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Heartbroken farmgirl Posted - Jan 31 2011 : 08:12:59 AM
I moved off of our farm about 10 months ago. We visit, but not nearly often enough. My grandmother, and my amazing in-laws continue to live there. My father-in-law works the farm almost completely single handedly. My DH and I, chose to have a large family, and we outgrew the little farmhouse. My DH works in the dredging field, so he is gone most everyday. We purchased a home about 20 miles from the farm. It is beautiful. It is perfect for us. I specialize in design, and its a showcase home. But... I have neighbors. I have a fenced in yard. I have to put the dogs in a dog run. My kids play in a yard. My best friend, my father-in-law, is no longer a two minute walk up the driveway. I thought, during a very difficult time in my life, all I wanted was off that farm. I needed, we needed the space. The tiny farmhouse had one bathroom, and wad 989 sq ft. But as I sit in my new 3000 sq ft home, as I wake and start my coffee, all I think, all day long, is "I want to go home". I can't. My family needs this home. The great schools, the friends they've made... my hubby bought this home for me. He bought it to try to make me happy. He bought it for our four children. He did not want to leave the farm. He and his father were both born there. Now my heart aches for our 300 acres of dust, dirt, and antiquated equipment. I can't tell my DH, it would upset him. But I can tell you. All I want is to go home...

The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.

www.broken908.blogspot.com
16   L A T E S T    R E P L I E S    (Newest First)
Heartbroken farmgirl Posted - Feb 03 2011 : 09:19:13 AM
Linda,
I will order the book ASAP. I am an avid reader. That is one thing that I lost in my "dark time" I never cracked a single book, with the exception of my Bible, and that was only on Sunday and Wednesday. I have a list of recommended books, from my Dr, a counselor, pastor, and friends...I'm going to keep Amazon in business single handedly! Better get started.
Let me know how the stained glass classes go. I have been thinking about giving it a try. I am just hard pressed to find anyone crazy enough to want to babysitter my four little pills, er, I mean kids.

The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.

www.broken908.blogspot.com
Heartbroken farmgirl Posted - Feb 03 2011 : 09:08:15 AM
Karen,
I forgot to say something about the neighbors hearing the dog bark! We have an English Pointer named Storm. She is my hubby favorite hunting buddy. After being on the farm, where she was free to do pretty much whatever, she is not thrilled with a dog run. The first night my hubby and I snuck away, and my mother babysat; Stormy was very locally protesting our absence. At 9:00 pm, the police showed up at the door, and upset my mother beyond belief. They said our neighbor called and complained about the barking! I really do not enjoy neighbors.
One of the last things my FIL said to me while trying to convince me to stay on the farm, was "You are going to hate it when your neighbor complains about hearing your husband pass gas all night. But don't cry to me, I warned you." Obviously I laughed him off, but...

The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.

www.broken908.blogspot.com
prayin granny Posted - Feb 03 2011 : 09:04:49 AM
Annette, oh my heart goes out to you!! I totally understand!! Due to various reasons, health being one, I had to leave a rural home a little over a year ago. I moved to another state, and share an apt in the city with a daughter. Has been an adjustment and I too have shed many a tear. The farmgirls have been so helpful and supportive tho!!! I have learned, ok still learning (LOL), to do my farmgirl stuff here. I am knitting, sewing, trying more baking and cooking and planted herbs in containers on our balcony last spring. There are places here where I can take pottery classes, stained glass classes, and all types of quilting, sewing, craft classes. I hope to look into those this year. Moving is a tough transition and we do sometimes do not realize how good we have it til we make a change.

The camping and garden idea sound just great! Make it a joyful adventure each time you go back to visit. It is a blessing that you are still able to 'go home' so to speak, and really enjoy the time there.

There is a book titled 'Moving On After Moving In' by Susan Miller. You can get it new or used on Amazon. I cannot reccommend this book enough. A farmgirl friend sent it to me last year. It is a blessing and very helpful!

Prayers coming your way!!

Blessings, Linda

www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com

Country at Heart
Heartbroken farmgirl Posted - Feb 03 2011 : 08:57:36 AM
Karen,
My hubby is sweet, but we didn't build the home. We purchased it, but so much neglect left it almost needing to be leveled...I feel like we re-built it. LOL

We discussed building. We even discussed tearing down our little house, and the in-laws home, and re-building two homes, closer togeather. The farm has been really struggling for about three years. My DH even lost his mind temporarily, when he was working and trying to come home and save the farm....there wasn't enough money to build on the farm.
When we found this house, we got a USDA loan. We are still in a *farming*area, so the loan applied. Right after the offer was excepted on the home, I found myself in the darkest, hardest point of my life. In my depression, I told my DH and FIL I didn't want to be on the farm anymore. I think I even said I never wanted to see it again. I know the folly of running my mouth. Most of the land is farmed. My FIL wanted us to stay. He offered to help us build, he offered us some of the land he farms; but foolishly, I rejected all and every offer related to the farm.

