| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| BarnChickCecily |
Posted - Jan 27 2011 : 09:52:50 AM
Hello All! Just was wondering how you all discipline your children and if it works? I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. My 2 year old is what you would call a 'strong-willed' child. He is SO sweet, funny, and smart. He is pretty advanced for his age and I believe he really understands what I ask of him because when he gets in trouble, he will repeat back to me 'I'm not gonna_______ (insert what I asked him not to do). My problem is I need to pick a method of discipline and STICK to it...I tend to try time-outs or just explaining... and I'm not sure how I feel about spankings. He can really throw the temper-tantrums and the other day when I was trying to sit him in time-out, he was kicking, and hitting me and in the midst of me trying to sit him down,I accidentally scraped his back on the chair I was sitting him in! I felt SO bad that I cried most of the evening! Now, on top of all this happening, my 3 mont old is crying for me. Everyday is not like this, but this type of scenario happens often here. I like SuperNanny's methods but it's really hard to follow thru all those time-outs with a screaming baby... my hubby works all day, so most of the time, it's just me. I feel like I need to maybe write out a 'daily routine' too, because my son is like a whirlwind and my house is a wreck and hard to keep up with. PLEASE...any suggestions or tips... or encouragement?? Any body else out there who feels this way?
Farmgirl Sister # 241
www.thebarnchick.blogspot.com/ |
| 18 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Heartbroken farmgirl |
Posted - Feb 25 2011 : 4:47:32 PM
Cecily,
My heart and sanity are right there with you! My children are 13, 7, 4, and 2. When you have toddlers and very young babies at once, even though it is wonderful, beautiful, and fulfilling, its also the hardest. Especially if you are breast feeding? Either way, the tending to the situation at hand with your toddler, as your baby's cry in the background is sounding as an alarm in your head! It can feel so overwhelming sometimes. I went to put one of my fighting children in a time out once, and I somehow caused their head to hit the headboard! It's awful. I too cried forever! I'll never forget it, but in talking to my son, he has no recollection at all. Accidents happen. During my first marriage, my husband was dead set against spanking, hand swats, any "corporal punishment" what-so-ever. I myself was slapped, spanked with a belt, and grandma used to make us pick a switch off her mulberry trees! I was not beaten, but heavy use of physical discipline left me uncertain. I went with my husbands choice. No physical discipline. My oldest has been through a lot of garbage. That marriage was VERY unhealthy. My son struggles with respect issues. He is now 13, and unfortunately modeling himself after his father. While he is a sweet boy, his boundaries are not clear, partially due to the divorce and living in two households. Once in a while, he steps over a line, and really makes me question if I will be able to handle him when he is bigger than me. I received a phone call from his dad not just a week ago, asking me "why didn't you ever just beat his a**?" Hello!?!
I do not spank often. It is however, something I have implemented with my other children. They really do not have the same respect issues, but they are not teens yet either. As we parent, the only handbook, or user guide we have are the Bible, and wisdom of trial and error. Now spanking is an option, but we use it for only LARGE offenses."the punishment must meet the crime", so to speak.
Boundaries are something children cry out for. They test and push the limits, constantly, exploring who they themselves are, and who you are. Stay consistent. Try to stick to a fairly strict routine, as your children become older, it naturally becomes less rigid. Children respond so much better to knowing at a given time, what is expected of them.
Sorry, this as is long winded as my pastor.;) I believe you are a great mom, just by posting this here, seeking and searching advice and support reflect that. Remember, you love then. Not a one of us has all the answers. Give them your best, and it will always be enough.(((hugs)))
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
| countrymommy85 |
Posted - Feb 25 2011 : 09:40:06 AM
I have a book that has been helping me called " The first 2 years" by Focus on the Family, its a book with a bunch of tidbits from their big book (which I haven't read yet) and so far it's given me a lot of good tips getting through those days. Sometimes I just get like ok time to go look that one up in the book. LOL. Hope you find something that works for you and your kids :)
~We can make the world a better place for our kids and future generations by what we do today!~
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
| BarnChickCecily |
Posted - Feb 20 2011 : 06:32:13 AM
Ladies, thank you again for such great advice! You all have helped me more than you know and have given me new-found confidence! If any of you moms of young children (like me) get discouraged or just another mom to talk to, email me. It's nice to compare parenting ideas or get activity ideas from eachother.
