| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| ivmeer |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:07:25 PM
This is one of those things that drives me absolutely nuts. Please forgive me, because I'm about to speak ill of some of the most wonderful people I know, but I really think they're doing their child a disservice.
We spent the weekend with some friends last week, and their child eats absolutely nothing. Their son is 3 and ours is 2, and our son eats anything and everything (we actually got him to eat two bites of collard greens on Tuesday...he is not your average toddler). Now, I realize that a certain amount of pickiness is normal with childhood (see collard greens, above), but I think that parents don't realize how much they cater to it and make it worse.
Things I noticed:
1. My friend immediately assumed that my child would not want to eat the food that the grownups were served. She offered him hotdogs. I declined, because I think it's really important for my son to see his parents eating the same food he eats. He ate everything without complaint.
2. Dinner included egg drop soup with vegetables. She dished up a little for my son upon my request, but it was completely vegetable-free. I was actually scooping veggies out of my bowl and putting them into my son's bowl because he wanted some and I wanted him to have them.
3. They gave in to their son's most egregious demands. While the rest of us were eating challah with hummus on it, she was giving her son challah with strawberry syrup on it (the kind you use to make strawberry milk). The strawberry syrup was on the table when we got there, so this is obviously a normal thing in their house.
4. The other thing that picky parents do is not to feed their kids anything that they themselves don't like. I don't like canned fish, but when I make tuna salad for my husband, I've offered some to my son. So far, he hasn't liked it either, but I would encourage him to try it again.
I do believe that some kids are just unredeemably picky, but I think most of it is taught to them unconsciously by their own parents. What do you think? |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| ivmeer |
Posted - Mar 29 2009 : 08:59:08 AM
Tina, I'm with you. BTW, your quote is not anonymous. It's from a short story by Jack London. |
| Tina Kay |
Posted - Mar 28 2009 : 10:30:10 AM
I have a friend that has taught her kids to be picky. I refuse to feed them at my house. They always turn their noses up to it. I polietly asked her to packt them food when I babysit them.
It drives me crazy.
One time son comes in and asks for chips. She says did you eat your apple. He says yes. Then she says ok. He finished half a bag of doritos. The big bag. A while later I was throwing somethng away and there was the apple with a huge bite out of it and thrown away. AGGHHH!
I never buy that stuff. You know the bags of chips, procesed cheese, premade cookies, etc... My daughter cannot understand why. So I explain it over and over again. And if I ever find out she is being picky at anyones house I will scream!!!!
But in all fairness when they cook veggies the cook all the nutrients out of it and soak it in butter. Yuck!!! She doesn't like that. I told her she needs to finish things on her plate when at other peoples homes. So not to be rude.
Now I get me up to work, I pray the Lord I may not shirk. If I should die before tonight, I pray the Lord my work's all right. Anon. |
| GaiasRose |
Posted - Mar 24 2009 : 3:13:55 PM
sure, hand cut, baked in your oven, lightly oiled in olive oil and salted using kosher salt, or a non salt herb shake. DELISH! fries from a bag...not so much.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Farmgirl Sister #88
Blogs:
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"Joyful chaos, working in tune with the seasons, telling itme by the sun, variety, change and self-direction; all this wwas replaced with a brutal, standardized work culture, the effects of which we are still suffering from today." - Tom Hodgkinson in 'How To Be Idle' |
| ivmeer |
Posted - Mar 24 2009 : 2:41:56 PM
Tasha, I was born and raised in Chicago, and I'll say that hot dogs are not crap! :) Actually, I do give my son all-beef hotdogs sometimes, and sometimes I make hand-cut fries, and he loves them. We do eat out occasionally, too, and he will eat junk food from time to time, but it's all in moderation. |
| GaiasRose |
Posted - Mar 23 2009 : 08:25:03 AM
I haven't read through this entire thread yet, btu I will, I just have to comment right away that my kids are picky eaters, but in the reverse. They don't like crap. At my mother's this weekend she made hot dogs and french fries for the kids. My mom made sure to mention that the dogs were all beef (she knows we don't eat pork) but got a little upset when my girls poo pooed their noses at the food she served.