I have read MJF for a very long time. Around the same time as the move, I registered, but still did not participate. Honestly, I have very little recollection of March-October of last year. I started clearing up, and coming out of my depression in November. As my life is just falling back into order, I couldn't stand how I left the farm. I hated my attitude. I started wanting to "go home" all the time. It got so bad, but I was too embarrassed to tell my DH, because of my earlier behaviour. That is why I posted this. As Alee suggested, I did sit down and talk to my DH, and ATE MY WORDS, (which I am no good at). He was so understanding. So were all of you. It takes 27 min to get to the farm. When my kiddos are older, and maybe some are out of the house, we will sell this one, and build on Malvin N' Son Farm...

The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.

www.broken908.blogspot.com
missusprim Posted - Feb 03 2011 : 07:39:29 AM
Awww, my heart goes out to ya. I was raised in the country, and spent most of my adult married life in a city/town, I'd always pined for country life. I never cared for having neighbors so close to us and having to worry about my dog barking, them hearing our every conversation when we were out in the garden/swing/yard etc. Now I'm in heaven so I hear ya!

Anyhoot, was wondering why you didn't build your home on the 300 acres? Just a thought, as there was all that acreage, privacy, character that you so love. But again, it's a toughie when there are other factors involved like good schooling, etc. Maybe once your kidlets are out of school you could sell your current home and build back on the farm?

On the plus side, you're not too far away from the farm and you still have access to it at your whim - that would make it so much easier to visit on weekends or whenever.

BTW, what a sweetie you've got in your DH to build you a house!



"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." George Eliot

http://onceinnabluemoon.blogspot.com/

Heartbroken farmgirl Posted - Feb 02 2011 : 2:26:39 PM
Looking forward to a *camping trip* just two weekends away. My kids and DH loved the idea!! You guys are amazing. I am so excited. I don't even know what to do first. I got a new Rebel for Christmas, so, I think I'm going to run around in the mud like a lunatic, taking pictures, and talking to my FIL about where to put the garden....

Thank you so much for all the ideas, and support.

The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.

www.broken908.blogspot.com
Alee Posted - Feb 01 2011 : 11:44:51 AM
Annette- your camping idea sounds great! And I bet the kids will think it is a blast. *hugs* I am so happy that things are starting to pull together for you. I definitly know what you mean about considering about the kids having friends and schools. My husband and I are looking to buy property in the next 2-3 years and we are trying to find a way to keep our daughter in the same school district since she will have friends there by then.

Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com
Heartbroken farmgirl Posted - Feb 01 2011 : 08:22:41 AM
Alee, I sat down with my DH last night, and shared SOME of how I'm feeling. He too misses the farm, but this is where we need to be right now. I felt better yesterday after getting all the suggestions, and even better still after sharing with my DH. There is so much to do here, but after another year maybe, we will see about trying to set something up on the farm. I have a 30' camper we store on the farm my hubby reminded me about. We can take the little ones on weekend "camping" trips for now! All of the barns are in use, but my trailer is just sitting there, new, and used once... silly me!

Leigh, my MIL does not cook. She does not bake. She does not clean. I bake incredibly well, but in having four children, the joy of COOKING eludes me completely. There is always one who complains or doesn't like the meal. However, my FIL loves to bake. When he isn't drowning in farm work, or equipment maintenance, we love to go pick apples, or pumpkins and have our own pie bake offs! As far as staying with them, I just can't. The house is so, um, well... maybe I should confess here I am a bit of a perfectionist. My hubby says "clean freak", I say "thorough!" When the kids and I lived in the farm, they would go visit grandma, and I would clean. the first couple of years, no, but as I discovered she wouldn't be offended, I added it to my chore list. now that we are gone, it wouldn't be something I could accomplish in a weekend. but as my DH pointed out, my trailer is there, and it is clean, lol.
I am so thankful for all of your responses. I miss the farm, but am feeling so encouraged. God bless all of you.(((hugs)))


The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.

www.broken908.blogspot.com
LeighErica Posted - Feb 01 2011 : 05:12:01 AM
Dear Annette, I am a military wife with country girl roots from Pa....and I too struggle as you are struggling. I grew up in the country in an old school house that my parents fixed up to be our home. My DH was raised on a pig farm in the same area, and his brother still runs that farm. I too miss my heritage and that way of life. But, I have learned to retain my country, farming roots and utilize them whereever I can in whatever type of home I have.....I spread my beds with all the quilts from DH's grandmother...I collect and integrate the antiques that remind me of that lifestyle...I cook just like we did on the farm...I would can again, but the home I have does not have good soil and nothing grows here but cactus. We do not have any farm animals, but I do have my kitty-cats .... it just takes a bit of creativity and perserverance. You too will find your niche within that home and it will grow on you and become yours. Take time to go out to the family farm and visit the family. Spend a weekend visiting even if you have to stay with the inlaws...we stay with Grandma when we go for a visit. Plan special dates to bake together, even go out and work on the farm...I am sure they could always use an extra hand. Big farmgirl hugs....hope you are feeling better about this soon.
RedGateGal Posted - Feb 01 2011 : 04:11:53 AM
Annette,
I have to push myself every morning to leave our farm and got to my corporate job, so I can only imagine the sadness you feel not living there any longer. But some of the other farmgirls have given you some great ideas about staying connected to it.

