| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 01 2011 : 10:21:43 PM
Oh my WORD! I had NO idea! Today I had to take my son in for his annual exam, and was presented with this paper from the nurse that my son was "due" for his HPV immunization? After reading the paper, I gently went to hand it back to her, and gently said, "Thank you, but he won't be having this vaccine." She - quite rudely - literally shoved the paper back at me and told me to deal with the doctor. No kidding. Then the doctor came in. Now, please understand, we love this doctor and have full confidence in him. I politely reiterated that we did not want our son to have this vaccine. A judgmental look came over his face. He became a little indignant because "all" boys get them now, apparently. It's supposedly the best way to protect our sons and their mates from passing the HPV virus... But... my son... he's not even dating yet! He likes girls and all, but he's more into golf, laser tag, football, baseball, swimming and video games! And even if he WAS dating, sex is not an option. We've raised him to respect himself and women. We've taught him values and the importance of chastity. We've explained how guys see things vs. how girls see things. We've discussed STDs. We've discuseed teen pregnancy (and he's seen plenty of it and is not impressed, may I add). He has friends who are sexually active, and he's appalled. We're doing it as right as we can. And even though at some point he is going to be confronted with a situation where he'll have to make a decision about sex, he's not ready to even THINK about this yet. The doctor said that this was the best time to give him the vaccine - BEFORE he becomes sexually active, so he will be protected if the occasion ever arises. I just looked down and nodded in utter disdain for what our youth are facing today. And he said, "What? You think he's not going to DO it???" He was really kind of off-putting - AND he said this right in front of my son, who turned seven shades of purple and red - partly out of embarrassment, partly out of anger at the insinuation. I laughed and said, no, I honestly don't believe he will, and then I turned ot my son, and joked, "You're going to become a priest anyway, right?" ;) He emphatically said, "NO! But I'm a little offended that Dr. ___ believes I'm 'going to DO it'!" The doctor tried to make him feel better by going on and on about how this will protect him from becoming a carrier, that this is just as a precaution to protect himself, yadda yadda yadda. My son just sat there stunned and I could tell he was really insulted. I was, too. I told the doctor very, very politely that I would take his recommendation under advisement and consider it carefully as well as discuss it with my husband. He was satisfied. I asked how necessary it would be for my son to have this right away? He said not at all - just BEFORE he becomes active. He further stated that since parents are usually the last to know (Yeah - not in THIS family - SORRY!) and usually in the dark, the sooner the better, just so he'll be "prepared."
I mean - Oh, my GOD!
When we left the office, my son said he wants a new doctor. The doctor is a good doctor - I actually have a lot of confidence in him. He's one of the good ones. And I know that the doctor means well and has what he believes is our son's best interest at heart, truly. But to sit there and basically say, "Don't be an idiot, Mom...He's gonna do it anyway... They ALL do!" PLEASE! I refuse to tell my son, "Well, no matter what we've instilled in you, I have no faith in you - I KNOW you're going to DO it anyway, so here, take this medicine so you don't get any girls infected along the way... Oh yeah, and by the way: while you're at it, have a box of condoms - just in case!" I'm not going to let my kid think I'm giving up on him, nor will I let him think I condone premarital sex. When the time comes, he will be at a crossroads where he's going to make that decision. I'm not going to let the memory of my voice saying, "Well, you're gonna do it anyway," ring in his head. It's just not going to happen. To me, that's like giving up on your kid, and giving your child a fatalist attitude about his actions - as if he will not have any self-control when the time comes. I don't believe that. He's not some animal who is lead by instinct alone! But, in all honesty, I realize my son will eventually have to make his own decisions. He will be informed. I have the utmost confidence in him and that he will make the right decisions when the time comes. I cannot control him, but I am not going to let him think I have no faith in him. I do trust our relationship enough to believe he would tell me if he was moving in such a direction. That may sound a little naive, but in all honesty, the kid tells us EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. I just don't forsee "it" happening without him coming to us first to discuss it. Call me crazy - but that's honestly the way we roll.
