| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| CynthiaT. |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 3:10:51 PM
Hello everyone. It's been quiet a while since I've been on here. Life has been great! I hope that I can bend an ear or two. I need to vent.
My husband and I are wanting to foster and/or adopt children (sibling group) from the state foster care system. However, because we chose to not immunize our children (from birth) they are not going to allow us to become a foster family or adopt from the Arkansas foster care system!!! And that means that we are also blocked from adopting from any other state foster system (because we'd have to be regulated through our own state.) My husband and I are wanting to have a bigger family.
Some of you may remember my situation. I had been trying to conceive for a little over 15 years when we found and adopted our son (who is almost six.) And when he was 13 months old, I found that I was finally pregnant!! When my daughter was born, we had been trying to have a baby for 17 years! Two years ago, I lost a baby and my only good tube. So now we are wanting more children. We both come from big familes and we have always dreamed of having a big family together. I am almost 40 years old. My children are wanting more siblings. Everyday my daughter, who just turned four, asks if we found a baby yet! I have to keep telling her no.
So, now the only way to have a bigger family is to adopt a newborn baby. It took us so long to find our son, I just pray that we will be blessed again. I pray to God everyday that if it's his will, to please let us cross paths with someone that is pregnant and can't (or doesn't want to) keep her baby (or babies - I've always wanted twins!!).
I thought the foster care system would have been the best alternative because there are so many children that need good, safe, and loving homes and we have the love to share. And now that door has been closed!
We now have everything lined up to go forward, we just need to find our baby!
Thank you for listening.
God bless,
CynthiaT.
Farmgirl sister # 852 |
| 18 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| CynthiaT. |
Posted - Oct 15 2011 : 8:13:54 PM
Thank MarkandFawn,
The State of Arkansas will not allow waivers for any reasons. We can still adopt, it just has to be privately. So now we are telling everyone we know to keep us in mind if they hear of a woman that is pregnant and can't (or doesn't want to) keep her baby. That is how we found our son when we adopted him almost six years ago.
God bless,
Cynthia
Farmgirl sister # 852 |
| markandfawn |
Posted - Oct 15 2011 : 6:48:15 PM
We adopted our baby girl on Aug. 1st. She is now 2 1/2 and it has been a long process as we got her at birth and she was a drug addicted baby. We are not required to immunize our children in this state if the purpose is for religous reasons. If you can get your pastor or such to write a letter to the state agency stating that fact than it is waived in this state. Im not sure about out of state placement but it is worth checking in to as there are many children in this state that are in desperate need of a forever family. Good Luck and God Bless! |
| Tall Holly |
Posted - Oct 12 2011 : 5:51:03 PM
I will only look at children whose parental rights are terminated and there are no biological relatives in the picture when I adopt through foster care. I make that very clear to the sw upfront.
If you have a homestudy you should send it or have it sent anywhere they have chldren in the age range you are willing to accept. The problems arise when sw refuse to place young children out of their geographical area. So, sometimes you neeed to open the door wider on whom you are willing to accept to a sibling pair or trio.
I am annoyed to no end when the bios of the children on line do not state that the sw will not place out of their area. Most foster parents of young children end up adopting them so there are not that many available out side their state system.
Holly
farmgirl #2499
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| hsmommel |
Posted - Oct 11 2011 : 7:37:53 PM
Our state has a similar laws Cynthia. But here, even to go through the foster/adoption system you still have to commit to way too much that we are not willing to commit to: vaccinating your bio kids (won't don't vaccinate either), having the child available for visits with their bio family whenever, bio family has to have your address and phone number, and more. Some things we are just not willing to put our bio children through...and they are fully supportive of us adopting. My sister-in-law says it well, "we are ransoming children in a manner similar to how Christ died on the cross to ransom the church."
"What you do speaks so loudly I can't hear what you are saying." -- Benjamin Franklin |
| walkinwalkoutcattle |
Posted - Oct 11 2011 : 04:54:22 AM
Have you tried a private adoption agency? Or an open-adoption-friendly agency?
