| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| princesspatches |
Posted - Jun 25 2011 : 1:48:47 PM
My husband and I married last year and bought a house in the country. We have combined our families and now have 5 kids. We have chosen a simplier lifestyle and we love it for the most part.
My problem is the kids just want to lay around, play video games and watch t.v all summer. I have to force them outside to 'play'. and then they sit on the front porch and bicker, fight, and whine about being bored.
When I was growing up the only time we were allowed in the house to play was on a rainy day. (It has rained all week, today was the first nice day)
How many of you send your kids outside to play? Limit t.v and video games? Do not allow them to rough-house in the house? Make them do chores?
I feel like I am fighting a losing battle here.
HELP!
Arttie |
| 24 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| embchicken |
Posted - Aug 12 2011 : 12:08:43 PM
As my daughter was growing up the internet was becoming popular. When she was in elementary school we had a computer in the main area of our home so we could keep an eye on what she was doing. When she was a Freshman in high school she had her laptop in her room but could only get internet access in the main area. When she was a Junior in HS we had wireless access out into the house. She had her laptop in her room. I trusted her to do the right thing. Every year since she was young the attorneys from the Monmouth County Prosecutor's Office and the County Sheriffs came in tot he school and shared the dangers, and perils with the kids. They were very graphic with them when they were in 6th,7th, and 8th grades. As far as movies went if her age was included in the rating she could go. I have to say she has turned out to be a fine young woman with a good head on her shoulders and a wonderful work ethic. She lived in NYC (BY herself in a tiny studio) when she was in college for a year and a half. It was the hardest thing for me to let her go. But at some point, if you have taught your kid to make the right decisions, you have to let them fly. January of this year, she decided NYC was not for her (I was happy). She had been on DEan's LIst her whole time there so she transferred to a local universuty (Monmouth U) and got a great scholarship to boot! I just think it is all about open communication with your child, allowing them to make mistakes, allowing them to pay for those mistakes in consequences, giving them chores they are responsible for doing, teach them to be kind and fair and just love them.
~ Elaine
Farmgirl sister #2822
"Find yourself a cup of tea; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things." ~Saki
http://embchicken.blogspot.com
http://gusandtrudy.blogspot.com
http://embchicken-thechubbychicken.blogspot.com |
| Lieberkim |
Posted - Aug 11 2011 : 8:01:08 PM
I'd probably be considered very strict compared to the majority of parents today. Video games are banned from my home. The only tv my children watch are pre approved videos (no tv channels in our house). My children are still very young so they're not allowed to touch the computer. As they get older and use it there will be all kinds of rules and filters whatever I have to use to protect them. I love books and so do my children, so we read a lot. They spend time outside playing in their playhouse/beach (sandbox) or running around being cowboys, pirates etc. They also love helping me in the garden or with the livestock. They always want to help me cook and bake. They have chores they have to complete every day. Because of their age it's simple things like brush their teeth, make their bed, go to bed without whinning, clean their room, feed the dog etc. If they do those chores they get happy faces and if they get all their happy faces they get an allowance at the end of the week. |
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Jul 24 2011 : 3:15:02 PM
It's really important for kids to do chores, I've seen the lack of structured "jobs" and enforcement in my siblings. My mom worked full time and didn't care to do any housework when she was home, and pushed it off to be the "responsibility" of the next person in line. When my parents were married it was my dad. When they weren't it was me (at age 9) When I moved out at 18 it was my sister (again at 9.)
My brother (13) rags on my kids for having a cluttered room, and I keep having to remind him that when he was their age, Mom called me and my husband in tears because his bedroom was out of control and we had to back a pickup truck to his window, shovel it all out, and take it all to the dump. We found things like broken toys, screwdrivers, broken glass, and all kinds of stuff in the pile in a 7 year old's bedroom. (He is still angry at me by the way because I tossed matchbox cars out in the pile.)
