| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| FieldsofThyme |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 07:26:01 AM
My 9 yo went to a friend's house to visit. She called and asked to stay the night, which she's been wanting to do all summer break. So we said yes. When she came home she told me they stayed up until 4am.  I was a little upset. Would you be? If it was my 17 yo, I probably wouldn't let it bother me, but at age 9? I find this way too late. She is still sleeping this morning (the next day, at 10:30am) trying to catch up on her rest. Who is watching over them at 4am? I find it way to young, or am I a worrier here.
Farmgirl #800
http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
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| 14 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| LuckyMommyof5 |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 05:15:25 AM
Heather - I am so sorry for what happened to you. Sadly, I have many friends who've also told me stories of abuse and assault that occurred or started during sleepovers. I have a friend who was molested by her own uncle for years when her parents would send her to sleepover at her cousins' house and another who was raped at age 12 by her friend's 18-year-old stepbrother during a sleepover. That boy was arrested and convicted of the crime, but the damage was already done and my friend has struggled with what happened to her then ever since. It is this knowledge, along with many other reasons that I have never and will never let my daughters go on sleepovers.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
| nubidane |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 7:18:07 PM
Jeez
I had some of the best times of my childhood spending the night with my girlfriends, we just talked, ate, listened to music, traced words on each others backs & got the oher to guess what we were spelling, laughed at farts (c'mon, we all did it!), fell asleep late, watch cartoons in the morning & went home slightly loopy from a lack of sleep.
Doesn't anyone do that anymore??? |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 4:43:01 PM
Thanks Buggy, yeah my mom ironically experienced the same thing with her best friend growing up, her best friend's brother would rape them when she spent the night too! But, I guess my mom didn't think a father would do that to some one else's child. I don't know. But, it's just a policy for us too.
However, I must say it's a bit easier for me, because I have siblings (sisters) who are only a few years older then my own children. And we live in my parents basement. So the girls have "sleep overs" all the time, right here at home! hahaha With my sisters! lol hahaha So they think they are really partying when they get to sleep in each others bedrooms. lol I don't know how long that thrill will last but so far so good. And my parents now also have a no spending the night policy. None of my little sisters get to go to other people's homes now either for over night. Like you just during the day. I must say though friends dad did molest me during the day too for years, but it all started the first time I spent the night. I think that gave him boldness he didn't have at first during the day, but that's just a theory I really don't know what made that the changing point for him.
I am thankfully I think well adjusted now, but I think it caused me a lot of confusion and self hate during my teen years I wouldn't of had, and I would of not made some of the mistakes I did...not saying I would of been perfect, but when you hate yourself you don't make the same choices you do if you love yourself, or even like yourself, had I not experienced that. I see my little sister who is 12 years younger then me, and how much she "loves" herself, and how that has made a huge difference in choices she made as a teen and wonder if that would of made the difference for me as a teen as well. Don't get me wrong, I am not jealous of her, but rather happy that she didn't experience that, and she is so happy as a young person, etc. Just something I sometimes wonder how much it would of been better for me too you know. But, any way all that being said I am ok now. But, surely don't ever want to put my DD's or children period in the same position ever!
And not to hurt any one's feelings or anything, but rather just as a educational point, in the late 80's early 90's they were stressing educating children on abuse. Any way latest stats have came back that while it is good to talk to them, it really hasn't had a effect on the chances of people molesting them going down any. I would have to dig around to find the book/article I read that in. But, just wanted to put it out there. We have had talks with our children any way....but the article I read just basically said it really didn't change their chances of being molested. So basically we still just have to be proactive and really as just like we defensive drive, kind of have to defensive parent too! Not always easy or fair though that is for sure!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| buggysmum |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 04:00:12 AM
Heather, I am SO sorry that happened to you. How tragic and awful.
My policy so far has been no sleepovers....I have a close friend who was routinely molested by the older brother of a friend....the lifelong effects of that have been horrible.
Whenever DD or her friends ask about sleepovers, I just say, "There's nothing you can do during the night while you're supposed to be asleep that you can't do during the day." Very chirpy, very matter-of-fact, END of discussion. Period.
