| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| 36paws20hooves |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 4:20:00 PM
I LOVE kids absolutely love them!! Being in my mid thirties and not married nor having any of my own I decided to join the Big Brother Big Sister program. For those of you that don't know what that is, it is an organization is across the country that places "Littles" and "Bigs" together with similar likes so the (normally underprivileged) little has a mentor. I spent over a year going through the process and waiting for THEM to find me the "perfect" little, which finally took place in January. HOWEVER.... Things have not turned out to be what I expected.
My little's mom works nights so she leaves for work around PM only 2 hours after her daughter gets home. She is then watched by her stepdad and 2 older brothers. She did HORRIBLE in school this past year due to the fact that Spanish is the only language spoken at home. She has no help with her homework, even if her mom WAS to be there.
Her mother sent her away for the Summer to her grandmothers home in Puerto Rico since there was no one to watch her here. The mom flew with her over there and stayed a few days then came back leaving her there. NOW COMES THE TRICKY PART......
A few days after being there my little calls me crying that she wants to come home, thinking she was just home sick I told her to give it until the weekend. NOPE!! She wanted to come home!! After listening to this for a couple of days I called the mother and asked why couldn't she come home? Was it $$, since she just had to pay to get her there, thinking that she didn't have the money for a return trip right then. I offered to help if that was the case. Mother insisted that she needed to spend time with her grandmother.... OK, that was that. Didn't hear anything from anyone for 3 weeks until Tuesday, my birthday. My phone rang and I noticed that it was my little calling to tell me Happy Birthday, NOPE!! wrong again!! She was calling me to tell me to call her mom the next day and see about buying a ticket for her mom to go get her.
WAIT!! WHAT!!??... YES!!!
Guess what? I never made that call! Why should I? That is not my responsibility. You sent her, you know she needs to come back?! Not only that, she is 13, why do you need to fly there to get her and fly back?
Her mom called me yesterday and today upset over the fact that I offered but now I won't buy the ticket. UMMMM.... I offered to get her home when she was upset a month ago. You planned to keep her there until the end of July. Ok, it's the end of July bring her home.
Yesterday I explained the fact that I had to shell out "Mucho Dinero" for my tags on my truck, trailers, and renewing my DL. (How does that work anyway? My Bday and I am paying?? That's a whole nother topic LOL) She said she understood and thanks anyway. WEEELLLLLL.....
today I get a call from her asking what about next month, if she waits to come home until next month just before school would I have the money then. I flat out told her "NO, SORRY!"
Now, the question is.... do I get the organization involved? I think I should at least report it shouldn't I? WHEW!!! Sorry ladies but man I feel better now!!! That's what we are here for, HUH :)
I'm so busy I don't know if I just found a rope or lost my horse! |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| 36paws20hooves |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 4:37:39 PM
Thanks ladies :) Lisa, there were never any boundaries set as for financial circumstances, I can take her out and spend as much on her as I want. With this group we only have rules such as not leaving the state and no sleep overs until a 1 year probationary period is over. I have made up my mind that I will call in the morning just to let them know what is going on. Thanks again!!
I'm so busy I don't know if I just found a rope or lost my horse! |
| nubidane |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 09:51:13 AM
Danielle
I am not surehow Big Brothers/Sisters works, but I am involved in a group at church called Stephen Ministry. It is nationwide & we have "care receivers", folks that are going through difficult times that we visit with once a week. We had to train for 6 months to become part of the group, & much of the training is focused on boundaries & how it needs to be made clear that we are not to give money or get drawn into certain situations. We are there for moral support and to listen, but not give advice etc.
I would be very careful about offering any money; you will be taken advantage of for sure.
Hope this turns out well. & Happy Bday!! |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 08:12:09 AM
I agree, let the organization know. I wouldn't want any secrets, etc... held from them. Happy belated Birthday to you. Good luck.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
| Emily Anna |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 06:15:38 AM
I think you should definitely get the organization involved. Like you said....she made plans for her daughter to go there and come back. How was she expecting to pay for that before you offered the first time?? It was extremely generous of you to offer to help with her return ticket home when your "little" was upset the first time. But that's exactly what that was....an offer....not an obligation. I think it's pretty ballsy of the mom to put off the child's return trip home until next month when maybe YOU can afford it. Totally inappropriate. Maybe the mom doesn't understand what your role is as a big sister or maybe she is trying to take advantage of the situation. Either way...I think you should get the organization involved so they know what is going on. It may cause you grief later down the line so it will be good for them to be aware of the situation.
Emily |
| AnnieinIdaho |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 8:53:28 PM
Hi...the way I understand the program is that you provide mentoring when you are with the child in activities and they learn from you in those settings, however, you are not suppose to be a social worker. The description you just gave sounds like what my sister goes through in her work as a social worker...intervening with the dysfunctional family members to protect the children. But that is not your role as a Big Sister. I would talk with the director.
Annie
"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'. |
| prayin granny |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 7:09:02 PM
Danielle,
Wow!
Well, first of all, a belated Happy Birthday to you!!
I think it might be very appropriate to check with the organization and explain it just as you did here. It seems as tho the mom just wants to take advantage and that is just not ok??!! I think you could use the advice from Big Sisters as to how to proceed and be able to maybe set up guidelines and good boundaries!
Definate prayers coming your way for this situation. And bless you for trying to help and do the right thing!
Best wishes to you!
Hugs,
Linda
Country at Heart |
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