Last night I made dinner at my mother's and my nieces and nephews didn't like the food. My kids ate it right up. Guess the difference? I made food from scratch and included fresh veggies.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Farmgirl Sister #88
Blogs:
http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
Etsy:
http://ForestFaeries.etsy.com
"Joyful chaos, working in tune with the seasons, telling itme by the sun, variety, change and self-direction; all this wwas replaced with a brutal, standardized work culture, the effects of which we are still suffering from today." - Tom Hodgkinson in 'How To Be Idle' |
| NudeFoodFarm |
Posted - Mar 22 2009 : 08:42:04 AM
First I wanted to send Kudos to Julia. Wow woman you sure know how to remind us that everyone is doing the best they can.
On that note I wanted to mention that my girls are good samplers of new foods but hardly eat more than a sample. My daughters survive and grow off of 1/4 C to 1/2 C of food total a day. Seriously, my daughters are normal size, weight etc but the portions of food they eat each meal can't amount to much more than a couple of Tablespoons.
They eat like birds but our dr. says not to worry because they eat when they are hungry and are willings to try different fresh foods.
I really have enjoyed everyones conversation about this because feeding our girls does take a majority of my day. It's nice to know I am not the only one doing it "the hard way".
Nude Food Farm
~Grown so good,
Dressing is Optional. |
| lara916 |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 10:23:48 AM
ITA! I see this so much and the parents truly don't even seem to realize that they are doing it. Even if my daughter doesn't like somthing I will have her try it again another time. Sometimes it seems to b the situation or presentation, her mood etc..that causes her to turn down a certain food. I also remind her that tastes change and that she should always to open to new foods, old foods etc..
Lara #327
"Boots" Becker Homestead Farmgirls |
| Alee |
Posted - Feb 02 2009 : 1:33:55 PM
Oh boy do I ever! I always worry about Nora's eating/not eating. It's hard to take a step back and say "She is healthy and fine and as long as she is offered the food- all will be well!" Sometimes I wish kids came with some sort of gauge that you could read- like a car. Empty to full. LOL
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
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| simplypaige |
Posted - Feb 02 2009 : 11:54:11 AM
Thanks Alee. It may be just a phase. You know how it is being a mom and worrying a little to much.
Paige |
| Alee |
Posted - Feb 01 2009 : 7:46:56 PM
Hi Paige-
I think kids go through cycles as they are growing where their body demands different things. I know that growing up I would go through cycles where all I wanted breakfast/lunch/dinner was cereal. Nothing else sounded good at all!
If Nora goes through this I will probably make sure that one of the sides is high in alternative protein from things like beans and such and I would give her the choice "You can have a portion of meat, or you have two serving sizes of the beans and rice (or whatever)."
I am not sure if this would work with your son? I also should mention I have some nephews that are about your son's age and they are in a SUPER picky stage right now.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
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| simplypaige |
Posted - Feb 01 2009 : 7:08:13 PM
I am having a hard time getting my 6 year old son to eat meat. We have a serving of meat with most meals and he tries to skip it every time. We encourage him to at least try what is on his plate but he puts up a fight most every time. He will of course eat things like hotdogs, deli meat, and chicken nuggets, but I choose not to serve this type of stuff but on occassion. I also don't want to serve up seperate meals for him while everyone else eats the regular dinner. I might also mention we raise cattle for a living so my husband is having greater difficulty dealing with this and we also eat breakfast and suppers together as a family everyday. My main concern is him not getting enough protein for his growing body and him becoming a picky eater. What would you do? |
| Alee |
Posted - Jan 20 2009 : 11:05:51 AM
Sandy- Our daughters are about the same age! It sure can be hard! This past summer, Nora went through a phase where she only wanted to eat those mixed veggies out of a can. She would eat a whole can of them for one meal but wouldn't touch anything else. She also used to like to eat cheese, and now she just feeds it to the dog. It's always interesting to see what they do/don't eat.
She recently started eating dried mangos again. I find that she is reverting back to finger food. Some days she likes to use silverware and some days she doesn't.
Sandy- Have you tried making a homemade chicken patty? Like a breaded chicken breast or something so she gets whole meat instead of the extruded stuff?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
| boonedesigns |
Posted - Jan 20 2009 : 09:50:53 AM
i agree with everyone but...
