| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| momto6 |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 06:46:14 AM
O.K., ladies. I want to hear your ideas, advice, stories, complaints...all of it. Because right now I am so fed up with my families attitude I could spit! But I still love them, each and every one. How do you begin to go toward simpler living, how do you begin to go toward organic, and how do you do this in a small town where everyone notices and your family thinks you are crazy? How do you begin a good garden in thick grass, dirt like a rock, and no one to really help you? My husband will eat/use anything I buy or cook, but sometimes projects just don't get done...sigh.
The other thing that I really want to do (has nothing to do with any of this  is grow my hair long again. Right now it is short and spiky, and I'm rather heavy, so I don't especially think I look so great in long hair (vain, huh!). But I loved it long. It is just getting it there again! Plus, my kids tell me that I looked old when it was long...is eternal youth important? At 48, is it o.k. to finally make yourself happy, even if you look "older"...I think age is all about how you feel anyway, and I don't feel a day over 30  .
Help!
Val |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| beckels |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 3:26:14 PM
Val - do what your heart tells you and just run after it. if you want to grow your hair long go for it and just be a farmgirl and do whatever project you set your mind on
i cant help you with the hubby since I am not married. But one of my best friends asks her hubby to help her x number of times and if he doesnt do it - she just does it with her girl friends
Beckels |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 2:28:58 PM
Ha! Isn't it almost always true that when we've made a change on the inside, we want the outside to change to reflect the "new you" or "new me"!
I started to grow my hair long when I started dating my husband 10 years ago. After fighting it for 10 years I finally cut it off short again this year. My stylist couldn't believe that I really wanted it cut that short, I ended up going to a new salon to get it cut the way I wanted it - just like I used to have it when I was 18! Or like Cyndi Lauper's cut (she copied me, not the other way around...LOL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQyNjN_yKY0 I'm not sure if my latest cut really reflects an "inside change" or just a realization that I am who I am....
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| Forrester Farm |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 1:32:56 PM
Amen. By the way, by being who you were created to be, you are more of a gift to others than you sometimes realize.
Ann
http://annforrester.tohe. |
| GaiasRose |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 12:30:08 PM
Hey Val, i didn't read through most of the replies thus far because I am so excited to respond to you. While I am only almost 27, I spent (er, um, wasted) a lot, and I mean A LOT of time trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. Only inside the past 5 years or so did I throw my hands to the Heavens and say screw it. I am going tobe me and if that makes you uncomfortable, while, that is your problem not mine.
As for getting your family (DH and kids) on a healthier track, sisnce you are the one who does the shopping (I assume from your OP) slowly introduce the organics, the foods that aren't enriched with garbage. Get together a chart for gardening and make it a family fun project. Our attitude in our home is that this benefits us all in so many ways; 1)we get healthy, organic, fresh veggies and beautiful flowers. 2)we get vital excersize. 3) we all get that sense of accomplishing something greater than us 4)we get vital family time even though we are working, weeding, tilling, planting, composting, etc. ad infinitum.
You just have to come to the point with people in your periphery, your neighbors, community, etc. that if they don't liek you for who you are, then they aren't worth knowing, and if their opinion of you is made before they have even met you, then they aren't worth your time. That doesn't mean, be nasty to them, because nothing is better than watching people who don't like you for whatever reason, cringe when you are sugar sweet to them. Kill'em with kindness.
Life is tooooooooo short not to be authentic.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
blogs: http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
http://frugalwitch.wordpress.com |
| momto6 |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 10:43:05 AM
Ladies,
I am overwhelmed by all of your kindness, honesty, and advice. I'm digesting, reading some more, re-reading...please keep writing!
