| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| garliclady |
Posted - Sep 06 2007 : 7:39:28 PM
one of the parts of trying to get under control our chaotic household is to have rules and consequences and rewards . Could antone share what has worked for them . My children are 3 and 5 .
Thanks
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| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| GaiasRose |
Posted - Sep 17 2007 : 06:45:40 AM
i think often people get confused with the terms natural consequence and logical consequence. A natural consequence woud be one that occurs without the implementation by mom or dad. Like, you were told not to do something as it might be dangerous, you do it anyway and a minor injury results because of the action.
Leaving your bike over night and then the removal of it as a privelige is a logical consequence, that is, mom or dad determined, but not as a natural result of leaving your bike out overnight :) kwim?
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| garliclady |
Posted - Sep 17 2007 : 05:07:13 AM
I used to teach upper elementary and middle school so I know consistancy is the key. But I have needed ideas for what the rules should be and how to carry them out (punishment /consequences ) for preschool age.
Thanks for the input
Tasha one thing you said really rang true to me"but often we are so tired from the things we need to get done that 'no' falls off of our lips when they ask to do something. They do it anyway and we get upset." I know this is true for me ,this summer I have been hot and tired from farm work and the daily grind plus my husband was home recovering from surgery and I just turn 50 so my hormones get the best of me sometimes.
I need a schedule , one problem with scheduling is that with the farm (Produce) the weather rules what days and times are best to work the farm stuff . This gets to be a little easier once the cool weather sets in because it is never too hot for me and the children to be outside and around here rarely gets too cold and when It does there is noting growing even in our greenhouse.Now that the weather has finally cooled down . We can do a moring routine without hurrying to get out side before it gets too hot. Also I won't be so drained from being in the heat. Next year I think I will wait to home school till it has cooled down. This years September heat caused our schedule to be as wacky as it is all summer.
Thanks Holly for all the ideas , I have already checked out the If then chart also I do need to schedule things more and have "clean up times" I will check out fly lady
My husband and I had a "sit down talk with the kids last week and wrote down rules I will let them now help with the consequnces"
I know I need a chores chart chart and will make one .
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| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Sep 16 2007 : 10:24:49 PM
Consistancy if for sure the biggest thing...most of us are mentioning that. Also making the "punishment" fit the "crime". A natural consequence like..if you leave the bike on the front yard after dark ...then you will lose the opportunity to ride that bike for ....days. And explain why you don't want the bike left in the front yard after dark. Like that. I have seen people fly off the handle and "ground" kids for things that are so small and would have been better taken care of with reasoning and a natural consequence.
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
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| willowtreecreek |
Posted - Sep 16 2007 : 10:08:42 AM
I'm not a mom but I do teach. I think the biggest thing with discipline is consistancy. Kids get confused if you aren't consistant.
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| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Sep 15 2007 : 10:42:20 AM
I've seen both authority based parenting and gentle/graced base parenting work and both of them fail!! You must be consistent when they are little.
Ideas for cutting down on chaos:
1. Set bedtimes and get up times
2. Set mealtimes
3. Try some of FlyLady's ideas on cleaning/pick up -- we have pick up times right before lunch and bed besides regular chore time. That way you don't get up to a sink full of dishes right off - this really makes my morning yucky! You decide how much of that is ok for your family
4. The If-Then chart from Doorposts is great for choosing punishments for specific behaviors - they also have a Blessing chart for rewarding good behavior! (doorposts.net I beleive) It is a Christian based company so there are Bible verses for behaviors as well - then you and your husband choose specific punishments, then go over with the kiddos and get their input as well. Kids can be harder on themselves somtimes! So, anyway, then when a specific behavior occurs you send them to the chart - this cuts out a lot of yelling, arguing and whining in our house!
Lisa Welchel's book Creative Correction also has great ideas!
5. Set a daily routine if you can - such as up, chores, school, lunch, quiet time, walk, piano practice, etc. Obviously if you ps or have older kiddos this changes.
Start with one or two ideas at a time and make them habit and then move on.
Hope that helps!
I can definetly say it helps a lot to have a routine of some sort (not talking regimented here but a framework)and expectations laid out - that's one of the things that's driving me nuts about being at my sister's the chaos! - this actually allows for freedom of creativity within that framework rather than just total chaos! Once you have this established then you can have a day when you just stay in your jammies and watch movies and not feel guilty that it's everyday!
Blessings!
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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| BlueRoseMama |
Posted - Sep 10 2007 : 12:46:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Leezard
My biggest piece of advice is to be consistant, whatever you choose to do make sure you try to do it the same way every time-especially when they're that young.
Ditto that! They will do whatever you do over and over... if it's loosing your cool they will mimic that... if it's being calm, they will mimic that... in fact, my daughter would use the same words with her baby brother as I used with her. :rolleyes: It's amazing what they will pick up. :)
Val
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| GaiasRose |
Posted - Sep 07 2007 : 08:37:17 AM
I didn't read over the site that Elizabeth gave, but one thing I wanted to add is that you can give logical reasons and consequences to kids. They aren't stupid and they CAN be reasoned with...and generally if you reason with a child, you get a better response. Not only does it work with my kids, but my nieces and nephew who are reared in an environment the direct opposite ours, do better with listening and behaving when they are here because I reason with them. We don't run a dictatorship where it is do as I say and do it now no questions asked. I really really really think that if we are to raise well thinking, thoughful, critical thinking people, that it all starts with how they are spoken to when asked to do things or given rules to obey, etc. Kids ask 'why' all the time...there is a reason for it. They are learning and exploring and growing just like we all are...there is no reason, imo, that an adult cannot reason with a child. Expecially if it gives a better and much more desired response.
Elizabeth, I am going to chekc out those sites too! I love new parenting ideas, even though I am pretty well set within gentle discipline, I still like to know what others are doing!! Thanks!
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| Leezard |
Posted - Sep 07 2007 : 07:47:13 AM
My biggest piece of advice is to be consistant, whatever you choose to do make sure you try to do it the same way every time-especially when they're that young. One thing I'd heard of that I thought seemed to be a reasonable way to go is called Love and Logic. Here's a link to a little bit about what it is http://www.conejo.k12.ca.us/university/jslandl.html If you click on each month it gives a little more information. There is also a message board http://www.loveandlogicforum.com/
I think many times discipline becomes a guilt driven event and makes a child feel like they can do nothing right. The Love and Logic concept still employs consequences but enforces that the person doing the discipline still very much loves the child and the point is to learn from mistakes.
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| GaiasRose |
Posted - Sep 07 2007 : 07:40:18 AM
We use gentle discipline in our home and a lot of it is child led. Last night for instance, Grace broke a rule and she got to choose her consequence and she chose going to bed early for a week. At 3 and 5 though you mostly have to let chldren make mistakes and learn from the natural consequences that follow. That isn't to say that you should let your children walk all over you, but often we are so tired from the things we need to get done that 'no' falls off of our lips when they ask to do something. They do it anyway and we get upset.
I think you might benefit from taking a peek over at Mothering forums. They ahve a gentle discipline forum that gives lots of good ideas for harmony bur without the yelling, arguing and negative reinforcement that a lot of parents succomb to.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=36
hope this helps. Zoe is 2 and Grace is 5 and we really have no serious issues, but like I said, when we do have a breach of the rules, she is an active participant in her consequences, otherwise, the natural consequences are what follow suit and they usually nip whatever the disagreeable activity was, in the butt.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
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