I have one daughter who eats everything good loads of vegetable every kinds...she has been known to ask for broccoli on her pizza. Tries everything at least once and usually like it. People laugh at her because she turns down junk food on her own for veggies.
My other daughter it has been a fight for her even to look at any food. That includes now milk. She is 22 months old and I raised her the same way by making my own baby food in the baby grinder. She lives on cottage cheese and chicken patties. It drives me insane and crazy. Chicken patties are just yuck. I always offer the other but she only knows a few words and one of them is no. I have even put the food in her mouth where she screams and spits. I can't really say fine don't eat until you eat something healthy. It just doesn't work on an almost 2 year old. She right now she lives on juice, cottage cheese and chicken patties. Somedays she surprises us and chows down several plates of a strange food but the next day she usually won't look at it again.
I never thought I would say it but sometimes it's not the parent it's the kid. Sometimes the parent tries very hard and sometimes they take the easy road. I do agree that parents should not assume and give the junk. Offer the healthy first. |
| ivmeer |
Posted - Jan 12 2009 : 5:47:31 PM
Meg, I agree that everyone is entitled to legitimate dislikes. My son eats every kind of fruit but cantaloupe. I don't see a reason to get crappy with him over cantaloupe. I still offer it, but I know he's probably not going to eat it.
Julia, of course there are reasons and exceptions, and I wasn't talking about every picky child. |
| simplyflowers |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 10:27:18 AM
Well written, I appreciate your thoughts.
Jamie
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Check out my blog!! http://bestcoupleintown.blogspot.com/ |
| jinia |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 10:25:13 AM
Absolutely beautifully written Julia! Thank you for the reminder. I hope all is well with Aria. |
| willowtreecreek |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 10:04:05 AM
Julia - I love your thoughts and perspective! Thanks for sharing!
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
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|
| julia hayes |
Posted - Jan 06 2009 : 08:44:20 AM
Phew...deep breath here. Ladies, I'm afraid that I have a different take on this one and my reason is a very personal one. I know this is long-winded and I thank you for letting me share it!
You see, my eldest, my son, would eat anything until he hit 3 and then suddenly things that he loved and couldn't get enough of were absolute contaminants. It was the weirdest thing. He's not a very adventurous person by nature so trying new things is a real challenge for him but most of the time he is willing and I commend every attempt he makes. Needless to say, however, he's become a picky eater. Did I 'teach' him this? I'm not completely certain. Maybe I did. Maybe I added to something that was already happening. I don't know, but I deal with it. My other 2 kids are pretty wide open and will eat most anything and try most anything.
I have an organic farm and am a stay-at-home so preparing healthy wholesome food has been very important to me and an extreme pleasure. That is, until a year ago when Aria was diagnosed with leukemia. Suddenly ladies everything, and I mean everything changed. We were staying in the hospital where there is a kitchen but no access to cooking food except a microwave. Need I even mention that the thought cooking wholesome food suddenly became the last thing I was thinking about? MaryJane and Meg delivered some of their packaged food, which totally got us through but my son had no interest in trying it and neither did Aria. New food in an environment that was very new and scary was not the least bit appealing. Comfort became the mode of operation for us. So suddenly I found myself drawn to 'what's easy, what's convenient, what don't I have to think about (because, by the way, I'm having to think about things I never wanted to think about and am terrified to think about) and most importantly, what will they eat?'
So overnight, my kids were eating take-out pizza, McDonalds, processed food galore, soda, hospital food along with all kinds of healthy choices too. Fruit, juice, wholesome breads and sandwiches, yogurt, organic milk and so forth. People prepared food for us which was so amazing and so wonderful and so incredibly appreciated. Was it organic? Was is completely home-made without any pre-package/processed ingredients? I have no idea and I could care less.
