| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| ashcordes |
Posted - Jan 10 2007 : 12:50:04 PM
I need help tyring to figure out how to tell my in-laws that we are never having a Christmas like the one we just had. We had 5 get-togethers in 4 days this past Christmas. Most of these get-togethers were day long events. We have a one year old and this was NOT fun...missed naps, etc. We are planning to have a second little one before the holidays this year and I just don't want to go through this again. How do you tell people that enough is enough? What do ya'll do with your families. I would love to be able to start family traditions for our own little family, but can't because we always have to go to the bazillion get-togethers for his family.
It's not just Christmas either...they have to get together for EVERY holiday...I'm talking 4th of July, Labor Day, Memorial Day, you name it! |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| suzyhomemaker |
Posted - Feb 04 2007 : 03:45:26 AM
I come from a very large family (10 children origianlly, 4 more added by adoption later in my parents lives), but we almost never saw extended family for holidays. We lived in separate states from the grandparents. They only saw us if they came to visit at home. My grandmother came for years to our home for Christmas. She would come a few days ahead and stay for New Year's Day or so. As she got older, traveling, even by plane, was too much. I really missed having her there.
My other grandmother and grandfather traveled one Thanksgiving to see us. That was really special. Both sets of grandparents are gone now.
We live close to my husband's family. So, we set up a date ahead to see each other on one day around Christmas. Some years it is Christmas day, some of the eve, Because we live close, we are flexible as the other in laws for each of STeve's siblings want time. My parents moved to Florida a few years back, so we are lucky to have time to creae our own traditions.
Because you will ahve two small ones next year, may I suggest doing something very casual for a get together. Perhaps you can have the ladies over for lunch or tea and all bring along cards to address in each other's company. Or, if there are other small children, you can have an ornament making party. Flour dough ornaments shaped and painted are easy and make adorable gifts as well. I used to do a Christmas Craft party for my kids with their cousins, but it tapered off after the oldest hit high school.
This year I held a Chocolate and Crafts party for women and their daughters or mothers. It was WONDERFUL!! I held it the weekend of Thanksgiving. While our men and boys were out socializing and prepping for the first day of deer season, we all ate and made ornaments. It was aHUGE success and will be the "new" tradition for many eyars.
Traditions change as children are added and grow, as families move around. Commit yourself to only a few dates and tell them you need some time to rest (you will, too) or time to recover (That as well) or time to stay healthy (more germs and more likely to get sick with the stress and extra activities of the holidays).
Country girl in NE PA |
| simpler1773 |
Posted - Feb 02 2007 : 4:21:47 PM
We started having Christmas Eve with my husband's side and spending Christmas day at home. Then we celebrate Christmas with my parents on New Year's Day. We dropped extended Christmases all together. We still get whining (from the adults) but we just smile, cock our head and nod while we listen. It's your holiday, be comfortable with your decision and then stand your ground. It's hard, but it can be done.
~Ricki~
You can't pour anything out of an empty vessel, take care of yourself! |
| asnedecor |
Posted - Jan 19 2007 : 3:51:22 PM
Ashley -
When DH and I were first married, his parents were the same way (mostly his mother) we had to come over for every holiday. My parents weren't so demanding, just Thanksgiving and Christmas were their choices and they knew we had to split our time between the families for those two times. I tried the polite first, trying to nicely let his mother know we wanted to do something on our own, especially on Holidays like the 4th and Labor Day. That did not go over very well, she would plan these get togethers with DH's cousins and tell them "Oh my son and his wife have no plans for that day, they will be there". Use to drive me nuts. So I just had to be blunt. Sorry, we have other plans that day. No we are not available. Can't make, maybe another time. After about a year, she got the hint. There were "ruffled" feathers, but in the long run she finally calmed down. We still get some guilt factors if we are not available for the big ones, like Christmas and Thanksgiving - but we do try to be there for those. It is not easy to combine family stuff and then try to start your own traditions, but you just have to stick to your "guns" so to speak and do what you feel is best for you and your new family.
Anne in Portland
"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them" Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh
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| sewgirlie |
Posted - Jan 11 2007 : 3:31:43 PM
When our kids were small, we had both sides of the family over for a Christmas Eve dinner. This way we could see everyone and still have the kids home for their day with the new toys, etc. I know my mom and his family wanted alone time with us too, so sometimes we would go over one of their houses for dinner on Christmas Day and for dessert with the other, and then switch it for the next year.
People have to learn to be flexible with the new families that get created when their children get married. If they cannot accept that you have new lives that have to be shared, then honestly, you cannot worry about hurting their feelings since they don't worry about yours. No one wants to lose their kids though, so after some initial grumbling, things will settle into a nicer pattern.
Sheryl-lyn |
| Mumof3 |
Posted - Jan 10 2007 : 2:21:51 PM
When we started having children, we decided that Christmas at home was important for them. So, we made the decision to get together with my husband's family on Christmas Eve. It did start out as a sticking point, but we held our ground and eventually they understood. Also, we always left the day after Christmas for Florida, so trying to get things ready for a trip and visiting was not a good combination. I am sure that if you explain that you want to create your own family traditions with your little ones, they will understand. They were in the same position once themselves.
Karin |
| ponyexpress |
Posted - Jan 10 2007 : 12:59:38 PM
Well, I think your last sentence is a good first step: We want to start some family traditions for our own little family! We would be happy to get together with you on either (this date) or (this date); or come for the morning, afternoon, or evening - but not all day.
If there is something they do, some activity that you like, you might ask if you could incorporate that activity into your own holiday traditions. That might help soothe some ruffled feathers.
But, trust me, there will be ruffled feathers. It's just not possible to try to please everyone and please yourself as well. Decide what is most important, make sure you have your husband's support and then move forward with your plans. It will help to set the stage earlier in the year (once you have calmed down a bit) rather than wait until the next planned gathering.
Best of luck!
I'd get a face lift - but then it wouldn't match my body! |
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