Little sister shared a bedroom with me, and I was expected to keep it tidy. Then she was expected to keep brother's room tidy when I was gone. One day when he was 10-ish my sister was away at a friend's house and mom asked him to sweep the kitchen and do dishes and he said "NO way! that's girls' work."
They all live with me now and I have to threaten not to feed them supper unless they complete their chore list, and it took me 7 years of being away from my mom to teach me how to keep a house clean. I hope to better equip my kids for accountability.
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
| hawkin_farmgirl |
Posted - Jul 14 2011 : 09:34:45 AM
This baby isn't even born yet, DH and I already have an idea of how we want to raise him. DH didn't have the best childhood and grew up with no real toys, electronics, etc. It wasn't till his family settled down in Texas when he was 14 that they had more money for luxuries. With that being said, DH is now a computer programmer and a video game nut. He has a pretty extensive video game collection. So I was kinda worried that I'd end up being the "bad guy" by making our child go outside.
BUT!
To my surprise, DH has already said that his son will participate in sports (of our son's choosing) and will play outside. He will have a bike, learn to throw a baseball, have swimming lessons, learn to garden, etc. While DH is thoroughly excited about teaching our son about programming and sharing his love of video games with this baby, he also acknowledges that sitting around all day inside isn't healthy.
I thought this would be something I'd have to fight about with DH, but I was pleasantly surprised when he mentioned how he was so excited that his son's first computer would be an Ipad and how he hoped his son would be a soccer player and runner like him. We also don't have cable, but have Netflix. And we're not planning on changing that anytime soon.
So, in my opinion as a first time mom, its not to strict to make your kids go outside. My mom did it to my brother and I and we turned out OK. Maybe a little weird, but we can function in society. :) |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jul 13 2011 : 11:34:04 PM
I understand FarmDream, that's how it was in NYC for me with my DD1 as well. However, I noticed when I completely turned the tv off, she was so much better about finding other stuff to do and not be so um....annoying like she could get to be sometimes with the TV. All that time I thought the TV was a distraction but it was doing something to her attention span, that was awful! Her attention span is so much better and more focused when we don't allow the tv at all. That I get to do other things, while she does OTHER things! lol However, now we live with my parents and she does get to play with my siblings quite a bit. But, while they are at school/camp she's here all day with me alone with her little sister (1 y/o) they play a little bit together but not as much as dd2 would like, cause dd1 wants her to do more things then she can, but they play a little bit. Otherwise DD1 likes to ride her trike and play in the sand outside by herself pretty well. It's 110 degrees here and she doesn't seem to mind. We live in the sticks too no other kids around here except my own and my siblings. However, I did notice the neighbors have let their shetland's out to pasture and their pasture is right in front of our house...wondering how long it's going to take DD1 to notice and ask if she can go over to them! lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Jul 13 2011 : 10:40:55 PM
Ugh, just give me a brick wall for this one. We're out in the country and cut off the satellite over a year ago. We have netflix, though. We only have the 5 year old here and there's no other kids nearby. With the price of gas we cannot run into town everyday just for her to play with other kids. It's been so hot here that she will hardly go outside and then acts like we've put her in acid. I know she doesn't pay any attention to the heat when other kids are around. I'm definitely the strict parent in the family. I know she's just bored and it's hard to include her when I'm trying to do grown up things and actually get them done. Basically she drives us nuts and we can't wait for school to start. 
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| Tall Holly |
Posted - Jul 10 2011 : 5:58:16 PM
My three teen agers like to sit in the house and watch the TV or play on the electronics. Watching TV at our house is watching movies because we donot have cable or a dish and the local stations do not come in at our house. Until a year ago everything was locked in the TV room and they were allowed to watch or play when their schoolwork and chores were done but mostly they watched on weekend evenings.
Then we allowed them to put the TV and Wii or PS2 in the living room. Our 13 year old is addicted and could not be in the house without something being on in front ofhis face. Two of the children went to camp so the electronics were locked for the week and I have not brought them out again. He is highly annoyed with me.
We will see over time how permissive I will become.
