| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| pnickols |
Posted - Apr 15 2011 : 5:11:58 PM
I have a 15 yr old son, youngest of four, always a bit of a rebel if you know what I mean, not a bad kid but definately different than the others. we had three of his friends over last sunday, on guy, two girls, well got a phone call from one girls mom saying her daughter and my son were "makin out" when she was over my house. I am very angry at both of them and angry at myself for not catching them. the house was full of people, I can't believe they snuck past us ! I have his friends over, let him go laser tag and stuff with friends but now I am bringing his social life to a halt, and will talk about sexual activity, trust, respect and that. just slightly freaked out, how big of an issue do i make of this ?
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| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Apr 30 2011 : 6:04:38 PM
It sure doesn't help when most girls circa 15 years are reading all about having sex and make out tips in Seventeen Magazine..... ugh. The world we live in. 15 years ago when I was reading it their stance was more or less "at least wait until you're old enough to subscribe to Cosmo." Now it's "Oh well... you're going to do it anyway... so here's how to do it with the least consequences."
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 17 2011 : 09:40:42 AM
I agree sometimes we have to be the "bad" guy, that's why I like to show the Bibles point of view to my children too, so they can see it's really not just my opinion, but God's and it's not just me being the bad guy, but rather me having their best interest at heart, just as God does.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| pnickols |
Posted - Apr 17 2011 : 08:06:27 AM
I know he is a teenager and I am not angry that he kissed a girl, I am angry the we feel he betrayed our trust in him by his attitude, behavior and hiding things from us. this is just the straw that broke the camels back per se. He does understand that or says he does things have changed so much from even my 23 yr old to this one and I get that but my ultimate goal still must be getting him out into the world whole, healthy and with the best start I can give him and sadly that means I have to be evil mommy sometimes. He is angry with me right now and after a cooling off period we will sit down and talk again. I want him to know how important morals, values and reputation are in the long run and if something big happened how that would affect his entire life. we have told him some activities are a no right now, and I guess more supervision for a bit, it makes me sad because trust is so important and so hard to regain once it's lost |
| gypsy goat |
Posted - Apr 17 2011 : 06:19:31 AM
i agree with heather-good advice always comes from the Bible
farmgirl#1362 whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 16 2011 : 4:38:13 PM
Since you have asked on a open forum, I'm going to show some exerts from a book I study with my family and children and my parents studied with me. I will say in my religion dating does not happen till the "bloom of youth" has passed-meaning adulthood, but the below can still be applied to any one with these same moral codes/standards. These are some Bible based thoughts, with the scriptures listed to show the Bible's views. I am not trying to push my religion, nor religious views on you though, you can take it or leave it for what it's worth.
That being said, in my religion this is something we start having discussions about at a early age, during our family Bible studies, and just our daily talks with our children, trying to pass on to them our beliefs in the Bible and God's morals. We find that sometimes when children don't really want to listen to mom and dad, sometimes they still want to listen to God's point of view, so they see it's not mom and dad just being unfair but God's view point as well. And sometimes that has a greater effect on them.
If this is not something that you are looking for or want to read, it won't hurt my feelings, I'm just throwing it out there for you, if you would like it. However, I do hope it can help in some way. And wish you good things with your family. As others have said, just keep in mind he is NOT a bad kid, just a teenager. I think all teens have a hard time with this, especially in todays world, and especially boys.
"Is holding hands, kissing, or embracing appropriate, and if so, when? Displays of affection, when performed as genuine expressions of endearment and not selfish passion, can be both clean and appropriate. The Bible book The Song of Solomon indicates that some fitting expressions of endearment had been exchanged between the Shulammite maiden and the shepherd boy she loved and would soon marry. (Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:6; 8:5) But as with that chaste pair, a couple would further take care that displays of affection do not become unclean or lead to sexual immorality. (Galatians 5:19, 21) Logically, such expressions of endearment should be made only when the relationship has reached a point where mutual commitment has developed and marriage seems imminent. By showing self-control, you can avoid being distracted from a primary aim of successful courtship, namely . . ."