I cannot even begin to tell you how enraged I am by this whole thing. <sigh>
But put all the issues of morality aside... I honestly was completely taken by surprise by this vaccine even being an option. What are all of your takes on all of this? I am really interested to know. A lot of my friends who have girls have been confronted with the female vaccine and, because they have the same convictions and reservations (about the vaccine itself) as we do, they have not opted to take it. I told the doctor this, as a matter of fact, and he scoffed and said that if any of my friends refuse to give this vaccine to their daughters, they are doing them a huge disservice and being very irresponsible. I just don't buy that for many reasons. But that's neither here nor there. What I am interested in is your take on the nature of this vaccine in general, as well as the "real" need (vs. imposed opinion) to ensure our sons - and daughters - have it.
I'm still so mad about the audacious attitude of the doctor today... I know he sees a lot more than we do, though. 'Guess dear ol' Mom must be going through some growing pains herself here, huh? LOL! I want to do the right thing, truly. But I don't believe it's necessary right now, that's for sure.
So... what do you think???
Thanks -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| knittinchick |
Posted - Aug 14 2011 : 12:41:03 AM
Kristi, you bring up good points that HPV can be transferred other ways than just having sex. I think there are some misconceptions about certain diseases. I watched a movie today, and even though it was fictional, the teens in the movie thought that they could HIV through sitting on the same chair as someone who is HIV positive. I think that the spread of these diseases could be prevented through education about how to protect yourself.
God's and Farmgirl's Blessings,
Megan
At heart, I am both a sassy city girl and a down-home country gal.
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work. |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 13 2011 : 12:37:31 PM
Oh, thank goodness! I'm so relieved! I know what you mean - if we could hear each other's voices and see each other's expressions, it really would be SO much better, huh?! I didn't take any offense, honest - I just wanted to be sure you didn't! :) It's all good!
I see what you're saying. My sister's main concern is for cervical cancer with her young daughter; our neighbor has the same concern for hers. I totally get that. I don't want my son to become a carrier, either. My sister's son is the same age as mine. She said she's heard of the male vaccine, but her family doctor hasn't even brought this subject up with her yet. She said she's not sure how she's going to handle it at that point, though. She said she would give the vaccine to her daughter in a heartbeat, but she's not sure what she'd do with her son. I thought that was very interesting. My neighbor said that her main concern wasn't what her girls would do or not do, but rather what would happen if someone did something to them. She feels it's just better to protect them to be safe. I get that, too. It's a scarey thing. It really is.
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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| mydakota |
Posted - Aug 13 2011 : 12:23:43 PM
Oh goodness no. Not offended in the slightest. In similar situations I have been asked the same thing before though, so it must be something in the way I post that lead folks to believe I am angry? I dunno. If that is what came across, I sure didn't mean for it to and in reality don't feel that way. Sometimes communication via the internet is hampered by our inability to see each others expressions and hear each others tone of voice. My AIM is to be clear in how I write so that the reader really understands what I am trying to say. Sometimes I fall short of that I guess and what is perceived is more emotional than just a desire for clarity?
In all of the links I posted, it also speaks of vertical transmission (parent to child--most often during birth, but in at least one case it speaks of possible transmission from parent to child from something as simple as a parent changing a diaper after having failed to wash appropriately after going to the bathroom--chances of this being a transmission route go up if the child has compromised skin integrity such as a diaper rash). They also speak of skin to skin transmission in cases where the integrity of the skin is compromised (cut/scratch/sore) There is also mention of possible transmission via mucous membranes. (on some of these you have to read pretty far down) I guess what I am trying to point out is that I think this should be considered as more of a health issue than a sexual/moral issue. I think there are sometimes both religious and moral undertones assigned to these topics that can cause us to look at it as though that somehow makes it different health wise. I guess because of that, I was trying to point out that it is entirely possible for a younger person who is not yet sexually active to be threatened by this. Not that I feel that should make any difference really. But to some folks it seems to. Several of the articles (if you read far enough down) also mention that by age 50, an estimated 80% of women will have had an HPV infection. 80%. Wow. And most of them won't even know it.
But no, I am certainly not offended. I am also not trying to be offensive. I apologize if I am coming off that way.