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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| CynthiaT. |
Posted - Oct 09 2011 : 7:02:43 PM
Only parts of it are good for six months. Other parts are good for a year. But, my attorney told me to wait and treat the homestudy as if it all expires within six months so that I don't have the time and expense on having to redo those things that would expire in the six months.
God bless,
Cynthia
Farmgirl sister # 852 |
| Tall Holly |
Posted - Oct 09 2011 : 5:28:27 PM
WOW your homestudy is only good for 6 months?! Ours is good for ayear and I think that is a royal pain in the tookus. We have had our finger prints done so many times that the secretary at the sheriff's office knows us by name.
My friends who have not adopted can not believe how many hoops we have to jump through to adopt. You have to jump through far more than I do.
I have not looked into infant adoptions for some years now. so I have no contacts to send you. sorry.
Holly
farmgirl #2499
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| CynthiaT. |
Posted - Oct 08 2011 : 12:13:12 PM
So sorry for all the typos! I just updated my Droid X operating system and ever since I've had problems with the keyboard. I now realize how many typos were in my last few posts!
God bless,
Cynthia
Farmgirl sister # 852 |
| CynthiaT. |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 8:55:06 PM
I guess it may be state specific. I have contacted other states regarding their adoptable children in their fost care system and was told that we would have to go through our states' system. I have already contacted a social worket that is going to do our home study. But, we are wanting until we find a child(ren) because they are only good for so long. In AR, the homestudy is only good for six months. We were within four days of it expiring when we adopted our son. Then we would've had to paid more to update it. So this time we're going to wait.
God bless,
Cynthia
Farmgirl sister # 852 |
| Tall Holly |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 5:50:02 PM
Hello,
I am 5' 11".
We have adopted from other state's foster care systems and we do not need to be licensed as foster parents as long as we are accepting the children for the purpose of adoption.
When we tried to adopt from New York they wanted to know if we were licensed foster parents and our homestudy sw told them we were foster parents for the purpose of adoption through their agency. so, we were not licensed through the state as such.
Sometimes a private agency requires that the homestudy be paid for up front but then when an adoption of an older child is finalized they sending state reimburses for expenses. Now there are tax credits from the federal government for adoption and especially adoption of special needs children which is a broad definition for children who are not infants.
Holly
farmgirl #2499
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| Beverley |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 11:48:05 AM
OHHH I guess I did not understand what the rule was. That is just like if you want to adopt an animal from our shelter all animals in the house have to be spayed or neutered. It really made me mad because I don't believe they should be able to tell you what to do with the animals or children in your case that you already have, so I totally agree with you. sorry for the misunderstanding...
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
| CynthiaT. |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 09:02:35 AM
Beverly, in the state of AR they require all foster homes with children (children of the foster parents) to be fully immunized, with all immunizations. On the advice of my doctor and after many hours or research, we feel that it is best for our family not to immunize our children. As far as the foster kids, they are all going to be immunized, which I'm fine with (they aren't my children and I don't have say over their health). I don't look down on anyone because they choose to immunize. That is their choice and right. Adopting through the foster care system isn't the only way to adopt. We will just continue to look for an infant privately.
Tall Holly, the problem with adopting through any other state's foster care system is that I'd still have to be licensed through my own state (and AR laws are the same for foster as they are for adoption - for the foster care system ONLY.) I can still adopt privately, even though my children are not immunized. The immunization subject came up because my BIL and his wife afre foster parents (in AR) and they said that when they went through the process to because foster parents (and more recently to adopt three girls) they had to have one of their kids get reimmunized because they couldn't prove that they had been done. So rather than wasting six weeks time and money, I asked if they had waivers. And that is how it began. I have been through the adoption process before. We adopted our son six years ago. By the way, how tall are you? I'm 6'2".
HSMOMME1, what is adoption via disruption? I've never heard of it.