"The Bible doesn’t condemn legitimate, clean expressions of affection. For example, the Bible tells the story of a Shulammite girl and a shepherd boy who were in love. Their courtship was chaste. Yet, they evidently exchanged some displays of affection before they married. (Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:6; 8:5) Today some couples who are seriously contemplating marriage may likewise feel that some chaste expressions of affection are appropriate.
However, a dating couple must exercise extreme caution. Kissing, embracing, or doing anything that causes arousal can lead to sexual misconduct. It’s all too easy, even for a couple with honorable intentions, to get carried away and engage in sexual immorality.—Colossians 3:5."
"If you’re dating, how can you avoid inappropriate displays of affection? The wise course is to set clear boundaries in advance. Proverbs 13:10 says: “With those consulting together there is wisdom.” So discuss with your partner what expressions of affection are appropriate. Waiting until you’re in some emotion-charged romantic setting before establishing ground rules is like waiting until your house is on fire before installing an alarm.
Granted, such a sensitive discussion can be difficult—even embarrassing—especially in the early stages of courtship. But establishing boundaries can do much to prevent serious problems from developing later on. Wise boundaries can be like smoke detectors that sound an alarm at the first hint of fire. Furthermore, your ability to communicate in these matters may also serve as an indicator of how much potential the relationship has. In fact, self-control, patience, and unselfishness are the foundation of a satisfying sexual relationship in marriage.—1 Corinthians 7:3, 4.
True, holding to godly standards isn’t easy. But you can trust Jehovah’s advice. After all, at Isaiah 48:17, he describes himself as “the One teaching you to benefit yourself, the One causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk.” Jehovah has your best interests at heart!"
"Role Model—Joseph
Joseph is faced with a serious situation. His master’s wife has repeatedly implored him to have sex with her. Now she’s trying again! But Joseph isn’t tempted. In fact, his reply is resolute. “How could I commit this great badness and actually sin against God?” he says to her. When she challenges his refusal—even grabbing hold of him—Joseph isn’t embarrassed to flee. In fact, he runs out of the house! Joseph shows himself to be a man of moral integrity.—Genesis 39:7-12.
You too may be confronted with a situation in which someone wants you to give in to your sexual urges. Resisting isn’t merely a matter of willpower. It starts with a desire to please your Creator, Jehovah God. You see, Joseph had sexual desires, just as you do. However, it was unthinkable for him to satisfy those urges in a way that would offend his Creator. In the same way, you need to be convinced that moral uncleanness offends God and that it ultimately leads to heartache. So strive to develop and maintain the moral integrity that Joseph displayed."
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| embchicken |
Posted - Apr 16 2011 : 3:59:54 PM
Hi Patricia~ I think that you are on the right track to talk openly with our son about sexual activity, trust, respect and everything that goes with it. The most important outcome of this incident may well be that you will have an opening for increased communication with your son about your expectations of him as a young adult. As you have said, he is not a bad kid - he sounds like a typical 15 year old. I am sure that you know the right kind of restrictions to place upon him to make your point. Just remember 15 is a hard age - hormones raging and very adult feelings happening but still a teenage mentality. What a confusing time! I wouldn't go back to that age if you paid me! I have a daughter , in her 20s now, and I just said it like it was - exactly what my expectations of her were and sometimes (graphically) talked about consequences of thoughtless or rash actions. I think that all we can do is talk to our kids, let them know what we expect and that we love them and then just pray!
~ Elaine
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
Farmgirl sister #2882
http://embchicken.blogspot.com
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| Ingrid |
Posted - Apr 16 2011 : 10:49:53 AM
Well, I have two teenage daughters, turning 15 and 17 in a couple months and regularly there are kids here at my house. I am a very blunt person so when friends are over I bluntly speak my mind and tell them right away no sneaking around making out. We have two acres so there's lots of places for them to go. That being said they will still try. I have always been open to discussion about sex and feelings and expectations and consequences. I have also learned anger doesn't work and neither does disappointment. Frank honest discussion simplified seems to work. Stopping his social life is only going to make him resentful but I agree with restriction. I don't know if this helps it's a tough call as to what to do. I guess follow your heart and remember we were all teenagers once.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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