Love, val |
| bboopster |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 09:52:29 AM
Hello Val,
I know how you feel my family thinks we are nuts too. After a nasty divorce that left me finacialy in dispare and 5 kids to feed I had to make some choices. Diamonds, Furs and fancy car, for food and shelter. It was a very hard choices as I never had any of those things growing up in a poor family and in my stupid youth thought that I had hit the jackpot to eternal wealth. Boy was I wearing the rose colored glasses! But 14 years later and a new wonderful husband I am wealthier then I could even imagined in my youth. Not with money but happiness and the calm enjoyment of a simpler life. My family of course does not understand the thrift shopping, not buying unless we can pay cash, gardening and cooking from scratch ect... But my DH and I love it. It is sad (makes me cry) that my children are still caught up in the material things of life and how they can get them (at full price of course). I was just to a wedding shower for my daughter ( The future mother in law and my daughters stepmom both dipise me. I think they are jealous)where the gifts were airline tickets, free honeymoons, Pamper chief pots and pans (complete set) microwaves ect.. With my gift of an old pot seasoned to make the worlds best popcorn and popcorn I sure made a statment. I knew they would talk about me so I thought I would give them something to talk about. To all of them you need to carry a designer handbag and wear designer clothes have big houses, drive fancy cars and make sure everyone knows how much your gift cost, if you want to be anyone. But I know for a fact the are all up to their necks in bills and credit cards and have to work to support their expensive needs. Have health problems from not eating right and not excercising. While my DH and I live a simple life drive older cars, chop wood to heat our house, eat at home where the food is better and much cheaper, have no credit bills and enjoy life on our 5 acres. I don't think I will ever be able to change anyones minds (who listens to a crazy lady in clothes from the thrift store) but I do know that the day is coming that they all will see that material things are not important it is who your are and how you live your life that is important. My DH and I try our best to live by the 10 comandments, treat others fairly and with respect and try not to judge others (that's the hardest)as that's God's job.
As for your hair. I have cut mine many times as it's weak hair but have been letting it grow for the last 3 years. I like it long it makes me feel young ( I try not to look in the mirror to often to see that I am not young). I am vain as I do get it colored proffesionaly as @ 47 it is quite grey and the grey makes me look old. Let your hair grow and see what happens you can always cut it if you don't like it. But remember in the morning instead of gels and products you can just brush, ponytail it and go. It always takes years off a woman when she has a ponytail.
Try not to worry about what others think of you and if you are feeling bad come here to use Farmgirls and we will make you feel right at home.
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
| Marybeth |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 08:57:33 AM
Well said, Susan!!
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
| mommom |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 08:19:10 AM
When we lived in South Jersey, our house was way off the main road. I remember planting tons of flowers one summer and my husband saying to me, "why do you do all of this work? Nobody sees it?" Well ladies, I have eyes and I see it! And it's important for me to see beautiful things. I just turned 54 and for the first time in all those years my hair is past my shoulders instead of being super short! I started taking natural hair/skin/nail vitamins and boy did it start growing and is still growing! I like to feel comfortable. With arthritis and FM clothes do hurt my body so I opt for looser feeling and comfy ones. I always pray that as I get older I will be full of grace and humbleness and not listen to what people say. I still believe in the homage that I'm not getting older...I'm getting better! We should never depend on others making us happy....we should choose to be happy for ourselves no matter what we do. I can truly say that I am content. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Happy. Content. Happy New You's, Ladies! Susan |
| Phils Ann |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 07:51:30 AM
Just a quick note on the men who want to "sit". Invite them to go for a walk anytime you can manage it. I think from what my husband has repeatedly said, that "going to work" but not doing a physically demanding job is very tiring, perhaps, but we all need exercise to make energy. Staying at home, especially with caring for kids and animals (and parents, perhaps) usually means walking a whole lot of steps for us. The guys often don't walk or exercise nearly enough.
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
| windypines |
Posted - Dec 31 2006 : 06:03:01 AM
Farm Girl Power. Wow what a wonderful bunch of letters. Thanks for all the words of encouragement, even though I did not know I was looking. Michele |
| Sweet Harvest Homestead |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 9:14:36 PM
Hi Val,
Wow! We have a wonderful bunch of ladies here.
I can't add to any of this because everything has been so wonderfully said.
Now for me, I moved away. We live 4 hours from any family.
Mine support our choices but my DH's family think that we have gone off our rockers.
They just can't understand why we homeschool or why in the world we would leave a big, new house with neighbors so close that if you passed gas they would hear ( okay that wasn't necessary ) for one that is much smaller with drafty windows and a leaky roof.
Anyway, Try the book Square Foot Gardening by Mel Bartholomew. It will be very helpful if your soil is not good.
Best of luck to you. Remember we are all on your side!
Lindy
www.sweetharvesthomestead.typepad.com |
| Aunt George |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 9:12:14 PM
Great conversation here...love the deep feelings and sharing on this subject. I've had to take a really hard look at where I am and where I am heading over the past few months. My life has been pure turmoil, and why, because I tried to chase a dream. A dream of having a little country home and farm. I went to work full time to try to make enough to save, and hopefully in about five years have that little country home. What happened? Exhaustion, physical and mental. My home is a wreck, my family misses me. I am a total basket case from the pressure of chasing the money.....ARGH. I have started to simplify by throwing things out. I am trying to pare down. I have quit work, to take care of my mother, family and home. I will be sewing more from my huge stash. I have stopped buying things just to try to make myself happy. Healthier cooking is on the agenda too. We have been having Boggle and Scrabble tournaments every night and gosh, things are better and will only get even better. So I guess, what I am saying is pursue your dream. It may not be the dream you want but it will be the dream life that you make it when you follow your heart and simplify. Love more, buy less, eat better, hug those loved ones around you. Cherish the time you have, because we just don't know how much time we have! Listen to good music, watch the clouds drift by, grow your hair long and braid it. Or wear it short and spike it...Do what is right for you!