HearthCricket Farm. Where the door is always open, and the coffee is always on. |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 13 2011 : 11:24:39 AM
Kristi - I just looked at those sites you posted... I'm not seeing anything different than on the CDC site?? Am I missing something? I want to be sure! Thanks - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 13 2011 : 11:21:14 AM
I hear you, Kristi! I am afraid, though, that somehow you have taken offense at something I said. Please know that absolutely no offense was intended - not at all! If it seemed that way, I most sincerely apologize! I'm not like that at all! :) Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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| mydakota |
Posted - Aug 13 2011 : 09:25:48 AM
To be clear, I am not disputing the assertion that the most COMMON form of HPV transmission is through sexual intercourse. I am only providing links to support the assertion that intercourse is not the ONLY form of transmission.
http://www.eyesontheprize.org/cgi-local/askpro.cgi?ID=26
http://www.genital-warts-treatments-online.com/genital_wart_information.html
http://www.genitalwartsreport.com/genital-warts/
http://hpv.emedtv.com/genital-warts/how-do-genital-warts-spread.html
http://dermnetnz.org/viral/genital-warts.html
http://www.medicinenet.com/genital_warts_in_women/article.htm
It is overwhelmingly clear to me that we both love our children. We are both trying to do our very best to serve them well in this world. When all is said and done, We both will have made mistakes. But you know what? It will likely all come out in the wash. At some point, they are responsible for what they take and what they leave of our teaching. We are human, and can only do the best we can do. It isn't the parent that disagrees with me that I worry about, actually. (because God knows I am not going to be right about everything) It is the parent who seems to not put much thought or energy into trying that scares me.
HearthCricket Farm. Where the door is always open, and the coffee is always on. |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 13 2011 : 06:41:48 AM
No judgment from me, Kristi - I understand and respect your position and right to make these decisions for your children. I have quite a few friends who feel the same way you do concerning this matter. I just feel so differently about the whole thing for so many reasons, and I really appreciate that you respect my right to feel this way. Nobody loves our children more, or knows and understands them better, than we, their parents. I just have to follow my gut about this, as you do yours. For us, until our son is in a position where becoming active is an option, this vaccine is simply not an option.
Just to try to clarify a little bit more about the transmission of HPV, here are some links to the CDC website concerning HPV:
http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm This is their Genital HPV Infection Fact Sheet
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm This is their Fact Sheet for HPV in Men.
http://www.cdc.gov/eid/content/14/6/888.htm This is a study they conducted. I found the discussion section concerning transmission to be very interesting.
Hope this helps anyone with questions! :)
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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| mydakota |
Posted - Aug 13 2011 : 12:19:37 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Sheep Mom 2
I respect your stand however, one doesn't have to be sexually active to get HPV. Do the research - it can even be transmitted by a handshake or a kiss.
Blessings, Sheri
"Work is Love made visible" -Kahlil Gibran
I have not heard of it being spread by as casual a contact as a handshake, but it CAN be spread by means other than intercourse.
HearthCricket Farm. Where the door is always open, and the coffee is always on. |
| mydakota |
Posted - Aug 13 2011 : 12:13:39 AM
Well, I guess I am the salmon swimming upstream here. I am guessing that I am a little less conservative than most of you ladies, so take it with a grain of salt. I have two boys ages 12 and 15. I will not even think twice about my sons getting the vaccine. I won't make any big deal out of it at all with them. They will just get it like they get every other vaccine they have ever had--very matter of fact. Please understand that I think it is WONDERFUL that you have taught your children to have values and morals. I have done so with my children as well. I don't for one minute want to sound like I don't support that 100%. That is not what this is about for me. For me it is about protecting children from a disease that is so easily preventable, and also about accepting the fact that they are, in fact, sexual beings. Someday the overwhelming majority will have sex. They may share a parents values and wait for marriage or they may not. Even if they DO wait, what if their future mate did not? I guess I just don't attach a stigma to it merely because the most common way for this particular disease to be spread is sexual in nature. It just lacks "gasp-factor" for me. Obviously, you have the complete right to feel entirely different.
All that said, I think your doctor was wrong to embarrass your son that way. That would have made me angry too.
HearthCricket Farm. Where the door is always open, and the coffee is always on. |
| knittinchick |
Posted - Aug 12 2011 : 10:01:31 PM
Laurie, it did start out as a good concept. But now, like you said, it's more how cool it is to be a young, pregnant girl.
Nini, I think because it is becoming more common/in-the media, that it's becoming less taboo. When the show 16 and Pregnant started, I was afraid of what my parents would think about the show and even just me knowing that teenagers had babies! But now, it's always on the news/in the tabloids, that now, my Mom and I watch the show together and we use it as a conversation starter. Not only does it go against our values as a family, but I want to see the world and go after every opportunity possible before I have a baby.
