| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Alee |
Posted - May 20 2007 : 6:23:35 PM
Just wondering when (at what age) you first let you baby cry herself to sleep or if you never did?
Alee |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| corporatefarmgirl |
Posted - Jul 12 2007 : 1:52:20 PM
Alee - Never did it. I have 5 kids and my husband and I could not do it. No judgement just the belife that the little ones need to be held when they cry. Yes there were some sleepless nights but you know what everyone of them was worth it in the long run. Be sure and nap when the baby does if you can. Cat naps work wonders....
there is a seed to plant in every heart |
| ACountryGirl |
Posted - Jun 19 2007 : 5:06:14 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Alee
I am not sure how I will feel about it when she is older, but right now I couldn't stand it. My fiance asked me when we were going to start doing it and I told him that definitely not right now! From what I have read, infants that get their cries answered right away, cry less as a toddler and are more ready to learn and grow. I don't think I would be willing to even try it before 6-9 months old, but I guess I will wait to see how easily she goes down to sleep when the time comes :)
Alee
Hi Alee,
I can so understand how you feel. And though I understand in theory the let them cry it out... I have to tell you another side..
we have taken in our nephew. His mom did not come and take care of him when he cried regularly. It was hit and miss at best. He now has an attachment disorder. He doesn't know how to trust. Why should he? He didn't know if he were to be fed, changed, etc.. now granted, there was also abuse involved I am in NO WAY Saying if one let's them cry it out, it is abuse.. and my son ( well technically my nephew but we are raising him now as our own) is an extreme case.. whatever you chose... be consistant. Follow your heart :-)
Nannie
http://acountrywoman.blogspot.com/ www.homesteadblogger.com/AStitchinTime
Live Laugh Love much! |
| primjillie |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 10:19:38 AM
It seems like you have the right idea, Alee ~ take what you can use from all the posters and set up your own way of coping. In the 28+ years I've been parenting, I've learned each child is different. I had two who could self soothe and put themselves to sleep pretty easy and one who had to fuss himself to sleep. Nothing else would work with him. What's funny is that his son is the same way. You could rock, nurse, swing, walk or whatever for hours and Ethan wouldn't fall asleep. However, put him in his crib and let him fuss/cry for a few moments, and he is out for the night. You will learn what works with Nora ~ she'll let you know! |
| Alee |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 09:22:16 AM
I appreciate everyone's input and advice. I think we, just like out kids, are so individual that we have to basically find out own way.
I think it is really nice to hear about conflicting parenting advice because then I have heard both sides of the topic. Obviously there are many many women out there that let their babies learn to self-soothe and the babies turn out just great and there is probably and equal number of women who wear their babies.
I am not sure what I will do yet. I have a hard time listening to Nora cry even a little, but she sometimes will cry because she actually wants to be put down. I guess it just depends on the baby in question. I have a feeling as she gets older she will start naturally putting herself to bed.
In fact, just now she was cranky and usually when she is acting like that she wants to nurse. Well she would latch on and nurse for a second and then pull away. Finally I just walked and swayed her to sleep. She wasn't hungry and knew it, but still wanted the close contact. This is one of the first times where she really made it plain that she didn't want more nursing time.
Thanks for all the different opinions ladies! It gives me lots to think about!
Alee |
| TheSoapMaven |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 07:40:18 AM
My goodness Holly...I am with you farmgirl friend! I am nearly 48 and I have NO desire to self soothe! If I am scared or hurt I NEED someone to hug me or hold me! And I tell you right now, my feelings would be hurt if my kids didnt hug me 100 times a day! We are a huggy bunch! Kissy, huggy...we dont hang up the phone or go to bed or leave the house without kisses and hugs and "I love you".
Susan
http://www.thesoapmaven.com
http://notquitejunecleaver.com
|
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Jun 13 2007 : 07:31:54 AM
What's wrong with them being on your hip until kindergarten? I mean really? Other than our cultural perceptions. No child I know literally does this anyhow --- just like potty training we all stress about it way to much but does anybody actually KNOW a kid without health issues who isn't potty trained by age 5?