As life was settling in for us after several months, things began to have this sort of semblance of 'normal' except that Aria's palate changed. She was taking these incredibly powerful steroids, which she still takes at the beginning of every month for 5 days and I swear to you, it is like a light switch going off. She craves, craves, craves food that she doesn't really eat at any other time. Mac-n-cheese is her #1. Granted, I buy the organic kind but still.. She craves, craves, craves McDonalds and I give in once in awhile and trust me, it doesn't make me happy. I have incredible sticking power and don't bow to the whines and pleas of my little ones very often. That kind of behavior is super transparent to me and I'm a bull when it comes to fighting it but these cravings of hers are a different beast altogether.
I've met countless families who are living at the hospital for most of their child's treatment that can last for years. So, they're staying away from their home, their family, their friends, their kitchens and so forth. They're eating whatever they can. The energy to cook and to think about menus and healthy food is so minimal. It is so unimportant as horrible as that may sound. It is and yet it isn't. Trust me, I was very aware every single time my kids were eating junk, which is what we call McDonads by the way. They know that that restaurant doesn't serve food but serves junk. Still, I couldn't have mustered the energy to create a home cooked meal and pack it up in tupperware and bring it to the hospital despite the fact that I wanted to.
It has been a year since Aria was diagnosed with leukemia and I can tell you that it has only been in the last few months that we have started having family dinners where we're all sitting together eating the same healthy food. At least 10 months went by when this didn't happen. I know this is only a snapshot example of what can happen and one can always revert to a healthier lifestyle once things settle.
But what if one doesn't feel settled? What if one is always feeling just slightly stressed. Bills are just being paid. The job isn't quite satisfying and every day one toils away. I think about a loved one who is a single parent with 3 kids and she works 10 hour days. Where is her energy to come home and cook healthy meals 5days a week in between going to basketball games, soccer, ballet and so forth? Let's not forget that some people have greater reserves ingenuity than others. Some people have better management skills and coping skills. Some people can manage all of this and some just can't. Who am I to judge?
Ladies, forgive me. I know there are people out there who make bad choices and do stupid things. I know there are people out there who are contributing to the pickyness that exists in their kids. I get it. But from my vantage point it is easy to be seduced by the righteousness of rightness and forget that people, truly, most people are just doing the best they can with what they know and understand.
Society has changed in the last few decades. We know this. Convenience has become the name of game and those of you who have gone beyond the mind-set of convenience and have taken hold once-again the reigns of wholesome, healthy living, well I wave my apron at you. You are pioneering a new way yet again. MaryJane has reminded those us already inclined to come back to our roots and to our true selves but there are many. many who aren't ready and aren't interested. Are they wrong? I don't know. Are they?
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I really do believe people are doing the best they can and when we are exposed to those whose values differ from ours and affect us negatively, then we are called to roll up sleeves dig in the dirt and cultivate seeds of change. Farmgirls know how to do that better than anyone. We see what needs to be done and we do it.
Picky eaters? A little change may be all but a compassionate apple slice away! ~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com |
| MarySueK |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 09:20:11 AM
Two of my kids will eat anything that sits still long enough, but the third is very picky. He is also the one whose clothes felt itchy, was bothered by loud noises, etc. - just generally really sensitive (unlike the rest of us insensitive brutes). So if he didn't like what we were having I would let him take a couple of bites and then have a bowl of Cheerios if he wanted. So he ate lots of Cheerios when he was young! He has gotten a lot better over the years (now a teenager) and it has given him an incentive to learn to cook the kind of stuff he likes.
Sue in Richland WA |
| willowtreecreek |
Posted - Jan 04 2009 : 4:47:29 PM
My MIL made my hubby a picky eater and I HATE it! I have really worked at it and he has improved some but not much. I promise you all she made was fried chicken, fried steak, fried pork chops. The veggie was fried potatoes and every meal has an entire muffin pan of cornbread! I am totally not kidding!!!!!! I know she cooks dinner for us sometes to be nice but I hate eating over there. I get digestive issues every time! My sister is now teaching her almost 2 year old to eat only frozen chicken nuggets and mcdonalds! Uhhhh!