Suzanne, I definitely agree! One show in particular, every other word is 'sex'! That's definitely not how my friends and I talk, and I know most people don't talk about it all the time, which is how the show portrays teens.
God's and Farmgirl's Blessings,
Megan
At heart, I am both a sassy city girl and a down-home country gal.
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work. |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 12 2011 : 4:46:55 PM
I for the most part really like Hallmark channel, things like Hallmark movies, Little House on the Prairie and my favorite the Walton's!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| woolgirl |
Posted - Aug 12 2011 : 3:44:36 PM
I have been saying that about ABC Family forever! Can someone tell me how their series can be deemed "family friendly?" And some of the movies they show? Goodness. I think it is good to have open discussions with your children about these topics, but it doesn't need to be shoved in kids faces.
Liz
Farmgirl #1947
www.militaryfarmgirl.blogspot.com |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 12 2011 : 2:10:22 PM
Amen to that, Suzanne! Amen to that! :)
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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| LuckyMommyof5 |
Posted - Aug 12 2011 : 1:55:33 PM
Funny you should say that, Nini - my husband and I always laugh when we see something advertised for ABC Family because that network seems to be so anti-family. If I were a teen today I would be offended by the media portrayal of that age group as mean, sex-crazed, shallow individuals who perpetually make bad choices. And I miss the Family Channel, too.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 12 2011 : 09:12:26 AM
Thank you so much, girls.
Excellent observations, Megan!!! You GO girl! I think the more Hollywood normalizes and glamorizes the less-than-ideal, the more kids - and even parents - become accepting of those behaviors as the norm - almost expecting or condoning them to happen. It's so sad how kids and parents are sold so short today and buy into that thinking. I'm not saying things don't happen - they do. We see it all the time. But the reality is rarely shown in its true light, and the encouragement to stand strong is rarely found in the media. And I really think we need to give our kids and families more credit and more of a fighting chance.
Suzanne - I hadn't thought of it that way, but I am so glad you pointed that out. Thank you! We try - TRY - to live by example. We're far from perfect, but we try.
Funny you say that, Laurie - we turn off so many of those shows because of the messages they send - ESPECIALLY the ones that make parents look like dorky, stupid, fools. SO many programs do that. So much for that particular network - ABC Family??? Family??? Wow. Years ago when it was the Family Channel, it had so many wonderful programs with excellent messages. Now it's a mockery of what family is or should be, at least in my book. So sad.
Hugs to all -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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| Montrose Girl |
Posted - Aug 06 2011 : 07:51:55 AM
Megan, You are very right about the glamour of Hollywood. My niece had to turn off the show "16 and pregnant" because where it started as a good concept of what not to do, it has now switched to let's see how cool it is to be pregnant and young. It's sad really. There is so much to life and yes, children are part of that, but I firmly believe in discovering who you are before adding another life to your charge.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
| LuckyMommyof5 |
Posted - Aug 06 2011 : 06:55:32 AM
Nini - I was also thinking of what a good example you set for your son by standing up to the doctor about this. You are trying to teach him to weigh decisions carefully and not act contrary to his beliefs or hastily just because someone pressures him to do so, right? And here the doctor was trying to strong arm the both of you into doing what HE wanted rather than honoring your beliefs or at least giving you time to consider and weigh the options. By standing firm and walking away to discuss it as a family showed your son that YOU act in a way that you want HIM to act. As bad as the experience was, here you were given a blessing to be able to show your son concretely how to behave as a strong individual in this world!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
| knittinchick |
Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 9:37:26 PM
Nini, I love that story! I'm 15 as well, and I think that Hollywood glamourizes being sexually active. But it never shows the knitty gritty of it. Proper protection is never discussed (though I believe that you should wait until you're married all together), and consequences such as STIs and pregnancy are never shown. And if teen pregnancy is shown, it is usually glamourized as well. I think the only true glimpse into what life as a teen mother really is like are shows like 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom, and even that can be glamourized as well when girls think, "Hey, I can get pregnant at a young age and then be on tv!" My Mom told me about this one girl on the news who said she got pregnant just so she could be on a television show. She didn't get on the television show, and now she has to care for a baby for the rest of her life. Sorry that was a touch off subject, but I definitely agree about how nonchalant Hollywood is about teens being sexually active. I see shows like Teen Mom and see that it is definitely not like the movies. Thanks for the story Nini!
