| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Sep 30 2011 : 07:02:35 AM
Violet is in a toddler music class (age 15 mos. to 3 yrs). Since she's been at home (not in daycare), this was our first foray into socialization with children her own age. She is the oldest child in the class at 2 1/2 and by far the most active. She's busy! Now on her 3rd class, she's starting to "get it". Listening, calming down, channeling excitement, but there's still a ways to go. I'm getting some REAL disapproval from another mother of a 15 month old boy who is...15 months old--compliant and has been in daycare since he was 6 mos. old. Violet was a breeze at that age, too. It would be one thing if she treated me like I was dirt, but she also treats Violet that way, and I think that sucks. When Violet tries to engage her son, she pulls him away like Violet is some sort of pariah.
We still have 9 more classes and honestly, I left last night feeling REALLY low, like my daughter was some sort of freak. I'd like to say, "You just wait, sister! I thought 15 months was a walk in the park, too!".
When we left, the teacher said, "Violet did awesome, tonight!" and yet, I went home and just felt awful. I'm realizing this is just the first of many, many times I'm going to feel like this as a parent and I'm mad at myself for letting this woman make me feel insecure about my child.
I always made a pact with myself that I would never judge another parent or child until my child got to that age. Each child is SO different, and what works in one house, doens't work in another. I just feel so...blue--Violet didn't do anything wrong, and yet, I feel like we're both being judged.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
| 21 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - Oct 15 2011 : 07:05:25 AM
Maybe say to the little boy's mom, before you get Violette ready to leave (say 5-10 min before class is over), Violette seems to want to play with your son, could we have a play date at the park. Maybe that might break the ice for the other mother and give Violette someone to socialize with outside of violin lessons. It's hard for me. My son is 4 and has been in daycare since he was 1 year old but only part time. He is literally the only child in my town (pop. 22). I did this for socialization purposes. Come to find out, he's been diagnosed with apraxia (a defect between the brain and tongue that does not allow him to speak properly. He's been in speech therapy since he was 17 mos old and is doing well. He's a smart boy and is his father's son). Being in daycare has helped him alot not only with socialization but also with speech development. If the other childs mother says no, then it's not worth the hassle. At least you've made an effort to break the ice and help your child with socialization and you can leave lessons with a clear conscience that it's not you or Violette, but the other mother.
Lorie |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Oct 15 2011 : 06:04:33 AM
I can so relate with you Amanda. We did not do daycare either mostly due to her health. I'm usually reminded of this scene from "Uncle Buck."
http://youtu.be/f6yGAQZqHZQ
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| msdoolittle |
Posted - Oct 14 2011 : 07:21:36 AM
This was my daughter's first year in school (kindergarten), and she is one of the 'talkers' and more disruptive students in the class.
However, since she was home with me and not in daycare, I expected this to happen (and the teacher was SO happy that I acknowledged this to be so. Many parents have no clue about their own kids). While I do expect her to settle down and listen to the teacher and not disrupt other kids, I also have NO interest in her being a little cookie-cutter child. She has, and always will be, an imaginative, day-dreamy, 'Chatty Cathy'.
There will always and forever be people who look down upon you and yours. Turn the other cheek. :0)
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Oct 10 2011 : 06:39:11 AM
Hi girls! Thanks for all the amazing input. I was on vacation this week (just stayed at home and did day trips and had a great time) and when Thursday rolled around for class, I really started to become apprehensive. We went to class and she was the last person in the door with her son and I just made a pact with myself to "make her talk" and that's what I did. Asked her questions, made nice comments about her son, etc...and by the end of the evening, she wasn't my best friend, but she was certainly more friendly than she's been in the past. Hoping that it continues. I just figure, she's one person in the grand scheme of things of raising this little girl of mine. A mere bump in the road, if you will and I can't get daunted. Krystle and Ingrid, that's exactly how I felt about her--I don't mind if you treat me badly--I don't like it, but treat my child badly? How CAN anyone treat a toddler like they're insignificant? She didn't get much opportunity on Thursday, but if she treats Violet badly again, she'll be in for it.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
| countrymommy85 |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 09:25:24 AM
Ingrid you are right on. That would be totally unacceptable if she is treating a child like that, it's like save it for someone your own size. I have had to do that already with how someone treated my 2 year old. I feel if we want our kids to grow up into respectable, mature adults then the adults they are in contact with need to BE adults. Yes, it was sooo uncomfortable to have that conversation but I too felt better afterwards. I guess it's just a point that everyone needs to have boundaries and that is one of mine.
