| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Jun 19 2011 : 7:35:19 PM
I have had my youngest granddaughter 1 1/2 weeks now. He rmother, my Dd, had another breakdown and has been in a treatment center since. It's the same place she was when she met Kansas' father. She was also married at the time just like now. This place is coed. I hate it. Nothing good happens when she goes there. This is the 3rd time she's been there. It needs to be shut down. Anyway, her husband called tonight to see if I had talked to her. I didn't knwo she could talk to anyone while there. He said she has refused to take his calls. He's afraid she's met someone there. Well, she probably has. It happens all the time. They aren't supervised there.
Anyway, I will probably end up just keeping this poor child. And I am feeling a little mad about this whole situation. I am mad at H for doing this to her Dd and mad at her for doing this to me. She is 32 years old and has never taken responsibility for anything she has ever done. She has 2 other Dd's that she has lost custody of. They live with their dad and his mother. We get them every other weekend. I feel so sorry for all 3 of them.
I am just too old to do this. My husband is a truck driver and is hardly ever home. So it's just me. I am used to being by myself. I like it that way. I cook when I want to. Go where I want to go. Do what I want. Now I have another person I have to take care of. And I am afriad I am going to resent this. I don't want to feel this way. I love Kansas so much and want the best for her. My other Dd and her husband said they would take her but they both work 3rd.
I know this sounds horrible of me. I am just upset right now after that phone call. And it may not even be true. He is just that way. She needs to get away from himb and she would be fine. They were going to get divorced but she went back to him. Then this happens. The same thing happened about 1 1/2 years ago. The very same thing. She is bi polar. And she was off all her meds again. And very depressed. Could not even get out of bed. I tried all I could to get her to go get help but she wouldn't. Til it was too late and she ended up in that place again.
Anyway, I think I just needed to get this off my chest. I have been through this so many times. And so has this poor child. She does not deserve this at all. And she loves her mom so much. It just breaks my heart. I can hardly write this without crying.
SO if anyone else out there is going through the same thing, I could use some good advice. And prayers. For H, for Kansas and for me.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| CMac |
Posted - Jun 20 2011 : 7:33:11 PM
Kris I am so sorry this is the way it has turned out for you, your daughter and granddaughter. I am thinking about all of you. Hopefully tomorrow and the following days will bring more good news and a plan your DD will buy into to get her life under control. Just remember there is hope as long as they are breathing.
I read something somewhere years ago that I know was true for me. " It only takes one kind and caring person to make all the difference in a child's life." It does not have to be a close connection, it can be a simple as a store clerk that smiles and says hello like they are glad to see the child each time they come in. So know that Kansas is not doomed to a damaged life. She has things to overcome as do so many of this generations children. Thank goodness she has your love.
My life/routine was turned upside down when my son showed up with a 6 mos old baby and no mommy. I understand your frustration! It is NOT SUPPOSED to be this way. I worked hard to raise mine, mostly alone, and was really enjoying my life. They lived with us for a year and now live very close on campus. We see them at least three times a week and keep her one night a week always, and sometimes two. The other grandmother has her two nights a month. Poor guy needs a break to study sometimes. Point being, I thought I would end up raising her and was not happy abut it. That did not mean I would not do it, I was just resisting what was. And yes I'm sure there would have been days I felt resentful and days I would not change a thing. Thing is I would have worked hard to not let my grand know I felt resentful, and so would you. The feelings are all normal, we just have to be careful where we point them!
You are not alone. There are so many of us out there.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Jun 20 2011 : 6:57:39 PM
My SIL called this morning and wanted me to meet him in town so I could file for custody of K. He said he went to the place H is at and she is refusing to come to thier house or mine and said she was going to come get k when she gets out and live in shelters or on the street, He said he was concerned for K. So We spent most of the day in town going from place to place trying to get the right person to tell us what to do. He had to leave after the last lawyer we talked to so I went to the court house to the juvenile office and talked to a lady there. The lawyer said that if we filed for custody and told them what all is going on that they would make her go to anger management classes and drug treatment and all kinds of great things. She said no, that they would not make her do that. If I went to DFCS they would investigate and there was not a 100% chance that K would stay here. She could go to some foster care place somewhere and who knows what would happen to her. So I had 2 options.
But I got to thinking that all I had was his side of the story. And he is very manipulative and could make a cow believe she was a camel. So I talked to my husband and he said I should not do anything, that things were ok and that H knew where K was and that's the way she wants it to be anyway.