I'm not saying this is the attitude on the board so don't flame me but in some circles this attitude is really based on selfish mores. Mom doesn't want to be bothered more than necessary so basically ignores baby, pops them in the swing or saucer with a bottle any time of day (yes I owned those), tells them to go away when they want lovies (maybe not in those words but by actions), uses daycare and public school early. So remind me why you had children?
Carrying children in a sling or on your back is the norm in many parts of the world so why are we so different? I don't get it. With my first I thought I had to teach all these things - self soothing, put her down more, potty train by age 2, etc; but with my 4th I didn't do any of those things and he's perfectly fine, I wish I wouldn't have with my first. Their time as babies/toddlers is so short - why waste your snuggle time?
And to me it starts with do you let them cry to sleep or not? No I didn't pick up my kiddos everytime they made a peep but pretty close. You can tell from their cries if they are made or what....but for babies Nora's age that's their only form of communication and the nightime thing to me is just to scary for some little ones. When they're a bit older they can learn to soothe themselves but under 8months or so is just to young in my book. Even then it depends on what's going on.
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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| juliet79 |
Posted - Jun 12 2007 : 2:52:17 PM
Babies need to learn self-soothing at some point. However, it is your choice on how and when. Yes, holding your child makes them feel safe and secure, but Nora also needs to learn how to soothe herself when upset so she doesn't have to be on your hip until she goes to kindergarten. It is a developmental step that I believe in. I never let Kameron, Morgan or Abby cry themselves into a hysterical fit however. I would put them to bed, then after crying for awhile (not long) I would go in and reassure them that I was still there. Give them a snuggle for a few minutes, and then leave again. If they cried again, then I would go in, not saying anything the second time around, snuggle them in, and then leave. This took only a few days, and then they learned how to sing, play, talk or chat with themselves until they went to sleep. To each their own! |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Jun 08 2007 : 10:44:32 AM
I never could stand it. Sometimes there was nothing I could do for them except hold them, and I cried along with them.
I remember being told when my first one was tiny, back in the early seventies, that babies don't really have but one innate fear-- and that's of abandonment. No matter what, I never wanted my children to feel that. |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Jun 08 2007 : 07:31:24 AM
Just remember God gave YOU Nora and not anyone on here. All the advice in the world is not a substitute for seeking him. I've come to see as my children get older -- that much of their personality has nothing to do with me and everything to do with HIM and his plans for their life. I'm just here to help shape and guide them. So often I see Mom's who come across as experts on the subject and have to wonder what's coming next?!
What am I trying to say? Take all the advice on her and sift it through your life & lifestyle,discussions with your husband and make the decision that's best for your family. Families with one have different needs than those with more, country/city,medical issues (some may not be obvious yet -- such as hypoglycemia), work schedules, etc.
Again remember these days will pass quickly - so snuggle her as much as possible!
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
|
| _Rebecca_ |
Posted - Jun 08 2007 : 06:57:31 AM
quote:
Originally posted by TheSoapMaven
I just have to say I am so NOT surprised by the responses here. I think Kindred Spirits extend far beyond our feelings about organic food and making aprons. It is about WHO we are! And I just bet if all our kids got together they would feel a kinship as well. I had hoped I hadnt come across too strongly in my origninal post and I suppose I didnt. But I do feel very strongly about how we treat our children. I am with Country Lawyer, on parenting - even in the first days of life, have a profound affect on our security and ability to relate to others. If you want to raise compassionate, caring kids then YOU be compassionate and caring towards them. If you want selfish children, then be selfish with them. I think one thing Husband and I agreed on and was an unwavering belief of our - our kids do not run our lives...THEY ARE our lives. Everything we have done since becoming parents nearly 29 years ago, have been with their best interest at heart. Their needs come first. They were held and loved and at times coddled I am sure. But you will NEVER meet more compassionate, sincerely giving, unselfish people. They are close and comfort each other in times of need. They are good siblings, good children, grandchildren and friends. Do they have faults? OH YEAH!!! Do their parents??? OH MY YES! Do I have all the answers - NOT hardly! But I do know you cannot spoil a baby. And babies arent BAD! My dad (rest his soul) always said --there are no bad children, only bad parents. i know he wasnt completely right...but he wasnt completely wrong either.
