| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| babysmama |
Posted - Oct 09 2007 : 8:50:32 PM
This is a bit embarassing to talk about but I want to see if I am the only one in the same boat. I am not talking about me having the lack of desire - it is my husband that doesn't have the same sexual drive. Does anyone here have that problem? I know that it can change during different times of your life but my husband and I have been married six years and it has always been like this, even from the start. Does anyone else have a stronger sexual desire than their husband?
-Elizabeth |
| 12 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| KYgurlsrbest |
Posted - Oct 11 2007 : 11:36:39 AM
Elizabeth, this got me to thinking, too....I thought about the calendar idea, since it seems like when we approach the subject, we both turn into 3rd graders or something. I almost feel uneasy about saying, "hey, we don't do it enough..". Men are so weird about their personal sexuality and libido, I almost feel like I'm offending...I also (for my issue) printed off a question from Askmen.com, a site which I've found pretty fascinating(they really ARE from another planet) : "A recent survey conducted by advertising company JWT revealed that 20% of American adults had reduced their amount of sexual activity with their partners because of the time they spent on the internet. Meaning their computers get more love than their girlfriends. Hmm..." I thought of putting that on the keyboard of the laptop. Not to be mean, but to say, "Hey!"
Sure, there are times when I think, "back off, buddy" but I notice the lack of intimacy after a few weeks and think, gosh, I miss the intimacy of our relationship, and I don't simply mean sexual. One that is affectionate and fun, and loving. Holding hands, playing footsie--whatever. That's all part of it, too.
I'm hoping that you solve your issues and feel better, soon. It's terrible to feel such disconnect with your partner in life! I'm praying that it gets better for you!
"She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian. |
| babysmama |
Posted - Oct 11 2007 : 11:18:57 AM
I think things do need to be spiced up a bit. It just surprises me that it has been like this since the very beginning, and we were married when hubby was 24 so it's not like he should have been slowing down yet! I realize that there are males with a lower sexual desire but to me it is strange since it isn't very common to hear about. I've asked him to get his testorone levels checked but our insurance doesn't pay for it and he feels like it isn't important.
There isn't any problem with internet porn or magazines as he is hardly on the computer, and when he is he is just downloading music.
I think maybe if I give him a visual like that calendar with smiley faces he may realize that it really is lacking in our marriage. It is hard with two children but like I said, it wasn't much better when we didn't have children. I counted last month and we managed three times but so far this month - nothing. Hopefully that's not too much information!
It's not like I want it ALL the time, there are many times I don't want it. But I want to feel wanted and it bothers me when he barely shows an intimate need for me except once or twice a month.
-Elizabeth |
| KYgurlsrbest |
Posted - Oct 11 2007 : 07:30:48 AM
We deal with the same thing, and I think it's a combination of things...sure, like Annab and others said, sometimes you're just plain ole tired and schedules don't allow for it, but I'm afraid, too, that often leads to something more distracting--it allows for distance between one another and, eventually, complacency. There are too many instant gratifications ("computer aids") out there as well, that deny intimate relationships or connecting on any level (intellectually, emotionally and lastly, physically). I'm really hoping that this isn't the case in your relationship, but in today's world, there are an over abundance of stimulations that don't involve intimacy with people, just media. I'm really not trying to be a downer, but, sadly, I discovered that "our" differences were really just HIS.
Good luck to you, I know how hard it can be, regardless of what the reason is.
"She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian. |
| EnchantedWoodsGirl |
Posted - Oct 10 2007 : 10:18:07 PM
First off, you are not alone. Make sure that your husband has a good family dr he can talk to and have him get some general bloodwork and a physical to rule out any physical causes, a Comprehensive Metabolic Panel (blood test) which will show all the basic stuff like his blood sugar (diabetes can cause a lack of sex drive)- he can also make an appt with an Endocrinologist as different fluctuations in hormones such as testosterone and prolactin levels can also cause the same symptoms. Also, does your husband take any medications on a regular basis? Blood pressure meds and certain other meds can reduce a sex drive greatly.
I also believe that the world we live in today is extremely stressful and all of our schedules have entirely too much to do on them and that we all need to make time not only for our partners, but for ourself. Our spiritual health is every bit as important as our physical health.
