| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Naked on a Mountain Top |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 08:13:52 AM
I have a teenager who lies. About random dumb stuff - like what he ate for lunch. AND about important stuff - picking up the dog poop (I can still see it!) or he did all his homework. If you ask him what color shirt he's wearing he'll say black, when you point out it's blue he respondes "well they're kinda the same."
I am blessed that he DOES NOT skip school, drink, do drugs, take my car for joy rides, etc. but this constant lying is driving my DH & I crazy!
I think that when he gets a job it might stop because he will have to answer to someone other than us. But who knows.
Any suggestions? Do they grow out of this?
www.durangodream.blogspot.com |
| 18 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| erowease |
Posted - May 31 2012 : 10:34:30 PM
Unfortunately I have a teenage stepson who has gotten involved in things he shouldn't and we have sent him to rehab. The counselor had us sit down and write out a reasonable "rules of the House" with corresponding repercussions if they were not followed. These were negotiated and signed by all parties like a contract. Counselor said that we must agree to follow through with them and hold him to it. By having the offense/punishment agreed to beforehand helped remove some of the tension. We posted it on the fridge and anytime anything comes up we can refer to it. I think it helped us be consistent and helped my stepson that every action/decision he takes either has a good or bad response. I think its a phase all teenagers go through.
Lesley
Lesley
#2950
"I see God in the eyes of every child...every life is precious to God, whatever the circumstances." Mother Teresa |
| KathleenL |
Posted - Apr 26 2012 : 08:13:18 AM
Have you tried asking him why he's doing it? He may give you a flippant answer at first but if you persist he may open up. That could depend on your relationship and whether he perceives you are attacking him or really wanting to understand him. With my 6 kids, all now grown, I found that talking to my kids with the idea that I really wanted to know what was going on in their lives so that I could help them got the best results.
Kathy |
| knittingmom |
Posted - Apr 25 2012 : 4:38:10 PM
Here are my two cents :)
Tell him you want to be able to trust him but because of the lying you can't anymore. This means that you can't trust he will be where he says he is going to be and that he is going to be doing what he says he will be doing so as the lying continues you have no choice but to take away privileges, (i.e. he can't go out with friends because you can't trust his word). Until he can prove to you he is responsible enough to be truthful, he's stuck going from home to school, to work, that's it.
He might not think that lying is a big deal but throughout our lives our words mean a lot and being able to be trusted means a lot in the real world.
Good luck.
Farmgirl Sister #3759
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
"The things that matter most are not really things after all" |
| Naked on a Mountain Top |
Posted - Apr 11 2012 : 08:06:02 AM
Thanks for all the stories, advice and suggestions. We have computer access to all his grades BUT make him responsible for bringing home a progress report every Friday. Without this piece of paper, he is grounded for the weekend. So far it has worked. A's & B's halfway through the grading period!! Also, we took EVERYTHING away and each week he does well he earns ONE item or priviledge back. He still has a few things lingering but he's almost fully restored to "normal". He starts a job next week - let's see how a third person (boss) helps "whip" him into shape.
www.durangodream.blogspot.com |
| country_lovin |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 6:14:14 PM
HUGS and I'm sorry. I hope they stop, that's not good. |
| crittergranny |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 08:21:08 AM
My youngest daughter was like that and she did grow out of it. My kids are all grown now but looking back on things I think that my kids got away with stuff like that because my husband did not support me in holding them accountable. Thing is you can try your best but if your man is acting like one of the kids it makes it hard. I guess just be hardnosed and hold them accountable and don't let any of them make it your issue. I'm just telling this because maybe it would help to see if the hubby is really on board and if not maybe he'd be willing to get on board. Mine wasn't and he would just turn it around against me, it took a lot of the joy that could have been out of raising my kids. Basically you are going to respect me, I am your mother and I do not have to earn it, on the other hand you do have to earn my respect.
Laura
Horse poor in the boonies.
www.nmbarrelhorses.com |
| SpyChicken |
Posted - Mar 27 2012 : 07:53:23 AM
I may be new here to the Sisterhood, but I'm no stranger to teenagers! Their behavior is often exasperating and can push us to our limits! They do love to test the boundaries and I think sometimes that the lying is their way of "getting away with something." When my daughter was going through those years, I just tried to keep the lines of communication open and I kept my expectations/rules consistent...eventually things settle down. I hope this helps...oh and being as calm as possible also helps (though some days with a teenager in the house it isn't always easy!). |
| Rosemary |
Posted - Mar 24 2012 : 08:06:36 AM
Teenagers lie. I think it might be a way for them to test the waters of growing up and being independent -- in effect, creating their own personal truth. Maybe you can tell them this is okay to think about, but not to share with others, because it makes them look childish (!) to others. |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Mar 22 2012 : 12:49:00 PM
I had a friend who's daughter couldn't open her mouth without being nasty and telling lies. When it came time for her to start driving, her mom refused to sign the paperwork. She was told she would have to change her ways to get a license. She said she didn't care, she would just ask her friends for rides. Creative mom one upped her. She called all her friends' parents on the sly and told them to have their kids ask for gas money to haul the daughter around. After a bit, the daughter caved in and changed. She became more respectful and didn't lie nearly as often. I hope it works out for you!