So I got online to find the # for the place she's at and called. No answer. Then a few minutes alter my phone rang and it's her. She sounded really good. She said that J had called and said he'd been in town all day getting TPO's and temporary custody of K and all kinds of other things. She also asked me if I saw that big ole bruise on her arm a few weeks ago. I said yes. It looked like a handprint. Well, he did that when he grabbed her and pushed her down. He has been abusing her alot. I knew he was mentally abusing her of course. And I did see the bruise and said something to her about it. Of course she told me something else happened. That's the way abuse is.
So she said they were trying to find her a room at a battered women's shelter, probably in the town she's at now. She's be going to a drug treatment place during the day. It sounds good. So I am not going to talking to my SIL anymore. I feel like a fool for wasting a whole day with him. I should have known what he was up to the whole time. he is very spiteful and would do anything to hurt her. He has doen things like this before.
I so appreciate ALL the prayers and good thoughts. I am sorry for the way this sounded in the first post. I did sound very mad and upset. This is just not the way I thought my life would be. I always thought my kids would have wonderful loving husbands and a nice home. It has not turned out that way for her. And her kids suffer because of it. I hear singers sing about their horrible childhoods where their mothers wer enever there for them. I just cry when I hear them. Because that's the way it will be for her 2 oldest girls. She has had K more than the other 2 so she will know her mother.
Annette, that is the thing that gets me the most. K does need stability in her life. She has been so many places in her short little 8 years. Since she's been here we have been doing things like reading a chapter each night in Charlotte's Web. And saying prayers. And having breakfast every morning and luch and then dinner at night. So she knows those things will happen every day. And she is the best helper. We picked 12 dozen ears of corn this afternoon and she helped shuck it all. She is a greta little helper and good to have around. Very happy little girl. And very friendly and sweet to everyone. Just wnated to tell you how much that means to me that you stop what you're doing to pray for us. Thank you so much. I really do feel the prayers.
I know that whatever happens is for a reason. And this particular time is somehow one of those trials that I need to put into God's hands for Him to work out. Not me. I know it has to be H that decides she wants help. I know that no one else can do this for her. I have been through this so much, I know it all. I know she can't come back here. She has to do this herself. There are all sorts of people out there that can help her if she just asks for it.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| Heartbroken farmgirl |
Posted - Jun 20 2011 : 12:43:37 PM
Oh Kris, I was just thinking about you and H this morning. I stopped cleaning my office, and sat down. You were so heavily laid on my heart. I log on here to check on you, and find this post. I can't imagine how hard this is on you and Kansas. The instability in H's life is so bad for Kansas. Your life is established, and your DH is often gone, and you've already raised your children, so its like starting over, practically like being a single mom. The only thing is Kansas needs stability. She is so young. Of course she loves her mom, but is her mom best for her? With the things going on with Kansas's father, he can't be trusted with her. If you pray about it, I know God will guide you. If you truely decide keeping your DGD is best, God will provide the strength and wisdom needed to do it.
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. You are such sweet soul, I pray for you all the time. God has constantly laid you on my heart. Know I am thinking of you and your family often, and praying for you!!!
Tons of hugs!!!
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
| oldbittyhen |
Posted - Jun 20 2011 : 09:32:16 AM
first thing you must understand is your daughter will not get better, until SHE deceides to...no one can force her, no matter what her problems are, unless she becomes a danger to herself or others...many grandparents and other family members raise children from these types of situations, it has been going on forever, but, if you are as bitter as you sound, it might be a wise thing to let someone else raise her, or get some counseling for yourself and see if that helps you... you also need to stop helping your daughter when she demands/asks/begs, cause that only serves her, she knows that you will, so then she can do what she wants...it is a strong web we weave sometimes, and that isn't always a good thing, good luck and God speed...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Jun 19 2011 : 8:26:56 PM
Just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your dd seems like she's using the facility as a dating service. Meet someone, get married, have a kid, things get tough, run away to the facility and get a newer model. Sad to say, but if she hasn't ever faced real consequences for her actions she'll probably continue this. It's nice that you have some family willing to help out. Maybe you could work out some visitation schedules with them so you can have time to yourself and Kansas gets to be around her family. Dinners and spend the nights on certain days. This way you aren't taking on the whole job yourself. You're going to need the family's help and you shouldn't be shy about asking for it. Are there any support groups in your area for this situation? I know there are a lot of people in your same situation. I hope it gets better soon.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| woolgirl |
Posted - Jun 19 2011 : 7:51:47 PM
I don't have any advice, just lots of prayers and big hugs. I can't imagine how hard it is for Kansas, and especially for you. My in=laws went through a similar situation, and have been raising my husband's now 16 year old niece since she was a baby. In the end I know it was better for her, but it was very hard on all of them.
I don't know if your DD can, but is there another treatment facility she can try? This place sounds like it is not giving her the adequate care or attention she needs or deserves.
Liz
Farmgirl #1947 |
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