G
http://auntgeorgeshouse.blogspot.com/
Thanks for checking out my apron musings! |
| abbasgurl |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 8:47:38 PM
Valerie,
I have always felt a bit odd. Matter of fact our entire family is slightly off. My youngest son begged me to sign up for the tv reality show "trading spouses". He felt we were a shoe-in to be chosen for the show, as "everyone already knows we're weird". Out of the mouths of babes, huh?
Several years ago I lost a dear friend to illness. As I watched her slip away & listened to her lament the years she would miss with her young family, I was reminded that life is indeed short. I think it was then that I stopped worrying about the opinion of others and decided to LIVE every day to it's fullest-something she could not do.
Someone else mentioned that if we don't do it now, WHEN will we? I bought my mom (72) two lovely gowns for Christmas this year. After opening them and remarking how pretty they were, she said she was "going to save them". I said "For what? Your Honeymoon?" Mom's been divorced for 20 years! LOL Thankfully she has a good sense of humor. And, she wore one gown to bed that night!
When I was 23, I met Dorothy through a local Home Ec. Association. We chatted on the phone and she agreed to pick me up for the meeting. Her first words to me were "Well Hello, I'm Dorothy. I talk a lot, and you'll either like me or you won't!" Of course I LOVED her instantly. Dorothy was 63 then, on the outside, as she explained to me. She smiled and told me that she was about 26-on the inside. What fun we have had together!
When I was in my twenties I remember saying "I don't care what anyone thinks"... but I did. Sometimes my heart would break at feeling misunderstood or unloved. Now in my forties I can say "I don't care", and mean it. These days I do pretty much as I please. Yes, I take into account those I love, and try not to do anything that hurts someone else or goes against my spiritual beliefs. Maybe we feel the days whizzing by as we get older. Maybe (hopefully) we just get wiser. I think a sly Mona Lisa type smile meets all those raised eyebrows nicely.
And...I do notice that my hubby moves slower these days, but so do I. I guess I've mellowed and I'm not in as big a hurry. Things that aren't finished today will always be there tomorrow. There are definately some things to be gained with age.
Blessings,
Rhonda
I'm a one girl revolution. |
| ponyexpress |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 8:11:37 PM
Aside from the looks and the inactive husbands, here's another question. What to do when a farmgirl has a dream of moving to the country, but the husband wants to stay put in suburbia? I feel fortunate to have been able to stay at home with my son (he's now 22 and on his own), but I also feel that not working outside the home, and financially contributing to our household, has limited my input into decision-making as to where we live and how we live.
How do you reconcile the differences when two people have dramatically different viewpoints?
Sandy
I don't iron anymore. If I'm not wrinkle-free, why should my clothes be? |
| Phils Ann |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 2:52:54 PM
I had to laugh at Jenny's first post...about her husband and her hair, both. I try HARD to never ask more than twice when I want something done.... then think hard about how to accomplish it myself. I find that my DH as well as my ahem... very critical father...listen when I tell them what I've learned is in chicken feed (we ARE Perdue land), milk, etc... and what no longer is in soil used to grow most food. The poisons and chemicals just for starters usually aren't known, but if "conversationally" talked about, it does have an effect-- at least in my family. (My dad even told me what his uncle dusted squash plants with in the 1930s: lead. Dad had to agree things have been bad and getting worse.) Then, there are the family members who died of cancer... or are survivors of cancer, and friends who have autoimmune diseases. I often bring them up and wonder out loud if it's all the poisons we eat. I'm seeing quite a bit of head nodding rather than shaking.
As for your children's critisism, it must hurt very badly. However, I've seen kids grow up and wear exactly what they made fun of when it was mom wearing it. If you want long hair, the worst thing that can happen is that you don't end up being happy, and cut it. But surely it's time to give it a try... and make sure IF you ask anyone's opinion on the result, it's someone who is affirming as well as honest.