I hope that all goes well for you, I know it can be frustrating, but your love and concern for him will see you through.
Blessed be
Kathy of the Enchanted Wood
http://enchantedwoodmusings.blogspot.com/
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| Alee |
Posted - Oct 10 2007 : 6:23:24 PM
I bought Doug a Kama Sutra book one year. It has been lots of fun to read! ;)
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora!
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| Annab |
Posted - Oct 10 2007 : 6:12:06 PM
There's something to be said about schedules and stress and being just plain 'ole tired
However, not to sound too kinky, but find one of "those" shops and go wild!
I also read somewhere to change one of the lightbulbs to red, drape a red scarf over the shade, OR better yet, get a florescent black light. It throws more light than the cheaper bulbs. So fun-nuff said  |
| Lizabeth |
Posted - Oct 10 2007 : 08:28:03 AM
My husband and have only been married 2 1/2 years, and there is a 15 year difference in our ages. There is certainly a discrepancy in our interest levels... I agree with Julie, every day would be great! However my husband having been single for so many years and such a warm genuinely caring person does not want to have intimacy be the only expression of love in our marriage. So we both look for ways to be close in other ways... like sailing!
We practice Natural Family Planning (sympto/thermal fertility awareness) and this gives a natural decrease and increase in our involvement with each other. I think this has helped a lot because the 2 plus weeks a month of abstaining during increased fertility are a good build up for a great second two weeks. If you want to know more about this I'd love to share with you! It is an incredbile marriage booster.
Also, I have taken trouble to make sure that we've done all the dishes and evening housework by when we put our son to bed ;)
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| emsmommy5 |
Posted - Oct 10 2007 : 08:19:34 AM
Sorry. I had to giggle about the smiley face chart. It's like behavior modification for husbands. I wonder if it would work with chores, attitudes, and a honey do list??
As far as the actual topic. We've been married over 24 years. Five kids, busy lives, volunteering, working... all those daily life things just cause the intamcy to ebb and flow. There can be underlying issues, physical, emotional or spiritual things your husband is dealing with.
THe biggest thing you can do is to be perfectly honest with him. Talk about it. Use the smiley face chart idea or whatever the two of you can to work it out. Frustration in the bedroom is a really big thing. For me, maybe other women, sex is definetly an emotional thing- not just physical. If there are problems there, then I don't feel loved and cared for as much.
I think I am going to get a calendar.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth! |
| willowtreecreek |
Posted - Oct 10 2007 : 08:04:41 AM
My husband and I have been married 7 years. I am 29 and he is 33. He has always been WAY less intersted than me. He would probably go a month or so and not do it if I didn't ask. I would be interested every day! Even when I ask sometimes I feel it is like pulling teeth and then it makes it not very enjoyable. My husband has a tendancy to put off big projects until the last minute and does this often so I know he creats a lot of stress for himself. He gets frustrated and depress and then I think sex is the furthest thing from his mind.
I have a calendar in the bathroom and when we are intimate I put a smiley face on the day. I think this has helped because it is a visual reminder to him. He has also been much better about getting his other projects done lately too.
Felt and Fabric Crafts
www.willowartist.etsy.com
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BLOG
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com |
| MustangSuzie |
Posted - Oct 10 2007 : 06:52:58 AM
He may also have a low testosterone level. That is easy to check at the dr and easy to treat.
Blessings....
Sarah
www.mustangsuzie.blogspot.com
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| ddmashayekhi |
Posted - Oct 10 2007 : 06:48:57 AM
It could be lack of energy more then lack of desire. I started to track on the calendar the number of times we were intimate, for a few months. I brought it up to my husband how very little time we had for each other & showed him the calendar. He couldn't argue that I was exaggerating. There was a problem, he just didn't realize it. We stepped things up quite a bit since then & make sure there's also time in our life for romance as well! Perhaps trying something like that or counseling would help you out.
Dawn in IL |
| Tina Michelle |
Posted - Oct 09 2007 : 10:14:42 PM
could your husband be suffering from depression or anxiety and stress? that could be a culprit.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
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and at www.stliving.net
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