Farmgirl sister # 852 |
| Beverley |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 10:37:11 PM
I guess I don't quite understand if you were looking to adopt older children from the foster roles wouldn't they already be immunized anyway? so why would the state have a problem with that? The state would have already done it anyway... You may have to pick your battles too. If you really want children you may have to play by their rules for now??
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
| Tall Holly |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 5:34:11 PM
I have a homestudy through a private agency. I can take it and send it any where I want and the sending agency pays for the fees to adopt if I adopt through a state agency in or out of our state.
You are right the fees for infants are outrageous. Years ago now I was in contact with a private agency in Texas. They called and said we have a little girl who is available but we need your homestudy by 2 today. Ihad already sent the homestudy but we faxed it down again. A couple of days late I spoke to the sw and he said that the birthmother had changed her mind and wanted only a black family. The fees for this child would have been $7500. Now I knew then that in Texas once a bm signs she can not change her mind. Four months later I called to see if the child had a home yet and a different sw told me no she was still available I just needed to send my homestudy. The fees then were $6200. They jerked me back and forth for a week and I finally wrote them a letter telling them I thought they were unprofessional.
If you have your own homestudy send it all over the country anywhere a child might be available. The problem is that sw usually place infants and young children in their own geographical area. A private agency is more willing to place out of state.
Infants are very nice. why not consider an older child. We have 9 children and 6 came as older children. They are as individual in their needs and behaviors as any group of children. None of them are any worse behaved than biological children I have met or read about.
I think you need to widen your scope of search. I think you need to reconsider the no immunization rule and figure out which are the essentials and which are risky refuse those. We have done the pick and choose immunization.
I do not remember any social worker asking us whether we immunize or not. How did that come up anyway.
I read that Arkansas has more children available for adoption than the average state but are very picky about whom they will place their children with for families.
Good luck.
Holly
farmgirl #2499
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| hsmommel |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 5:07:04 PM
Have you considered adoption via disruption? My dh and I are looking to do that soon (right now we have to wait for a few other situations to settle down). My brother and his wife have adopted two children this way (they have 4 bio kids). My adopted nieces are really great. They do have some trauma/emotional issues that are being addressed, but I am amazed at how wonderful these two are adjusting to their new home. It amazes me what love and resiliency will do for children.
"What you do speaks so loudly I can't hear what you are saying." -- Benjamin Franklin |
| CynthiaT. |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 7:26:16 PM
Annika,
I'm going to try to get the laws in AR changed, even if it doesn't help us to adopt a child(ren), at least it may help others in our situation. The thing that kills me about "the foster/adoption system," through the state, is that if not for us refusing to immunize our children, the state would welcome us with open arms! We are loving, have a great marriage, stable, financially secure and have raised our two beautiful babies as the blessings that they are. We have no personal debt (including no car or house payment because we out right own them) and my husband makes great money. I'm a stay at home mother and I homeschool our two children.
I truly believe that we will find our baby, even if I have to shout it from the mountain tops!
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, Annika. I really appreciate them!
God bless,
Cynthia
Farmgirl sister # 852 |
| CynthiaT. |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 6:58:19 PM
Thank you! The expense that it costs to adopt internationally is outrageous. I 'm not willing to pay $20,000+ to adopt through an agency. I won't even go through an agency for a US born baby. In my opinion, adoption agencies play on the adoptive parents emotions and markup the costs. We tried agencies when we adopted our son. We had a horribly failed adoption through an agency. Then we found our son by word of mouth.
God will bless us if it's in his plan for us!
Cynthia
Farmgirl sister # 852 |
| Annika |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 4:12:26 PM
Bless you Cynthia! Keep the faith, your child will be there =) I don't know how difficult it is these days if you aren't a wealthy celebrity, but are you trying to adopt in other countries as well? I was just thinking that it might help find you a baby sooner? I don't know about all that much about adoption, but I wanted to send you hugs and encouragement! Don't give up!
Blessings!
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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