God's and Farmgirl's Blessings,
Megan
At heart, I am both a sassy city girl and a down-home country gal.
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work. |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 4:41:33 PM
Laurie, Mandatory, is kind of relative. Often you can get around it for "religious" reasons, when you fill out the forms. I feel any strong beliefs you have can be considered "religious". As I religiously brush my teeth daily......etc. So.....
You will have to sign some papers of taking full responsibility for your child and any illness they get from refusal of such etc. But, that's about it.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Montrose Girl |
Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 06:42:03 AM
The list of vaccines is increasing and scares me a bit as I get closer to delivery. Yesterday in the paper I saw where the Hep B shot is mandatory for school now (hadn't planned on giving that one). It is out of hand and you can only follow your gut.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 04 2011 : 9:53:54 PM
Hello girls -
Sheri - Thank you for sharing your concern, truly. You're right, we really need to do our homework on this kind of thing. I think, though, that you may have misunderstood how it is transmitted... I can't go into the delicate nature of the details here for obvious reasons, but here is one site you might want to check out, okay? :) http://www.hpvinfo.ca/health-care-professionals/what-is-hpv/transmission-of-hpv/
You're SO right, Suzanne! It is our right to deny the vaccine... I suppose since we homeschool I am a little bit over-sensitive when it comes to things like this. This was also the first time our doctor was using a laptop instead of a clipboard with forms... He asked questions like, "What kind of heat do you have?" "What is your drinking water source?" I was dumbfounded. Obviously, I have nothing to hide, but when I got home I discussed that with my husband and he was blown away. Why on earth do they need such information? And where does it go, exactly, once they plug it into that computer? I never signed up for any type of clinical study... why would they ask that? I guess I'm going to have to call and find out, because it has really been bothering me... Anyhow... My son is 15, actually. I was thinking the same thing - when he's an adult, he can make those choices for himself. And you're right about the legality of the issue, too! Hmmmmm.... Never even gave that a thought before!!! VERY good point!!!
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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| LuckyMommyof5 |
Posted - Aug 04 2011 : 7:45:49 PM
Nini - I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with a pediatrician you thought you could trust. The doctor was wrong not to speak to you and your son with respect. To me, this isn't even an issue of who is going to choose to be sexually active or intimate (in any way) with someone in their lives. It is an issue of your rights as a parent and your son's right as a patient. Your son did not want this vaccine and YOU as his mother did not want this vaccine. End of discussion - it is YOUR RIGHT. Plus, I am assuming your son is a minor (under 18) and all moral debates aside, in my opinion (and most laws, by the way) no minor should be sexually active - in any way, shape or form. Besides, when your son is 18 he can get any vaccinations he wants "just in case."
I don't like doctors using pressure tactics for any reason. I agree with everyone else, that you should find a new doctor who will at least honor your wishes and those of your son without treating you like that!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
| Sheep Mom 2 |
Posted - Aug 04 2011 : 4:55:17 PM
I respect your stand however, one doesn't have to be sexually active to get HPV. Do the research - it can even be transmitted by a handshake or a kiss.
Blessings, Sheri
"Work is Love made visible" -Kahlil Gibran |
| levisgrammy |
Posted - Aug 04 2011 : 04:21:43 AM
Nini, I applaud you for taking a stance and also for letting your son know you trust him. All we can do is teach them well. They have to make the decision and take a stand themselves eventually, but knowing he has his parents to stand beside him will go far to helping him do what he knows is right.
farmgirl sister#43
O, a trouble's a ton or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it!
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only--how did you take it?
--Edmund C. Vance.
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| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 03 2011 : 7:22:49 PM
Hi girls -
I had typed out an email earlier and got booted off line… Drive me nuts…
Thank you for your support and insight on all of this, I really appreciate it. A few of my friends here at home don’t see this the way I do. It sure is nice to hear I’m not the only one who feels this way!
