| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| MrsTracy |
Posted - Sep 16 2013 : 07:12:21 AM
After all the chaotic stuff going on in our home since my surgery, things were completely tossed this past weekend. Our 18 year old son has the best godparents. Because of them he has been to Hawaii twice, been to Wisconsin, Florida and now that they are stationed in California, he is now in Cali! They wanted him to come out soon after graduation but he'd been putting it off. His goal was to go into the Marine Corp but he's having a hard time passing the test. He's really smart but he freezes during standardized testing.
Anyway, we had talked about sending him to his godparents in California sometime in October. His "auntie" decided that was too far away so she purchased him a ticked. This was on Friday evening and he was to be in Atlanta early Sunday morning. Talk about short notice! We had to clean his room, rearrange it for the grands, go through his clothes, pack, etc. I actually looked forward to the work because it kept me from thinking about it.
After working myself into near exhaustion, I feel asleep only to awaken by 0145 so we could leave. The trip was quiet as we pretty much slept. The ticket agent allowed us to accompany him to his gate and then it really hit us. He sat next to me and we just held hands while trying to hold back the tears. I kept looking at his big man hands thinking how they had grown from gripping my pinky finger to being strong enough to hold my hands.
Somewhere on the flight out, he came to the realization that this wasn't the best move. He text me last night and we decided he would stay about a month and then come home, enroll in school and work. If he still wants to go into the service he can go but he will do it from here.
Oh how I wish I could just bring him back today. The plan for him to work and go to school out there isn't feasible. The family is active duty and commute to Camp Pendleton daily. He's in a suburban area with no place to really go without transportation. We are retired military so he can be on base but with no set plan, he'd have nothing to do without a car. He can be at home for all that.
I'm so tired and emotionally drained. I cried all the way home and then came home and slept on and off add to that I decided to catch a cold. My son means so much to me but I didn't raise him to be a momma's boy but he is very attached to me (not unnaturally so) and I'm very attached to him. I can and will wrap my head around the fact that he will one day leave the nest, I think that at this moment, this is not the time. So, hubby and I have decided that we will fly him back mid October.
Right now I have the grands to keep me occupied and busy (and they are on duty, let me tell you!)
We also came to the conclusion that we were not going to follow the norm of making our kid leave home before he's ready and if he wants to stay here and work, go to school and travel then that's great too. But making him go before he's mentally or financially able will only be traumatic and he'd end up back home. He'll leave when things are in line. Or he can just rent out his part of the house and stay forever while doing his thing
Anyway, just wanted a shoulder to cry on. I miss my boy!
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Penny Wise |
Posted - Sep 17 2013 : 5:15:09 PM
i for one am tired of being told how i should have raised my children...he tried it-it didn't work...so move on!it is ok !!!! good thoughts as you both move forward!!!!!!
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
| AnnieinIdaho |
Posted - Sep 17 2013 : 1:43:15 PM
Hi Tracy,
I had a psychiatrist friend of mine tell me boys in this day and age are not considered an adult until age 30. It has everything to do with opportunities, the technological workplace, and the fact that no longer is high school education enough to get employment. Our society today makes it too expensive to afford autonomy the way it used to be back in the day. He felt that staying at home longer, getting the schooling while living at home is more affordable, and teaching life skills during that time is most valuable. If it is any comfort to you, the military does take great care of even its youngest recruits. But there are other parts of the country to enlist that are less expensive. This month will be an eye opener for him and so do not fret, it will add to his experiences to draw on, as he continues to mature into an adult. Most service men do spend time down there at some point in time. Try to relax and let him step out for the month and look at that structured kind of living in a busy area where one needs their own transportation. It will only give him knowledge at what will not be a good fit for him and hence he is on a path of discovery. The military was an amazing career for my husband, 39.5 years!
Best to you and your son.
Annie
"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'. |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Sep 16 2013 : 6:14:05 PM
Oh my GOSH! My son is considering the Citadel, too, Tracy!!! I just found a good contact for him there, too. Long story - but we're very excited! Wouldn't that be something if someday they are in school together?! WOW!!! Wouldn't that be something...
In the meantime, 'sounds like you have a solid plan there. :) Don't be disheartened... God is there when you can't be!
Love and hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| MrsTracy |
Posted - Sep 16 2013 : 4:26:42 PM
Ninibini, you are just too precious, always having such kind and wise words!
I'm a little miffed at his godmother. She wanted him out there but there is nothing, not even a busline to go or to get there. The family is 45 minutes away all day (they work and go to school on base). My son has no one around him and I know he'll end up depressed. Walking is out of the question as its about 100 degrees out there.
He also told me she's trying to encourage him to go to an avionics school in Colorado. Out of the question until he's old enough to do it on his own, with a car and an apartment. I'm not sending my 18 year old son out there to go to a school that does not offer housing, he doesn't have a job and no contacts whatsoever. Not gonna happen.
He'll come back home, enroll in the local community college to take his core classes and get his GPA up. If he wants he can transfer to the Citadel in Charleston. If not, he can go in enlisted. Whatever he does will be from here, not there.
I know he's going to have to make that move but I know right now is not the time. He just turned 18 in July! With him home I wont have to worry about him not having transportation to get to work and school. He still needs a push a nudge and guidance. This way he wont be forced back home because he's not prepared.
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Sep 16 2013 : 4:17:08 PM
I dread that day, too, Tracy and Shanda... Then again, it will be such an exciting time in his life! I only want my son to be happy. But when he goes, I'm going to be a mess, no matter how hard I prepare myself. When he goes to spend time with his grandparents over the summer, he texts me so often that my mother has a fit. She always reminds him that he's on vacation - even from Mom. When we're together, we butt heads just like anyone else, but when he's gone, I'd give anything to have him back butting heads with me. I guess it's just a growing up process for Mom, too, huh? :) You're right, though, Tracy - 18 is young. We were just with friends yesterday and saying how cruel it is to expect kids to know what they want to do with their lives at that age. College is supposed to be an exciting time, when the whole world opens up and is out there for discovering, and yet, we expect them to choose the course they will take before they even know themselves. But please don't think you've tossed him out into the world. Remember - you have given him wings to fly! That took so much courage on your part - I think you're amazing! And the best part? He knows that no matter what happens in this world, he always has a home to come back to and roost... And Mom, that's a BEAUTIFUL thing! God love and bless you! Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| MrsTracy |
Posted - Sep 16 2013 : 3:14:24 PM
Thanks Shanda,
We've been texting back and forth all day. The middle of October can't get her fast enough. I spent all day trying to find things to do to occupy my mind but everything I touch reminds me of him helping me. We would argue over who burned all the gas out of the truck, now I wish he were here begging to use it. I never really wanted him to go but I didn't want to stand in his way if he really wanted to. I don't know. I think a kid who just turned 18 is still a little young to be tossed out in the world.
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
| shanda |
Posted - Sep 16 2013 : 12:06:38 PM
Tracy,
I'm right there with you! My son and I are very close, and this growning up to be a man is hard on a momma's heart! He is going into the services, into fields that we'll not be able to talk about. Yesterday, we laughed about what if he was having a bad day or problem he wanted to talk about (because we talk thru everything) and he couldn't tell me! we may have to work out a code! HA!
There is such a special bond between a mother and a son!
Prayers for you sister, your boy will be home soon!
Blessings
Shanda
Farmgirl #4233 |
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