As far as chores we have a notebook that has chores in it. I wrote all of the jobs that need to be done and divided them into chores that need to be done everyday, chores that need to be done weekly and chores that need to be done monthly. when the children were little everyday at four we did house chores. Now we do them once a day. If we all worktogether then the chores take us an hour. Some of the children prefer some chores over others but everyone is able to do everything. My sixteen yo was just amazed that many of his friends both boys and girls are not very skilled in the kitchen.
Holly
|
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Jul 05 2011 : 07:15:05 AM
Arttie, when my kids were little we had nothing. No electronic stuff whatsoever. I never thought anything about it. They were always outside. We had tv time but it was only for a little while. They were happy to go outside and play with friends. We only got a video game system when they were teenagers and then it wasn't such a big deal. And it was given to them by friends.
Now with the grands, it's totally different. The oldest is 12 and she lives for video games and computer. She is also very musical and plays guitar and piano. And the youngest, who is with me right now, loves tv. I find sometimes it's a blessing. But she also has chores she has to do before she can watch it. And then it's just for awhile. She also has books she has to read for the library summer reading club. And she has to make her bed. And old and put away her own clothes and fold wash clothes. She also helps with farm stuff.
My grands have helped with getting hay too. And my girls. They don't like it but they do it. I don't think there is a thing wrong with making kids "work". They are a part of your family and you are not a maid. If they want clean clothes they should wash them and put them away. If they want food they should know how to cook it. One day they will have their own home, hopefully, and need to know how. They may not like it but it's life. And it makes me mad when there are blended families and only one side makes kids actually do things. ANd the other side doesn't so the kids would rather be there. It's really sad but it happens all the time.
So stick to your guns and make the poor kids help out around there. It won't kill them. Might make them all better kids in the long run. Don't give up! You ARE doing the right thing and you DO have a right.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| princesspatches |
Posted - Jul 03 2011 : 1:55:46 PM
Well, we have had a busy week of haying for the farm. Out of 5 kids (One is too young to be much help) only 2 of them stuck with it for the whole week. The other 2 found excuses to go to their other parents house and get out of the work. And the baby wants to help so badly, but she is just to little to throw hay, so she is in charge of keeping the cooler filled with waters and sodas.
Some days I feel like such a nag, but it is good to hear that other mom's are not allowing their kids to run the household. I get very tired of other parents telling me--"they are just kids". I feel they need to be responsible and also be able to entertain themselves.
Now I won't feel so bad when I tell them to "go outside and play"....
Thanks for all the great advice and encouragement.
Arttie |
| Hope Floats |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 11:33:29 PM
I have three children ages 13, 24 and 30.. two boys and one girl. I'm just as strict now as I was 30 years ago. They all had chores and I've never paid an allowance for chores, it's their home too. Chores teach children responsibility. We only watch TV in the evening and we don't allow TV's in the bedrooms, we have a tv in the game room for wii and a tv in the living room. My children stayed busy during the summer with chores, 4h animals, swimming, reading, riding their bikes. I hear parents complain all the time about how bored their children are during the summer. Kids need to be keep busy, but that doesn't mean watching tv, hanging out at the mall or being entertained with video games. Kids tend to get in trouble when they have too much time on their hands. As far as rough housing inside...not in my home! Believe me my two boys had their fights, but knew better. My children aren't perfect, but I can honestly say I never really had any problems that I hear so many parents have today. I was their parent first, friend second and it seemed to work for us. |
| Turtlemoon |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 1:24:16 PM
I also think your on the right track. It takes time for them to adjust to eachother and developing a bond. Daughter being an only child went out to play to hang with friends. But then, that was also where the bikes, scooters, etc were located. They had their alloted time for games inside but otherwise did find outdoor games to play . I was one of those kids that left when the sun came u pand didnt come home till it got dark out. Boy, i think my mom had it too easy! ;)
Raggedy Ann stuck in a Barbie Doll World
FarmGirl#1737
http://www.etsy.com/shop/moonhonu |
| Alee |
Posted - Jun 30 2011 : 7:28:32 PM
I love all the alternative ideas this thread has come up with! Right now Nora is out playing with the neighbor kids and we are prepping for a busy weekend with cousins and family over. I love it! I want Nora to look at activities or crafts before electronics! It can be very difficult but worth the struggle I think!!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
|
| Tina Kay |
Posted - Jun 30 2011 : 11:59:54 AM
I have on occasion totally removed the video, vcr (oops DVD player lol) and tv for about a month. At first it is hard, but after awhile we didn't even miss it. We brought out board games, books where read and outside activities were the first priority. We even had wonderful conversation about everything a child can think of. Great times!