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
| Ingrid |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 08:13:27 AM
I would be civil but that's about it. I believe the other parent has a problem in general with herself (control issues) and just projects it on to others if they don't follow her way. My only concern would be that she is being rude to Violet. One thing I won't tolerate is that behaviour from an adult to my children. In that respect if she is behaving unacceptably to Violet I would confront her when the children are not present and let her know. What someone does to me attitude wise is one thing, I'm a big girl, but they are not allowed to do that to my children. I've had this type of unpleasant conversation but I felt better after.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 8:05:48 PM
From the info you put about the other little boy always looking to his mom for approval of everything, I'm going to say this mother has control issues. Since she cannot micromanage Violet's behavior she has decided not to like you or Violet. Definitely take the high road and be polite. I don't know if I would go further than that myself as I would tend to think I'd be inviting an unpleasant person into my life. My family has had experience with other families/children who look on our DD with disdain. She is naturally bright as sunshine and has an exuberant personality. It makes some people very uncomfortable/jealous. Perhaps we're used to it, but it doesn't bother us. We know how important it is to let DD be the star that she is.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 3:51:46 PM
Oh Jonni,
Did I forget to mention that my MIL tells everyone that Owen has Autism, even though she has only met him twice? He was slow to potty train, compared to her kids who apparently wiped their own butts at 18 months. He won't pay attention to her because she baby talks him and asks him to say the alphabet, which he also thinks is for babies, because that's what he was doing at 18 months.
It makes my husband very upset, but I just agree with her, then laugh. He's not Autistic, I asked his Dr. He is wild man. I like him though.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 3:43:30 PM
DO YOU THINK IT WILL PASS BEFORE SHE'S IN 1ST GRADE?
Just keep asking yourself that. Mr. Non-Socialized Owen went into toys-r-us and all over the mall without one real instance. No toys bought, no train ride. Gosh I hate when Dr. Laura is right. She said that kids don't need socialization, they need their parents. What a kook.
I keep finding that just when I think I can't take it anymore, he matures a little.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| countrymommy85 |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 08:42:11 AM
Sounds like the other mom is super competitive and I feel bad for her son! I haven't had to deal with other moms that bad yet (I know my day is coming!) but the small little jabs some other mom's put out I try not to personalize. Each kid develops differently. Faster or Slower than the next kid plus kids all have different talents, gifts, abilities and tastes and obviously you are right on because at different age groups they act differently. Now that I have a 2 1/2 year old she is total miss personality instead of super compliant. But I love it that she has her own personality and I embrace it because I want to encourage her to have her own personality. Sounds like you do the same with your daughter. Go for it and just do your best not to personalize it. Wish I had some funny one liner for you to tell her because I found sometimes humor can make other people stop being so negative. My fave (although not sure if it would apply in this situation) is "Today is/has been too nice of a day to be a crabby old lady"... I know, its sassy but the point gets across and I usually end up joking around with the person after that because they lighten up. Best of luck to you and who knows, maybe you and this other mom will become best friends some day?
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
| oldbittyhen |
Posted - Oct 03 2011 : 6:35:57 PM
I too would just plain ask her what her problem is, maybe she got bad info from someone else, or has you both mistaken for someone else...either way, you will find out, and then do whatcha gotta do, hiss at her, or smile so sweet she will have a sugar overload and go home...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
| nubidane |
Posted - Oct 03 2011 : 6:28:35 PM
Oh yes, little Miss Violet is cool..& musical
C'mon Jonni, I know you are on vaca, but next week...let the farmgirls see that special video.. I have it saved for a rainy day..  |
| rksmith |
Posted - Oct 03 2011 : 5:50:11 PM
Tell her to steer clear of Violet's other two heads as they are prone to biting, spitting and hissing. This is a class for children and it sounds like that mom has some real issues. I wouldn't stress about her at all. Enjoy the class with Violet and encourage her to do her thing. You should NEVER ever let someone else make you feel "low" or that your child is a freak. Violet sounds like a really cool girl to me.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet--Dr. Kioni
http://madame1313.wordpress.com/ |
| Alee |
Posted - Oct 03 2011 : 06:26:32 AM
Megan- that is a grea suggestion! I wonder what she would say!
Jonni- Violet is an amazing little girl and she is doing normal little girl things. You are very good with her and you don't want to destroy her spirit just so fussy mothers in a playgroup find her to be "perfectly acceptable"- which I know you would never do! Sometimes I feel like these fussy mothers are just grooming their kids to be Stepford women and men. Ick. No thanks!