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
| horse |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 2:37:58 PM
I truelly believe in being true to thine ownself. If we don't stand up for what we believe in where do we stand? So what if you live like noone else. Who are we tryng to impress? I don't have a lot of things but I'm not in debt either like a lot of people that I know. I get alot of stares and gasp from my own family yet they are the same ones who call wanted to know about a reciepe or a sick goat, or help with a project, or how to do this and that. Do what makes you happy. Learn to dance to the beat of your own drum. As for hair, I believe that one goes old when they cut their hair short.(forgive me if I offend anyone) I wear my hair long, it is waist long. My problem is the shorter my hair the tighter the curls. I'm not into being a brillo pad.haha. Look, if you feel in your heart what you are doing is right then do it. Please don't let anyone try to influence you different. Just think what this world would be like if we all was the same. I live in a very small town too, so I know exactly what you are talking about. Looking into the lives of those people here in town who talk , all I can say is I am happy whom I am. Apperently they aren't happy or they wouldn't be talking and wondering what I am up and what I am doing. Believe I have a lot of people who look and stare and talk. Laura |
| Beemoosie |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 2:22:55 PM
Since I've started making gifts instead of spending a ton of money, I get funny looks, but some people appreciate it.
Trying to start a garden and can and eat fresh and organic...groans for all the work I cause myself and funny looks.
Walking in the woods or anywhere in nature opposed to the malls, again, funny looks.
Trying to live by what God says instead of what man says, funny looks!
I understand that feeling of living on our own island; that's why meeting all of you has been a breath of fresh air! When I picked up Mary Jane's book for the first time it was like finally finding people I could relate too!
This thread has been good for me too! Thanks to everyone for their input!
O, Come let us adore HIM! www.beequilting.blogspot.com |
| westernhorse51 |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 1:49:01 PM
Valerie, my family has always thought I was crazy for one thing or another. I was the only one who cared about how we got our food, enviroment & all the other stuff. I just don't care anymore what anyone thinks. I want to be loved like the next person but I wont change who I am. Funny thing is now many of them are starting to worry a bit more about some of these issues & who do you think they come too??
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 1:30:52 PM
As for men...I hate to say it..but I think we get better and they get slower. Most anyhow. Mine is a good man..but jeesh!! Sometimes I want to light a fire under him when it comes to MY list. His priority list on home projects is very very different. Probably always will be.
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| faithymom |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 1:27:20 PM
Valerie, my husband has a funny view about the long hair issue...
A couple years ago I decided that after having my hair the same style/length for years (waist length with bangs) that I would try something new. Well...after a really bad haircut and subsequent 'fixes' left me with hair that was barely shoulder length, then working with a good hairstylist to get it to look okay...then getting another horrible haircut (think growing-out-a-mullet) after we moved and working for another 2 years to get it to look good, it is finally almost as long as it was before I cut it and, yes, it's the same style I had before...but I love it and I don't have to fuss with it like I did when it was short.
Anyway my husband asked me if I cut it off because I thought I was 'old' (I didn't, I just wanted a change)...he thinks that most women cut their long hair short when they get (or feel) old and doesn't want me to do that...he thinks short hair makes women look older...
So I think you should grow out your hair, even though I know what a pain it is along the way...
I have especially fond memories of my Grandma Avalon, whose hair was waist length and totally white and she always wore it in a braid and I loved it. |
| ThymeForEweFarm |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 1:22:43 PM
I was in a similar situation. We had a garden while I was growing up so my family did understand that.
Instead of trying to change their minds, change yours. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the way you think. I think you've got it down pat! But, can you change the fact that what they think matters? They don't have to like your lifestyle. As long as everyone is respectful you're all set. I think some of my friends are as crazy as they think I am. To each her own. As long as I don't have to go work in an office and they don't have to come work in the fields we're good.
quote:
How do you begin a good garden in thick grass, dirt like a rock, and no one to really help you?
A little at a time. Have you looked into lasagna gardening? And how about composting? When you run out of room in the garden you've created you can start growing in containers. Add a few more feet to the garden the following year. When your husband realizes the difference in home grown produce he might be more willing to cut and pull sod or rent a rototiller. btw, when you do pull the sod, pile it upside down in an out-of-the-way spot and leave it for a year. The grass and roots should die. Then add that soil back to the garden. Buy yourself a couple of good tools. The right tools do make a big difference.
quote:
...is eternal youth important?
Honey, it's impossible. It's not going to happen. If you want to grow out your hair, do it! Everyone else will adjust.
quote:
At 48, is it o.k. to finally make yourself happy, even if you look "older"..
You don't have to ask anyone. It's your hair. You can't make it grow out over night so they've got time to get used to the change.