I might also suggest you starting a community garden if possible where you live now. Even if it's small. Don't forget your kitchen also being a source of farmgirl contentment. I have found when I did not live on a farm, that canning and baking from my kitchen and then sharing those goods brought me great happiness.

There is nothing in my life that did not happen for a reason and then I look back and am thankful. There is one thing too...farmgirls do survive!!!

Best of Luck!

Farmgirl Sister #2574
www.redgategal.blogspot.com

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." ~ Henry David Thoreau

Alee Posted - Jan 31 2011 : 7:55:35 PM
Annette- And just a thought but maybe when the time is right you could tell your husband how you feel? Like that you love the house in town but that you really do miss all that stuff from the farm. Maybe he is feeling as conflicted? *hugs* Here's a wacky idea- but I have seen a lot of old barns converted into really awesome houses. Is there any way to do that with one of the outbuildings or are they all in use? Just thinking a weekend getaway type house would be great. :)

Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com
Heartbroken farmgirl Posted - Jan 31 2011 : 3:41:46 PM
Oh Susan, what a great idea! I am so going to plant a garden out there! The stuff that need daily tending, I will plant here, but Simi-self-sufficient (I think I just made that word up) can go on the farm. You are a genius, I still have all my flower beds out there too, and silly as it sounds, "worry" about them. My DH brought me tons of daisy plants, about 5 weeks before our last child was born. I didn't have the heart to up-root them, so I abandoned them. I don't know why I never thought of this. It's as obvious as the nose on my face...
Thank you all for the support. I feel better just getting it out there.

The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.

www.broken908.blogspot.com
Cindy Lou Posted - Jan 31 2011 : 2:47:54 PM
Annette,
I can feel your pain. It isn't just the land, its the family and memories there. It became a part of you when you didn't even know it was happening. You are here at MJF, that proves you really are a farmgirl at heart. 20 miles isn't at terribly long way. Could you plant a garden out there to be tended on weekends, which would give you a reason to HAVE to be there at least some of the time? Maybe not the stuff that needs daily picking.
It sounds like your present home meets your needs for now and I can understand not wanting to hurt DH but he may be feeling the same way in the future. Just know that we are thinking of you!
Susan

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver
Heartbroken farmgirl Posted - Jan 31 2011 : 1:33:48 PM
The little farmhouse has been rented out to help my father-in-law with income, as you ALL know how hard it is for a small independent farmer to make it now. I know I could tell my FIL how I feel, and out those tenants would go, but they are friends if my DH's uncle, and he would get upset. So, I tell no one.

Our original plan was to continue to "rent" the farmhouse, for exactly that, a weekend home. But this couple really wanted it... I was in a "you can have this dump" state of mind, at the time, and couldn't get out of there fast enough. Now I have repented of my nasty attitude, and have a self-inflicted gun shot wound in my foot. LOL.

Most of the acreage is farmable, with the barns and existing homes spread in different areas. I would need to tear down existing buildings to build a big enough home. So, I will be here, not that that is a bad thing, this home is fabulous. The little town is fabulous, I just had no idea how much the farm had become a part of me, how much it had changed me. I'm no longer a spoiled city girl, and haven't been in years. I want to go back to the mud, sweat, tears, joys, mice and spiders.... and curl up with my daddy in law to watch a movie, and listen to tomorrow plans. I want him to bang in my door, and say, "gotta use your toilet, can't make it home, and there's no tp on this tractor!" I want to have to yell, and walk and search for my kids, ridding their quads around the crops.*sigh* by the time I can go back, my in-laws may not be around anymore, and then that will leave *my* farm empty land...

The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.

www.broken908.blogspot.com
Alee Posted - Jan 31 2011 : 10:28:12 AM
Oh Annette- I my heart goes out to you. Is there anyway to build a new home on the farm where your family can live? Or is the little farmhouse empty? Perhaps it could be a "weekend home" type of thing so you could have the best of both worlds?

Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com
Fiddlehead Farm Posted - Jan 31 2011 : 10:14:33 AM
Anntte,
I feel for you. You can tell us and we understand. Sometimes we don't know what we have until it's gone. Maybe, someday you can return. After you no longer need the big house. Just carry your farmgirl spirit with you and bloom were you are planted. Hugs out to you my farmgirl friend.

http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922

Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White

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