| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| showmemom |
Posted - Aug 03 2005 : 07:58:27 AM
good morning friends--
have been reading and thinking about this concept of "life cycles". i wrote in another post that i had heard a woman a little older than myself talking about how lost she felt now that her life was changing. she asked out loud "who am I now?" and that question really resounded with me.
we have 3 older kids (25, 24, 20) and then i have a 12 yr old still at home. our oldest son is married, our oldest daughter is getting married (0ct. 29) and our 20 yr old is going to college. so my role as a mother is changing.
i'm finishing my master's degree this year and hope to graduate in may so my work role is changing.
and my sweet daddy died 4 yrs ago today; my mother's health is declining and she's leaning rather hard on me lately so my family role/life is changing too.
do you see what i wonder who i am now? does anyone have any advice about walking through these life changes? somedays i feel like i'm in the middle of a whirlwind and can't really get my footing. i've always been the calm, stable one in the family and now i'm really emotional and cry at the drop of a hat (crying right now) and i DON'T LIKE IT!! people depend on me and i feel so undependable. i just want things to be normal again except i can't really remember what normal feels like-but it's got to be better than this.
not a very cheerful post-sorry about that but feel like i need some wisdom from someone who's maybe been here before.
talk to you soon.
karen
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
Victor Hugo |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - Aug 03 2005 : 7:25:55 PM
Karen -- these life changes are so hard! I'm 53 and am, thankfully (except for the hot flashes), in menopause. I love this stage of my life. Menopause is the best thing that every happened to me. I really thought I would have a hard time turning 50 but it was liberating for me. I think it is because I'm finally comfortable with who I am for the most part. If I could ever get myself motivated to lose weight than I'd really be totally comfortable.
I still have one at home too -- a daughter who is 11. That sure keeps you on your toes.
The hardest part of this life stage for me was having to become the parent for my dad and step-mom. It is so hard to help make decisions for them while still letting them have their dignity. I was not lucky enough to live close to be able to take care of him but my sister was and she did a wonderful job. Still, just knowing that he was not the strong person that I always depended on was very hard for me. My daddy will be gone 2 years this October and I still grieve for him. He loved me with a totally unconditional love -- as he did all three of his children. No matter what I did in life he was always there to support me and cheer me on.
The only advice that I could give you would be for you to talk about your feelings. It is important for you to verbalize them so that you can deal with what you are feeling. And be sure to take good care of yourself. Give yourself permission to do nice things just for you!
No one here will ever think that you are whining. We are your sisters and want to share this life stage with you.
Kay - Living in Beautiful Washington State
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
--Eleanor Roosevelt |
| showmemom |
Posted - Aug 03 2005 : 6:55:11 PM
thanks friends!
one of my problems is that i tend to just stuff emotions and feelings for a loooong time and then they come out in inappropriate times and places.
i do think i've got some hormonal things going on-i'd like to try a more natural approach but my medical background tends to get in the way. i'm smart enough to know that my way is not the only way but it sure is comfortable!
just having a sounding board has made a real difference. i'm mortally afraid of whining so don't let me do that. but i need to learn the difference between saying "help me" and "poor little me". really, REALLY don't want to be a whiny old lady.
today is a hard day. i miss my daddy. i miss him every day.
talk to you soon.
karen
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
Victor Hugo |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Aug 03 2005 : 6:03:56 PM
I understand too. I have 3 grown boys (the oldest is 27) and then the four little ones 10 and under at home still and I figured out that no doubt I will be going through menopause while the girls (ages 10 and 8 right now) are going through pubery (well, the boys too, but thats not as hard..been there done that) I am a little nervous about that! I havn't had any signs of anything yet, but I am alot more emotional than I used to be (I am 46)
I know it is hard to be a mom to grown kids (and grandma to one in my case) and mom to busy young kids at home, plus have adults and elderly adults to care for too!! I wish I had some advice...you are not alone!! I feel for ya!! I will sure keep you in my prayers...if you need to talk to someone who can relate...I am sure here for you any time!!!
Jenny in Utah
The best things in life arn't things! |
| Nana Naomi |
Posted - Aug 03 2005 : 11:06:03 AM
Karen,
Boy, do I understand! I'm the step-mom for two grown women and the mother of a soon-to be 12-year-old myself! The problems that you are having I'm just finishing( I hope!). However, one thing that can be gotten out of all of these hormone problems is a better understanding with your daughter. You are both going through all kinds of chaos. Share yours with her and you'll feel better and she'll be better prepared for her NEXT change. She may even be more open and you mat be able to avoid those "Mom just doesn't understand!" days. God bless you during these trying days! |
| ThymeForEweFarm |
Posted - Aug 03 2005 : 09:59:22 AM
I agree with Clare. It's probably time now, for the first time in a very long time, to start thinking about Karen a lot more. Twelve year olds are fairly self sufficient. I have one. She's still very much a child but she can do a lot for herself (and me) now. I have new-found freedom.
I sometimes look around and wonder how I got to be who I am and how did this new me sneak up behind the old me to take over. I'm happy, but at times it can be confusing. ((HUGS))
Robin
Thyme For Ewe Farm
www.thymeforewe.com |
| Clare |
Posted - Aug 03 2005 : 08:38:04 AM
Karen, You don't say what your age is, but with 20-something kids, you could very well be adding hormone imbalances to this whole mix of change too. You might want to consult with a naturopath about that, because once you get yourself to feeling balanced, then these things that are happening in your life won't throw you for quite as big a loop. Don't get me wrong, transitions and change are always challenging, but they are much easier to handle and FLOW THROUGH if our own health is as optimal as it can be.
I'm not talking about taking synthetic hormone supplements, but rather working with your diet, and perhaps a more natural horomonal supplement will make a big difference. I know you are studying nursing, so this suggestion might fly in your face..... but I've found that the naturopathic choice is very helpful.
Suggested with the best of intentions and sending you healing thoughts..... 
**** Love is the great work - though every heart is first an apprentice. - Hafiz
Set a high value on spontaneous kindness. - Samuel Johnson****
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