Farmgirl Sister # 241
www.thebarnchick.blogspot.com/ |
| necobia |
Posted - Feb 14 2011 : 09:23:39 AM
look up LOVE AND LOGIC I too have accellerated strong willed children 3 of them this method saved their lives! and it is easy start as soon as they can hear you and never stop, my children are starting their teen years and it is such a blessing to see how logical consequences have turned my children into responsible well rounded people |
| rschaaf |
Posted - Feb 11 2011 : 9:08:43 PM
I have an almost 4 month old now and he's just starting to get "clingy" sometimes. The hard thing is, is that sometimes you have to just let them work through it. Obviously if it exacerbates, see what's wrong, but 9 times out of 10 AJ calms himself down. Like the Help-Me-Grow people told me, "you want him to be self soothing" that way he doesn't always need Mom. As for your 2 year old...be consistent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kids really do thrive on structure. My turn is coming with AJ. But, don't let it get to the point of my friend who has a "strong-willed" child. She'll be 4 in June and isn't potty trained, won't sleep in her bed, screams at the top of her lungs when she wants something...Why? because I've seen time and time again her mom give in because she doesn't want to hear her constant whining. My friend will threaten spanking, but may or may not follow through especially if her daughter "begs" her. Remember, like someone previously said, you discipline because you love them. God does the same with us as His children.
I was spanked as a child and will spank my kids. They will know that they will get spanked before they do--kind of like 3 stikes and your out. That way it won't be a surprise. Love & Logic and Choices/Consequences methods of parenting/discipline. They knew what the consequences would be and still chose to disobey.
My house looks like a wreck sometimes too. You just learn to deal with it. If hubby does the whole, "what do you do all day..." have him take the kids one afternoon while you have "me time". He probably won't ask that again. Mine doesn't.
Remember, you are the parent, you know what's best.
"There is beauty, there is grace, in my peaceful country place!"
See what I'm up to at: http://www.lifeonctfarm.blogspot.com |
| BarnChickCecily |
Posted - Feb 10 2011 : 10:07:41 AM
Thank you all so much for all the input and advice! I must say that since all this encouragement, I have really done much better with consistency and not feeling so guilty for having to spank when he does something dangerous. I am trying not to sweat the house stuff. I really like the idea of cooper having his 'fussing it out' time... but he puts things in the potty...may have to find another place. I LOVE all of your input and advice and I really appreciate you all taking time to help me out. Love you farmgirls!
Farmgirl Sister # 241
www.thebarnchick.blogspot.com/ |
| momdrinkstea |
Posted - Feb 10 2011 : 06:33:25 AM
Hi Cecily!
I've only had to spank each of mine twice or so, always for something that was dangerous, so they'd remember.
My middle girl was a handful, VERY strong willed, and my youngest isn't too shabby in that dept. either. LOL
When they were little, and working up a fuss, I'd tell them to go into the bathroom and shut the door, fuss all they
wanted, and not come out until they were done. You'd be surprised how boring it is to fuss at bare walls! With no audience!
And it's so uneffective! I picked the bathroom because there's not much in there to do, other than the obvious. They could fume all they wanted,
and get it out of their system, sometimes blowing off steam is really what toddlers need. Kids get frustrated quickly!
It always took my middle daughter the longest to calm down, but they ALWAYS do, and each time is shorter, until just
the mention of "fussing it out" in the bathroom will calm them down. Worked every time, plus YOU don't have to listen to
it with the door closed! LOL Saves mom's nerves, too! When they came out, I'd tell them "good job" for learning to calm down,
and have them wipe their face with a warm washcloth. Soothing and comforting, and it rewards their GOOD behavior, while eliminating
the bad. Try it! They learn quickly! Good luck...
Stacked Stone Farm
feel free to follow my blog: www.stackedstonefarm.blogspot.com |
| LucyLobo511 |
Posted - Jan 30 2011 : 06:31:25 AM
Schedule, Schedule, Schedule, for the most part everything at the same time everyday then there is no surprises and your son will know what to expect when. Schedule will always make life run smoother
I am not saying it will be perfect that is never going to happen. Check out Flylady.net she has great ideas for household schedules. As for the kids schedule simple and to the point. Get up,Eat Play,Eat,Nap,Snack,Play,Eat,Play,Sleep. My one son had to have time out on the couch cause other wise he would play and loved the alone time. So I would put him on the couch but he had to sit quiet he hated it and even if he talked to me I didnt answer I would only shake my head no. Use a timer so he can see the time tick down. I always think kids at that age act up cause they just want mom to give them attention make sure you get down and sit on the floor and just be with him you can feed the baby on the floor and play legos at the same time. Relax and Play everything else can wait. During Nap time clean up the house but when the kids are awake give them your attention my husband said the best thing to me I dont care if there is stuff all over as long as the house is not dirty wow what a weight off my shoulders that statement totally changed my outlook. I was always tring to keep everything perfect. Every child is different try rewards instead of punishments find your sons currency what is his favorite thing and then tell him if you do this or dont do this I will give you... Trial and error life will come together.
