| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| missusprim |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 7:02:13 PM
A few nights ago DH told me with utter sincerity that he wishes it were January 2, that he wants no gifts and just wants it over. I sat in stunned silence for several minutes before getting up to leave the room. He really meant each and every word, it wasn't just a lighthearted lamenting.
I was so floored by his vehemence that if it were not for my two college age kids being home for the holidays - I would've repacked all I had put up and stuck it back in the barn. I'm not easily shaken but this one did me in.
I know his job is mostly at fault here - it's high stress. And that he dislikes his job just adds to that. He just can't leave work at work. I don't blame him for that, I know what he goes through.
I am giving serious consideration to opting out of the holidays next year and not lift a finger. It's so hard each year as I get all built up with anticipation and excitement. The more excited I get the more he retreats into his Scrooge role. This is my fifth year of this.......I'm at my wits end.
I love the holidays, always have. The baking, decorating, the smells, the sights, sounds of music. I don't spend much money at all, I just make do with what I have and try to make the best of it. But if DH isn't going to share in my enthusiasm - then what's the point? Aaarrrhhh, he's making ME a Scrooge!
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| 11 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| rough start farmgirl |
Posted - Dec 02 2010 : 02:12:00 AM
There seems to be so much pressure on everyone these days. The economy is hitting many folks hard. I think scaling back on presents, etc. is the easy part. The hard part is all the same problems are there after the holidays. I guess we try to enjoy what we can , when we can. I know it is hard to adjust to how the holidays change through our lives . . . they are so exciting when the children are little, then the empty nest, maybe grandchildren, maybe losing parents or spouses . . . the holidays seem to magnify all this.
But, our traditions are what help center us and Scrooge or not, it may be a comfort for your husband to have some of those memories to visit after the new year.
Good luck
Marianne |
| gracylfreebush |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 08:17:24 AM
My DH has been a scrooge since the kids hit High School. His family was always that way about Christmas. I just carry on and do what I want to. This year is our first year without the kids at home and he is very into it. I was decorating the tree and he came and took over. I understand that loosing someone around Christmas can make it seem like an unhappy time. I only have to think "Would that person (father, mother, brother) want me to be glooming and dooming and being sad or would they want me to be happy and celebrate life". I have to think they would want me to be happy. We don't have to forget them, just remember them with joy at who they were and not that they are gone.
As for being stressed, well, that is something he will have to deal with as much as you try you can not do it for him.
Thoughts are things choose the good ones. |
| njaw09 |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 07:24:42 AM
I agree with Jonni.
There are some scrooge in our family but after awhile I stop being nice and treat myself and selected few and go all the way. The rest of the scrooges can envy all they want and let them sulk. I usually pamper myself more nowadays...Christmas every month instead on that day. My husband notice...this year he ask what I want and I say nothing. Nothing at all because I have everything I need. I still pampering myself for awhile I no longer buy gifts for few people in our family. Even though I don't want too but my patience is over. Not going to let anyone ruin my holiday spirit.
treat yourself karen. don't let anyone makes you sad. |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 06:00:27 AM
Well, you can only let someone ruin your holiday if YOU let them. I understand his feelings about work, and it's alright to voice frustration, and even be bit doom and gloom about the holiday--it's honest, it seems. However, it's what YOU do with that which is key.
You love the holidays. So enjoy them--even if that means it's you alone. I know that sounds sortof sad, but if you enable the behavior and miss out on your own joy, the doom and gloom wins. He may come around, he may not, but you can't take this personally. He has some serious things he needs to work out within himself, and all you can do is what you do normally. Believe me, for a long time, my dh had some issues with past childhood stuff and family, and I allowed him to ruin almost every holiday for me--until I didn't anymore. He doesn't love them like I do, but he makes a concerted effort to enjoy himself, and I don't force things I know he doesn't enjoy.
Please, please, do things for yourself this holiday season! He'll either come round, or he won't, but my guess is that he'll be a little envious when he see's you moving on...
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| natesgirl |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 05:54:24 AM
My DH and his family got really big on the holiday front after we were married and the girls were here to celebrate for. Then 2 years ago his dad passed away just after our 3rd daughter was born and right before thanksgiving. That was the dinner at his dads house that my whole family attended. He decided to have it anyway and it was very hard. He couldn't get into it. Christmas was really bad that year too. He still isn't really into it anymore. I figured out real quick that he wanted it, he just doesn't want to do it. The actual work part bothers him and makes him scrooge up.