Cindy - You are SO right! kept thinking how on earth would I be able to find a good Christian doctor with good Christian values - they can’t advertise as such! And then when I read your post, I remembered that our next door neighbor is in the Knights of Columbus. He loves our son as a grandson, and always says he wants to sponsor him as a Knight when he turns 18 (no local youth chapter). If anyone has our son’s best interest at heart as well as good Catholic connections, it’s him! I’m going to speak with him as soon as possible. Thank you!!!
Rachel - isn’t that interesting that this vaccine is a great moneymaker for docs… I have to say, in all my years of knowing this doctor, and through all my airing of questions, concerns and doubts, he has NEVER reacted the way he did this time. Perhaps he has just seen too much in the young people these days, or perhaps it really is a money issue. I don’t know, but I sure do find that interesting!
Megan - You’re absolutely right. There are many, many teens out there who have succumbed to sexual pressures. I was discussing this with a friend today. She’s a mother of three beautiful, healthy girls who are committed to purity and chastity. She shared this awesome story with me. I shared it with my son, and I really want to share it with you here, too…
A little while ago, this friend was hosting her daughters’ teen Bible class for girls at her home. The youth counselor who came from their church to lead the study announced she had brought a really great treat for the girls. She presented them with a box of donuts, and asked one of the girls to choose the two she liked best. After the girl made her selection, the counselor asked her to choose which out of the two was her favorite. The girl made her choice and then the counselor said, “Okay - I bet you want to eat it. Are you sure that’s the one you want?” The girl emphatically nodded yes. The counselor said, “Okay. You can eat it, but before you do, I want you to pass it around to all the girls here so they can take a taste first.” The donut was passed from girl to girl in unwashed hands. Each tore a smidgen of the donut when it was handed to her, most favoring the part with the icing. One girl accidentally dropped it on the floor before it reached the original owner. When the first girl had the donut in hand, the counselor asked, “Okay… Do you still want to eat it?” The girl replied, “Nooo… I think I’d much rather have the other one.” Everyone laughed. Then the counselor said, “That’s the way, isn’t it? Nobody would choose the one we passed around, would they? Well, think of this donut like your boyfriend or the man you are potentially going to marry one day. Would you really want him if all your friends had touched him, if he had allowed himself to be sullied by other girls, and if other girls had taken pieces of his heart like that?” The room got very quiet.
Point made.
I think that is such an excellent, EXCELLENT example to share with our kids today. When I shared it with my son he said, “Wow, Mom. I never thought of it like that, but she was right. I’ll definitely remember that.” I’m sure he will!
Another friend said I was deluding myself, that I was being unrealistic if I thought my son would find a virgin out there to marry. I said I’m not being unrealistic, I just don’t think it’s impossible. This family I was speaking of earlier: I simply cannot believe that they are the only family in the world with the only three daughters in the world who are committed to chastity, any more than we are the only family in the world with a son who has made that same commitment.
We don’t need to make mistakes (or, to use the politically correct term: choices) ourselves to learn from them. My husband and I have been extremely forthcoming about all kinds of mistakes we made when we were younger, how they effected us, and the many regrets that come with them. Thankfully our son sees and understands because we respect him enough to be honest with him. He trusts us. He listens as we explain, he processes, he thinks for himself. Sadly, he also sees the effect of sexual relationships in the lives of so many of his peers. He‘s not impressed, thankfully. And Heaven knows that even what I consider to be some of the worst television programs out there portray many, many examples of the sad and life-altering repercussions encountered by sexually active teens. I realize Hollywood glamorizes and romanticizes the whole thing, but if we look carefully at what we’re really watching, how can we possibly miss the most obvious messages in these depictions?
There is just so much beauty and depth and profound meaning in the physical intimacy between a man and a woman; it’s meant to be sacred; it’s covenantal. Giving into lust is not rewarding; it is fleeting and empty. Waiting is just… worth the gift of love.
I have so much to say on this subject, but, I’d better stop here before I become to preachy. What it boils down to is, we’re not allowing him to have the vaccine administered. And shame on the medical professionals out there who refuse to believe in and encourage our kids for the choices they are making about chastity and abstinence. Perhaps if more people believed in and respected kids today, more kids would believe in and respect themselves.
A seedling can still thrive amidst weeds and thorns - it just needs to be one very strong seed that comes from good, healthy stock, and to be nurtured lovingly, fed well, and showered with plenty of light. :)
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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