Farmgirl Sister #17
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|
| jumpingjuliet |
Posted - Jan 04 2009 : 3:33:30 PM
my son loves broccoli and salads. He asks for salads for breakfast. When we were at cottonwood for an auction he got hungry mid-afternoon. I took him to the cafe and he wanted a salad. We sat up at the counter while he ate his salad and people could not get over a 3 yr old eating a whole bowl of salad and turning down a piece of my cinnamon roll that I had with my coffee. (do as I say not as I do)
He is starting to get picky about a bunch of stuff that he liked before but I think it is a faze. He has to eat or at least try what we give him. If he doesn't eat his supper or a reasonable amount of it then he doesn't get anything else before bed. He is a thin child because he is so active and could stand to gain some weight but I was the same way when I was little and I am not going to give in to his every demand to fatten him up. He has to learn to eat more that just pancakes and wami(salami) and cheese. His favorites. He would live on these if we let him.
This is an interesting topic
Toodles
Becky
I am one with my inner farm girl! |
| sweetproserpina |
Posted - Jan 04 2009 : 1:51:44 PM
Good topic! (No kids here yet but..) Is it just me or has this whole idea of making everyone at the table a different meal to please their tastes just come up recently or what? When I was growing up we just ate what dad cooked. If we tried it and didn't like it, that was okay, but we still didn't get something else for dinner. We ate what we did like on the plate and that was that. As a tiny thing growing up, eating everything on my plate was an impossibility for me, so I'm glad I never had to clean my plate, but I stopped eating because I was full, not because I didn't like it.
When I make dinner (for many, or just me and the fella) my kitchen is not a restaurant- I make plenty of delicious, good food so there is a variety to chose from, but it's one meal- not a different one for everybody.
However- as was mentioned there is a difference between being picky, and abstaining from food for other important reasons. And some pickiness is okay if it is extreme dislike. I'm not allergic to fish, but I can't even stand the smell of salmon. It physically makes me sick. I would never discourage anyone else from eating it though, and I actually wished I did like it.
I guess the other thing about picky-eater kids- they usually grow out of it =;-) There are probably a handful of things I would never eat as a kid, which I really like now.
"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world."
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| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jan 04 2009 : 09:19:39 AM
I didn't read every thing, but I agree.
I wanted to say to Cats, I love Bob's Evans out to eat cause of their WIDE variety on the children's menu. lol I order 2 childrens meals! One for me and one for my daughter!
What I love about it, is it has TONS of choices, and one of them that my daughter and I always get is the turkey lurkey! It's roasted turkey with gravy, and 2 sides! The sides can be anything on their menu of sides, I believe over 15 to choose from! You can even get a salad as a side! The only place I know of that offers children a side of salad! I've only gotten their salad once, but still I was impressed it was a side. We usually get broccoli and carrots as our sides! lol My daughter and I both like them! Oh well I sometimes get her broccoli and grapes, as she loves those better then carrots, although she likes carrots too, but I figure carrots are cheaper then grapes so get the grapes for her when they look good.
Any way my daughter is "picky". But, thankfully it's all for healthy things! lol She would live on brown rice and milk if we let her. lol
And BTW she's 2 and likes collard greens! lol I've been around many toddlers who eat off their parents plates who like collards as well! Of course I live in a mainly black population area.
However, I've also seen the spoiled only eat cookies type and really worry about them!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| 5 acre Farmgirl |
Posted - Jan 01 2009 : 11:46:05 AM
I am soooo glad to read these posts,Ithought as a Grandmother, I was nuts for asking my Grandsweeties to eat all that is on their plates...
Visited with their parents(our DD and SIL) and they agreed, they should eat ll on their plates....
What happen to the "Clean Plate Club"...even if you didnt like it ....
Is this a key to what our society is really like....argh!
Farmgirl Sister #368
http:/froccsfrillsfurbiloesandmore.blogspot.com
http://thecontentedwoman.blogspot.com
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| MsCwick |
Posted - Dec 30 2008 : 12:07:57 PM
I think(and I dont have kids) but I think that parents that are one a three meals and a few snacks a day schedule automatically think that their kids must be hungry and needing to eat too. but it's like Jamie said, they'll eat when they're hungry. I have a lot of friends who have been worried about their kids not eating enough, and you're right, they will eat what they need. They aren't on an adult's schedule with an adult's stomach capacity or apetite. but if they are asked enough, I'm sure there's some junk food that would be appealing to them whether they're hungry or not... |
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