I only do a tree and a few nativity sets in the house for christmas and no thanksgiving decorations at all. Outside lights are few and I do all the work with help from my oldest girl. We keep gifts at a minimum and I do most of the shopping, unless he asks to tag along. I try to give him christmas without him having to do christmas.
He does really enjoy my aunts 'anti'christmas party. She has one every year the weekend before. Everyone must attend in sweats or jeans. No christmas talk. No schedule or lists of parties to attend are discussed. Everyone is supposed to bring a covered dish or dessert that is not a christmas staple. My aunt always makes deer stew, which she snickers at and says is roasted riendeer for all the scrooges. My aunt plays country music cds in the background so no holiday music slips through from the radio. It is a very relaxing, quiet night with family that is not rushed or gift centered. Actually the whole family loves the tradition.
You might consider doing one of the parties yourself. Maybe if he had this little time away from the whole holiday rush he would feel better. It would give him something to look forward to, kind of a break from the holidays, like his weekends are from work.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
| Especially For You |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 05:41:11 AM
Karen~ My DH was like that last year. So I still decorated, not as much. But what realy made a difference in him was we volunteered at a soup kitchen, food bank and also got names from DFACS to help a needy family for Christmas. After Christmas my DH said that it was the best Christmas since the kids were little. He had just lost the true meaning of the holiday. And seeing others in worse sisuations that ourself made a difference. It may not be his problem but it seems to have helped mine. He also hated his job and felt stuck in that situation. But eventhough he still hates his job he says at least I still have one. Just wanted to share.
Blessings
Tina Farmgirl #455 |
| Dorinda |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 04:56:13 AM
My husband is not to much of a scrooge he just does not like me to spend alot of money on christmas. But his family is all scrooges. His mother has already come down and said she is not buying gifts so do not buy her any thing. She will call me or come by and tell me this every other day until Christmas. She does this every year. She also counts how many gifts are under my tree! She reports it back to her daughters.It is so inoring! His sister has already told me she is not putting up a tree or decorations or buying gifts for her kids because she can not afford it. My husband and I have worked hard for what we have so I decided I was not going to let them make me feel guilty or steal my joy for Christmas for being able to buy gifts for my family. I have always been very careful with our money and saved as much as I can. On the other hand they have not. So enjoy the holiday and do not let anyone steal your joy from you. You only get so many holidays in your life time.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| Fiddlehead Farm |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 04:11:17 AM
Karen,
I had a similar situation last year. My DH is a little bit of a scrooge too. I finally decided not to decorate. After the Holidays were over he says that he missed the decorations and it did not feel like Christmas. Geesh, you can't win for losing. I will decorate a little this year and bake and make presents and listen to Christmas music from Thanksgiving until New Years. If he wants to be Scrooge then I will try not to let it dampen my spirits.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
| Annika |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 8:21:54 PM
Give him space to be a Scrooge and humbug his way along...he is handling stress and job dissatisfaction and may need space. Scrooges need love too, so make sure that you give him extra attention during the holiday, because this seems to be a rough time for him. But by all means CELEBRATE!!!! you and the kids and family and friends need to focus on each other and on the aspects of the holiday that you love...bake, I'm sure hubby will eat some of the cookies  Enjoy and create a holiday spirit with in yourself...if he doesn't share it or cannot share it at this time, you still deserve to do what you love...your kids will remember later the time that you spend with them. Let him be Scroogy and cherish your Christmas traditions.
Hugs
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Palouse Prairie Girls Chapter
http://palouseprairiegirls.blogspot.com/
http://prairiegirlsjournal.blogspot.com/
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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| Prairie Gypsy |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 7:59:45 PM
Hang in there and don't lose the real Christmas spirit - it eventually got even Scrooge to become a fan. In all seriousness though I would suggest maybe doing away with anything that might be super stressing him like a huge gathering and instead I would suggest focusing on your children and him. I absolutely would not stop celebrating in ways you enjoy. His issues are his issues - don't let them rob you of the celebration with friends and family. Hope he snaps out of it for you soon.
Farmgirl Sister # 2363
http://twilightburrough.blogspot.com/
Warren, MI
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| Lessie Louise |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 7:18:24 PM
Karen, I see a lot of christmas Spirit on your side, and I bet that will rub off on your dh the closer Christmas gets. Hang in there, keep a loving heart, it will work out. Christmas is a feeling...
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting them in a fruit salad!
Farmgirl #680! |
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