Robin
www.thymeforewe.com
|
| Libbie |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 1:03:30 PM
Oh, farmgirls... I can't tell you how much I needed to hear this myself today. It is one of those days for me where I feel like, Val, I'm living on a very similar island, but far away!!! One of my goals for the new year is to be and act like the person I am and that I want to be, and not be such a reactive person to those around me. I'm hoping, like many of you seem to be, that just how I AM will be enough to shed an aura of calm on my little ones and of, well, I guess calm and decency on my husband. It can be a rough road -- I love that you are all willing to talk about this - it's close to my heart right now, too. (((HUGS)))
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
| momto6 |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 12:47:51 PM
Hey everyone,
All the help is so wonderful. Thank you so much for being honest. I hope there is more discussion to come on this subject, because it is truly encouraging.
I wonder at one thing...several have mentioned lack of help from husbands in general. I've noticed that as my dh gets older, he is content to sit...and sit...and sit...and get older. No disrespect intended, but is this natural? WHY?
I've never really been one to care what people think. If you could see my hair, you'd believe me!! I've worned it gelled and spiked 1 1/2 inches long, for 24 years! But, when it is my own kids teasing me, even in a good-natured way, it still, deep down, hurts a little. A funny thing, though. My 15 year old daughter and her basketball team always ooh and aah over all the homemade food and hot chocolate I make them!
As for hair, Jenny, I laughed when you spoke about old lady styles. I remember going to the beauty shop with my grandma and watching her get her hair styled and swearing I would never do that!!! I don't, as you can tell from the description of my hair! I think of "blue hair" when I think of old lady hair!!! I really am serious about growing it out, though, partly because I want to quit using gel on my hair. I think we absorb alot of chemicals through our skin, and I don't really have too many brain cells to kill from chemicals!!!
Bonnie, you are definitely not preachy! I am the queen of preachy--just ask my kids. I am so overwhelmed and awed by the honesty and sharing and friendship among such a diverse group of individuals!
You were right, Bonnie, when you said that kids have limited knowledge. But, they think they are indeed wise to the ways of the world...their world anyway . My favorite thing to tell my kids when they are telling me how uncool I am is to say that I have more cool in my pinkie than they all have collectively!!!
Sandy, we were, I think brought up in a generation taught to play by the rules, to "look good", no matter how we felt. Now there is a generation being brought up with no rules, no care about how they appear to others...sad. But you are right...it is our turn.
Sometimes I want to get off this island and back into the water where everyone else is. But they are drowning in their stuff, in their debt, in their unhappiness to try to keep up with everyone around them. My life may be lonely in some ways, but it is happy because I know I'm doing what is right. We can only be an example to one person at a time, can only change ourselves. Others may or may not follow; but we can't force them to.
Val |
| Luzy |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 10:40:43 AM
I agree with Bonnie....DON'T WAIT! I have some really prissy in-laws that think I'm totally out of my mind for living this lifestyle. Guess what? I DON'T CARE!! When I turned 50, it was like a switch turned on and I really don't care what people think of me, my animals or lifestyle. I totally love the country life and will never go back to the "burbs". I just wish I had taken this leap MUCH earlier. We've only been down on the farm for 3 1/2 years and I'm 51. Here's another example: I've always wanted a log cabin and started collecting things for it many years ago and putting them away for "someday". Well I may never get my log cabin, but the interior of my current house sure looks woodsy!! Don't be like me and wait for "someday"!!
About the hair deal: I started growing my hair out when we moved here. Now it's down just past my bra strap. No more perms, nothing. Just a ponytail or braid and I love it long. I told my Hubby that I wanted to grow my hair out really long before I die!!! He thought I was nuts! Guess what...I don't care! I think he likes it tho.
As far as getting stuff done.....I usually start a project and before too long Hubby "shows up" to help out. If he doesn't I just do what I can. It might take longer but it will eventually get done. I also highly recommend a raised bed. You can also start out small with a couple of tomatoes or container gardening. It's so thrilling to grow your own veggies!! Well sorry if I've gone on here....I'm just passionate about not waiting to follow your dreams. I wish someone would have kicked me in the bum to get me started, but I guess I had to learn this lesson on my own. Good Luck!! And get dirty!!! Hugs, Lu
--
May I always be the kind of person my dog thinks I am. |
| ponyexpress |
Posted - Dec 30 2006 : 10:04:35 AM
Valerie - I forgot to mention that in the Garden section, there had been a discussion on gardening in raised beds. I think the phrase is "lasagna gardening." It should work well in your case, because you start from the ground up, adding layers of dirt, compost, etc until you have workable soil.
Try doing a search on the forum for the phrase "lasagna gardening" or do a google search. I know there is a bookon the topic out there as well.
Sandy
I don't iron anymore. If I'm not wrinkle-free, why should my clothes be? |
|
|
