF SHE GOES! So we do what the sugar. But I will look up the Gluten Free and Dairy Free diets. I go to Jesus every day almost every hour and have a very strong and supportive family as well as my church family. I know that all kids fight and it's normal but I'm a fun person like to tease ~laugh and just have fun usually at my expense. I just feel like my children are unhappy. Which I know they have to partly be because their dad and I split up after 10 yrs. But he is a run around sue to put it nicely. SMILING!~ SMILING!~ SMILING!~ He
lives with another girl and very rarely sees them and I NEVER say anything bad about him to them I make up excuses for him like I always did. Geeez where did that come from. I totally got off the subject on that one but....let me go back and read and see where I was going with this..OOh Yeah! I grew up with 2 older brothers that fought and still aren't very close because ones in GA and one in MO. I always wanted a sister. When I had 2 girls I sat in the bed that night at the hospital and cried and thanked Jesus for giving me my 2 sisters and best friends for life. I thought I was going to be the coolest mom we would never fight they could talk to me about anything. My parents always told me growning up. You wear your heart on your sleeve and that's not a good thing. I didn't ever know what that reall meant. But I do. I can't hold a secret to save my life. I do my Christmas shopping like 2 or 3 days before Christmas because if I have something for you I can't wait to give it to you. These poeple that buy Christmas the day after for next year.. DRIVES ME NUTS!!!! My best friend is like that. yeah you save money but. ooh my you a surprise for someone! Here I go again. I'm going to leave for now.
Thank You All for your support!
Remember!
God grades on the cross, not the curve!
Flip Flops & Farmers Tans! |
| LJRphoto |
Posted - Aug 12 2006 : 11:33:09 PM
Hi Amy, I thought I would give you this link. I know a young man who has/had ADHD and it was controlled his entire life without medication by just eliminating certain things from his diet and when I looked at their site I noticed they specifically mention PDD as well. The thoughts on sugar are a good place to start and the Feingold diet also goes a little further with eliminating a lot of processed and synthetic foods from our diets to help control some of the things it sounds like you might be going through with your daughter.
Remember we don't have to look like June Cleaver and always be perfect to be good moms. We just do the best that we can. Also, remember that all siblings fight. My kids fight like cats and dogs pretty frequently.
http://www.feingold.org/
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -E. B. White
http://www.betweenthecities.com/blog/ljr/
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| theoanne |
Posted - Aug 12 2006 : 6:24:24 PM
Hi Amy,
Welcome to our "family". I think you will enjoy talking with us.
I'm sure there are behaviors Riley cannot help. However when you said she stopped her behavior for the whole evening with the Police Station event that shows she understands and can have control over behaviors. ( atleast to some degree) My thought is to first remember all siblings argue. Yours are no different than any others. I thought middle ages were the worst. And girls that close have to be competitive. My point is, You are doing what you need to do. You are NOT a bad Mom. Kids will try to push your buttons. No one discipline will stop this. stick to your guns and be consistant. Unfortunately it will take a long time but some day,maybe soon, you will see them do some little thing together. Keep doing what your doing.
Please remember to take some time for yourself . A bubble bath after they are in bed. or anything for you.
There is 6 1/2 yrs between my 4 sons. They lived to aggravate me and each other. I never thought it would end. They are 21-28 now. They all hang out together and do things with their friends in a group. The 2 who disliked each other the most are now roommates and get along great. The youngest has recently been stationed in ND, but he is on the phone with his brothers several times during the week. I never thought I'd see the day,but it did happen.
Hang on there's hope. Call on us again, we're always here for you.
TEDDIE
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| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Aug 12 2006 : 5:42:57 PM
I let my kids have almost NO sugar too. and It makes a huge difference in behavior..especially with my boys. I think that is a wonderful place to start.
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| katiedid |
Posted - Aug 12 2006 : 1:25:27 PM
Amy~
I am a Mama to daughters, and while none of them have a diagnosed illness or disability, we have trouble getting along.
I am going to have to think on this for a while....
For now, I urge you to look into dietary intervention. I have several friends, and a few close family members with children who have Autism Spectrum Diseases. The big one food wise, is sugar. Also food addivites especially artificial colors. (These are huge with my kids and behavior)
The other dietary protocol with Austism Spectrum is the Gluten Free/Dairy Free diet. I have witnessed first hand huge I mean *huge* turn-arounds in kids....google it, read about it.
I will think on anything else I can offer.
Karin pretty much covered it!!
Thanks Karin,
Jenny too!
Amy, welcome. We're glad you are here.
love,
Kate
http://theknifemakerswife.blogspot.com/2006/07/knifemakers-wife.html |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Aug 11 2006 : 10:17:51 PM
Welcome to the group Amy!! I am sure glad you found us. And I am so glad that Karin had such insight!! I have one son who has disabilities...but so far he is very sweet and never a behavior problem. I know that puberty could change all that and I will be ready. My other kids sometimes accuse me of not being fair..which is hard when you KNOW you are being fair..as far as you can for what your child understands.
You are sure NOT a bad mom..it is very obvious that you love your daughters..sounds like you are doing all you can. I have been a single mom and know how hard that is. I hope you can find some time for just you to recharge..it is hard to do but really helps. I was very lucky to have family nearby if I needed a couple hours of sanity time back then.
If you are a praying person (I sure am!!) I agree with Karin that it really helps. We are here for you!!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| Mumof3 |
Posted - Aug 11 2006 : 9:37:08 PM
Amy- I do not know anything about PDD, but I do know what it is like to raise a child with disabilities. My second son has cerebral palsy as well as being deaf and has a siezure disorder. When he was small, he was a dream child. But as the siezures started and he went on medication (he was about your daughter's age -9), we started noticing changes in him that caused many many years of frustration, heartache, confusion and me feeling like the worst mom ever made. He seemed to target me especially, maybe because I was the constant and therefore the closest and easiest one to lash out at. Since he can't speak, his frustration and anger comes in the form of physical outbursts- punching, pulling hair, pushing into walls etc. My other children have said the same as your other daughter- "He gets away with everything!!" Not. It is just that I learned to factor in that there are some things he has no control over when disciplining him. That does not seem fair when you've just watched your brother beat up your mom.
There are a few things that have helped me in dealing with my son-
1. He is a child of God. I know that he is loved and watched over.
2. It seemed that when I took some time for myself, I was better able to cope with any situation when it arose.
3. I held him accountable for things I knew he understood to be wrong and made sure that there were consequences. He is 20 years old and I still do that!!
4.I actually took him to the police station once. He snapped to very quickly. And the policeman was very helpful.
5. I wasn't a bad mom, and neither are you. You're human and fragile and since you are a single mom, you don't have anyone to share your burden with. And that just adds to the pressure that you are feeling. I'm glad that you felt you could share this here in the forum. There are wonderful women who will help make this part of your life a bit more bearable and will lift you up just when you need it most.
I can tell you this much- I felt that I had a better handle on things when I got on my knees and talked to my Heavenly Father. It was ( and still is) the only time that I could let go with everything I had inside of me and ask for help and knew that I would get it. Not right away, but it would come. And I learned to rely on that one thing to keep me in focus. I'm hopeful that you can find some solace and comfort in your own way.
I can tell you love your daughters very much, and want them to be happy. The fact that you are trying to resolve this makes you a good mom. Patience and the farmgirls are going to be your best friends!! 
Karin |