Shelly
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| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jul 11 2011 : 9:49:01 PM
By the time my mom talked to me about it, it had already been happening for a while and was afraid to tell her by then. But, it is still good to have the talks with them.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Tall Holly |
Posted - Jul 11 2011 : 5:10:41 PM
Heather I am sorry that some one you were supposed to trust betrayed you so grievously. It is something that one never gets over.
I talk to my children about good touches and bad touches. Now that they are older we talk more explicitly and I tell them that if they feel incomfortable in any way I will come get them immediately. Our daughter has developed her own system to let us know that she has no interest in spending the night when her friend wants her too and we go and get her. Providng children with information and problem solving techniques helps......I hope.
There are books out there for many age groups on how to talk.
Holly
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| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 10:25:38 PM
Sadly Aunt Jenny, I am thinking it will probably be the same with us. I don't really see it happening. I will say by and large the friends I spent the night with had wonderful parents. However, I did end up being molested by one of my friends fathers from 4 years old up till I was 12, and it all started with me spending the night one time. He also used to get drunk a lot too.
Again though that was only one parent, out of many people I spent the night with. But, it's just too risky for me. Kind of sad, since I had great times at my other friends homes! And wish my daughter could have that same kind of fun, but I'm too scared.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Alee |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 8:48:25 PM
I remember staying up late and as another piece of food for thought- at some point we as parents need to just be "Cool" with what the kids are telling us and then find a tactful way a bit later to say "Gee maybe that wasn't such a good idea" or whatever because if the child knows that mom is going to wig out about something small- they might have a harder time talking about something serious. Like what if the child really likes the parents and they don't want to get them in trouble but the parents had been drinking? I know that some of my friends wouldn't mention anything but "Yeah we had a great time!" to their parents because they felt that their parents were overly sensitive(of course to some teens a parent even showing interest in their social life is overly sensitive!). Now as a parent I am sitting here thinking "I want to know everything and 4am is way too late let alone anything else" but in reality I would probably say "I bet you are tired, huh? You are going to sleep good tonight. No late sleeping in!" lol!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 4:14:05 PM
We don't do sleepovers at all...for the reasons Heather said. I do let my kids have "late nights" (until about 11pm) with friends instead..at homes where I know the parents very well.
As for the staying up until 4am...I think that is always the plan..haha.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 1:35:06 PM
lol and really how often does it happen? For me stuff like that was only a few times a year. Usually the mark of the beginning of summer, another one to mark the end of summer, maybe one during thanksgiving break if cousins came to visit, but only if cousins came to visit, and one sometimes again during xmas break-usually new years, and then maybe, maybe if we were in town and not camping one during spring break and that was it for the entire year.
Sure I may have friends over other times, or to go their home to spend the night other times, but the big wild stay up all night usually only happened during the above times, I sited. lol
PS not to down play your worry, but personally any more I would be so much more afraid of the parents now a days. Molesting my children, or doing drugs/getting drunk while my children were there, etc. That just staying up late would be the least of my worries.
I have to say I'm still scared to let my daughter spend the night any where because of all that. But, that's just me.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| FieldsofThyme |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 12:22:34 PM
Okay, okay.....
My kids say the same thing. HA HA HA! I guess I need to "lighten" up.
Farmgirl #800
http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
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| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 09:51:47 AM
Same here with my friends. That was the whole reason to spend the night. The parents were always home in their room if we had needed anything I'm sure. But, for the most part we just did each others hair, put on make up, talked and watched movies, listened to the radio etc. Ate lots of popcorn, and put ice down the pjs of the first girl to go to sleep! lol
I remember a few parents were very strict about being quiet and going to sleep.....and thinking wow what was the point in spending the night! haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 08:20:44 AM
Yeah, we stayed up forever. I remember slumber parties where we would actually PESTER the ones that DID fall asleep! And it was right about 9, 10, that sort of age. I'm sure they just acted out songs or played video games or talked about EVERYTHING under the sun. Don't worry, it's totally normal and, as I recall, totally fun (and harmless!)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| nubidane |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 07:58:07 AM
Worrier
I remember the whole purpose of spending the night with one of my friends was to see how late we could stay up. Just to say we did. |
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