Lora
If it ain't red, leave it in the shed.
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
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| Farmer Judy |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 07:32:57 AM
With my youngest we started senting a letter (followed by an email in case the letter gets lost) asking each teacher to sign off that he is caught up or list the items he is missign. We try to get them done by the end of the week or at least over the weekend if there is a lot.
God bless,
Judy
Farmgirl #3666
Born a city girl but a farm girl at heart!
http://farmtimes.blogspot.com/ |
| rough start farmgirl |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 06:39:24 AM
Oh Seana,
When the kids have their license and whether they can even get it at stake (don't forget it does take parental consent), they are all of a sudden much better at learning how to be accountable if you hold them to it. Start now with if you don't bring up your grades, you won't be testing for your license. Driving is a huge priviledge and responsibility. If you take it lightly or take all the responsibility on your shoulders you won't be doing him any favors.
Really, once driving is in the picture... you hold all the cards. Want the car to go to practice? Is the yard cleaned up? Want to drive to school? Did you tell me the truth about your schoolwork?
good luck
marianne |
| Naked on a Mountain Top |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 06:33:22 AM
Thank you for the suggestions.
We've tried "grounding" him and he seems to be content to sit in his room and read. (While some parents force kids to read, we can't stop him! He even took books to read at school instead of doing classwork!) SO, we took all his books away. Then he still didn't mind, he just drew. SO, we took the art supplies away. Now, the only thing he has left is his bass guitar and his textbooks.
We just started a new trimester here. We let him know this is a new start for him and not to mess it up. He's currently grounded until he can prove to us that he can stop lying and hold his grades up (no zeros on class assignments). Hoepfully, this "new beginning" will help him start right and stay on track.
Waiting to see...
PS - He's 16 and will get his license this summer, which is scary if he lies about such little things now, how can I trust him with a car?!
www.durangodream.blogspot.com |
| Debra B |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 01:44:12 AM
Judy, my kids know the same thing about asking over and over. I've heard the 16yo say to the younger sibs, "You can't wear Mom down, she'll just punish you if you keep bugging her, however, if you keep asking Dad he'll eventually say yes." I told dd16 about the lying problem you mentioned and she was wondering what in the world lying got them. I just can't think that it would ever be worth it. I'd feel so guilty if I told lies that it would break up my sleep. We have a little boy in the afterschool program who lies and lies and tests you all the time. Everything is a struggle for power for him. Dh finally told him to pick his battles. You can't win every time and you should only fight the most important battles and try to pick the ones you can win. He's only 7 but that REALLY helped.
Debra
Homeschooling mom to 6 beautiful blessings
Pastor Joe's wife |
| edlund33 |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 7:36:06 PM
Seana, I have been there with one of BF's sons, and eventually he did grow out of it. Your son is testing you. Hold him accountable for his actions whenever you can. Talk to teachers, employers and others he has been with to verify his statements. Give clear consequences for poor choices on his part. We had a priveleges take-away plan similar to what Amy Beth and Judy describe above that worked fairly well. After he missed a few social activities and had to tell his friends that he couldn't join them because he was grounded, he started to rethink his behavior a bit. It does take patience and perseverence, though. Good luck!
Cheers! ~ Marilyn
Farm Girl No. 1100
http://blueskyanddaisies.blogspot.com
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
| Farmer Judy |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 10:19:19 AM
I have two boys 13 and 15. Both of them have lied about homework, grades, what teachers have said, doing their chores. We have talked to a few people about it and we have been making them accountable for their stuff. They know I have the teachers emails and will check up on each of them. We have online grades and assignments so I can check on that too to see if they actually did their homework or what their grade is. If they get caught in a lie they are grounded that day. If they are behind in classwork they are grounded till it is caught up. They boy have chores and if they are not done right they need to do it again and again till it is done right. They don't like it, they have tried arguing about it but one piece of advice I have started to live by is to say no one more time than they ask. Things are pestered about less and they know they will not get out of their consequenses easily so they have stopped asking more than once. It has taken time but it has paid off.
God bless,
Judy
Farmgirl #3666
Born a city girl but a farm girl at heart!
http://farmtimes.blogspot.com/ |
| Amy_Beth |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 09:07:50 AM
I let my kids know that they will get in more trouble for lying than for not doing what they were supposed to do. Also, that if I can't trust them then they will lose privileges (going to friend's houses, having freedom to be "wandering" outside). My oldest son, though, thinks it's hilarious- definitely thinks he's being funny. I'm still working on getting him to stop!
Farmgirl Sister #3936 |
| Dorinda |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 08:58:19 AM
My boys are always doing that and then they laugh about it . They know it drives me crazy. Do you think maybe he is doing this on purpose and he is trying to be Mr. Funny guy? I have a friend and her son does the same thing. I think most of them grow out of it.
Some times I just ignore my boys when they are doing that.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 08:32:31 AM
My son does that too. When I call him out on it, he just says "Oh, sorry" or "Whatever". I have started taking away computer and tv time when I catch him. I don't know what else to do. I hope some other girls have better advice for both of us!
Lora
If it ain't red, leave it in the shed.
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
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