Susan
http://www.thesoapmaven.com
http://notquitejunecleaver.com
I agree with you quite a bit. I think you invest your love in them physically with loving response, touch and care. And I am right there with your Dad about no bad kids, just bad parents. I would say that most babies have the same needs and some parents respond to those needs appropriately and some don't. What a blessing that you have raised your family with this thinking! : )
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. http://boinglink.blogspot.com/ |
| _Rebecca_ |
Posted - Jun 08 2007 : 06:47:58 AM
I have to add this. It's really hard to sleep train if you allow the baby to nurse at night. At a certain point you fill them up really good on breastmilk during the day at set times and they are so much more satisfied. It's very counter-intuitive. It feels like you should let them eat frequently so they aren't hungry at night, but that doesn't satisfy them well at all. Once you start giving them large feedings 3 or 4 times a day they practically sleep train themselves and there isn't a lot of crying, sometimes there is no crying! The Baby Whisperer is a good source for this technique.
Another counter-intuitive thing is that sleep begets sleep. It's really weird, but the more sleep they receive around the clock, the better they sleep at night.
Motherhood changed for me once I learned more about infant sleep. It was more relaxed, happier, more peaceful. I really was doing my job better and enjoying my work of love! HTH,
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. http://boinglink.blogspot.com/ |
| _Rebecca_ |
Posted - Jun 08 2007 : 06:38:59 AM
Wow. I'm pretty amazed that no one teaches sleep training to their babies. I have 2 kids that I didn't train (they slept in my bed with me and I nursed them on demand, as per instructions of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding) and 2 kids that I have trained and they slept by themselves in a crib. There is a remarkable difference in the first two. They are less easy going, more moody. They still get up at night! They are easily sleep deprived. My younger two sleep very deeply. They are VERY content. I get compliments on them all the time about how very well-behaved/happy they are. And trust me it's because they are sleep machines. There is nothing different about their personalities. The other two had similar personalities. It was just the way that I dealt with them.
So, I have done it both ways and I must tell you that having well-rested children and being well-rested is much preferable!!! I could't survive if they weren't. I am not rich when it comes to family support or help.
I learned how by reading online a lot. The Baby Whisperer is perhaps my favorite source as far as technique. An awesome book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I drank the Koolaid! I'm 110% convinced that you should train your children from an early time on to sleep through the night and sleep on their own. This book really explains the philosophy well. And schedules are very very very helpful to you and your children. I swear by them. And I didn't used to be a person who liked any kind of structure to the day. Now I'm a total convert.
(Managers of the Home was a great help to me by Teri Maxwell)
The first half of the night is the best place to start sleep training, but you really cannot start until you have your baby on a good schedule first. Then the sleep training is almost automatic.
The second half of the night is really hard. I am not one to let mine just cry for too long. Though I think it's a mothering skill to know roughly how much is too much and what is good for the baby. It's an art really. Even now, if my youngest one is sick, or if the thunder wakes him up, I will offer him a drink or hold him for awhile if it is after 3 am.
The better hours for sleep are the hours before midnight. So you really want an early bedtime and good sleep during those hours. I would say until 2am or 3 am it's very crucial that you child sleeps well for that time period. That makes a world of difference. 