Insane and Blissfully Happy |
| ramonaj |
Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 7:11:51 PM
consistency is the most important and defintely the hardest to do! never say somethng as a threat and not follow through. most of all, realize that this is a time of upheaval for you and your 2 year old. the birth of a new baby adds to the stress level in the house and the 2 year old may not like having to share all the attention he got before the new baby appeared on the scene. if you can find some time to set aside for just the 2 of you, like when daddy gets home or just before bed, you may find he feels less need to act out. who cares about the house? there's time to clean when they're grown. as long as the health department doesn't have to be called in don't sweat that stuff. most of us who raised kids have felt the way you feel. chances are pretty good you'll all get through it ok. give yourself a break, especially on days when all hell breaks loose.
happiness to all sentient beings |
| levisgrammy |
Posted - Jan 28 2011 : 6:57:12 PM
Consistency and follow through. I have learned this through experience as I was not very good at either. 
farmgirl sister#43
O, a trouble's a ton or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it!
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only--how did you take it?
--Edmund C. Vance.
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| DebbieSue |
Posted - Jan 28 2011 : 3:06:04 PM
Cecily.....You are very very smart to think about all this!!
The ONE thing I would be sure to tell any Mom....PLEASE..do not yell at your little kids....or big kids for that matter....When I was a child, I was yelled at .... and I tell you even as a small child I said to myself, 'When I grow up, I will never yell at my babies!" I was only about 4 or 5 yrs old.
Now my kids all say when Momma gets quite or speaks softly, you better watch it!! (They are all grown now, and I have lots of grandbabies, and I cringe everytime their momma gets loud......and if I cringe, imagine how the babies feel) Just my thoughts! Best to ya!! |
| BarnChickCecily |
Posted - Jan 28 2011 : 07:00:18 AM
I just want to tell all you farmgirls HOW MUCH I appreciate your feedback!!! You have REALLY encouraged me and gave me a renewed strength. It makes me feel better that you all are suggesting spankings... I received spankings when I was little and am very glad about it now. I do believe in them and have spanked him when he really did something bad. I hate how I always feel SOOOOOO bad after I spank him, so that is why I tend to do more time-outs... I think Satan is trying to worm his way into my thinking and emotions because he doesn't want me to raise my children right. But, I know that God has a wonderful plan for my boys and He chose me to lead them and raise them to follow HIM. So, Thank you all SO much for the reminder of my children as gift from the Lord and for the encouragement that it's okay to spank when necessary. I will still do time-outs for minor things, but if he does something hurtful or putting his life in jeapordy, I will spank his bottom...and not let my emotions get the better of me...it is for his good. Thanks so much for taking the time to help and encourage me!
Farmgirl Sister # 241
www.thebarnchick.blogspot.com/ |
| Old Spirit |
Posted - Jan 28 2011 : 04:37:12 AM
Mine are grown but I work with emotion/behavior kids. I have found that be consistent is #1, they know your expectations. Give a choice, such as.. do you want to clean that now or ....something favorite, or Mom will but you do not get that back for 1 day, 2, etc....
Usually for us it is now or during recess. It gives a choice but not really 
Just some thoughts. The choice makes them think they are in control and does help them learn to make decisions, good or bad..
Rae
Farm Girl #647
...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles:...
Isaiah 40:31
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| amomfly |
Posted - Jan 28 2011 : 03:31:26 AM
I now have teens.. so it has been a while.
I used spaniking only when it could in danger a life or it was very important, ie... Bitting, running into the road etc.
I did use a bible based discipline.. here it is http://www.doorposts.com/default.aspx
I know this is not for everyone. But if you follow through it can help!
I loved using explanations sucah as here in this verse God tells us to do this or abye like this. It made me feel stronger in my discipline.
Good luck and love them, hug them and train them up in the way they should go.