Happy it is, indeed, for me that my heart is capable of feeling the same simple and innocent pleasure as the peasant whose table is covered with food of his own rearing, and who not only enjoys his meal, but remembers with delight the happy days and sunny mornings when he planted it, the soft evenings when he watered it, and the pleasure he experienced in watching it’s daily growth.
J.W. von Goethe (the Sorrows of Werther)
|
| n/a |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 7:25:44 PM
We went for years without TV or computer. Now that we have them both it is a love hate relationship!
We are a schedule oriented family---have been since the littles were little :0). yes, I even scheduled my babies---GASP :0). But seriously, I have found that if we have a set schedule there is little guessing abd badgering about what is to be "done".
For example, my 2 younger boys ages 13 and 14 love the computer and dsi--and Wii and XBox (all of which were gifts except for the TV!). The basic rule of thumb is no computer until after dinner...then it is about 2 hours. There are too many days that ssem to run into 3 hours depending on when dinner is done! But considering they are up for 14 hours a day AND we do not have a farm or major chores, for us that works :0).
If it is raining then they can have an hour or so on the other "games"...again depends on the day. Rainy days are awful to keep them from becoming the Bickerton's so I admit, some days they do so more.
I try my best to play a board game with them 2-3 times per week--Scrabble, Monopoly, Harry Potter Clue...we take turns choosing---guess which one is my pick :0)???
As for chores---YES YES and YES! This adds up to about an hour a day---small animal cages need to be cleaned, rooms done, wash put away, yard work, etc. Plus they all have some sort of kitchen chore...dishes, stove, counters. This keep my kitchen is a pretty clean state on a regular basis. I cook---they clean :0).
So, if you make a routine for the day, they will know when it is time for computer or a movie or work or a game...does that make sense. I think board games are good---mind you I am NOT saying they are always fun! there is often times bickering during the games...he went ahead of me, that is not how to play, etc. But these are also learning experiences---your blended family might benefit greatly from those types of activities! Be prepared ahead of time for it to not always be perfectly cheerful! But again, great learning experiences and you can see/learn a LOT about kids playing games with them!
I rambled on....hope this was helpful among all the other great advice you have here :0)!
Just a Brooklyn, NY gal trying to figure out this country thing after 12+ years in the woods of NE PA! Wife of my HS sweetie going on 23 years and mom to the amazing four ages 19(g), 17(s), 14(s), 13(s)!
Donna
Sister # 3062
http://restingunderthepinetree.blogspot.com/ |
| MrsRooster |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 07:28:47 AM
I limit TV or screen time. She must earn it. She does chores and gets an allowance. There is no rough housing. I take movie time, DS, or TV time for disobedience.
And also, because I homeschool, if work isn't done, no movie, DS, or TV time.
This isn't strict, this is what kids need.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
|
| missusprim |
Posted - Jun 26 2011 : 1:21:01 PM
Kudo's to you for taking this route! There is nothing wrong with expecting your kids to get off their duff and outdoors. All this technology is creating a more sedentary lifestyle for our young and upcoming generation.