We have lots of large families at our church and they are all on the same page when it comes to sleep training. And these are not cruel mothers by any means. They are very loving and kind, they just know what's best for themselves and their children. And they aren't strict schedule nazis either. Believe me. They aren't extremists. It's just a wise thing to have your baby sleep through the night. Makes for a much happier family.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. http://boinglink.blogspot.com/ |
| shmeg |
Posted - Jun 08 2007 : 06:14:20 AM
I wanted to mention a book that might be of some help. It is called the "No cry sleep solution". They have a baby and a toddler edition. Out of my 3 kids, only one has been a "good sleeper". Both girls woke up 4-6 times a night to nurse until about theage of 2. So, I sympathize with those of you who sleep deprived. I never could let them cry it out though. I have told them that "the boobies are sleeping until the sun wakes up" and offered to get them water when they wake up or just hold them, but not nurse them. They didn't like and they fo ra few nights but I never left them alone to ry it out. And after that they both slept much better. I figured this was preferable to sleep deprivation induced infanticide. (ok, I'm kidding, it was never quite that bad) But those books really did help. Gave me lots of good tips on getting them to sleep without breaking their trust. Elizabeth Pantley is the author. Hope that helps. |
| mommatracy |
Posted - Jun 02 2007 : 6:09:31 PM
When our first daughter was born,yeah I was told to let her cry it out. That lasted about ten seconds. No way. My husband and I loved holding her so much. I agree, babies need the comforto their mothers arms when they are upset. Meredith, our first loved to be rocked to sleep. It took quite awhile because she fought sleep and still does at 29! She hated going to bed. Even as she started school she would fight sleep and wiggle around as long as she could to stay awake. Baby number two, Susan, piece of cake. She could hardly make it through her last bottle without dropping off to sleep and she would sleep till 7am. As a toddler she literally fell asleep into her dinner plate at 7;pm one evening when we were eating late. We held our daughters alot and carried them around on our hip so much they almost took root! Yes, they slept with us alot. When we decided they should share a big bed it made bedtime so much easier. Think about it. They don't always need their own room. They can be company and comfort to one another. They are 22 months apart so that helped. Most nights one of them would end up in bed with us. Susan stayed glued to me until she was about 8 yrs. old. She had to be with me all the time . When our children woke in the mornings they had to crawl up in our laps for a little while. It was such a sweet time. Hold your babies when they cry. It is such a short time before they grow up. You won't regret it. Wish I could go back and do it all over again. We are so close to our daughters. Precious babies. Tracy in NC |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Jun 02 2007 : 5:26:45 PM
If it's any comfort my son slept with us til he was two. Still likes a morning snuggle but is fine sleeping in his own bed and has no problems sleeping on his own or getting to sleep.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
|
| Alee |
Posted - Jun 02 2007 : 1:45:32 PM
Thanks for all your great support ladies! Being a first time mom is a learning experience. Her dad is much more willing to let her cry than I am. I just can't handle it. I have to at least _try_ to comfort her. He does his very best, but will let her cry a bit while he is warming up some breastmilk to feed her. I think he has just watched one too many of those "Nanny 911" shows where the kids are spending the whole night in the parent's bed at 6+ years of age. I am sure that we will get it all worked out. She falls asleep nursing all the time but usually stays asleep when we put her down. I hope she just learns to fall asleep easily!
Alee |
| mkmomus |
Posted - Jun 01 2007 : 7:54:22 PM
Oh such stong feeling on this one! I never let mine cry themselves to sleep. My 2nd son could never sleep, but didn't want to sleep with anyone either. The Dr said he had colic and we had to put him on soy milk. It didn't help at all. Finally one day I just fed him baby food and gave him a glass of cows milk and he was fine from then on. Slept like a top. My youngest daughter came into my bed almost everynight until she was 11 (I know I know) She would come in about 4 in the morning. You know how I stopped that??? I got her a kitten who could sleep in her room with her. Now of course that cat (4 years old) thinks he is a baby and has to sleep right next to my daughter everynight. Ahh sweet revenge--it drives my girl crazy! And I agree with everyone who says you can't spoil them. I will admit there was a time here and there when my kids went through a spoiled and bratty phase but it passed pretty quickly and I think it's pretty typical. And I did find that my kids (14-24) know they can count on me even if it turns out to be a big pain in the behind-- and I wouldn't trade that for all the tea in China! So good luck and spoil away!
Merle
Merle |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Jun 01 2007 : 7:06:47 PM
Never - let any of mine. It's just against my grain to listen to my little one sobbing for comfort.
The arguments about letting them learn have never made sense to me either you're talking about a BABY not a 10yo! Big difference in my book. I can't even stand in when I'm in a store and hear wee ones bawling and Mom's ignoring em to shop!!! I have to grit my teeth to keep from running over and say can I hold the baby.
You've asked about slings before - so use that. She won't be spoiled just loved. Studies have shown that kiddos who are snuggled when they are little and picked up when they cry, rocked to sleep are actually better able to seperate from their parents when they are older because they are SURE of their parents being there when they need them.
How would YOU feel if you needed something and all you could do was cry and no one would answer?!
This stage is SO short......hold and snuggle & rock her while you can! Soon she'll be to big for your lap!