Violet does need some socialization- which I think is one of the reason you got her into this class? If the teacher is saying she is doing great, and the rest of the parents aren't acting like Violet is over reaching the boundaries- then the problem is in the one mother's head.
I say- keep doing what you are doing with Violet. She is beautiful, happy, well loved, and learning to get along with others. What more can we ask for as parents?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| walkinwalkoutcattle |
Posted - Oct 03 2011 : 04:55:54 AM
Arttie is right. I also think that she may feel intimidated by Violet and you. I say either kill her with kindness or ask her about it. I'd ask when she is actively pulling her son away from Violet. Ask why she is doing that, what her concern is, etc. Or invite them over for a playdate and see what she says!! LOL!
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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| princesspatches |
Posted - Oct 01 2011 : 08:28:10 AM
Just remember this.....In any of these social groups there is always going to be 1 mom or child that will drive you crazy, be mean, or you just plain 'don't like'. It is human nature and different personalities.
I have done everything from ignoring the situation and being friendly with everyone else and letting my kids enjoy themselves..to 'killing them with kindness'. I have to say that one is more fun. Go to the next meeting and treat her as she was your best friend. Compliment the kid. And just have a great time. Don't let her bother you.
Also, I have found from experience that mom's that work and HAVE to put their children in daycare are very jealous of the 'stay-at-home' mom's. They feel guilty that they have to work, they want to be home with their kids. They essentially WANT what you HAVE. So they will make you feel lesser to make themselves feel better.
Good Luck
Arttie |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Sep 30 2011 : 08:27:07 AM
@Lisa--hilarious!
@Trish--you make me feel better. While I've never had to leave a cartful of groceries, I know friends who have and I never EVER judged them. You do what you have to for your child and YOUR piece of mind.
This woman just seems so...affected. And unfriendly. After three weeks of noticing, she's a lot friendlier to other parents than she is to me and she really just looks at Violet like she has three heads.
I wish I had a video of last night--Violet was doing really well and then the teacher brought out this triangle and it was like pure gold, like the most precious jewel you could ever get your hands on and all these children wanted it in the worst way. I mean, these children were practically in her lap and she asked Violet if she wanted to be the first to try and no joke, you could see the "panic" in Violet. A LOT of pressure--this triangle was the most awesome thing she'd ever seen, these children were breathing down her neck and she just panicked and started bouncing. Like a pogo stick. And I finally said, "ok, it's enough, we need to let someone else give it a go." and she started yelling, "no, it's mine, it's my game!!!" and we had to walk out for a second or two. When we came back, she was fine and we started another activity. But, this mother was just looking at her, looking at me like we were some sort of discipline problem that takes away from the class.
The thing is this: this "class" is for toddlers--all of whom have independence issues, shyness issues, are tired, are hungry--sugar overload, whatever. So, why can't this mother play on the same team?
When I see her little boy, I actually feel sorry for him because he seems so melancholy and he always clings to her and looks to her for approval for EVERYTHING he does. I've never heard him say anything at all, all the times we've been there.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
| Dorinda |
Posted - Sep 30 2011 : 08:23:09 AM
Both of my boys are grown 29 yrs. and 21 yrs. But I can remember dealing with people like that. I think it is so funny now to see their kids grown they are having so many problems with them now. Rebelling, not working, some even jail. Oh the best one is my sons kindergarten teacher thought her kids were so much better than mine and now her son is 34 yrs. old still living at home and has 2 DUI's and works at the Bud Weiser plant loading guess what BEER!!!Just you wait Jonni you will have the last laugh. What goes around comes back around I always say! Always be proud of your self and your children. Don't let people like this bring you down. Hugs to you guys. Smile it is going to be a great day!
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Sep 30 2011 : 07:22:25 AM
Maybe she really wants to be a stage mom, and feels threatened by Violet's talent.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Sep 30 2011 : 07:20:43 AM
Girl, I need to send you a video of my son at what you would call Krogers. Have you ever had to leaave acart of groceries? We lived on the side of that mountain in Idaho for three with noone else. We have few social skills.
I promise you Violet is the same as other kids raised outside of daycare. Feel sorry for this woman because she lets a stranger raise her BABY.
My cousin runs a daycare, and her son is a week older than Owen. He has a better vocabulary, he knows how to be quiet and wait in line, but he also has separation issues.
It is so funny I am saying this to you because it's the same thing my good friend says to me.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| nubidane |
Posted - Sep 30 2011 : 07:11:25 AM
Maybe she feels stifled by Violet's obvious feel for music. Perhaps you could lend her cd of Rick James so her son, too, could let it all hang out.
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