If you're a SAHM and like to be outside yourself, maybe create a chore chart that has a heavy emphasis on outdoor activities like picking up sticks in the yard, mowing, weeding the garden and/or flower beds, sweeping the driveway and/or porch and sidewalk, washing windows, cleaning out the gutters, to name a few. A veggie garden is a good idea where you can have the whole family plan it out and start the seeds early in spring - make it a big thing and allow the kids to each have their own niche to grow and maintain their own area.
I like the job wheel idea and the kids earning their electronic time. Again, maybe involving all the kids in setting it up might go a long way to getting them on board.
But I must say that I'm of the generation where we didn't have to earn it - we played outside from sun up to sun down and even in the rain and the snow - and we all lived to tell about it! My Mum was a farm girl and to this day (she's in her mid 70's) thinks nothing of mowing the yard or anything else in our outdoors.......which makes me wonder what some of today's self absorbed, lazy kids these days will be like when they're that age.
Keep up the good work and I admire your stance and determination - the payoff will be great, even if they don't know it yet!
Farmgirl Sister #2984
"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." George Eliot
http://farmchicatheart.blogspot.com/
|
| princesspatches |
Posted - Jun 26 2011 : 12:36:20 PM
I am so glad I am not the only one. We are trying to get the kids to embrace the country lifestyle. And they love it to a point, but they do not like the work end of it. Our 2 oldest boys (both 17) refuse to get jobs. They are perfectly content laying around the house and only doing things when they are prompted. It is driving us crazy.
Today they are all at Grandma and Grandpa's house throwing hay. My boys have been doing this for years, but hubby's kids are doing it for the first time. They were not happy about going. Even more unhappy when they found out there is NO paycheck. That helping family makes the world go round. But they have that feeling of 'entitlement' and it confuses me as to where they got it from.
Thanks for all the advice.
Arttie |
| levisgrammy |
Posted - Jun 26 2011 : 06:07:45 AM
Children need to be taught that work is a good thing not something to be despised and beneath them. My oldest daughter has her two children doing chores. They are 5 and 4. They can empty the dishwasher, sweep the floor, vacuum. We do a disservice to our children if we make them think it is not necessary to work. Working is good for a person. It helps them to feel needed, to know just how much they can accomplish when they set their minds to it. Working together as a family brings them closer together. Everyone feels a part of the family and knows they are needed to make things run smoothly. My girls learned how to clean by having chores. My son had different chores than the girls and if I could do one thing differently it would be that he would have had more chores and he would have done things like dishes and cleaning toilets. He is getting ready to be on his own and he will have to do these things for himself. Don't let the whining bother you they get over it when they see that you are not giving in. I always said if mine told me they were bored that I had plenty for them to do if they couldn't find something to do. We got rid of any kind of tv channels ages ago, too much garbage But we did watch videos and still do. At least this way we can be selective. Not saying that is for everyone. My daughter can tell you as she is here on the forum too.
farmgirl sister#43
O, a trouble's a ton or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it!
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only--how did you take it?
--Edmund C. Vance.
|
| annielaurel |
Posted - Jun 26 2011 : 04:54:41 AM
My daughter came up with a job wheel for her kids that has worked out really well. She rotates the wheel every week so that the jobs change for the kids. So one week one child might be the one who empties trash cans in the house, sets the table for dinner and feeds the animals. The next child will be in charge of clearing the table, washing dishes, dusting. These wheel jobs are in addition to making their beds and self care. What really worked well is when she and her husband put themselves on the wheel. Then the family worked as a Team. They now call themselves the Team Hatfield. The household runs so smoothly. Also, TV and Electronic games are run by tickets. Only so many per week. When the tickets are gone. No more TV or games for that week. The family has a weekly meeting at which time the wheel is changed, the tickets are given out and everyone says something nice about everyone else. It has really worked well for their family.