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
|
| therusticcottage |
Posted - May 24 2007 : 12:53:51 PM
When my 13 year old Stephany was a baby my favorite time of the day was the bedtime bottle. She would be fresh from her bath in her little footed sleeper and we'd snuggle in the rocking chair. She'd have her bottle then I'd rock her to sleep and put her to bed. Nothing better than that sweet baby smell. I love to rock babies -- was told that would spoil them and I shouldn't do it. Didn't listen and both girls turned out just fine.
When my babies were a little older -- around 9 months or so -- I'd put them to bed and sometimes they'd fuss for a little bit. But I never let them do it for more than 5 minutes. Sometimes they just need to learn to be able to settle themselves down.
Alee -- sounds like your little sweetie is doing just fine. You do what you feel is best for you and your baby. You know her better than anyone!
Visit my Etsy shop at http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com/ |
| Utahfarmgirl |
Posted - May 24 2007 : 10:24:16 AM
Never, never let them cry it out. My kids are 39, 37, and 31. I never let them cry it out and they're not at all spoiled. Just ask yourself what love would do.
Farmgirl hug,
Patricia
Farmgirls do it organically! |
| GaiasRose |
Posted - May 23 2007 : 7:21:03 PM
ha! zoe asks for the other side now too! i think its funny....
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Blogs: http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
http://tasharose365.wordpress.com/
Homepage:
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Birth is safe, interference is risky; TRUST BIRTH |
| TheSoapMaven |
Posted - May 23 2007 : 7:14:08 PM
Aw...sounds too sweet! Oh how I remember the sweetness and closeness with the babies! My "baby" is 11! Husband thought it was time to wean him when he could say "other side please". But of course we didnt wean him...he had been talking quite a while when he weaned.
Susan
http://www.thesoapmaven.com
http://notquitejunecleaver.com
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| Alee |
Posted - May 23 2007 : 7:05:13 PM
I guess I should mention that Nora sleeps a lot right now anyway. Last night she went to sleep at about 8:30pm. I put her in the swing at about 9 and took her to bed with me at 10:30. She side-nursed a little through the night and we got up at about 6:30am.
Alee |
| Lizabeth |
Posted - May 22 2007 : 11:30:50 PM
Here is a link to the o'mara article, thanks for pointing it out tasha, it is excellent.
http://www.mothering.com/guest_editors/quiet_place/141.html
We have liked most of what we found in the Ezzo's book "Babywise". This made a huge difference to our daytimes--more definition--which in turn helped my son to have more restful nights. However, he didn't start sleeping for a long stretch at a time till he was 10 months or so.
I have yet to order "toddler wise" but my sister says it has helped her a lot. We did not follow the bed time routine that the ezzos recommend, but again, my sister did and it worked for them.
And what Bramble says is so true! You struggle to figure out how to order his days, and then you enjoy one maybe two days of blissful routine, and then wham! he is in a new phase. aagh.
http://www.handcraftsbyheather.com |
| bramble |
Posted - May 22 2007 : 9:04:03 PM
Alee- I have the same position as Susan and many others here. My biological son was the happiest baby I have ever seen and other people were always amazed at his disposition. Hopefully it was because he always felt safe, loved, reassured and didn't have to get all worked up.This is a child who only ever had one very short lived tantrum also! Even at 13 he is still wonderfully open and funny (most days!)I have been blessed to have been caring for a 18 mth old who came to me at 7 weeks. In the beginning his temperment was so different and there was alot of crying while being held. Long story short...he has turned into a delightful little guy who now tells me "nap, nap" and smiles as I put him down because he now knows I will be there if he wakes and I will comfort him when he cries. I personally think it is cruel to let them cry, most times they just need a little reassurance and kindness is not indulgence or allowing myself to be manipulated. I've mentioned this before but when I left the hospital with my son the discharge nurse said" Just remember...calm parents make calm babies". The other thing I would say that helps greatly is staying on a schedule for meals and nap time. I think little ones like the predictability and missed naps make cranky babies. That trip to the grocery can wait until nap is over! This is a wonderful ( and tough!) age, so enjoy it. It goes so fast! And just when you think you've figured it out, they go through a new phase and you start all over again!
with a happy heart |