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
#1038 |
| natesgirl |
Posted - Jan 27 2011 : 10:54:46 PM
I am on my 3rd 2y/o right now. I must tell you the ones who advance mentally quickly are the hardest. My 2y/o girl is a real monster sometimes, which became her nickname, but in a light hearted way. When she does something wrong I will put her in time out or spank if I must. Either way, once she has calmed down and stopped crying, we talk. I can ask her what she did wrong and she can tell me without prompting most times. Of course it comes out as a huge long babble with 1 or 2 words that are recognizable. Just enough to let me know she knows. I will then tell her how she can't do that and she will say ok and sorry. It's a hard line when they are smart enough to bring you an object and say it was on the floor, which you know it was not, because they want to touch it but aren't allowed to.
I don't care for spanking, but I do find it is needed sometimes with some kids. I have a somewhat loose schedule for my kids, but there are set nap times and an hour long period for gettin them into bed at night. Meals aren't on a specific time, but are closely watched for anything that aggravates someones moods. I have found too much pasta in a day will cause my little one to get cranky. It doesn't seem to set super well with her, but she sure loves noodles. She will even eat uncooked spaghetti like it's popcorn during her tv time!
I can only say that it is important to stick to your guns. Only you know if scheduling will work for your family. Find the amount of strict and fun balance you need to make your house work.
By the way, I don't think my house has been 'clean' due to toys and clutter since my first daughter was born 16 years ago! I make sure that the dishes get done, the spills get cleaned up, the laundry doesn't pile up too badly, and each room can be carefully walked through, but I still say I have 3 'little' girls. That's proof that they grow too fast to keep track of. I have a 16y/o, a 10y/o, and a 2y/o. I wouldn't say the older 2 are 'little' anymore, but I tend to when they aren't in front of me to remind me they grew!
Enjoy the time you have to teach your children with out peer influence. It is so short and the mess will always be in the house waiting for you to get time for it!
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
| HealingTouch |
Posted - Jan 27 2011 : 4:10:14 PM
Cecily...Don't be so hard on yourself. You're exhausted and everyone is trying to get into some routine, baby and brother included. So what if the house is a wreck...pick up when you can or let daddy help when he gets home. Focus on the kiddies and get a routine going. Naptime is imperative for your 2yo and gives you a break from him for awhile. Be firm with him and do set those boundaries so when he's older you won't be sorry. When my daughter says, Mom what can I do he won't listen." My response is,"He can cry now or you will cry later." Meaning, discipline him now so he won't get in trouble later. Pick your battles, some things are important and some just aren't. Get a routine with him for everything...eating,playing,napping, bathing, bedtime and everything else you do. It will become automatic. Then it will become easier when your baby is getting bigger and requires the same thing. We mother's have all been there ad know how you feel...Hang in there and it will be ok!
Be Blessed,
Darlene
Sister 1922
God first, everything else after!
When Satan's knocking at your door, just say "Jesus will you get that for me?"
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| TJinMT |
Posted - Jan 27 2011 : 2:32:47 PM
Smart mom, to think ahead and realize you want to get on top of the situation before it gets on top of you!!
Here's the best advice I received when mine were about that age... you discipline them because you love them, and your external discipline helps teach them SELF discipline. Without boundaries they are insecure and will act out in an effort to receive boundaries. If you want them to be secure and self-disciplined, you have to teach them that.
Second best advice... because you are doing this in love, remember that your anger has no part in it. I was completely opposed to spanking initially. Now, I use it as one of the tools in my toolbox. But I NEVER spank in anger. I sit the child down, explain what they did wrong, ask for their agreement that they did in fact disobey, tell them how many swats they are going to get with the wooden spankin' spoon (which ranges from 1-4), spank them, then sit down with them to comfort them and allow them to 'restore' to me. I'm not trying to punish them for their infractions/specific behavior, my goal is to help them make better choices next time. I want to keep their hearts, there is nothing more important. My discipline gives them a safe corral in which to grow up, it gets bigger as they get older... I'm always on their side, it's never ME (or us) against THEM.
I think that any disciplinary method you use, or combination of methods, your consistent response and your absolute refusal to react in anger are the most important things for your success. You're the adult, you're their mother, God knew what He was doing to give YOU to them, and THEM to you. You know?
~TJ of Green Willow Place
www.MyWesternHome.wordpress.com
"We make a living by what we get, but we build a life by what we give." ~Thomas S. Monson |
| nut4fabric |
Posted - Jan 27 2011 : 1:19:58 PM
The most important thing to to follow through...if you tell him you are going to do something be sure an do it, even if it is hard. SuperNanny is big on that and it's true and it does get easier when they know you mean what you say. Remember that the days you spend as the mom of little kids is really short compared to the days you are the mother of grown children. Hang in there.
Kathy |
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