Nancy
Nancy |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jun 25 2011 : 11:27:54 PM
And Cynthia people has said that to my mom too (her youngest is around 9 years old) about the bathroom chores, but I think people have been putting their kids on these weird pedestals the last generation. Like cleaning toilets is beneath them or something! So why is it a ok job for mom and not the kids? I can tell you our grandparents and great grandparents did a lot grosser jobs I'm sure! And not only that, Jesus taught his followers humility by washing their feet-a so called beneath him job. I think when people put their children on these pedestals where they are too good to do these regular old house hold chores (hey you aren't making them clean the bathrooms at the nyc subway stations! This is the same bathroom they use daily!) it teaches children they are above doing menial jobs themselves. And I think that's a huge pitfall this last generation is in.
You can't imagine the amount of men who sit around at home because a job not good enough is available for them, so instead of just going out and getting a job and bringing home a pay check regaurdless they sit on the couch and play video games till some magic job that is good enough for them some how falls in their laps!
People always give me a funny look when I tell them, I was interested in dating my husband when I found out what his job was-no not a doctor, not a lawyer, not a wall street blue collar man, nope he cleaned toilets at the airport. I knew if he was willing to clean toilets at the air port he would be willing to do what ever job he had to to take care of his family, no matter how lowly. And he has! He has never sat around the house jobless cause there was no jobs good enough for him! UHG I would never be able to respect that kind of man, but I can have high respect for the man willing to clean a toilet to feed his family!
My mom's a doctor and my dad is a RN (and a bunch of other initials as well) but even with that, that's not always been their only jobs in the early days when there was school loans to pay off, dad would work nights at the hospital and mow yards during the day. Mom would work at the doctors office during the day and teach aerobics in the evening at the local gym so the family would have a free gym membership and she would get a little bit of extra money too. Yup there's nothing like the person that will do what ever menial job it takes to care for their family in my opinion. Much more respectable then the cushiest most educated job out there in my opinion.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jun 25 2011 : 11:21:06 PM
I found just getting rid of it all together helps us the most. I mean, if it's there it's a temptation I have to constantly monitor and every time I say no there is whining and begging. If it's not there the first few days there is some whining and I remind them of some of the other things they could do, and after a few days I don't even hear about it any more. And they just start doing things on their own, but as long as we have it around it's a constant temptation it seems.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Jun 25 2011 : 9:01:26 PM
It's really hard to keep the kids unplugged from technology especially during the summer. I have four kids, the two oldest are boys and the last one is moving out this weekend and the two youngest are girls. The boys were worse than the girls about it but the rule is no electronic games until after dinner. Which meant all the chores had to be done and bath time over. Also when one of the kids got grounded they lost all electronics in their room except the light bulb and their alarm clock.
Everyone had chores even the youngest. Someone I know criticize my decision to make the kids take turn cleaning their bathroom. I understood her point that it's just gross but I told them if a kid cleans toilets growing up there's not going to be too many more disgusting jobs to them.
I don't let me kids rough house because we lived in a small house.. but we allow the dogs to do it and we all play with the dogs in the house kind of rough.. in that way we can all engage and it's controlled.. otherwise no.
To make outdoors more fun takes a lot of creativity, which with all the stuff today I think they lack a serious amount of creativity, to keep them engaged in it. A scavenger hunt is always fun and it gives them something to do.
Good luck and let us know how it turns out. |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Jun 25 2011 : 6:40:32 PM
You are doing the right thing for sure. I have 7 kids..only youngest 4 still at home...all teenagers...and I am I guess what is considered a strict mom. I make my kids earn screen time with "family jobs" or just outside time doing healthy things...not just laying in the sun. Mine have always done this so they don't argue or make a big deal of it very often and they always seem to be amazed when other kids don't have to finish chores and be outside to get tv, video game or lay around time.
Hang in there
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| Alee |
Posted - Jun 25 2011 : 2:18:53 PM
Arttie- I think you are doing the right thing! My mom used to put a lock box on the cable so it could only be turned on by her when she came home. Maybe you could encourage them to do more by having them have a "earn TV time" chart by doing extra chores. Even small ones like taking out the trash or something could earn like 15 minutes of TV time or an extra treat. It seems like with all the entertainment that kids have these days it is harder and harder to get them outside.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
|
|
|
